Lots of readers ask about their husband’s mistress, so check this out. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time searching for news, articles, and other worthwhile material which aids readers to have more worthwhile relationships. Be sure to peruse it all. Don’t forget to add your comments so the rest of us can be aware of your advice:

—————–

Confessions of a Former Mistress

For 16 years I was the mistress of a married man. I was single, he was rich. I wanted to be someone. He was a doctor. I was a single mom. He had three kids and a Nanny. I wanted romance and passion. He was horny. His wife was the turkey. I was the gravy. I was, “The Other Woman.”

Being a mistress is exciting . . . at first. Romantic trysts in clandestine restaurants. Lunch quickies. Having sex on the operating table (not that comfortable) or on the exam room floor (oh my aching back).

I was young when I met Adam (not his real name). I was 27, wore a size 8, had gorgeous long blond hair, beautiful teeth and a great personality. He was 43, with a sexy foreign accent . . . and he was a doctor . . . my doctor. That’s how it all started. There was an instant attraction. He scheduled office visits more frequently. I became the last patient of the day. Then I got healed by the good doctor, but fell in love (and he with me). We started an affair that lasted sixteen years.

So here I was the mistress to a married man. Sixteen years you ask me? How is that possible? Didn’t the wife suspect?

Well, in most cases when the affair goes beyond a couple of wooly bully romps in the hay, and extends over many months (or years, as in my case), the wife knows. The wife either knows flat out but doesn’t care, knows but is in denial, or really doesn’t suspect a thing (which is highly unlikely in a long-term situation.) She might be so busy with the soccer Mom thing she really has no idea that her hubby is scoring somewhere else.

In my case the wife knew. She knew I knew she knew and I knew she knew I knew. She knew! But she didn’t care . . . as long as Adam came home to her (most nights) and allowed her kids to attend the best private schools. As long as she could live in her million dollar house, have her Mexican house keeper and Nicaraguan Nanny, drive her gas guzzling Mercedes, wear her Haute Couture clothes, and keep her fancy horses in those snazzy stables . . . she just focused on those versus her husband’s wandering ways.

I was even invited to their house on numerous occasions. I recall one time when they invited me to their beach house for the week end. (Figure that one out?!?!) I was on the beach with Adam making love while she was in the condo making Flan. Boy that Flan was delicious. I still think of her when I order Flan in restaurants.

Then there was this heart attack thingy. Well what happened really was that every Sunday night he would come to my apartment. We would have wild sex, a couple glasses of wine, and then he would leave. Well this one particular Sunday night he went home and had this major heart attack. You know the 9-1-1 call, no breathing, he’s gonna- die-kind of heart attack. Well, wouldn’t you know it but right after he made her call 9-1-1 he made her call me. She knew I knew she knew and I knew she knew I knew! Enough said.

So what are the benefits of being, “The Other Woman?”

Well it depends on how smart you are. Here’s what I got along the way. I got my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees paid by him. I had to do the studying. He paid the tuition and expenses of a college education. So I got my B.S. (Bachelor in Sex) and my MPA (Masters in Pleasing Adam). No, seriously, I did get legitimate college degrees.

I got spending money to buy clothes and shoes. He helped me get a nice car every few years and he paid off my credit cards when I overspent (when I did frequently). After all wifey over there was living in some fancy-dancy mansion while I was living with the Dumb and Dumbers on the left and right side of me in an apartment complex.

And then did I mention the life insurance policy? Now it’s not like I want him to die or anything, after all the affair was over 21 years ago. But if he dies, I still get $100,000.00 . . . tax free.

Well you see when I was his mistress, I agonized about him leaving me (especially after that heart attack stresser), so I made him take out life insurance on himself with me being not only the beneficiary of the policy but (me being college “edicated” and all), I insisted I became of owner of the policy as well. (Thanks to that finance class he paid for.) Being owner of the policy means I have to make the payments on the life insurance annually, but I don’t care. As long as I pay, he can’t cancel it. I still get $100,000.00 tax free when he dies . . . even 21 years after the affair ended. Let’s see how old is he now . . . ?

So what are the disadvantages of being a mistress?

