Do Men Cheat More Than Women?

by Dean Cortez

So who cheats more, men or women? This is a popular and controversial question. There aren’t any exact statistics available on this, and the numbers would surely be innacurate, anyway. This is because when it comes to people admitting their cheating in polls and surveys, men tend to inflate their number of affairs and sexual partners,
while women tend to hide or downplay the extent of their extramarital affairs.

According to a poll conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 62% of women think that en
cheat more than women. This isn’t surprising — because most of the voters were women!

Naturally, women believe that men do most of the cheating, while men will argue that women cheat “just as much as they do.”

Is this really true? Some experts say that these days, women and men do cheat in equal numbers. The difference is that men who cheat tend to be more “serial” about it — they cheat with a variety of sexual partners. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to get into a longer-term extramarital relationship.

Decades ago, men surely did most of the cheating because they had far more opportunities to do so. It is true that most affairs begin in the workplace, and back then, men were the only ones that HAD a workplace to go to. Women stayed at home and took care of the kids and the household.

Today, of course, men and women are both in the workplace and interacting with members of the opposite sex. Women are spending more time at work with their male colleagues than at home with their husbands. The workplace is also fertile ground for cheating because people tend to leave their grumpy feelings behind when they go to work. At home, people are stressed out over bills, taking care of the kids, and problems with their spouse; when they go to work, they can leave all of that behind.

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Also, people tend to look their best at work. They want to look attractive and presentable. In the workplace, men see women — and women see men — in their “best light.” It’s not the same when they’re at home, lounging around in a pair of sweatpants.   

According to a survey, 46 percent of unfaithful wives and 62 percent of unfaithful husbands have had affairs with someone they met at work. So you see, cheating at the workplace is a very big problem — and it’s happening with both men and women.

Another interesting statistic shows that the more money a husband has, or earns, the more likely he is to cheat on his wife. Having cash enables a man to travel, to join clubs, and to take time off from work. It also enables him to purchase gifts for other women, or pay for hotel rooms and travel when they want to get together.

Men who don’t have much money tend to spend more time and attention on their families.

They have less time alone (which could otherwise be spent pursuing women), and they lack the funds to carry on affairs or take care of a mistress. But, this is not to say that the Average Joe who earns a regular wage is not going to cheat. Many of these guys do cheat, they just tend to have a harder time covering their tracks — and they often get busted.

Through my research, I’ve also found that most men who cheat aren’t looking to get involved in long-term “affairs” with one woman. In America, it’s not common for cheating men to keep a mistress on the side. It’s much more likely that they are pursuing casual sex with different women, and one-night stands.

The other big question people ask is WHY men cheat, versus why women cheat. Do men and women stray for different reasons? The common assumption is that men are ruled by their sex drives and cheat mostly for sexual gratification, while women cheat when they feel emotionally neglected.

Well, my research has shown that “neglect” is the operative word in MOST cheating situations. When men feel neglected, they cheat. When a woman feels neglected by her husband, she’ll be open to offers from other men. This neglect can come in many forms — in the bedroom, or simply not taking an active interest in your partner’s feelings and being emotionally supportive when they have troubles.

The reason why infidelity is so common in our society is that too many people place more value on their careers, children, hobbies and friends than they do on their relationships with their partners. When you neglect your relationship and your partner, it’s may be only a matter of time before they start looking for happiness elsewhere. No one wants to feel neglected.

The bottom line is this: if you want to avoid becoming yet another infidelity statistic, you must nurture your relationship on a daily basis and pay attention the warning signs, before it’s too late.

Vedic Relationship Astrology

Vedic Relationship Astrology

In Vedic Astrology, relationship compatibility is based upon the Moon and Nakshatras.  The Moon is the mind and feelings of the individual.   It is the Jiva, the idea of separate existence and the Ahamkara, the ego.  In essence, the Moon is our very identity as opposed to the Western Astrological view that the Sun represents the ego.  In Vedic Astrology, the Sun is the Soul, because the Sun is constant.  It never stops shining.  The Moon, however, takes the light of the Sun, as the mind takes the light of the soul, and waxes and wanes.  In other words, the Moon CHANGES.  The Sun does not.  Therefore, the most appropriate planet to represent the individual is the Moon.

The Vedic compatibility techniques are very simple, yet very profound.  Since they are based upon the Nakshatras, these techniques are exceptionally ancient and come directly from the Rishis.  Many will say that these techniques are outdated and do not work in modern society because relationships between men and women have changed enormously.  While the cultural norms of relationships have changed, the dynamic of two people interacting with each other have not, and these techniques apply just as well today as they did thousands of years ago.  What is a relationship?  It is two people relating to each other and the needs and emotions of this exchange never change.  As you will see as you read further, these techniques are so insightful into the human psyche,  their profoundness has not diminished in the least.

A relationship consists of two people relating and for that to happen there must always be masculine energy and feminine energy, whether it is a man and a woman, two women, two men, a teacher and student or a parent and child.  There is ALWAYS a male/female dynamic happening.  When male/female dynamic is stated, please throw out all concepts of what male/female is.  Masculine energy is dynamic, initiating, steadfast energy and feminine energy is receptive, accommodating, changeable energy.  Masculine energy wants to be loved for what it does and when it does good, it feels good.  Feminine energy wants to be loved for what it is, and when it feels good, it does good.  An example would be when one person talks, another must listen, otherwise you have two people talking at the same time, in which case they are not relating, or you have neither one talking, in which case there is no relationship.  This is not to say that in a heterosexual couple, the woman is always receptive and the man is always dynamic.  I am just explaining what masculine and feminine energy are and how they are always at play in creation and in relationships.

The Sun and the Moon

In every horoscope, the Sun represents the masculine principle and the Moon, the feminine principle.  Parasara clearly defines what the Sun is in the following sutra,

The Sun has honey colored eyes, square body; he is of clean habits, is bilious, intelligent, manly and has limited hair on his head.

BPHS, Chapter 3, verse 23

The Sun has a square body.  When you set a square down it stays put.  If you leave it, you can walk away and know when you come back it will still be there.  This makes the Sun steadfast and goal-oriented.  When the Sun (or masculine energy) makes a plan to do something, they stick with it, no matter if they don’t feel like doing it.  This is a quality of healthy masculine energy.  The Sun is bilious meaning it has qualities of Pitta, the fire dosha.  The nature of Pitta is competitive and masculine energy has the quality of always wanting to compete and be the best.  The Sun is intelligent, meaning masculine energy uses logic to know something.  The Sun has limited hair.  Hair is the most out of control thing on our bodies.  Our hair keeps a record of our past.  The Sun is not concerned with the past; that is why he has no hair on his head.  Nor is the Sun is concerned with what is beyond his control.

Parasara describes the Moon, the feminine principle, in the following sutra,

“Abounding in Vata and Kapha and filled with knowing is the Moon of round body, O’ Twice Born, auspiciously eyed, of sweet speech, fluctuating and love sick”

The Moon is lovesick, its feminine energy must be receptive to something, otherwise, it feels empty.  This makes feminine energy more concerned with relationships.  I realize this is not very PC, but I must tell the truth after doing hundreds of horoscopes.  Almost inevitably, women want to know about relationships first.  The men also want to know about relationships, but only after career and wealth, unless they want a consultation specifically about relationships. The Moon represents the principle of change.  The Moon is of round body and when you put something down that is round, it rolls away.  Like the Moon changes each night waxing and waning, so does the feminine energy change with feelings.  The Moon is “filled with knowing”, therefore the Moon does not need logic to know something, the Moon just knows, like women’s intuition.  An example:  A man and a woman want to buy a car.  The man gets out the magazines, measures for clearance, does the research on MPG and all the rest.  The woman looks at a selection of cars and says, “I want that one”.  This is not to say that the woman never uses her logic.  It just means that most of the time, her decisions and actions will be based upon her feelings which will usually be correct.  If the Moon is afflicted, that shows affairs more than anything in the horoscope.

A woman is always 51% or more of feminine energy and a man is always 51% or more of masculine energy.  The principle is that the Sun, as the dynamic masculine force, rules men and the Moon as the receptive female force rules women. Of course, all men have a feminine side and all women have a masculine side, and they are often used, but these are not the overriding principles in the identity and especially with regard to relationships.

Assessing an Individual’s Capacity for Relationships

Before looking at the compatibility, the individual charts must be assessed to determine if the person will even enjoy being in a relationship and if they have the tools with which to make their partners happy and fulfilled.  If the individual chart is showing selfishness and fear, then it will be that much more difficult for the person and their partners to be happy within a relationship, so it is very important to assess certain factors within the individual horoscope first.

