by stelladanza’s confections

I Want And Need For My Husband To Love Me Again: Tips And Strategies For Wives Whose Husbands Claim To No Longer Love Them

Many of the wives who contact me tell me that their husband no longer loves them. Most all of them are looking for a way to change this. I often hear comments like: “I need for him to love me again. What can or should I do?” Or, “I want so much for my husband to love me again, but I’m not sure how to make this happen because he no longer listens to or responds to me.”

Most of these wives suspect that they are fighting an uphill battle. Back when their husband’s were fully invested in the relationship and listening to them, things may have been different. But now that everything’s changed, it’s going to take a very carefully calculated (and executed) plan to regain their husband’s love.

Much of the time, these suspicions are correct because the husband is already resistant to much of what the wife says. He’s learned to tune her out or to question the sincerity of any thing that she says or does (even if the message is an important and sincere one.) This just isn’t fair, but it’s the way that things have become.

The following article is meant for the wives who are sincere in trying to get their husbands to love them again. Below, I’ll offer some tips and insights that I wish I would’ve had when I was trying to get my own husband’s affection back.

Understanding That You Can’t “Make” Someone Love You Again, But You Can Create The Situation That Makes Them Want To: The emails that I receive often ask me for ways to “make” or “get” a husband to love the wife again. And, this is understandable. Because it’s usually clear to the wives that the husband’s feelings are too far gone for them to just return on their own. But, the mistake that they often make is in coming on too strong or allowing for the husband to think that they are going to attempt to change his mind by force or manipulation.

No one wants to believe that they can or will be manipulated, especially when it comes to their own feelings. So, if and when your husband suspects that this is what you are trying to do, it’s a safe bet that he’s going to do everything in his power to keep this from happening. He might limit his access to you. He might just tune you out. Or he might retreat inside himself even further.

These are the things that you absolutely can not afford to let happen. If they do, this just makes the situation that much more difficult to overcome. So, if this has been your strategy, I’d ask you to consider trying something else. I have seen these scenarios play out countless times, and I can tell you that when wives try to “make” their husband’s love them, the husbands usually love them even less as a result. And, even if the wives are able to accomplish their goal, the husband is usually so resentful of the manipulation that the victory is short lived. And, once he eventually pulls back again, he’s even more resistant to your strategies because he’s seen this play out before.

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Knowing That Your Husband’s Claim That He No Longer Loves You Might Not Be Entirely Accurate: Unfortunately, many wives in this position take their husband’s insistence that he no longer loves them at face value. The words are so hurtful and jarring that most people never think to question them or to evaluate them. But, it’s no coincidence that you’ll often hear these words in times of high stress or in the heat of the moment.

And unfortunately, this is the thing that wives focus on the most. Rather than worrying more about improving the relationship so that the loving feelings just naturally come out of it, the wives hyper focus on if the husband is starting to love them again and if so, by how much? This short sightedness can really come back to haunt you and came keep you from getting what you want. It also is more likely to contribute to your participating in desperate and negative behaviors that usually turn husband’s off that much more. Sometimes, the wives come on too strong, they over compensate, and they appear clingy or desperate.

The irony is that much of the time, the love is still there, but it’s buried underneath neglect, disappointment, and the increasingly stressful circumstances in which most of us live. Truly understanding this can sometimes mean that you’re willing to try a less desperate and unattractive strategy (which is more likely to work.)

Ways To Encourage Your Husband To Love You Again: If you remember nothing else from what you’ve read here, please remember this. Husbands will generally see the people and things that elicit negative feelings in them as just as negative as their feelings. As the result, they will want to distance themselves from those things. And if you’re showing emotions like fear, desperation, and manipulation, then you’re actually encouraging him to distance himself from you.

But, if instead you focus on the positive emotions like understanding, validation and empathy, then you are setting it up so that your husband will eventually move toward you. If you can make your husband feel understood and validated while also making him believe that his happiness is the most important thing to you, you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Many wives make the grave mistake on focusing on the outcome (getting him to love you again) and not focusing enough on the process (improving the relationship between you so that he feels those loving emotions once again.) It’s so important to understand what your husband wants and then to provide it. Often when I tell wives this, they get frustrated and tell me that they aren’t entirely sure what their husband wants.

I can share with you what husband’s in this situation frequently tell me. They often tell me that they feel pressured, unappreciated, unheard, and like a conquest. They often say that the spark is gone because the marriage went cold. What the truly want is the woman and the relationship that made them feel positive emotions.

But, unfortunately, many wives focus on the fear rather than the relationship. So, they will try to overcompensate by laying the emotion on so thick that insincerity is the most logical conclusion. The more your husband suspects that he’s being manipulated, the harder your job becomes.