Oh, there are those lonely holidays. But it’s really not that bad when you have those credit cards which you know he will pay off if you overspend. Then there’s reading about him and her in the local newspaper attending some charity ball. He has his arm around her, she’s smiling. The happy couple. Pillars of the community. Until Sunday night!

Marriage? You know in sixteen years, marriage was never addressed. I guess I thought he would leave her eventually. If I was honest with myself I knew he never would. Come on, sixteen years? Duh?

So here I am . . . 21 years later reminiscing about that affair. Don’t tell my present husband.  My third (he’s only 35 and I’m, 59 . . . I never was good in math). At any rate, my current hubby wouldn’t like it much if I mentioned dear Adam.

So in conclusion, here’s my advice. If you are going to be a mistress:

1.    Enjoy it for what it is . . . an affair.

2.    Don’t be afraid to take gifts and monetary remuneration. It’s not immoral. It’s only fair.

3.    Don’t expect a marriage proposal. (Most men that are unfaithful will always be unfaithful . . . so who wants to be married to an unfaithful man? Better to just screw him and have fund . . . I mean fun.)

4.    Be prepared for lonely nights and fun shopping sprees.

5.    Never make life all about him. When it’s over . . . it’s over. Move on. There’s always another Adam just around the corner.

Lots of readers ask about a bad relationship, so check this out. One of the enjoyable tasks for this site is keeping an eye open for news, videos,  articles, and other useful information that gives advice which aids people to have more enjoyable relationships. Be sure to consider it all. Don’t forget to add your advice so everyone can appreciate your opinions:

——————

Letting Go of a Bad Relationship in a Month? is it Even Possible?

Letting go is hard to do, but letting go of a bad relationship logically should be easy. The fact that the relationship could be characterized as “bad” hints that something was not right with the relationship.

It’s good to let go of things that are bad for you or that causes you more tears than pleasure, yet for many people letting go of a bad relationship can be excruciatingly painful. Just because the relationship was bad for whatever number of reasons does not meant that deep emotions are not attached.

The first step in letting go of a bad relationship is to come to terms with why the relationship was bad for you, and to admit that you are better off on your own. It is easy to keep the blinders on and tell yourself that it wasn’t that bad. If you have gotten out of the relationship then it’s time to start letting go of a bad relationship by admitting it was in fact bad for you.

Sit down with a pen and paper sometime when you can be alone with your thoughts. Just start listing randomly all the things you hated about that relationship or about your ex. If there was any physical or mental abuse then that goes number one, top of the list.

Violence and emotional torture put your health and your entire life in danger and should never be tolerated. Letting go of a bad relationship that included any sort of violence needs to be done immediately so you do not convince yourself to go back into the relationship.

The list could get quite lengthy for some relationships, but let it all flow out. Then read it over a few times and let those bad moments sink into your brain. You can keep this list for future moments of weakness when you think you want to go back to that bad relationship and undo all of your hard work letting go of a bad relationship.

These moments of weakness may come often in the beginning, especially if your ex is begging you to come back and promising everything will be different the next time around.

Many people want more info about controlled relationships, so have a look at this. As you might expect, much of my time is spent locating suitable graphics, videos and other beneficial material that provides advice which assists people to have more rewarding relationships. Be sure to look closely at it all. Don’t forget to add your advice so we can all appreciate your comments:

—————–

How to Recognize You are in a Controlled Love Relationship

Freedom is something that we all need and desire. Its a no wonder that almost all the constitutions in the world have a provision for it. No one should control a relationship and no one should allow someone to control their relationship.

This is because when you allow someone to control what you do, it won’t be long before you start seeking approval of everything you do. It does not necessarily mean you should not seek approval of your partner, you should. But if your partner keeps telling you what you can do and what you cannot you are in a Controlled love Relationship.

Most of the time people who control their partners have a lot of insecurities to deal with. If your partner is doing any of these mentioned things you should know you are in a Controlled love Relationship.

A Controlled love Relationship is one where one mate has a say in everything you do.

They control who you talk to. Most of the time they will dictate to you the friends you should talk to and the ones you should not. If you dared to go against your partners wish, he or she might become very violent. In some extreme cases a controlling partner might even ask you not to talk to members of your family.

Your partner could give you and excuse that the members of your family do not like him or her much. This however should not be a reason enough for you not to talk to anyone.