The Sun and Man’s Capability

We will start with the Male gender.  When it comes to men, happiness is all about capability and confidence.  Masculine energy is dynamic and initiating, therefore it feels best when it can be this way unobstructed.  Capability and confidence are indicated by the Sun.  It is necessary to determine if the man has more masculine or feminine influence to his Sun.  This is not to say that if feminine signs prevail in his horoscope, he will be unhappy in a relationship.  It simply means that he will be a little more laid back, a little more receptive and not as dynamic in his actions.  In regards to the Masculine and Feminine signs influencing a man or a woman, you look for these factors:

Placement of the Sun in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Ascendant in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Moon in Masculine or Feminine Sign Day or Night Birth, Day being masculine and Night being feminine

You look for these 4 factors in the Rasi Chart and also the Trimsamsa chart or D-30, the 30th divisional chart.  This varga has a tremendous amount to say about the person’s character and health.  It distinguishes people born in the same place at the same time within minutes of each other.  You also look for these 4 factors in the Navamsa as this varga rules the marriage and relationship life.  These factors in the Navamsa will reveal the masculine and feminine energy flow within the relationship but not as part of their natural character.  In regards to the 2 vargas assessed, you do not take into account the day or night birth.

Mahabaghya Yoga or Great Fortune Yoga is a yoga dependent upon the aforementioned factors.  This is present in a man’s chart if the Sun, Moon and Ascendant are all within masculine signs and he was born during the day.  How do you tell if someone was born in the day or night?  If they were born during the day, the Sun is above the horizon or between the 7th and 1st house, namely in the 8th through 12th houses.  The Sun is below the horizon, therefore the person is born during night, if the Sun is in houses 2 – 6.  If the Sun is in the 1st house but has a higher degree than the Ascendant, then the person is born at night.  If the Sun’s degree is less than the Ascendant’s, then the person is born during the day, or the Sun has just risen.  If the Sun is in the 7th house and it has higher degrees than the Descendant, then the person is born during the day.  Consequently, if the Sun is in the 7th house and the degree is less than the Ascendant, the person is born at night and the Sun has just set.  Mahabagya Yoga for a male will make him very dynamic and a real go-getter.  He will have supreme confidence to set goals and meet them and will find much happiness in his life.

After one has assessed the prevalence of masculine or feminine energies, then the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun must be assessed.  The 10th house has to do with one’s power and how one takes care of their responsibilities.  It is called the House of Karma and shows the action we must take in the world.  Malefics conjoined or aspecting the Sun will harm the confidence and the feeling of capability.  Benefics joined or aspecting the Sun will enhance the confidence and the feeling of capability. In addition, malefics or benefics in the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun will harm or enhance the confidence and capability.

Gentle Planets or Saumya Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Sun, or the 10th house from the Ascendant will make the man get things done in a gentle or easy way.  If there are cruel planets or Krura Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun, then the man will be more pushy and aggressive in what he wants and take anger and frustration out on others.  Malefics or cruel planets always spread around their negativity while gentle planets or benefics keep their negativity to themselves and spread around their good will.

The influence of cruel planets to the Sun, 10th house from the Ascendant and/or 10th house from Sun will also hurt the confidence and feeling of capability.  Saturn influencing the Sun or 10th house will seriously hurt the confidence and inhibit the actions the man takes to get what he wants.  Saturn and the Sun are enemies and Saturn’s influence to the Sun, the masculine energy or to the 10th house of power and authority, will keep the man out of touch with his dynamic, initiatory energy.  If, in addition, there is a heavy influence of feminine signs in the chart, this will be a man who will have ideas of what he wants his life to be like, but never really act on them.  In his romantic life, this type of man usually just falls into a relationship because it is convenient and ends up with a woman who calls the shots.  He is still a man, so he does not like being dictated to, but because his masculine energy is so suppressed he does not act to get out of the situation and will stay in it until something better comes along.

For a man, Rahu influencing the Sun or the 10th house is not as detrimental as Saturn.  Rahu externalizes energy, so Rahu with the Sun will externalize the energy of the Sun, making him appear very dynamic and charismatic.  Internally, however, he is not so sure about his masculine identity.  He is capable, but can be a little overbearing and even arrogant because he is compensating.

Ketu with the Sun or influencing the 10th house will internalize the masculine energy and will make him self-doubting and self-effacing on the surface.  Inwardly, he will be very confident in his masculine identity and will be logical and opinionated.  Similarly, Mars influencing the Sun will make him opinionated, but also pushy, aggressive, and if Mars is afflicted, angry.  Mars influencing the Sun and/or the 10th house with a predominant amount of feminine signs will give the man a healthy dose of frustration which he will take out on others. He will have some hindrances in his capacity to make things happen and to feel good about what he can accomplish.

The bottom line is that cruel planets influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun are more important when weighing the negative affects to a man’s masculine energy than the influence of feminine signs.

Women and Receptive Yogas

The Receptivity Yogas mentioned in the classical texts are named “Chastity” yogas.  However, since these yogas have nothing to do with whether a woman has sex or not and more to do with how receptive a woman is, I have renamed these yogas “Receptivity Yogas”.  In the times these texts were written, an enormous amount of attention was paid to the details of a woman’s sexual life, so these yogas guaranteed or not if a woman was chaste.  Nowadays, the norms regarding a woman’s sexuality are not what they were and these yogas have really nothing to do with a woman’s sexuality anyway.  They have to do with what a woman is receptive to and whether one trusts life and especially if there are a lot of fear and control issues.  The first yoga mentioned will measure how much masculine/feminine energy a female has.  If she has more masculine energy, she will be more dynamic and initiatory in her actions.  This, of course, does not mean she won’t be happy in a relationship, but rather she likes to initiate and be actively engaged in activity most of the time as opposed to just being.  She is decisive and goal – oriented.  But because she is a woman and as stated before, women want to be loved for who they are and not what they do, it will be more difficult for her to be receptive to what life brings and therefore her man.  Since she has a lot of masculine energy, she will tend to compete with her man.  And since men are competitive by nature, the man will automatically compete with her instead of cherish her which is what she really craves.  Please keep in mind that this does not mean a woman with a lot of masculine energy will have disastrous relationships.  It just means she does very well on her own and has trouble receiving.

In a woman’s chart, the Moon is more important than the Sun for determining happiness.  If a woman has all four masculine factors (the Sun, Moon, Ascendant in masculine signs and she was born during the day), then it will be very difficult to be receptive to a man and completely happy and fulfilled within a relationship.  This is called a reverse Mahabhagya Yoga.  If the woman has all four factors in feminine signs and was born during the night or a Mahabhagya Yoga, then she will be enormously in touch with her feelings and her feelings will never lead her astray.  She will be receptive to the good things that life brings her and reject that which will make her unhappy.

Malefics influencing the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant and the 4th house from the Moon will hurt the woman’s ability to trust and make her receptive to fear.  The 4th house rules where things collect like lakes and ponds, so it rules what a person is receptive to.  The most damaging malefics to have in the 4th house from the Ascendant, the 4th house from the Moon or influencing the Moon are Saturn and Rahu.  Saturn rules fear of the known and Rahu rules fear of the unknown.  When Saturn influences the factors just mentioned, the woman does not trust life.  And if she does not trust life, how will she trust her man?  Saturn will make the woman want to control everything to provide for her security.  She sees all the potential disasters that could happen and takes steps to make sure these things do not happen.  In other words, she is full of worry, which is another form of fear, and does not trust that anyone can get the job done, except for her, and even then she is not sure she can ward off disaster by herself.

When Rahu influences the factors of the Moon and 4th house, then she is receptive to fear of the unknown, and will also make her want to control but also a little unstable.  Rahu in the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, in addition to making her a little emotionally volatile, will give wild mood swings.  Rahu influencing the Moon by being conjoined to it will give an extremely alluring feminine quality that is very attractive to men.  Internally, however, the woman will not feel comfortable with her own femininity and it will feel quite foreign to her.  The emotions will also be privy to wild swings of mood.

The whole idea here is that when Rahu and/or Saturn influence the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, then she has a lot of difficulty trusting life and therefore her partner.  She is privy to fear and worry and will have control issues.

Mars influencing the Moon, 4th house from the Ascendant or 4th from Moon will give the woman very strong opinions.  Mars is our opinions and with the Moon will show how forcefully we cling to them.  Mars is our idea of how things should and should not be.  The Sun in the 4th house or 4th from Moon will make her initiate when she should be receptive and she will have trouble really listening to others.  Ketu is the least malefic and will just internalize the feminine energy making her appear aloof and cold when inside, she is anything but.  She will be very sensitive and emotional but will not appear this way to others.

