The perfect mistress has long been a study of curiosity, speculation, resentment and even admiration. She has existed for centuries and probably since the dawn of early mankind. Attributes of the mistress are described in poems, songs, novels and even opera. Some of the most famous creative works, have been based on the role of the mistress. In regal circles, she has been known as a courtesan and many kings, princes and other nobles are known to have entertained them. This article looks at relationships from the mistress’s perspective.

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The Perfect Mistress

By Ruth Purple

Mistress – just the word itself imbibes negative impressions. Wives despise them and society looks down on them. Mistresses are associated with the word home wrecker with low morals. But if you really think about it, do they like being a mistress? Is that a choice they voluntarily choose or is it a written destiny? If there is such a thing as being “single-blessedness”- meaning people who are “blessed” or born to be single, is there such thing as “mistress-blessedness”? What kind of woman would chose to be a mistress in the first place? Being a mistress is never easy, so they say.

You cannot demand and you are constantly settling for stolen moments and attention. But since you are the other woman and everybody hates you, you might as well excel in what you do. And you’d better be good in keeping yourself anonymous or you will be forever obtaining the mark of the Scarlet Letter. A perfect mistress is a lady who is an expert in handling her man and knows how to keep him and the relationship hidden – if you can’t do both, then you are just a bimbo who likes to “do” somebody else’s husband. What does it takes to be the perfect other woman, you ask.

The number one rule of being the perfect other woman is – know where you stand. This is the rule of the universe to have order-knowing your place- everything should be in its proper place and order-like the sun and the moon, the land and the sea.

This means the other woman should never show affection in public to avoid scandal- scandal is worst than murder. Jesus was a victim of scandal, see what happened to him. So, if you don’t want to be crucified- save your urges inside the bedroom. The difference between a mistress and a wife is- a mistress never believes every word his lover is saying; another decree in being the perfect other woman- never believe what your man is saying to you.

In general, men are liars. They are driven to say whatever it takes to get what they want. “You understand me more that’s why I love you more than my wife.”- Never let this enter your head. This is usually a defense mechanism of a philandering man to justify his guilt for having a you.

Enjoy every moment when he is showering you with sweet nothings but be on top of it. A mistress should have an ally- and there’s no better perfect ally than his lover’s assistant or secretary. You should know how to have a rapport with his lover’s secretary- for two main reasons- to keep tract of his lover and to cover-up for them.

The other woman always remembers that curiosity kills - especially if you are curious about the wife. It’s tempting to see the person your lover chose to sleep at night even if he “doesn’t lover her”. Curiosity can become very insatiable and before you know it, you are face to face with the wife with a gun pointing in your head.

There are so many orders that a perfect adulteress should do but I will leave you with this one- discreetness. Mistresses should be synonymous with being discreet. A perfect adulteress should never brag or talk about being a mistress, she should never bad mouth or get jealous with the wife, the other woman should never ask for money, she should not travel with her lover- meet him somewhere else instead and most importantly she should never complain.

Mistresses, yes we don’t like the idea of them but they are also people whose only fault is being in love with the right person in the wrong time.

The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationship Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website http://www.relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.

Lots of readers ask about their husband’s mistress, so check this out. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time searching for news, articles, and other worthwhile material which aids readers to have more worthwhile relationships. Be sure to peruse it all. Don’t forget to add your comments so the rest of us can be aware of your advice:

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Confessions of a Former Mistress

For 16 years I was the mistress of a married man. I was single, he was rich. I wanted to be someone. He was a doctor. I was a single mom. He had three kids and a Nanny. I wanted romance and passion. He was horny. His wife was the turkey. I was the gravy. I was, “The Other Woman.”

Being a mistress is exciting . . . at first. Romantic trysts in clandestine restaurants. Lunch quickies. Having sex on the operating table (not that comfortable) or on the exam room floor (oh my aching back).

I was young when I met Adam (not his real name). I was 27, wore a size 8, had gorgeous long blond hair, beautiful teeth and a great personality. He was 43, with a sexy foreign accent . . . and he was a doctor . . . my doctor. That’s how it all started. There was an instant attraction. He scheduled office visits more frequently. I became the last patient of the day. Then I got healed by the good doctor, but fell in love (and he with me). We started an affair that lasted sixteen years.