A Controlled love Relationship is one where you have a specific time to reach home. If you reach a minute later you will have to account for the late time. Calling to tell your partner you will be late will not help much. Some people in Controlled love Relationships might think their partners love them.

This is because the controlling partners wants to spend time with them. People who love you will give you a chance to be yourself, to be late when you can not help it and to let you stay by yourself sometimes. Every one needs an alone time sometimes.

A Controlled love Relationship is one where one partner dictates to the other where they can go and where they cannot go. Sometimes it goes to an extent of barring you from going to a place of worship. They are scared you might meet with someone and you might end up loving that person more than you love them.

If you go there and they find out, there will be trouble waiting for you when you get back. They will do anything in their power including instilling fear in you so that you never go against their wishes. Do not stay in a Controlled love Relationship, you will only get out a wounded person. Go get help and if possible get help for your controlled partner.

Convince your partner to go see a psychiatrist and have a wonderful relationship free from all controlling factors. You do not want to loose your sanity while in a Controlled love Relationship.

This piece on marriage problems caught my eye, so I thought it would be an interesting read. As you might expect, much of my time is spent locating suitable articles, news and other helpful material that offers advice which assists visitors to have more enjoyable relationships. Be sure to look over it all. Don’t forget to provide your thoughts so we can all enjoy your thoughts:

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Relax, Reduce the Tension and Marriage Problems Melt Away

Modern day lives play havoc with the stress levels which, left unchecked, can negatively impact on every aspect of our lives and form the very basis of marriage problems.

We are all running from here to there, trying to hold down a job, look after the family and keep the house going with little or no time for our marriages or quality family life. More and more marriage problems have developed off the back of our hectic living purely as a result of having no time to relax and nurture our relationships.

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough and I’m not talking about ending your marriage but feeding it and looking after it so that your relationship develops and grows into something that is very special which is what marriage should be all about. Most marriage problems shouldn’t be seen as the beginning of the end but purely as a wake up call, an indication that the long term neglect has to come to an end.

If you’re marriage is suffering and the tell tell signs of marriage problems have set in then now is the time to evaluate the quality time you spend together, which I would hazard a guess and say is very little if any at all, and take positive action to ensure the gradual decline in your marriage isn’t left to continue.

Everyone is different and everyone’s idea of a relaxing and enjoyable time is different but you must resurrect that enjoyable common interest or develop new ones if you want to eliminate your marriage problems and enable your relationship to survive.

As we grow older we change, so what we liked at the start of our marriage isn’t necessarily what we like to do now but as we change we need to ensure that we adapt and not just stop spending time together but find new interests and do different things together. And the key word here is together.

You mustn’t just do things to keep your partner happy, that wouldn’t solve any of your marriage problems you have to ensure that you both enjoy what you do. If you are having fun, you relax and if you relax your learn to enjoy each others company again and start to redevelop that magic that existed at the very beginning.

I have changed dramatically over the years but my relationship has changed with me. Our far more active lifestyle has been toned down and while we still find ourselves constantly on the go we now enjoy some inactive quality time together sitting on the patio with a drink in our hands watching birds, rabbits, squirrels and the fish in our pond.

It doesn’t always have to be about excitement and fun, marriage is about feeling special and knowing you’re special even when there is no time to show it. Loose that bond and there is little basis for a marriage which is when the marriage problems start to set it.

Take time each day, even if it’s just a few minutes at the end of the day, to relax together. If your spare time is limited you have to make sure that the majority of that time is spent together. If you say now that you have no spare time, then that must mean for any relationship and this decision I’m sure you will regret.

Just think about it, spending no time together is like living with a stranger or at very best a flat mate who you would have no feelings for, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. If you carry on neglecting your marriage how can it ever survive your marriage problems and if you neglect this one the odds are you will neglect the next and the next.

Marriage problems often grow from a lack of understanding but how can you be expected to understand someone who you spend very little time with and the time you do spend together is within a highly stressful environment. Believe me when I say you have to learn to make that special time for your marriage and if you leave it too long you might just be too late!

For something really interesting on relationship advice you need to see this. Keeping this blog current naturally means constantly looking for graphics, articles and other useful material that gives advice which helps visitors to have more satisfying relationships. Be sure to consider it all. Don’t forget to provide your thoughts so everyone can know your comments:

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Finding good relationship problems advice can be very difficult. It is not that there isn’t enough information. Almost everyone and their mother have relationship advice.