After all is said and done, most people want to be in a relationship.  It is a very real human need.  But sometimes, when certain types of people do get into relationships, and inevitably every time they get into one, they lament “I just don’t feel like myself” or “I hate myself when I’m in a relationship” or they are just very unhappy and emotionally unstable.  Usually it is due to one of the factors mentioned above when they just cannot seem to be happy within a relationship no matter with whom it is.

The Importance of Venus in Relationships

Another factor worth mentioning that can cause a lot of frustration within a relationship for men and women is a combust, impaired or debilitated Venus.  And one must look for this in the Rasi, Navamsa and the Trimsamsa.  Look for combustion only in the Rasi as it is an astronomical phenomenon.

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Venus rules worth and value.  The moolatrikona sign of Venus is Libra, the Scales.  A less than ideal Venus will give a person issues with his/her self-worth and own value.  When Venus is beat up in a horoscope, the person has a skewed idea of the value of things and of their own worth.  A relationship is all about sharing and relating.  Venus being inauspicious will harm the sense of sharing a person has.  If they think they are worth being abused, then they will get abuse.

When Venus is combust, it is angry and frustrated and the self or soul is so identified with the Venusian energy that to be rejected is an outright rejection of the person’s very existence.  They do not have any confidence in wielding romantic and affectionate feelings because a combust planet has very low Cheshta Bala.  Cheshta means “confidence”.  They feel uncomfortable and are outright turned off by odious displays of affection.  They also do not feel confident in expressing affection.  Often times, they will reject a partner or be the instigator of ending a relationship due to the fact they cannot handle rejection in any way, shape or form.  Venus in debilitation puts the planet asleep so these people with Venus in Virgo also have a very hard time expressing romantic feelings but for different reasons.  It is not because of their fear of rejection but because they are just not in touch with that part of themselves, nor are they in touch with their feelings of  worth and value as a partner within a relationship.

It must be mentioned here that it is very important to look at Venus in the Navamsa and Trimsamsa as well and weigh all of the factors.  If Venus is in Virgo in the Rasi chart but exalted in the Navamsa and in its own sign in the Trimsamsa, then the fact that it is in good dignity in the relationship chart will go a long way to help Venus.  Overall the person will do quite well in sharing with a partner and being able to express their affection.

When Venus is conjoined a malefic then it is called “impaired” and cannot function to its full capacity.  Saturn in the worst.  Saturn joined with Venus will starve Venus.  Saturn is the air element and it tends to dry things out. The person will feel starved or thirsty for love.  Saturn will delay love gratification and the person will have negative experiences in love until he or she overcomes some negative karmas.

Rahu with Venus causes the person to have intense, hypnotic attractions to people until they enter into a relationship with the person.  The attraction usually turns out to be an attraction to a specific quality of the partner and once that quality is consumed, then the native with Rahu conjoined Venus will move on and leave the relationship.  Rahu is unconscious desire.  Rahu is the reason we incarnate, to have life experiences in the realm that Rahu touches through Sign and House placement and also through those experiences represented by planets Rahu conjoins.  Venus in conscious desire and relationships, so when the both Venus and Rahu get together, the person is at the mercy of their desires.  This is an aspect that is also indicative of affairs.  When a Venus/Rahu person enters into a relationship where the attraction is not all consuming and hypnotizing, then you know that that relationship has a good chance of being long term and stable.

Mars with Venus usually indicates that a man has been abused by a woman or a woman has been abused by a man.  This does not necessarily mean physical abuse, although it can mean that.  The underlying meaning is that the person has been taken advantage of by the opposite sex.

Compatibility Part 2 – Assessing Compatibility

Important:  As an astrologer, I always use the Tropical Zodiac for reasons which are explained on my website.  I also use Equatorial Nakshatras, not Nakshatras with ecliptical longitude.  In some cases utilizing Equatorial Nakshatras, a person’s Nakshatra will change because all Nakshatras are not equal in length.  In this system, some Nakshatras are longer than 13 degrees 20 minutes and some are shorter.  I have found these systems, the Tropical Zodiac and Equatorial Nakshatras, to be much more accurate than the Sidereal Zodiac and Ecliptical Nakshatras.  If one has Vedic software, and does a compatibility knowing the dynamics of a couple, and the result just does not make sense, I humbly suggest that one try these novel systems and assess the different results.

Compatible and Incompatible vs. The Price to be Paid

Ironically, this is an article about relationship compatibility, however, the reality is there is no such thing as compatible or incompatible.  There is only, “Are you willing to pay the price?”  The price to be paid to be with the person you like may be too high to be worth the trouble.  Or, in the case of high compatibility, the price is low.  It is all about what an individual is willing to give for the relationship.  As said before, Venus’s moolatrikona sign is Libra, the Scales.  Venus, as the karaka of relationships, by its very nature, weighs the good and the bad or the pros and the cons, and decides whether it is worth it or not.  Compatibility assessment is a tool to show the individual at the very beginning whether it is worth it or not.

Vedha and Rajju, The Two Major Blemishes

Vedha

Certain Nakshatras are “Vedha” to each other.  Vedha simply means obstruction.  When present, the couple can never really get off the ground, there is always something preventing them from being together the way they want to be.  Our destiny is mapped out by the Moon since the Vimsottari dasa is the Moon progressing through the Nakshatras.  If our birth Nakshatras are obstructing each other, then our destinies are obstructing each other.  If these couples with Vedha actually do make it to the altar, which almost never happens, then there is something in the outer world preventing them from fully being together.  More often than not, it is outer circumstances that are obstructing the couple instead of painful emotional issues, passive/aggressiveness or unhealthy co-dependence.  These things just mentioned are the realm of Rajju.  The destinies of married individuals are almost one.  If your spouse becomes wealthy, then you become wealthy.  If your spouse becomes poor, then so do you.  If your spouse becomes ill, then you must care for them.  When two destinies are not jiving, then the people cannot get together no matter how hard they try.  There are no exceptions to Vedha.

Rajju

Rajju is another serious dosha or affliction.  Rajju means “rope” and it ropes the couple to misfortune.  It also ropes the couple to each other in an unhealthy, co-dependent way.  These are the couples you see constantly breaking up and getting back together.  They are addicted to the drama of the relationship.  Rajju binds the couple in five different areas:  at the feet, at the hip, at the navel, at the neck and at the head.  It must be kept in mind that couples with the same Nakshatra will always have Rajju.  They are in a different category.  Couples with the same Nakshatra will be explained later on in this article.

The classic texts say that Rajju in the feet will bind the couple to wandering.  This means there will be many ups and downs within the relationship and it won’t be able to stand on its feet.  The relationship will have “its feet pulled out from under it”.  The couple will never feel really secure within the relationship.

If Rajju is in the hip, it will cause poverty.  This can manifest as actual poverty for the couple, but in most cases it is a metaphor for the fact that the couple feels like they are giving up something to be in the relationship.  Both people feel a lack and the feeling is very pronounced.

The classic texts say that if Rajju is in the navel, there will be loss of children.  This can mean that the couple will be childless, or the children will be a major source of stress to the couple.  It also means that the couple will have a very hard time creating together and will find it difficult to work on projects together.

Rajju in the neck will cause the wife to die.  This does not literally mean that the wife will die.  It is a metaphor for an energy drain.  The neck symbolizes choices.  You turn your neck from left to right to see your options.  Women are more prone to liking choices than men.  As mentioned before, feminine energy is receptive.  Therefore it is receptive to what comes its way and will take the best option.  It is all about options.  When a man is courting a woman, he presents her with situations and activities.  If she does not like what he presents her with, then it is his job to offer another option.  When there is Rajju at the neck, there are no other options presented and the female is basically forced to accept only one situation or activity.  This is extremely frustrating to feminine energy and therefore the female becomes drained in a relationship.

If Rajju is at the head, then the husband will die.  The head represents the logic and dynamic energy.  Dynamic energy is masculine energy.  When the dynamic energy is frustrated, then nothing ever happens.  Feminine energy needs something to be receptive to.  If there is nothing there, which is what happens when there is Rajju at the head, then there is no relationship.  Incidentally, in my practice, I have never seen a couple with Rajju at the head.

The following Nakshatras show which Rajju they will have:

Feet:  Asvini, Aslesha, Magha, Jyeshtha, Moola, Revati

Hip:  Bharani, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni,  Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Uttara Bhadra Pada.

Neck:  Rohini, Ardra, Hasta, Svati, Sravana, Shatabishak.

Navel:  Krittika, Punarvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, purva Bhadra Pada.

Head:  Mrigashira, Chitra, Dhanishta.

There are exceptions to Rajju.  Rajju is only completely cancelled when there is Strii Dirgha, full Graha Maitram, Tara Kuta and Mahendra.  If these four are present, then Rajju becomes manageable.  If there are three or less present, then Rajju becomes a major problem within the relationship.  These are explained shortly.

