by JoeInSouthernCA

Trust In Relationships

By Michael Fehlauer

The fundamental importance of trust in relationships, and the destruction that happens when that trust is violated became a reality to me several years ago. It’s still a vivid memory; ugly and detailed accusations, followed by denials from me. I lied, got caught and our world crashed.

At this point the details aren’t important. What’s important is I had betrayed the trust of my wife, my family and my friends; as well as the trust of thousands who had put their trust in me. So much was lost. My reputation, my credibility, the vision I believe God had for our lives, and not the least of all, trust. The American Heritage Dictionary defines trust as: Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person.

I had compromised my integrity for selfish pleasure! The question is, what is necessary in restoring trust in relationships, more specifically trust in marriage? want to share just a few behaviors that help to re-establish trust. I am in no way an expert; I’m still working all of this out.

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1. Talk straight. Tell the truth and leave the right impression. This involves not only being truthful about the facts, but making sure we leave a truthful impression. In other words, living in the “no spin zone.”

2. Right wrongs. Not every wrong can always be “righted”, but the ones that can, need to be.

3. Own it. Restoring trust in relationships requires both taking responsibility for our actions as well as the consequences. The temptation is to own up to what we did, but not take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Even if the consequences are unfair, they’re still a result of our failure.

4. Give it plenty of time. Even though it takes only minutes to violate trust, it takes years to rebuild it. It is unfair to those we have hurt to try to speed up the process.

Some will never trust me again, no matter how I live the rest of my life. That’s my fault. But, to live out the rest of our lives in an honorable way has its own eternal rewards.

http://www.relationship-builder.com/your-emotional-health-and-your-relationships/

http://www.relationship-builder.com/how-to-be-happy-in-marriage/

I asked Elliott about his relationship with Bowie, and what he thought about marriage.
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Anger problems are the cause of a lot of misery in intimate relationships. The increasing number of anger management classes available is one way society has attempted to help angry men fix their problems.

One of the major problems for angry men is the damage that is done to their relationships with their partners. Often they feel riddled with guilt over things they have done to the people they love the most.

Many of these relationships are filled with drama, crisis and conflict. Here are the common issues that men with anger problems face in their relationships with women.

1. Lack of intimacy. If your relationship is full of noisy conflict and then periods of angry silence, chances are you are not having a happy intimate life with your partner.

To feel intimate with someone you have to be able to trust them. To be trustworthy you need to be predictable. Angry men are not very predictable. Women will find it difficult to relax and be intimate with you because they do not know if you will suddenly change and become angry or start criticizing them.

2. Controlling behavior. Often angry men will want to decide what a woman can and can’t do, who she can see and where she can go. This is abusive behavior. Being controlling will cause a lot of problems in relationships.

Being angry most of the time make some men feel a need to try and control everything that goes on around them. They mistakenly believe that by trying to control others they will not lose control themselves. This is one of the key thought distortions that anger management classes can help men to change.

3. Blaming and criticism. Angry men lash out at others in an attempt to avoid facing their real feelings and taking responsibility for their lives. Often this is quite unconscious. They are not aware of why they use have angry outbursts or how to stop them.

Often they do not have the ability to manage feelings of grief, sadness or anxiety. Being angry is more acceptable for men in our society than being sad or anxious. This is a subtle pressure of men to manage their emotions with action instead of talking them over or expressing them truthfully.

This type of anger problem will affect your relationships with women, particularly if you swear and become aggressive with your partner when angry. Blaming and criticizing your partner will lead to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run. Living with a critical partner causes women to feel unhappy in a relationship. Criticizing a woman will not change her behavior; it will only cause more ill feelings between you.

Anger management classes can be very effective in helping men recognize these patterns and begin to change them. The internet has made it possible to take online anger management classes in the privacy of your own home. Learning effective methods to manage you anger problem can improve your relationships with women and reduce conflict.

Kate Hardy is a health professional who enjoys working with angry adults and teens. Online Anger Management Classes. FREE anger Management articles