If you tell someone, even a stranger on the street, that you are having trouble with a relationship, they will probably have something to say. Nevertheless, most advice for relationship problems is based on biases alone. Anyone you ask will most likely try to apply the lessons from their own relationship problems to yours. These lessons may be appropriate, but then again they may not be.

Whether you are worried about breaking up relationship ties, or dealing with relationship problems for an ongoing relationship, it is always a headache if you can’t figure out what to do.

There is no point in getting relationship problem advice from a physician either. Even psychiatrists give lousy love advice most of the time. They say that they are qualified to give relationship problems advice, but in my experience they are often not good at this particular area.

Don’t get me wrong - if your relationship is massively flawed and there is something psychotic about your partner, a psychiatrist will give you the right relationship problems advice – get out of it! Nevertheless, psychiatrists make terrible romantic partners. As such, how can you consider them fit to give relationship problems advice?

It has always seemed to me that the only way to get dependable relationship problems advice is to find a best friend who knows all about those things. Find someone with words of wisdom for dating help, go out for a few drinks with him whenever you are having relationship troubles, and trust his word implicitly. Friends like this are hard to find, and their skills at giving relationship problems advice should be fully exploited.

I get most of my relationship problem advice from my best friend. It is pretty odd because he has never been in a relationship himself. He’s actually not really been interested in dating at all, spending most of his time in more intellectual pursuits. Nevertheless, he gives the best relationship problems advice that you have ever heard.

Maybe it is because he is looking at it from an outsiders perspective, but I swear that his advice is better than any advice column you could ever read! Getting romance advice from someone who has never been in, nor even desired, a romance is a little bit weird, but it has begun to feel totally natural to me.

Lots of readers ask about relationship problems, so check this out. One of the enjoyable tasks for this site is keeping an eye open for news, videos, articles, news and other useful information that offers advice which aids visitors to have more lasting relationships. Be sure to look over it all. Don’t forget to include your thoughts so all of us can know your advice:

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Use Your Unconscious Mind To Resolve Relationship Problems

Most people in trying to solve a problem concentrate on the problem rather than its solution. This is a mistake as this way of thinking locks you into the problem making you feel helpless and unable to deal with it.

In reality this is far from the case. Your unconscious mind the 90% of the mind that we are not usually aware of has great problem solving capabilities. Once you have the know how you can use these at will.

To gain help from the unconscious mind we must think of the solution not the problem. It happens like this. The smoker who wants to quit thinks “I must stop smoking” but his unconscious mind can’t process a negative so it hears and acts upon the word “smoking”. This causes him to continue smoking and possibly to even smoke more.

How does this relate to dating, Karen thinks, “I wish Keith and I weren’t always arguing” The emphasize is on arguing which is what she is concentrating on making it likely to happen even more. She needs to think of and mentally picture the situation that she actually wants, herself and Keith enjoying each other’s company.

Once Karen does this its likely that over the next few hours and days she will think of ways to make time spent with Keith pleasant and argument free. She can help along this process by writing down as many possible solutions as she can think of to the problem of having arguments with Keith.

The more she can be creative and think out of the box the more likely she is to find a workable solution. It’s important to generate as many ideas as possible for two reasons. 1/ Problems are often solved by using a combination of ideas and techniques rather than just one. 2/ Once Karen has her ideas she will turn them into “action steps” and act on them.

If she comes up with only one or two ideas to turn into action steps she may not act on any of them. If she comes up with fifteen there is a good chance that she will act on five. This way she increases the likelihood of taking action to bring about a solution.

Once Karen has written down her whole list of potential solutions she will examine each one in turn and decide which one solution or combination of solutions is most likely to work best for her. She will then turn her solution into an action step or series of steps.

She will then begin to solve the problem. It’s important to start putting the plan into action now rather than waiting until tomorrow or next week. By taking action Karen puts herself in control of the situation.

Although Karen can’t control Keith’s behaviour she can control her responses to it. By doing so she is able to move herself and Keith forward to achieving the goal of enjoying each other’s company.