Capacity and Receptivity Yogas will tell if a person will be happy in a relationship.  It is important to remember that a person is exactly where they need to be at any given moment.  If they are going through a relationship that causes pain, and their compatibility is less than ideal, then this experience is just as important as an experience of a relationship with high compatibility.  It is important to reiterate the concept of non-judgment when it comes to relationships.

Strii Dirgha “Long Woman”

Unlike the previous mentioned blemishes of Vedha and Rajju, Strii Dirgha is something that is definitely desired within a relationship.  It is very important that a couple have Strii Dirgha.  Energy will take the easiest, shortest path or the path of least resistance.  Imagine a circle and around the circle are the Nakshatras.  The energy is flowing around the circle in a clockwise direction.  In order for the couple to have Strii Dirgha, the shortest distance should be from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon.  If the shortest distance is from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon, then the energy begins with the male and is received by the female.  If the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then she becomes the initiator in the relationship and Strii Dirgha is not present.  The Man’s moon must be at least fourteen Nakshatras away from the Woman’s moon for Strii Dirgha to be present.  There is a 50% chance that Strii Dirgha will be present for a couple.  Considering the fact that about 50% of marriages end in divorce, we can see these statistics manifesting.  To give an example so this can be visualized, if a Man’s moon is in Pisces and the Woman’s moon is in Gemini, then Strii Dirgha is present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Man’s moon and going to the Woman’s moon.  If the Woman’s moon is in Gemini and the Man’s Moon is in Libra, then Strii Dirgha is not present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Woman’s moon and going to the Man’s moon.

When Strii Dirgha is not present, or when the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then the Woman is thrust into the role of initiator and the Man is thrust into the receptive role.  In a female brain the energy travels much faster between the left and right hemispheres.  Therefore, a female is able to instantly know how she feels about something.  When remembering the explanation of the Moon, she is adaptable and is round, meaning she rolls with the changes.  In a Man’s brain, it takes up to 20 minutes for him to know how he feels about something.  The energy travels much more slowly between the hemispheres.  Therefore, when the female approaches her man with an idea or an activity, it is much harder for him to stop what he is doing and see how he feels about it.  While he is trying to figure out how he feels, she is getting frustrated and impatient.  The end result is that the man feels nagged and pressured, and the woman feels unloved and unappreciated.  This is just one example of what happens when Strii Dirgha is not present.

It is realized that in every relationship, sometimes the woman initiates and the man is receptive.  But in a relationship without Strii Dirgha, the fundamental energy flow starts with the woman and goes to the man, so it is a quality of the relationship.  The gist is that the woman ends up feeling unimportant and the man feels redundant.  Strii Dirgha is usually noticed in a relationship right away and is cause for quite an energy drain.  If the couple has over 20 Kuta points, then having no Strii Dirgha is manageable.  They are on the same wavelength enough to know that the woman is not trying to nag her man and that the man is not being inattentive because he doesn’t love her, this is just the energy dynamic between the two of them.  High points with other mitigating factors like Vasya and Mahendra also go a long way to help the lack of Strii Dirgha.  But if the total kuta points are not over 20, then having no Strii Dirgha will weigh upon the relationship and the relationship may be more trouble than it is worth.  The two people will never benefit from having a proper masculine/feminine energy flow.

Ashta Kutas

Ashta means eight and Kutas means points.  There are eight categories from which to judge the energy flow within a relationship from a maximum total of 36 points. Anything over 20 is considered good and marriage is recommended. Between 16 and 20 is considered OK, and the couple can make it if they do not have any major blemishes, have Strii Dirgha, and sincerely love each other.  Below 16 is considered very low and the price to be paid for staying in the relationship will be more than it is worth.  A description of each category follows.  The more points awarded a category, the more important it is.  If the points are very low in a category that is worth a lot of points, the couple will have an enhanced awareness of this problem within their relationship.

Nadi Kuta

Nadi literally means vein and is the Dosha of the Nakshatra.  There are three doshas, windy, fiery and watery.  The windy Nakshatras are: Asvini, Ardra, Punurvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Hasta, Jyestha, Moola, Shatabishak, Purva Bhadra Pada.

The fiery Nakshatras are:  Bharani Mrigashira, Pushya, Purva Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Dhanishta Uttara Bhadra Pada.

The watery Nakshatras are:  Kirttika, Rohini, Aslesha, Magha, Svati, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, Sravana, Revati.

For the category of Nadi, there are eight possible points to be gained.  Nadi is therefore the most important out of the 8 categories because one stands to lose the most points.  If the couple has the same dosha for their Nakshatras, then they receive 0 points and it is highly conspicuous between the two of them.  This creates an excess of the dosha.  If there is an excess of water, the relationship is riding an emotional roller coaster as water is associated with emotions.  Everything becomes an emotional issue and when dealing with seemingly mundane, everyday things, the couple will become overly emotional about it.  This lends itself to a tremendous energy drain on the relationship and much co-dependence.  The ancient texts state that the “woman will die” if the couple has the watery nadi.  This does not mean that the woman will literally die.  It is a metaphor for the fact that the constant emotional up and down of the relationship causes her to feel there is a lack of serious commitment, therefore she feels insecure.

If the couple have a windy nadi, the ancient texts state here, as well, that the “woman will die”.  Wind causes many changes, confusion, and takes away a strong focus resulting in a relationship that lacks a firm foundation.  When the woman knows that the relationship is lacking in stability, she begins to feel insecure and since a woman’s confidence is enormously based upon how she feels as opposed to what she does, this windy nadi will cause her much emotional distress and depression.

If the couple have a fiery nadi, the ancient texts state that the “husband will die”.  An excess of fire facilitates anger, aggression and frustration in the couple.  Too much anger provides an energy drain on men, because when men get angry, it is their feminine side surfacing because they cannot deal with the situation at hand.  When a man gets angry, he loses his composure, capability and confidence to handle the situation.  When it comes to happiness for men, it’s all about capability and confidence.  Fiery nadi facilitates an energy drain in men that is why the texts say “the husband will die”.  It does not mean literal death.

Bha Kuta

“Bha” is another word for sign, like Aries, Taurus, etc.  Bha Kuta is worth a total of 7 points, so very important and if missing, will be felt by the couple.  Bha Kuta states that the Moon signs of the couple should not be in a 6/8, 2/12/ or 5/9 relationship with each other.  For example, to attain 7 points of Bha Kuta, if the woman’s moon is in Pisces, the man’s moon should not be in Leo or Libra (6/8), Aquarius or Aries (2/12), Cancer or Scorpio (5/9).  If the Moons of the couple fall in these positions, 0 points are given.

A 6/8 relationship between the moon’s will cause arguing and discord and many abrupt changes, all things related to the 6th and 8th houses.

A 2/12 relationship between the moon’s will cause loss, a feeling of lack and/or poverty in the couple.

A 5/9 relationship, one would expect to be quite nice because the 5th and 9th houses are the most beneficial houses in the horoscope.  These houses are the most beneficial houses but only in the sense of the self.  The 1/5/9 houses are houses of the self.  They are the fire triad.  When there is an emphasis on those houses, the person can be highly self-sufficient and does not like to rely on others or provide give and take.  When this relationship is present between the moons of a couple, they tend to want to teach each other, inspire each other and “get one up” on the other.  Both of the individuals want to be the leader and they tend to compete.  If the moons are in this relationship, the couple will notice this dynamic in their interaction.

Gana Kuta

Gana means ‘race’ and refers to whether the Nakshatras of the moons are the race of devas ‘gods’, manushas ‘humans’, or rakshasas ‘demons’.  The following is a list of the Nakshatras and their race:

Deva “gods”:  Asvini, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushya, Hasta, Svati, Anuradha, Sravana, Revati

Manusha ‘human’:  Bharani, Rohini, Ardra, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Purva Ashada, Uttara Ashada, Purva Bhadra Pada, Uttara Bhadra Pada

Rakshasa “demon”: Krittika, Aslesha, Magha, Chitra, Vishaka, Jyeshtha, Mula, Dhanishta, Shatabishak

Deva Nakshatras are calm, serene, kind, polite and steadfast.  They stand on an even keel.  Human Nakshatras are industrious and innovative.  Demon Nakshatras are temperamental, unpredictable, intense and eccentric.

If the couple’s moons are of the same race, then 6 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a human moon, then 3 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a demon moon, then 1 point is given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a Deva moon, then 5 points are given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a demon moon, then 3 points are given.  If the woman is a demon moon and the man is a deva or human moon, the no points are given.

