Why Worrying Just Doesn’t Help
By Ivan Kelly
If it wasn’t so stressful and energy-draining, worrying about relationship problems might be considered a national past-time since so many people seem to be so willing to spend so much time doing it!
Worrying about relationships and other aspects of your life is NOT the most fruitful approach.
As anxiety increases (our body is trying to protect us in the face of a perceived threat) we often become LESS able to cope.
When faced with MILD anxiety, the fear of not doing well may cause us to be more focused on the steps we know are needed.
For instance, worrying about disapproval or rejection or the likelihood of failure if studies are not attended to; a diet is not followed; training for a sporting event is not completed; a job interview is badly handled, or debts are not paid, may stir us to action.
However, it can happen that we DON’T KNOW what steps to take to improve things and anxiety builds up, causing a sort of paralysis.
Then the outcome is likely to be downhill all the way.
We feel a growing sense of alarm, stress and anxiety, which can also affect our health and make us vulnerable to fatigue and illness.
Even if we know what needs to be done, needless to say we don’t perform very well in this condition. We respond coolly to others, or nag and complain…
Our partners get the sharp end of our tongue; we freeze up in exams and don’t do our best; job interviews are handled badly and more, many more situations in our daily lives bring results well below what we know we can do.
A famous golfer (you’ll understand if I don’t name him) once went into the last stage of a Masters Tournament with a six stroke lead. He lost by 5 strokes!
Many others have had similar experiences – crashing when it counted most!
However, when we expect a GOOD outcome our bodies respond very differently – we are relaxed, enthused, energized, and confident.
And the results we get reflect those good feelings.
When we expect to receive a proposal of marriage, get a promotion at work, inherit a fortune from a distant relative, meet the partner of our dreams, or make a million bucks, etc – that’s exhilarating. We’re enthusiastic about our lives, the sun shines brighter and the world appears to be a much happier place.
Expecting success helps us to be more successful. Not only are we calmer, more at ease, we become more alert to the opportunities that are opening up and more of them appear to be possible.
The problem is how can we expect success when our everyday lives tell us that something awful is far more likely? That our relationships are far less satisfying than we want? That our future looks even worse than the present?
There IS a way we can get past our worries and enjoy life more. We CAN enjoy far better relationships and be happier. And it isn’t difficult.
A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past their relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. Check this out:
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