Karen will also be prepared to adapt her solution as the situation unfolds. She will show self-reliance and flexibility in the way that she deals with her relationship problem. These qualities will almost certainly be rewarded. Most importantly she will concentrate on the solution not the problem.

Many people want more info about relationship problems, so have a look at this. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time searching for graphics, articles and other beneficial material that gives advice which assists people to have more empowering relationships. Be sure to consider it all. Don’t forget to provide your thoughts so everyone can be aware of your advice:

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Relationship Problems of Any Magnitude Resolved at Once With One Effective Strategy

Relationship problems can be unsettling for many couples, irrespective of their magnitude. It is worthwhile that couples talk about these problems as soon as they occur. This helps people resolve problems at an earlier phase.

However, this should be done sensitively or else the situation could get out of control. A Wedding is an important event in every individual’s life. Problems related to it may crop up soon after marriage or much later. If relationship problems are not dealt with over time, they may lead to split-up. When marriage problems take place, couples are left with similar feelings of sorrow, disappointment and disenchantment.

It is essential for couples to make out and accept a problem early on. In most cases, couples may refute the existence of any kind of problem. This puts off the imperative step of dealing with a problem at its origin. Afterward, insignificant squabbling and arguments conclude in bigger problems, making it very complicated to deal with several issues all right away. Relationship problems are universal and should be resolved one at a time to ensure long-standing harmony.

It is important to note that all relationship problems can’t be solved. Couples need to have love, belief, mutual understanding, patience and admiration for each other and truthfully want the problem to be solved. Some people allow their marriage problems to grow leading to total incongruity and ultimately break up between the couple.

The Relationship Saver authored by Radomir Samardzic is just 14 pages long. It takes most people only 20 minutes to read. So why did he write such a brief relationship repair manual and more significantly, how can something so diminutive possibly help you?

As you know, there are hundreds of relationship gurus out there and hundreds of books promising to restore your relationship. Most of them contain chapters with titles like “99 different ways to save your relationship.” But if just one of them actually worked, what need is there for the other 98?

That’s where The Relationship Saver stands alone. It doesn’t bombard you with a bunch of ideas that might help. It cuts away all the vague things and concentrates on one strategy based on proven principles. Follow the simple, results-based strategy inside and you can repair your relationship problems, no matter how dire the situation. Go to RelationshipSaver.org to download the e-book at a reasonable price and get the solution of all your problems quickly and easily.

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Do you find yourself in one of the following situations?

-   Having no idea where to go to meet quality, attractive single men (or it seems like all the good men are already “taken”)

-  Going on “dates” (which they dread in the first place) and having them either go NOWHERE… or having things go great on the date, but the guy never calls or asks you out again

-   Seeing a man you’re attracted to, and wishing you knew EXACTLY what to do and say to get his attention without sounding dumb, goofy, or  desperate

-   Not knowing specific things to ASK a man to figure out very early on whether or not he’s honest, mature, and “into” having a real relationship… without sounding pushy, manipulative or scaring him off

-   Never knowing the reason WHY a man stops calling or making plans after one or more dates, when there seemed to be so much “chemistry” at first (Just knowing WHY could save you from feeling UNNECESSARILY bad because you’re wondering about what you did or said wrong)

Any of these sound familiar?

If so, then your life just got a lot easier… because I’m about to share the answers and insights to these problems that women run into while meeting men, “dating”, and trying to build a great relationship from scratch.

I had a big “Aha!” moment recently, and my realization was this:

Most women would be MUCH more successful with men and dating if they not only had their own “act together” as women… but they knew the specifics of exactly HOW, WHERE, WHY, and WHEN to do things with a man.

Such as… how to get a man’s attention, why he responds the way he does, and when to take things in the direction you want them to go in your relationship.

In other words, sometimes it’s just NOT ENOUGH to be a great person. You need to know how to SHOW him that you are.

Which means... if you don’t know how to say or do the right thing with a man to get him to recognize what’s really inside of you, and who you are… then it’s all for nothing.

Now, some women have written me over the years and seemed to be looking for a “tool box” or a cheat-sheet that they could refer to for CLEAR answers to questions about real-life dating situations… and how to handle them.

And, not having those tools at their fingertips was driving them CRAZY.

They were tired and frustrated with consistently meeting men who accidentally turned out to have all the WRONG qualities… and they didn’t know how to identify and attract only the right men.