You will notice that the woman who has her moon in a demon Nakshatra gets the short end of the stick.  In a relationship, this woman will only receive points for this kuta if she is in a relationship with a man that also has a demon moon.  The reason for this is that a Rakshasa woman is highly temperamental and emotional.  She goes through many severe mood swings and tends to be very independent.  Relationship constraints and the natural give and take of a relationship will make her feel suppressed.  If the moon in a woman’s chart is also highly inauspicious due to aspects by Krura Grahas and Krura Grahas being placed within the 4th house from the Ascendant or Moon, then it will make her that much more fearful and temperamental, causing great distress within her psyche.  If the woman with a demon moon has beneficial aspects to her moon in the Rasi, then that will go a long way to smooth over emotional turbulence and severe mood swings.  She will still be highly eccentric but will have a brighter outlook.  A man with a demon moon will be able to appreciate a woman with a demon moon because his nature is the same and he will be able to understand her.

Graha Maitram Kuta

Graha Maitram means ‘planetary friendship’.  If the lords of the moons are friendly, then it goes a long way in understanding each other and having things in common.  Mutual likes and dislikes make the couple want to spend time together and have hobbies and mutual interests.  If the lords of the moons are inimical then usually the couple ends up wanting to do different things at the same time and as a result, end up spending less quality time together.

If the lords or the Moon signs of the couple are:

Mutual friends or the same:                       5 points

One friendly and the other neutral:          4 points

Both neutral:                                                 3 points

One an enemy and the other friendly:      1 point

One an enemy and the other neutral:       .5 points

Both enemies:                                               0 points

If the Moon signs are in the 7th house from each other, ex:  Capricorn and Cancer, then this is considered highly auspicious and no matter the relationship between the lords of the moons, the couple receives the full 5 points for Graha Maitram.

The friendship/enemy/neutral relationships referred to are the natural planetary relationships according to Parasara.

Yoni Kuta

Yoni means ‘source’.  Some people translate it as the female sexual organ or vagina and it does mean that as well.  The vagina is the physical source of life.  The maximum points for yoni kuta is 4.  Each Nakshatra has an animal symbol.  The yoni of the Nakshatra is the sexual organ of that animal.  In times of extreme stress or in very intense situations, such as sex, a person falls back on his instinctive nature, which is his Nakshatra’s animal.  If the yonis of the couple are the same or friendly, then during times of stress and sex, their primal natures are compatible and they are able to get through the experience with a heightened awareness and appreciation for each other.  If the yonis are unfriendly or enemies, then the individuals will react to stressful situations in vastly different ways and perhaps will not be able to understand and appreciate the way the partner handles these situations.

The animals representing the Nakshatras are as follows:

Horse:  Asvini (male), Shatabishak (female)

Elephant:  Bharani (male), Revati (female)

Sheep:  Pushya (male), Krittika (female)

Snake:  Rohini (male), Mrigashira (female)

Dog:  Mula (male), Ardra (female)

Cat:  Punurvasu (Female), Aslesha (male)

Rat:  Magha (male), Purva Phalguni (female)

Cow:  Uttara Phalguni (male), Uttara Bhadra Pada (female)

Buffalo:  Svati (male), Hasta (female)

Tiger:  Vishaka (male), Chitra (female)

Hare:  Jyeshtha (male), Anuradha (female)

Monkey:  Purva Ashada (male), Sravana (female)

Mongoose:  Uttara Ashada (male)

Lion:  Purva Bhadra Pada (male), Dhanishta (female)

Tara Kuta

Tara means star and it refers to the number of Nakshatras the man’s moon is away from the woman’s moon.  Starting with the woman’s moon, count the number of Nakshatras to the man’s moon and then divide by nine.  To have Tara Kuta, the remainder should not be 3, 5 or 7.  You do not count inclusively, like you do with houses.  The Tara of 3, 5 and 7 is obstructive for the woman to be receptive to what the man offers her.  Tara Kuta is worth 3 points and if absent, is not that noticeable.

Vasya Kuta

Vasya means “dutiful”, “subjected to”.  There are four types of signs when it comes to Vasya Kuta.  The Quadruped signs are Aries, Taurus, 2nd half of Sagittarius, 1st half of Capricorn.  The Human signs are Gemini, Virgo, Libra, 1st half of Sagittarius, and Aquarius.  The “moving in water” signs are Cancer, 2nd half of Capricorn, and Pisces.  The ‘moving in wilderness’ sign is Leo.  And the insect sign is Scorpio.

All signs are Vasya, (dutiful, subjected to) the sign of Leo except for Scorpio.

All signs except Leo are Vasya to the Human signs.

The “moving in water” signs are food for the human signs.

The quadruped signs are food for the wild sign, Leo.

The most points to be gained are 2.  If the couples moon’s are within the same category, then they earn 2 points.

If one of the couple’s moons is Vasya to the other, then they earn 1 point.

If one of the couple’s moons in Vasya to the other, but the other half of the couple’s moons in food for the other one, the .5 points are gained.

If there is no Vasya between the couple’s moons, then 0 points are gained.

Varna Kuta

Varna means ‘caste’.  Feminine energy is more receptive and malleable than masculine energy, so it is better for a woman to marry or be in a relationship with a man of a higher caste.

Brahmin Caste:  Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Kshatriyas (warrior) Caste:  Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

Vaisyas:  Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo

Sudras:  Libra, Aquarius and Gemini

If the man is of a higher caste or if the couple’s moons are of the same caste, then one point is earned.

Extra Special Qualities (Upaskaras)

Vasya

Unlike the Vasya mentioned in the Kutas, this Vasya is based upon sign placement, not Nakshatra placement.  As said before, Vasya means “subjected to”.  If one of the couple;s moons is Vasya to the other, then they are magnetically attracted to that person and there is an element of “I’ll do anything for you”.  This can even apply to other kinds of relationships, like platonic friendships, as well.  It is better if the man has Vasya to the woman, because feminine energy tends to be more devoted and attached anyway, whereas masculine energy is more independent.  Having the woman’s moon Vasya to the man’s moon is also very good and if the couple has great compatibility due to points and lack of serious afflictions, then Vasya adds an extra comfort and kindness to the relationship.  If the relationship ends or the compatibility is much less than ideal, then having Vasya can make a situation of unrequited love or pining for the relationship long after it is over.   In some instances, both moons are Vasya to each other.  The following are the signs and the signs they are Vasya to:

Aries:  Leo and Scorpio are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Taurus:  Cancer and Libra are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Gemini:  Virgo is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Cancer:  Scorpio and Sagittarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Leo:  Libra is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Virgo:  Pisces and Gemini are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Libra:  Capricorn and Virgo are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Scorpio:  Cancer is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Sagittarius: Pisces is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Capricorn:  Aries and Aquarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Aquarius:  Aries is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Pisces:  Capricorn is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Mahendra

Mahendra means purposefulness.  When the couple has Mahendra, it is like a glue even if the compatibility is less than average.  If the compatibility is above average, Mahendra really adds purpose and meaning to the relationship.  Personally, I do not believe is soul mates.  But if there is anything that comes close to having a soul mate connection, Mahendra would be it.  The couple can wake up in the morning and know that they are meant to be together and that they have a special purpose for being together.  In relationships that have serious afflictions and low points, Mahendra will usually keep the couple together even if they both desire to leave the relationship.  Mahendra is the only thing that makes up for low points (below 15).  Mahendra, by itself, does not make up for lack of Strii Dirgha or Vedha or Rajju.  In order for the couple to have Mahendra, the Nakshatra of the man’s moon must be placed in the 4th, 7th, 10th, 13th, 16th, 19th, 22nd, or 25th from the woman’s Nakshatra.

Special Cases – Same Nakshatra

Three categories exist when coupling with the same Nakshatra: good, medium and bad.  When the couple has the same Nakshatra, certain problems will always be present like Rajju, having the same Nadi and no Strii Dirgha.  In some instances, these blemishes will not apply.  These Nakshatras are in the good category and will not experience the problems associated with the blemishes mentioned:  Rohini, Ardra, Magha, Hasta, Vishaka, Sravana, Uttarabhadrapada, or Revati.  Practicality and an absence of any co-dependence mark these Nakshatras, therefore a couple with both their moons in these Nakshatras will do very well and not experience any of the problems associated with the major blemishes while benefiting from having full Graha Maitram, same Gana, Bha Kuta, etc.

The Nakshatras that fall into the medium category are:  Asvini, Krittika, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, or Uttara Ashada.  All of the blemishes that come with having the same Nakshatra could surface from time to time when the couple has both their moons in any of these Nakshatras.  But if the individual chart shows maturity and a high capacity for sharing with nice Venuses, plus a good masculine/feminine dynamic, then these individuals will be able to weather the problems that may pop up from having the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, and Rajju.  If the individual chart shows a poor capacity for relationship and the Sun is under cruel aspect in the man’s chart and the Moon has heavily inauspicious influence in the woman’s chart, then the more negative aspects of having the same Nakshatra will manifest within the relationship, and the couple probably will not make it over a long period of time.