So here I was the mistress to a married man. Sixteen years you ask me? How is that possible? Didn’t the wife suspect?

Well, in most cases when the affair goes beyond a couple of wooly bully romps in the hay, and extends over many months (or years, as in my case), the wife knows. The wife either knows flat out but doesn’t care, knows but is in denial, or really doesn’t suspect a thing (which is highly unlikely in a long-term situation.) She might be so busy with the soccer Mom thing she really has no idea that her hubby is scoring somewhere else.

In my case the wife knew. She knew I knew she knew and I knew she knew I knew. She knew! But she didn’t care . . . as long as Adam came home to her (most nights) and allowed her kids to attend the best private schools. As long as she could live in her million dollar house, have her Mexican house keeper and Nicaraguan Nanny, drive her gas guzzling Mercedes, wear her Haute Couture clothes, and keep her fancy horses in those snazzy stables . . . she just focused on those versus her husband’s wandering ways.

I was even invited to their house on numerous occasions. I recall one time when they invited me to their beach house for the week end. (Figure that one out?!?!) I was on the beach with Adam making love while she was in the condo making Flan. Boy that Flan was delicious. I still think of her when I order Flan in restaurants.

Then there was this heart attack thingy. Well what happened really was that every Sunday night he would come to my apartment. We would have wild sex, a couple glasses of wine, and then he would leave. Well this one particular Sunday night he went home and had this major heart attack. You know the 9-1-1 call, no breathing, he’s gonna- die-kind of heart attack. Well, wouldn’t you know it but right after he made her call 9-1-1 he made her call me. She knew I knew she knew and I knew she knew I knew! Enough said.

So what are the benefits of being, “The Other Woman?”

Well it depends on how smart you are. Here’s what I got along the way. I got my Bachelor’s and Master’s Degrees paid by him. I had to do the studying. He paid the tuition and expenses of a college education. So I got my B.S. (Bachelor in Sex) and my MPA (Masters in Pleasing Adam). No, seriously, I did get legitimate college degrees.

I got spending money to buy clothes and shoes. He helped me get a nice car every few years and he paid off my credit cards when I overspent (when I did frequently). After all wifey over there was living in some fancy-dancy mansion while I was living with the Dumb and Dumbers on the left and right side of me in an apartment complex.

And then did I mention the life insurance policy? Now it’s not like I want him to die or anything, after all the affair was over 21 years ago. But if he dies, I still get $100,000.00 . . . tax free.

Well you see when I was his mistress, I agonized about him leaving me (especially after that heart attack stresser), so I made him take out life insurance on himself with me being not only the beneficiary of the policy but (me being college “edicated” and all), I insisted I became of owner of the policy as well. (Thanks to that finance class he paid for.) Being owner of the policy means I have to make the payments on the life insurance annually, but I don’t care. As long as I pay, he can’t cancel it. I still get $100,000.00 tax free when he dies . . . even 21 years after the affair ended. Let’s see how old is he now . . . ?

So what are the disadvantages of being a mistress?

Oh, there are those lonely holidays. But it’s really not that bad when you have those credit cards which you know he will pay off if you overspend. Then there’s reading about him and her in the local newspaper attending some charity ball. He has his arm around her, she’s smiling. The happy couple. Pillars of the community. Until Sunday night!

Marriage? You know in sixteen years, marriage was never addressed. I guess I thought he would leave her eventually. If I was honest with myself I knew he never would. Come on, sixteen years? Duh?

So here I am . . . 21 years later reminiscing about that affair. Don’t tell my present husband.  My third (he’s only 35 and I’m, 59 . . . I never was good in math). At any rate, my current hubby wouldn’t like it much if I mentioned dear Adam.

So in conclusion, here’s my advice. If you are going to be a mistress:

1.    Enjoy it for what it is . . . an affair.

2.    Don’t be afraid to take gifts and monetary remuneration. It’s not immoral. It’s only fair.

3.    Don’t expect a marriage proposal. (Most men that are unfaithful will always be unfaithful . . . so who wants to be married to an unfaithful man? Better to just screw him and have fund . . . I mean fun.)

4.    Be prepared for lonely nights and fun shopping sprees.

5.    Never make life all about him. When it’s over . . . it’s over. Move on. There’s always another Adam just around the corner.