Of course, this isn’t too uncommon.

Have you ever thought you were really clear on what you wanted in a man and a relationship, and you found what you thought was a great guy… only to later discover that the man and the relationship you had weren’t anything like what you thought they were?

This kind of experience can literally BLOW YOUR MIND and leave you wondering if you’re completely blind. Why is it so hard for YOU… when so many other couples have found each other and found happiness so easily?

Here’s the reality…

What you need isn’t a whole bunch of new life-lessons.

What you need are some real-world tips and TECHNIQUES that are going to help you quickly draw the right man to you, weed out the bad apples early on, and keep things growing so that the right foundation for a great relationship comes together quickly and EASILY.

It’s time you learned how to quickly go from “Hello” to “I love you” with a man, and enjoy the process and build the foundation for a LASTING RELATIONSHIP at every turn.

Are You Ready for the NEXT Step?

Of course, I am often searching for articles, videos, and other beneficial information that provides relationship advice which helps people to have more empowering relationships, I ran across this excellent item which I decided I would bring to you. It is about marriage counseling. Be sure to peruse it all. Do not forget to make known your opinions so everyone can appreciate them:

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Marriage Counseling – De-Stressing Your Marriage

In our Marriage Counseling Practice clients tell us that their marriages are very stressed. We have discovered a number of common threads that lead to this stress.

Here are a few:

Lack of time. Too many commitments often caused by the inability to say no to a request.

Lack of money. With the economy causing job losses it is particularly a problem these days.

Lack of sleep. This can be very hard on our bodies, our minds, and our emotions.

Lack of organization usually leads to a chaotic home and schedule. Lack or exercise.

With little or no exercise our bodies and minds don’t function well.

No recreation. No fun in our lives. Too many outside activities for the children. This is stressful on both the parents and the kids.

Here are some antidotes for a stress filled life:

Prayer. God provides a place of Rest and Peace for us when we seek Him.

Money management. If you need help budgeting there are those who can help.

Don’t put things down, put them away. A messy house leads to stress. Do a “Daily Plan” to organize your time and make sure you are not over committed.

Just say no to requests that are more than you can handle in a healthy way.

Get plenty or rest and exercise.

Mark out at least one day each week for fun, relaxation, and recreation. Limit children’s outside activities.

Laughter. The Bible says that laughter restores the soul.

We can only handle so much stress before our personal health is affected.  Likewise our relationships can only handle so much stress before they are negatively affected.

Most couples can make these changes on their own. But, if your marriage has already moved into a heavily stressed relationship, you may need outside help. Often folks turn to Marriage Counseling for help from an expert.

There is hope that you can relieve the stress in your Marriage.

With almost 30 years of Marriage Counseling experience we have discovered that it is critical to keep your marriage business private. This is true when things are going well and also when things are not going so well. It is particularly important if your marriage or family is in crisis.

This does not mean that you should have to handle the hurt and pain all by yourself. When you are in pain it is important to have someone to talk with. That person should not be a friend or a family member.

It may seem like they would be the best person to share with, but that is not so.

Why?

It hurts trust between you and your spouse. You spouse may feel embarrassed when you share your relationship difficulties with family or friends. It is very disrespectful. Would you want your flaws exposed to others outside the privacy of marriage? Often, when we go to others asking for prayer, we are actually using this as an opportunity to gossip about our mate and line up support for our side of the conflict.

If we air our dirty linen and later you and your spouse have “made up” the person you shared with may still have negative feelings about your spouse. When we get advice from family or friends we may get “one sided” advice. They most likely will not be impartial. They may care more about you than the truth. When you share your “version” of the truth, it may not be accurate.

In all of our years of Marriage Counseling, we have rarely seen a situation where both spouses did not have some of the responsibility. What kind of axe to grind does your confidant have? Since half of all marriages end in divorce, it is likely that the person you are seeking help from may have hurts or prejudices that affect their advice. A classic example would be getting marriage advice from a divorced friend who is angry at their ex spouse.

Of course it is important to get help when you need it. We recommend that you choose the appropriate marriage counselor to get the help from. If you and you mate cannot calmly talk out the situation, then seek guidance from your Pastor or a qualified Marriage Counselor. Don’t make the mistake of making a bad situation worse.