Always remember that your husband is looking for happiness and peace of mind. He’s ultimately going to go with the situation that he perceives is going to make him happy. That’s why it’s absolutely vital that he believes that this is precisely what you genuinely want for him. Sometimes, you may need to tell him that after thinking about it, you’ve decided that what you really want is for the two of you to be happy, even if this means that you’re happy separately.

Now, we both know that you don’t really want this, but if you can pull this off, you’ll often get more access to and attention from your husband. And once this happens, you want to show him that attentive and light hearted woman that he feel in love with, the one who didn’t make demands or constantly ask questions or apply pressure. He wants to feel at ease if your presence again. So, it’s vital that you place your focus on improving the relationship and understand that, as the result, the loving feelings almost always follow.

I absolutely understand where you are right now. A couple of years ago, my husband flat out told me he didn’t love me anymore. But, eventually, it dawned on me that the tactics I was using to get him to love me again were not working. Luckily, I was able to change course and return the intimacy and affection. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

More Husband Articles

by Mr_Stein

50 ways to Catch a Cheating Spouse (or a cheating boyfriend or cheating girlfriend)

50 WAYS TO CATCH A CHEATING SPOUSE

Tip #1 to Catch a Cheating Spouse – Keep your mouth shut!

Accompanying video for Tip #1 to Catch a Cheating Spouse – Keep your mouth shut!

50 ways to catch a cheating spouse is a website that is devoted exclusively to some of the most powerful, and sneaky, methods for catching infidelity. Not just raising suspicions but tips and tools that will actually provide you with rocksolid proof of infidelity and cheating in your relationship.

The first tip for catching a cheating spouse is called keep your mouth shut.

Here is what I mean by that. Your spouse is either committing infidelity against you or they are not. This means that you either have rock solid proof of this infidelity or are you merely have suspicions.

If you have rock solid proof of infidelity….

If you have rocksolid proof then you probably wouldn’t be reading this article. If you do have rocksolid proof then what you need to do is immediately get out of the relationship or get out of the marriage.

Now I know a lot of people would be disagreeing with me on this advice citing such nonsense as the commitment to the relationship or the sanctity of marriage or people make mistakes.

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The problem with these excuses is more often than not they are just a means of glorifying ones lacking a backbone or a spine to do what they know they should be doing which is getting out of the relationship.

If you still disagree with me let me ask you this one question: if you had a best friend who was single would you set them up on a blind date with a person you know is cheating or is the type of person that would likely cheat? Of course that is a ridiculous question because we all know the answer is of course you would not set up someone who is a friend with somebody like that. Yet you feel is acceptable to remain in a committed relationship or a marriage with somebody who is like that? We both know the answer.

If you DO NOT Have Rock Solid Proof of Infidelity…

If you do not have rocksolid proof of infidelity then all you have are suspicions. There are mental hospitals filled with people who have suspicions. Suspicions without infidelity proof is tantamount to insanity.

What Does All This Have To Do With Tip #1 to Catch a Cheating Spouse – Keep your mouth shut!

If all you have are suspicions of infidelity then it is of paramount importance that you do not let on to your partner, even a tiny bit, that you are suspicious of them cheating on you. The reason why is all this will accomplish is teach your spouse or partner to be more careful about their cheating. You basically will be putting them on alert and saying to them “you need to be more cautious about how you cheat on me so you can get away with it more easily”.

My question to you is is this really the message and the lesson you want to be sending at this point in time?

If you do have 100% rocksolid proof of infidelity then what is the point of confronting them? As mentioned previously if you have a rocksolid undeniable proof you need to get out. Bottom line is if your spouse or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend has cheated on you and you have caught them how many times have they cheated on you before now and you didn’t catch them? How many times in the future will they cheat on you? And of those times in the future that they will cheat on you again how many of those times will you catch them and how many of those times will you not catch them?

The point is once you catch them cheating even if they never do cheat on you again for the rest of your life, at least in the back of your mind, these questions will be unpleasantly rattling around in the back of your brain forever. So even if your partner has cheated on you and they swear up and down how sorry they are and promise you left and right that it will never happen again the fact of the matter is is you will never trust them 100% ever again.

So the whole point of this article is this — these articles that you will find of mine on articlesbase.com will show you how to get that rock solid, undeniable, proof you are looking for. If your spouse or partner is cheating on you using these methods I will reveal in these articles you will catch them and you will catch them fast.

Once you do get the proof of infidelity you so desperately seek the big question, the most important question, you need to be prepared to answer looking at your self in the mirror is when you get that proof what are you going to do?

Related Cheating Articles

by BoydJones

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

by Dean Cortez
Author of How To Catch Cheating

It is incredibly painful to imagine that your lover might be carrying on an affair behind your back. Some would say that this is the ultimate betrayal. Cheating can instantly destroy the trust between two people that has taken many years to develop. And so, people who find out that their partners have been cheating will often experience a conflicting storm of emotions — rage, depression, grief, shame, and sometimes even relief when they realize that their suspicions have been confirmed, and they’ve been right all along.