A relationship is not recommended if the same Nakshatras are: Bharani, Aslesha, Svati, Jyeshtha, Moola, Dhanishta, Shatabishak, or Purvabhadrapada.  These Nakshatras are eccentric, tumultuous, and complex.  A relationship between two moons in these Nakshatras would be way too problematical for the average person to handle.  The blemishes of Rajju, the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, etc. would be highly pronounced within the energy exchange of the relationship.  This would lend to many difficulties that the relationship would soon spend itself or there would be many break-ups followed by getting back together only to break-up again.

Mars in the Consciousness AKA Kuja Dosha

Yes, finally the famous Kuja Dosha or Manglik affliction.  Entirely too much is made of this affliction.  By itself, it does not make or break a relationship.  And it certainly does not kill the spouse, as is sometimes believed.  It is very simple, it just means Mars is in the consciousness in houses that relate to the partner.  And when Mars is in the consciousness in certain places, that means there is aggression, pushiness and will power in these places.  When these places relate to the partner or family life, one partner is very vocal about their needs and likes to exert their will while the other partner may not be as assertive.  Eventually, the partner that is not as assertive will feel put upon or backed into a corner and they will implode.  This is what they mean when they say “the partner will die” in certain cases of Kuja Dosha, it is not a literal statement.  When assessing Kuja Dosha, one must look at 3 charts:  the Rasi, the Navamsa (D-9) and the Trimsamsa (D-30).  All three charts must be assessed for the following:

Mars in the 2nd, 4th, 8th or 12th from the Ascendant, from the Moon and from Venus.  This must be done for all three charts and in every instance that Mars has this placement, one point is given.  So look at the Rasi first.  Count how many times Mars falls in these positions from the Asc., Moon and Venus.  Now look at the Navamsa, do the same there and the same with the Trimsamsa.  Add up the total.  If the couple has more than two points of difference, then one person will be pushier in the relationship than the other and the person with less Mars consciousness will feel like they are backed into a corner from time to time.  The more of the difference between the totals, the more one person is assertive and the other is passive.  It is the duty of the astrologer to point this out to the couple because it will make for problems down the road.  If otherwise the compatibility is good, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can be weathered.  If the compatibility is teetering on average, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can push it over the edge.  If the compatibility is already less than average, then having a difference of more than two in Kuja Dosha will almost certainly end the relationship.

There are exceptions to Kuja Dosha and this must be taken into account when tallying up the totals for Mars affliction:

Mars in the 2nd in Virgo or Gemini

Mars in the 4th in Aries or Scorpio

Mars in the 7th in Cancer

Mars in the 8th in Pisces

Mars in the 12th in Taurus

Some say Mars in Leo or Aquarius but I have not found this to work at all.

The following is an explanation of Mars in the various houses of the partner and family and a general description of Mars.

Mars is a planet of consciousness because Mars is the will power.  The Sun is the Soul and the Moon is the Mind, but Mars takes what is in the mind and puts it into action.  The Moon is the perception and the manas but Mars is the general that takes our perceptions and acts in the world.  To assert ourselves in the world is Mars.  Mars is logic and he is celibate.  He is not swayed by emotion.  Mars is swift and jumps into action to get the job done immediately.  Mars gets directional strength in the 10th house which is the opposite of the 4th house, the house of the emotions and home life.

Mars in the 2nd house:  The 2nd house is a house of family and of our environment.  Asserting our will and being logical within the family will cause discord.  Anytime logic is used in the realm of the family or partner, there will be a fertile ground for hurt feelings and resentment.  The family is not a logical place, it is an emotional place and should be a place of comfort.

Mars in the 4th house:  The 4th house is similar to the 2nd house as being a house of the home.  But it is also a house of happiness and emotional security.  Mars gets no directional strength here.  This will make the person overbearing in their emotions and appear needy.  The family members and partner will sometimes feel the brunt of their angry feelings.

Mars in the 7th house:  The 7th house is the house of the partner.  A person with Mars in the 7th house will assert their will with their partner.  They will be logical with their partner.  Emotion will be lacking when it come to romantic relationships.

Mars in the 8th house:  The 8th house is the house of the marital bond and also the partner’s money.  Mars in 8th person will assert their will in how their partner handles their assets and finances.

Mars in the 12th house:  the 12th house as it applies to relationship life is the sex life.  Mars in 12th house person will assert their will and be very logical when it comes to sex.  There can be an element of selfishness on the part of the Mars in 12th house person and his/her partner may come to feel like they are not having their sexual needs met.

How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Jealous – Tricks To Get Her Back Fast

Need to know how to make your ex girlfriend jealous in an attempt to make her reconsider breaking up with you? Jealously can work wonders in getting your ex girlfriend back you should approach with caution and is it can quickly destroy your last chance to reunite with her.

Let’s examine 3 of the most common techniques used to learn how to make your ex girlfriend jealous without using guilt or manipulation tactics!

1. Planting The Seed – Agree With The Break Up

If you have be desperately trying to make your ex girlfriend reconsider the break up it’s time to stop immediately. Both men and women love confidence and your ex is no different. It’s time to stand up and man up, tell your ex girlfriend you agree with the break up and that you completely understand and respect her decision. Once your ex hears this she will begin to question your sudden chance of heart. Wondering how to make your ex girlfriend jealous when she is not even talking to you? Then you must put this step in place ASAP!

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2. No Contact Rule – A Rule That Should Never Be Broken

Step 2 is crucial to learn how to make your ex girlfriend jealous super fast! No break up is ever final. In most cases your ex maybe still having second thoughts if she made the right decision leaving you. Don’t make this time any easier on her but being their on the side lines as her emergency.

Break all communication with your ex girlfriend, no calls, no messages and definitely no emails or social networking sites. If she calls you, ignore her calls and messages for the time being. You want her to begin to ask questions as to why you suddenly want nothing to do with her!

3. Turning The Tables – Make Your Ex Girlfriend Feel Like She Was Dumped!

This step is extremely effective but you must be careful not to go over the top! Your aim here is to make your ex girlfriend see the new you. More importantly she will see the person who she fall in love with. Begin to put a smile on your face, spend time with friends and start doing things that you enjoy. Try to embrace this time and enjoy every minute of it.

When your ex hears about your new lease on life, your sudden change in attitude she will begin to question why you suddenly don’t want anything to do with her. She will begin to feel as if she was the one dumped, at this stage you need to remain focused and stick to your guns.

Chances are that any seconds thoughts she is having will be intensified and you can expect her to make contact. Learning how to make your ex girlfriend jealous is only the first step.

check out Lady Leshurrs version www.youtube.com
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Question by .: How is interracial marriage and same sex marriage the same?
Marrying a member of the same gender is not the same as marrying a person of a different race because race and gender are not parallel, they’re not the same and here’s why. There is no difference between a white human and a black human’s psyche, but there are immense differences between a man and a woman’s psyche. Men and women are equal but not the same. If you are attracted to men and not women (regardless of your gender) you notice that men and women are not the same too, if you are attracted to women and not men (regardless of your gender) you notice that men and women are not the same also.

A lot of these traditional marriage beliefs also have to do with children. People who are against same-sex marriage, believe children should think when they grow up they will get married, they should not have to think, am I going to marry a boy or a girl? Children today face enough sexual confusion without adding that.
When it comes to raising children, most people who are pro traditional marriage believe that two men can not replace 1 good mother’s role in a (boy or girl) child’s development, and believe two women can not replace 1 good father’s role in a (boy or girl) child’s development. I don’t think two men could replace my mother and give me the things my mother gave me, and I don’t think two women could replace my father and give me the things my father gave me, and that’s how most of the people who are against gay marriage feel. Thinking men and women both have different, but equally important qualities, is legit.

The argument is some homosexuals believe in same sex marriage, since gays are discriminated against they feel we should redefine marriage, because they feel it is their civil right to have their relationships honored in the law, they use Loving vs. Virginia (the 1967 supreme court case where interracial marriage was legalized) as a point of reference, and they feel not giving it to them is a violation of their civil rights, but the same argument could be said for Muslims and polygamy.
Some Muslims believe in polygamy, since Muslims are discriminated against should we redefine marriage to where polygamy is legal for consenting adults, because they feel it is their civil right to have their relationships honored in the law, they use Loving vs. Virginia as a point of reference, and they feel not giving it to them is a violation of their civil rights? When people use the separate but equal Loving vs. Virgina case, as an argument to pervert the definition of marriage of man and wife, to man and man or woman and woman, what’s to stop people from using the same argument to deviate further to man, woman and woman or woman, man and man?

