by Samuel Mann

How To Have A Succesful Long Distance Relationship?

Long Distance relationships are a true test to a couple\’s commitment and personal limits. LDRs take a great amount of effort to maintain and often people involved in them, realize that they evolve into a state of emotion that they never found themselves in before. When your partner is miles away from you, it is very easy to let things go wrong and lead your long distance romance to an early death. Some people find it difficult to bridge the distance through communication, others become overly obsessed with what their partner is doing when they are not there and as a result they spiral down a road of jealousy and suspicion. They key is balance and following some basic steps to keep your relationship healthy and strong.

Communicate and visit often

It cannot be stressed enough how important communication is for every relationship, especially if it is an LDR. With the distance working to keep you and your sweetie apart, your defense is keeping all lines of communication open. It doesn\’t matter how you do it as long as you do it. Every long distance couple should find ways to communicate that make both partners comfortable and happy. You can talk on the phone everyday, send e-mails, faxes or text messages and whatever you do make sure you share your feelings and expectations and be true to one another. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some \”rules\” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive. (Check our Communicate Better and Travel section)

Avoid jealousy and be trusting

One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don\’t fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven\’t met or he/she didn\’t get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won\’t pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

Be positive

Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don\’t have \”face-to-face\” time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.

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Reader’s Question:
I know the risk and danger of internet dating. I’m just wondering if you like someone from the internet and thing go well how can you make it safe for you and panther? Said couple month or years and everything goes well how you work out long distance relationship? What I mean by long distance relationship i mean from different states.

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Being apart in a long distance relationship will often result in a lot of stress and anxiety that not only can be avoided but, if approached the right way, can actually “make the heart grow fonder”.

With the advantage of modern technology that includes video connections on computers and telephones, messaging facilities on cell phones and online shopping and delivery, there are many aids to long distance relationships that modern couple can enjoy which were simply unheard of in the days of our not so distant ancestors.

Of special concern to many is the possibility that our partner will be exposed to overwhelming temptations, and even cheat, while they are away from us. If this is a minor concern, frequent contact with messaging, telephone calls and video link will be very helpful in helping to sustain and build a loving relationship. When you view the separation with a sense of calm rather than alarm, there are many tools available to help sustain the relationship.

If you are finding the separation to be especially stressful, it is important to understand that the anxiety being experienced has its origins in perception and arises from the way you look at the world. That is, you are responding to thoughts and expectations that tour partner may be cheating on you or is simply losing interest.

This does not mean that they are behaving badly or that their feelings are cooling. It indicates that you are allowing negative thoughts to evoke negative feelings. Invariably, decisions and choices that we make when we are feeling anxious, angry, resentful, hurt, sad, lonely, and the like, will point us in a direction that is away from what we really want.

For instance, if we are resentful towards an absent partner, we are tempted to be surly, cool, distant, suspicious and critical. Acting in this way towards another stirs resentment in the one on the receiving end of our ire.

Do they feel more loving when being treated this way? More likely they are inclined to retaliate, in turn causing you to feel more resentful!

Notice that what caused us to feel resentment in the first place were our perceptions of the situation. The thoughts we entertained may have been based on little more than our own insecurities and other attitudes and expectations that we hold which shape our perception of the world.

The ideas we accept mold the way we see events and the way we interpret what we see. If we see a rosy picture, we feel joyous and expect a happy outcome. If our view is a gloomy one, our prospects also appear dark and we feel anxious and threatened.

Anxiety in a long distance relationship is something we CAN control and overcome when we understand the way it works and what can be done about it. The flow on benefit is that it helps us in all sorts of ways and not only when we are apart from our loved ones. We also learn how to create an infinitely better world for ourselves and feel more in control of our lives.

But sometimes, it just works out that way. Maybe you started out living in the same place and one of you has to move – for a new job, perhaps, or maybe one of you is in the military and you’re shipped out.

Perhaps you met someone marvelous while you were on vacation. Or, as happens so often these days, you met and fell in love on the Internet, but you live 3,000 miles apart.

Maintaining a commitment and keeping the sparks flying when you’re apart is tough, but it’s not impossible. I’ve had a few long distance relationships myself and, to be honest, they weren’t any easier or more difficult than my “in-town” relationships.

The challenges are just different, that’s all. In both cases, you and your partner have to be willing to do the work to make the relationship work. The biggest difference is that long distance relationships work best if you stay grounded in reality and know what you want from the arrangement – and what you’re willing to do to make sure it thrives.

1) Know what you want

The first thing you need to do is have a long talk with your sweetie about what sort if a relationship you have. It might seem like you’re micro-managing your love, but it helps to have all your cards in the table from the start.

Are you going to have a monogamous relationship and stay faithful despite the distance? Will you be “dating,” meaning that you’re free to see other people?

Are you going to just be “friends with benefits” or are you both hoping this will be a relationship that will stand the test of time?

Setting limits and boundaries can be difficult, but knowing what you both expect will do a lot to avoid hurt feelings and miscommunication further down the road.

Honesty is important in any relationship, but even more so when so much of your communication is via e-mail and telephone. You have to be ready to talk about things that aren’t always pleasant – and to hear them. A long distance relationship can turn into a series of sexy phone calls and chatter about inconsequential things far too easily, and you have to be willing to talk about everything, including sex.

Of course, this is another area where you can set limits and boundaries – if your partner is fighting a war overseas and has been gone for a very long time, there may be things that you just can’t handle hearing about.

You’ll also need to be very, very patient. This is one area where I’ve had the most trouble – it’s tough to have patience when you want so badly to be with someone who’s far away! As exciting as a long distance relationship can be, make sure you fill your time with lots of other interesting activities so that you aren’t spending every minute waiting for that next phone call or IM session.

Enjoy your favorite hobbies, see friends, and have a fulfilling life on your own – don’t put your entire life on hold, waiting for the time when the two of you can be together. That’s no way to live, and it also makes you a very boring person.

2) Happy is as happy does

The best way to make a long distance relationship flourish is to be positive and encouraging when talking to your sweetheart. Ask about their job, their work, and their family.

Tell them how proud you are of their accomplishments, and how lucky you feel to know them. It’s all too easy to express jealousy when they’re doing interesting things with other people (which is another reason you should have your own interests) and you may come off as resentful.

If they have special talents and can help you long-distance with things in your life, ask for their help – it’ll help strengthen the bond between you. Share your good news and good moods with them whenever possible, to keep the relationship light and happy. Dwelling on how sad you are that you can’t be together will quickly become a huge downer, and you’ll both start to associate your relationship with angst and unhappiness rather than with love.

It takes a real; commitment to make a long-distance relationship work, but it can be as deep, fulfilling, and long-lasting as you want it to be. You just have to roll up your sleeves and get to work.

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