Before you end a relationship because of your suspicions, or lose any more sleep worrying about what MIGHT be going on, you need to make sure that your actions will be 100% warranted. You need to find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your partner has in fact betrayed you — whether they are involved in a serious, long-term affair, or it was a brief sexual fling.

However, damnning physic  al evidence is often difficult to obtain. It’s not easy to collect solid proof. And if you confront your partner and make accusations without any evidence, it’s very doubtful that they will admit their infidelity. (Men, in particular, will almost always flat-out deny a woman’s accusations.)

There are, however, signs of cheating you can look out for, which will make your case stronger when you do decide to confront your partner.  

The following are several signs of cheating that you should be aware of, and pay close attention to. Read them, consider each one, and think about whether they apply to your partner or your relationship:

1. Your partner’s sex drive and sexual behaviour have changed.

Sex is a very important component of a happy, healthy relationship between two adults. When one of the two people begins to cheat, one of the most obvious signs of cheating is that their sexual behavior changes. Quite simply, their feelings about having sex with their partner are going to be noticeably different. This is true of cheating men, and cheating women, alike.

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With this sign of cheating, don’t assume that a LESSER sex drive is the sign of a cheating man or woman (which would indicate that they’ve been having lots of sex elsewhere). In fact, the signs of cheating may include a HIGHER sex drive when the cheater is with their partner!

The cheater may be feeling guilty about their actions, and will try to compensate by paying more attention to their partner in bed. After a while, though, the cheater will usually lose their sex drive with their partner and make excuses about being too tired, or not in the mood, for sex with them.

Cheaters don’t only behave this way because they’re tired from all the sex they’ve been having in secret. They may fear that if they have sex with their partner, the partner will somehow detect that they’ve been cheating…from their behavior before, during and after the sex.

2. Strange changes in habits and schedule.

People who cheat almost always change their behavior and habits in certain ways. Sometimes these changes are blatant; other times, they are very subtle.  But changes in the cheater’s daily schedule and habits can be a powerful sign of cheating — because no matter how hard the cheater tries to conceal their infidelities, they will NEED to make changes in order to make time for their “other lover.”

These signs of cheating may include a difference in the times they come to, and leave, the house. Also, if their phone and internet/computer usage has increased noticeably, these may also be signs of cheating. (Also, is your partner receiving mysterious phone calls that they don’t want to answer in your presence — or do they leave the room to answer the phone? This is common sign of cheating.)

These are not necessarily indications of betrayal, and should not be considered “solid evidence,” but if you see these signs you may want to monitor your partner more closely.

3. Changes in your partner’s behavior that “just don’t feel right”

There are many signs of cheating that only YOU will notice, because you are so intimately familiar with your partner’s personality and the normal dynamics of your relationship. For example, let’s say in the past, your partner had a confrontational personality and frequently started arguments with you over minor issues. Or, there was something you had a habit of doing, that made your partner irritated or upset.

But now, your partner doesn’t pick fights, or doesn’t seem to notice the behaviors that once upset them. This can be a sign of cheating, because  cheaters will often avoid confrontations with their partner. This may be due to their guilty feelings, or they might just want to avoid any confrontation with you because it may lead to their cheating being discovered.

Another sign of cheating: your partner seems MORE attentive to you than usual. Again, because of their feelings of guilt, a cheater will often try to over-compensate: asking you how your day went, how you’re feeling, and expressing an unusual amount of concern and care. If this is abnormal behavior for them, then it could be a sign of cheating.

Again, don’t assume that a cheater is going to act aloof and inattentive to you. Their feelings of guilt, and desire to avoid being caught, might cause them to behave in an opposite manner — trying to please you more in bed, expressing lots of phony care and concern, and even buying you gifts.  

So, be aware of these signs of cheating, and don’t assume you know all of the indicators. Also, you shouldn’t go on your “gut instinct” alone if you’re going to confront your partner. Mere suspicions won’t be enough to make them come clean with you.

If you are concerned about cheating causing a problem in your own relationship, or you want to “cheat proof” your relationship so that cheating is NEVER an option for either one of you, click here and download this powerful book and audio program:

How To Catch Cheating

Many people want more info about a Cheating Boyfriend Test, so have a look at this. I am often looking for news, graphics and other useful content which aids visitors to have more uplifting relationships. Be sure to have a good look at it all. Don’t forget to offer your advice so the rest of us can know your thoughts:

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Using The Internet To Get A Cheating Boyfriend Test

Are you a female who thinks that your boyfriend is cheating on you? If you do, you may be looking to reaffirm that your suspicions are true. While many other women in your shoes turn to spying on their boyfriend or the hiring of a private investigator, you may be interested in taking a cheating boyfriend test. But wait, is there even such a thing?