The legitimacy of the arguments heterosexuals and homosexuals, have against polygamy in consenting adults, are equivalent to the legitimacy of arguments heterosexuals who are against same sex marriage have. Heterosexuals who are against same sex marriage can be labeled hateful bigots, and as having an irrational fear of homosexuals (homophobic) and by the same logic, the same way, homosexuals and heterosexuals who do not support polygamy can be labeled hateful bigots, and as having an irrational fear of polygamists, the labels in both cases are equivalent in their validity or lack thereof.

There was a church in California covered on CNN that gay protesters were going after because they would not marry 2 homosexuals, a couple months before prop 8 passed. People that are against same sex marriage recognize that if gay marriage is legalized in the United States nationwide, Church’s will be legally required to marry gay couples or they can be sued, loose their licenses and loose their tax exempt status. Teacher’s who teach Human development will be legally required to include gay sex in their curriculum, even if they don’t believe in it, or they’ll loose their job, both instances would be reprehensible. People say same sex marriage is none of straight people’s business, but both of those cases are very much the business of heterosexuals.

For those of you who want to just resort to name calling and personal insults, (because I present a respectful, civil, and legitimate argument) without articulating a response, just leave your stupid comment and move on.
This is adressing a slanted opinion Judith D, if you read the whole thing you would realize this has to do with the future of everyone
No church has been forced to marry homosexuals. You can get a license in court. The issue was that they denied business for a commitment ceremony, not a marriage.

because It hasn’t been legalized nationwide yet
If you bring up the argument of children… you are might as well ban having children outside of marriage, because you’re saying the exact same thing.

I never suggested banning having children outside of marriage, you did
You’re against the relationship itself, that’s your problem and why you are a bigot.

You might as well make being gay illegal… which you can’t do, since sex of any type between two consenting adults is their own business.

Your putting words in my mouth just the way you put artificial facts in your head
“If you’re neighbors were gay, how would it make any difference to you if they were married or not.”

Once again I did not suggest that you did
I mentioned marriage not the unmarried
“People use the same arguments against interracial marriage that were used 50 years ago. (God didn’t intend the races to mix… to be short… the argument was)”

and you are using the same argument muslims who believe in poligamy can use, I notice you ignore most of the post that refutes your Loving vs. Virginia argument
“A lot of your points are simply unsupported”

by homosexuals

“In my view, marriage should be between two consenting adults, preferably those who actually love each other. Take all the religious aspects out of gay marriage and make it a union.”

That is your view

“3. Gays cannot propagate: First off, we are decreasing in fertility rates as determined by the availability of resources. People will mate with a lot of resources and won’t when resources are limited. By 2050, the population is expected to reach about 9 to 11 billion people. “

“We need less people to mate.“

What you’re suggesting is counterproductive to the human race

“Furthermore, should all other heterosexuals who can’t mate such as steril individuals or people with deleterious genes (such as Huntingtons) be prohibited from marriage? We allow those people to freely marry even if there would be a problem with their genes.”

I never suggested all heterosexuals who can’t mate such as steril individuals or
people with deleterious genes (such as Huntingtons) be prohibited from marriage, you did

“3. Gays cannot be an ideal family: The divorce rates in this country are up to 50 percent. Until we make marriage permanent, then citing anything that gays cannot make as good of a family as a straight family is ridiculous.”

Ridiculous to you, and people who share your skewed views and demands

“4. Gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage: What about Anna Nicole, Britney Spears, Bristol Palin…what are the legitimacies of their marriages or near marriages? And for that fact, how will someone elses marriage “

When the definition of marriage is changed it is not just the gay definition, it’s the definition for everyone in the united states

“ruin your marriage?”

There was no mention of “ruin” in my post
Ultimately, gays just want to be recognized and receive all the benefits that heterosexual couples receive. They don’t want to ruin your marriage.

Fine, call it civil unions and not marriage, my marriage is between a man and a woman, and they are trying to pervert that

“They don’t want to make laws making people marry animals.”

How is polygamy between consenting human adults, related to animals? And when did I mention animals?
“You were talking about a commitment ceremony, which all they wanted to do was lease the land their church owned, which they do to hetero couples as well, the problem was they broke a law by denying them because they were gay. A Catholic church can refuse to marry someone of a different belief, no one is forcing ANY church to marry anyone.”

That should still be a violation of the freedom of religion

“You can’t tell me it’s okay for people to be gay and you simply don’t want them to be married. You’d be lying if you don’t approve of their relationship.”
(Once again I did not suggest that you did)
And you could actually share what you think there instead of saying that’s not what you suggested, though whether two people are married or not doesn’t change how you live your life.”

So since you don’t believe in polygamy in consenting adults, does that make you bigoted against Muslims who believe in polygamy?
“Loving v. Virginia was deemed unconstitutional due to restriction on race. My point is that your religion does not make the laws of a secular nation. Just because your god doesn’t approve of something, doesn’t mean you’re going to impede on the rights of others. That’s exactly why slavery existed. It was okay, because we never gave them rights in the first place.
Our God never approved of enslaving another race, our God never disapproved of interracial marriage, people did.

”The rights of a minority should never be voted on by the majority.”
Christians are not considered minorities but Muslims are considered minorities, And once again you ignore how I pointed out that race and gender are not the same
Separate is not equal, we already know that. The real problem is that we are a secular nation, not a theocracy. Your religion doesn’t make our laws. That’s what you’re talking about when you say perversion.

So are boy scouts and girls scouts separate but equal as well? When I say pervert, I mean the dictionary definition of “to lead astray”

“Maybe you just don’t want to drink from the same water fountain as gays, so you rather give them a separate water fountain.”

That’s laughable, considering I never said that, and what would you know about drinking from a separate fountain?
“Race and gender are not the same, but sexism and racism are both bigotry. Christians are the majority by numbers, but as I said, the majority doesn’t get to make whatever laws they please to enforce on everyone else.”

I made a point by saying I think men and women both have different, but equally important qualities, you are trying to say that either man or woman is not important, so by your logic, it is you were are sexist and by the same logic, in all fairness, you must believe Muslims who believe in polygamy should be able have polygamy legalized in the untied states, otherwise you are a hypocrite.

So suddenly your marriage is not special to you anymore because gays can marry too? And no, boy scouts and girl scouts are not equal, boy scouts don’t allow gays and atheists into their organization.

Gay’s can not nationally marry yet, and so your saying any type of club just for men, where there is the same type of club for just for women is separate but not equal?
”Just seems to me you think if you’re sharing something with people who you deem as less than yourself somehow ruins it for you.”

Well it seems to me that you don’t know your @ss from you elbow, especially when you bring up drinking from a “gays” only fountain, or being made to sit in the front or the back of the bus for that matter.

I still bet you can’t honestly say it’s okay for someone to be gay, just not okay for them to marry.

Being gay is your choice, it’s your right, gay’s don’t “marry” because under the definition it is marriage is still a union between a man and a woman

It took you and hour and a half to come up with that crap?
I still bet you can’t honestly say it’s okay for Muslims to practice polygamy legally in the United States
I’m willing to share marriage as it is defined, so if you want to marry someone of the opposite sex, i’m all for it

Best answer:

Answer by Lam Son 666
There not the same they use interracial marriage, because they have no other argument.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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Five Easy Ways to Catch a Cheating Spouse

Do you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you? If you do, you may want to end your relationship. This feeling is completely natural; however, before you decide to ask for a divorce, it is important to make sure that your spouse really is cheating on you. The good news is that doing so is a lot easier than many originally think. In fact, five easy ways that you can go about catching a cheating spouse are highlighted below.

1 – Follow Them

Following a cheating spouse is one of the easiest ways to catch them in the act. What you will want to do is choose your time wisely. For example, choose to follow your husband or wife when they say they are going out with friends or working late.

If you do decide to follow your husband or wife, be careful when doing so. The last thing that you want is to get caught. If you do, you may be the one who is, in turn, put in the hot seat. Also, be sure to not put yourself in any potentially dangerous situations.

2 – Hire a Private Investigator

Hiring a private investigator is a nice and easy way to catch a cheating spouse. For many men and women, it is also a much safer approach. What you will need to do is provide an investigator with information about your spouse, such as pictures, their description, where they work, as well as their daily schedule. Your private investigator should follow your husband or wife to get the proof that you need.

CATCH A CHEATER FAST

The only downside to using the services of a private investigator to catch a cheating husband or wife is that you must pay for those services. However, many find the costs well worth it. If you are looking to get divorced, the pictures or video that your private investigator gets may prove to be very valuable to you.

3 – Check Their Cell Phones

Since many cheating husbands and wives do not want to get caught, many do not use their home phones, instead they rely on the use of a cell phone. If your husband or wife has a cell phone, try to get a hold of it. Most cell phones keep accurate records, including information on text messages received, pictures received, phone calls received, and phone calls dialed. You do see anything suspicious?

In addition to checking the cell phone itself, consider looking at the bill. Did you know that some cell phone companies itemize the phone numbers and messages that are received? In fact, you may have the option to do so. If you are married, you may be able to change the format of your cell phone bill to include this important and revealing information.

4 – The Internet

When looking to use the internet to catch a cheating spouse, you have a number of different options. For starters, you can use it as a research tool. You can research additional ways to catch a cheating spouse, learn common signs that cheaters show, mistakes that they make, and so forth. You can also use the internet to help you find a private investigator.

CATCH A CHEATER FAST

The internet can also be used to catch your cheating spouse in action. In fact, the internet makes it easier for people to cheat; therefore, many choose to do so online. Examine the history of your computer. Is it filled with pornographic websites, dating websites, or social networking websites? In fact, has the history to your computer recently been cleared?

5 – Keep Your Eyes and Ears Open

Finally, it is important to keep your eyes and ears open. In fact, doing so is one of the easiest ways to find a cheating spouse. If your husband or wife is brave or daring, they may flaunt their affair right in front of you. Also, it is important to remember that people talk. Do you hear your friends or family members talking about your cheating partner? If so, it might be time to start listening.

Find Out How to Catch a Cheating Husband or Catch a Cheating Wife and Put an End to the Lies!

Be My Friend – www.myspace.com What Women Think About Relationships, Romance & Sex. What are the differences between the way men and women think in a relationship? Natalie discusses dating from a woman’s point of view. She talks about various things she likes and doesn’t like. Understand women and improve your relationships and sex life. What are some of the turn ons and turn offs for a woman & girls? www.nutritionbynatalie.com www.youtube.com www.myspace.com

When recent polls asked what men and women would most like in their relationship, the resounding response was happiness. Is your love relationship a happy one? If it is not, then what exactly is a happy love relationship? This article tries to answer this pressing question. It will teach you how you can be guaranteed that your love relationship will bring you happiness.

As a relationship advisor, I often hear men and women say they are happy with their love life. Behind closed doors, however, the same people who say they are happy with their love life admit that they are not.

For many years, I have heard people say that although they are unhappy with what they have, it is better than being alone. Women, in particular, say it is too difficult to find a good man.

Certain steps are required to find the love relationship that will make you and your partner happy. Here are five simple steps to help you find the happiness that eludes you.

Step 1. Acknowledge that you have not been successful at relationships. This is key, because admitting that something is not right automatically programs your brain to bring about change. Denial, on the other hand, will keep you making excuses.

Step 2. When you have acknowledged the truth, you are now ready to finally succeed. Begin by finding love in the right places. What I mean here is a change of habit. I have put some of my clients through this process, and the result has been very rewarding for them. It also brought me much joy to know that somehow I have helped them find happiness.

Step 3. Seek your love relationship with the right person, your twin soul or what I call your soulmate. Here is why. Twin souls are two people who were created for and with each other in mind. They are parts of each other. This is why people may feel alone even if they are in a love relationship if it is not with their soulmates.

Your soulmate was created by a higher power, and person. Acknowledging this is a very important part of recognizing your soulmate.

Because if a higher power created a twin soul for you the same higher power has created a way to bring the two of you together. This is so very important, I cannot stress it enough. I have gone through the process myself and know this from personal experience.

So you have met a love interest, are dating or even in a relationship. You must do your part to recognize if you are each others soulmate or not. After that the next step, step 4 is the most important part of the process if you want assurance that you and your love interest were created for each other and that the relationship will work.

Step 4. Wait for a confirmation. When two people meet, the only way they can know they are soulmates is by receiving a confirmation. Confirmation comes in a variety of ways. Because soulmates were created for each other by a higher power, the same higher power will give you a confirmation. To make this point clear, I will ask you to see yourself as a mother.

You have several cups in your cupboard. You ask your child to bring you a tea cup. Your child goes into the cupboard, where there are many different kinds of cups. The child takes one cup and brings it to you. You, the mother, will know whether your child has brought you the right cup. You then confirm the child’s success by letting the child know the cup is the right or wrong one. Likewise, your higher power will let you know if your man or woman is the right one.

Step 5. Finally, you must do your part. A higher power created a soulmate for you and will lead you to your soulmate and give you a confirmation when the two of you meet. The rest is up to you.

It is important to understand that it is up to you to accept or not accept your soulmate. It is up to you to date, to meet people, and so on. And no matter what you may think, there are simple and effective ways of meeting the right person.

Let me draw upon the story of Adam and Eve to make a final point. When they were created for each other, after partaking of the fruit of the tree, Adam was displeased with Eve. Adam had the option of not accepting Eve as his twin soul, but Eve told Adam that, if he did not accept her, he would be alone.

The secret here is to understand the word alone. Without your soulmate’s love, you will feel alone regardless of how handsome, beautiful, rich or famous you or your lover is. Understanding this is very important, because it will put you in the right frame of mind to go about your love life in the right way. Good luck to you

Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.

Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive.

In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused.

Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships.

These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle.

They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes.

Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision.

Often, it is difficult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us.

It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction.

These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children.

But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well.

Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people.

Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people.

Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you.

Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

Consider getting professional help, if need arises.

“How can I get a date?” This has been an age-old question for single, lonely men and women throughout the ages. And, let’s face it – we have all asked ourselves this question at one point or another. Everyone faces a time in their lives when they have trouble hooking up with that right person for a date.

When you are looking for a date, it can feel like everyone but you has someone. And – it may even seem like certain other men or women you know have got some special “something” that makes it easy for them to get dates. The good news is, relationship dating techniques are very learnable, and anyone can do it if you have the right guidance.

Here are 5 relationship dating techniques that will put you in the position to hook up with that desirable somebody in no time:

1. Fish where the fish are:

There is an old saying among fishermen: fish where the fish are. In the world of dating, of course, this translates to: spend time and hang out where the desirable men and women are. This may sound obvious, but many people ignore this advice completely.

They spend time alone on Saturday nights with a book, watching favorite TV shows, or surfing the Internet. Of course, that is the safest option for spending Saturday night. Trouble is, it is guaranteed not to net you a date. Instead, spend time where there are a lot of desirable potential mates hanging around. Could a bookstore, could be a bar, could be church – or even a rave. It doesn’t matter where you go, just as long as you put yourself where the fish are.

2. Get involved:

If you are like most people, you have settled into a routine that goes something like this: go to work/school, come home, engage in TV/Internet, go to bed . . . [repeat pattern next day]. Chances are you, if you think real hard, you will remember of a few hobbies that you used to love – or that you don’t spend enough time doing. The point is: zero in on what these hobbies are – these things you love to do – and find a way to do engage in them that can involve other people.

Try online sites like MeetUp to get you away from your computer and in the presence of other who love what you love. Interested people are inherently more attractive than are people stuck in a rut. With just a little effort, you will find yourself in the midst of a bunch of potential mates. And, in the meantime, you will have rekindled your passion for life.

3. Tap friends and family for an introduction:

If you are fortunate enough to have at least one good friend or family member in this world, congratulations, you have a network (if not, revisit #2 above and you soon will).

That means that it is highly likely that they know someone (who knows someone, etc.) who is great dating material. So, don’t be shy: leverage your personal contacts and ask them for an introduction to someone they think might be a love connection for you. What’s the worst that can happen? If you strike out on the blind date(s) they set you up on, you now have some more dating experience under your belt for next time.

4. Get a dog and take it for walks:

As common wisdom dictates, dogs and babies are great conversation starters. That is why it is so easy to meet other people at a dog park if you have a dog, and it’s the same reason why mothers find it so easy to hook up with other moms in their area.

Try borrowing a friend’s dog or signing up to be a part-time professional dog walker. I guarantee that your dog will be a conversation starter. This is a great way to practice your communication skills, and it just might land you a date. (And, if you are a single parent, try joining a parent/child group in your area).

5. Put your most attractive self forward:

Many lonely single people resist putting too much effort into coming across and looking their best. This, of course, is a mistake if you want to get a date. Every time you leave your house, make sure you are clean, smelling good, and wearing clothes that make you look your best.

If you are woman, try giving men a little eye contact now and again. If you are a man, project the right balance between cool confidence and humility. Put forth your best side and the best sides of others will be reflected back at you.

A parting thought: some lonely, single people harbor a flawed-but-understandable way of thinking that says, “If I risk and fail I will end up looking and feeling bad, but if I don’t try at all I have no chance of failing.” This type of thinking leads to inaction, and inaction is the greatest enemy of people looking for a date.

Have your eye on someone you want to make yours? Check out this expert seduction advice that has helped thousands of others find relationship bliss at: www.insider-seduction-advice.com

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