Yes, there are tests that are called cheating boyfriend tests. They may also be referred to as cheating boyfriend quizzes. As for what they are, you will find that it depends. They tend to target teenagers and young adults, like college students. As for how they help you determine if your boyfriend is cheating, it is done by asking a series of questions. Your answers to these questions will have an impact on your score, which means that your boyfriend may be cheating on you.

Although cheating boyfriend tests do sound kind of fun and neat, there are some important things you should know about them. You do not want to make the mistake of breaking up with your boyfriend, especially if you are in a long-term relationship, just because someone’s boyfriend test says that yours is cheating. This may end up being an embarrassing and costly mistake on your part.

The questions that are found on most cheating boyfriend tests are simple. In fact, you could say that they are too simple. Common questions asked include does he accuse you of cheating? Has your boyfriend changed his appearance? Has your boyfriend started hanging out more with his friends? Although these questions do signal the sign of a cheater, they are not guarantees.

Speaking of no guarantees, that is why you are urged to proceed with caution. Just because a boyfriend cheating test claims that your boyfriend does cheat, it really doesn’t mean that he does. With that said, it also works the other way around too. Basically, you should not invest too much into what a five question quiz tells you. If you are truly suspicious of your boyfriend, consider approaching them and voicing your concerns.

Boyfriend cheating tests, although they do not have guarantees, are popular. You should be able to find them online and free of charge. There are, however, websites that want you to pay to take a cheating boyfriend quiz. Do not do this, as it will likely end up being a waste of your money. If you do want to do a cheating boyfriend quiz, perform a standard internet search with the phrases “cheating boyfriend test,” or “free cheating boyfriend tests.”

In keeping with costs, it is important to avoid cheating boyfriend tests that can be sent to your cell phone. Most of these cell phone text messaging programs, like ones that allow you to receive jokes and horoscopes, are money wasters. In fact, they could even be considered scams. To get a boyfriend quiz delivered to your cell phone, you may have to pay a monthly or a text message fee. You may not even get the results until paying even more money. Stay away from these traps.

It is also important to note that boyfriend cheating tests, especially those that you find online, are not developed by professionals. Yes, professional relationship experts do have a serious of questions that resemble these quizzes, but most of what you will find online is written by everyday individuals, just like you and me. For that reason, do not put too much into what your cheating boyfriend quiz results are, as the information is likely unreliable and not researched.

As a recap, cheating boyfriend tests are easy to find online, with a standard internet search. Avoid having cheating boyfriend tests sent to your cell phone, as they can get costly. As fun as cheating boyfriend tests can be to fill out, especially when surfing the internet with a bunch of your friends, remember to not rely too heavily on their results.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

Relationship Problems – The REAL Solution

By Ivan Kelly

Sue knew she had relationship problems. She was sure that her husband had a mistress and was agonizing about how to deal with it.

Should she confront him? Would it be better to just pack her bags and leave? Maybe she should pack his bags? Perhaps it would be better to ignore her suspicions and hope that her husband will come to his senses before it’s too late?

Samantha’s long-time partner was a great guy - when he was in a good mood.  It’s just that  he couldn’t resist trying to control everything – and then criticizing and blaming her when things didn’t go just the way he wanted.

These are just a few of the relationship problems women face, of course. There are jealous boyfriends; partners whose impatience turns simple conversations into conflicts; husbands who are curt, difficult, angry, lazy, untidy, drunk, gamblers, unstable and those suffering from all kinds of addictions!

Behind it all are women who simply want to be loved, respected and appreciated.

However, the real solution isn’t frothy. It won’t tell you that the answer to your relationship problems is to buy some new lingerie, spend heaps at the beauty parlor and then go away for a romantic weekend.

It deals with deeper issues that lie at the heart of those difficulties and shows you how you can turn your life around.

With the real solution you can see quick improvement but lasting gains may take longer as you discover how your life can become much more than it is today. How long it takes will depend on how much it means to you. It doesn’t take a lot of effort.

It does require that you make a decision and that you choose a better life.

This means the real solution isn’t for every woman. Most will prefer to have a few action tips (smile, avoid argument, encourage communication, be nice to his friends and family,  etc, etc). Then life continues in much the same way as before. Perhaps it IS better for a brief time. Then it’s back to where you started.

The solution will show you the steps you can take to move from feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. It will show you how to gain more control over your life and  from this will flow more joyful experiences.

That raises another problem, of course: if YOU’RE in control of your life; if you are the captain at the wheel, who is responsible for steering the ship away from the rocks into calmer waters?

The REAL solution is knowing HOW to create a more beautiful life – and then doing it!

A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. There is one that can really help: