This piece on Marriage Problems caught my eye, so I thought it would be an interesting read. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time searching for articles, news and other worthwhile information which aids visitors to have more enjoyable relationships. Be sure to look over it all. Don’t forget to offer your opinions so we can all know your thoughts:

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Can You Define the Root Cause of Your Marriage Problems?

OK, so you know you have marriage problems, or believe that you do but can you actually define what the root cause of your marriage problems actually is? You might believe that your marital issues are so great that you can’t reconcile your differences but if you can’t actually identify the true problem how do you actually know?

You’re talking about a life long commitment here. How can you even consider throwing your marriage on the scrap heap if you can’t even define what your marriage problems are? And I’m not talking about all the petty little issues that you are trying to pin the problem on, I’m talking about the real marriage problems, the ones that started the wedge between you and are continuing to drive you apart.

If you can’t define the problems you have no chance of resolving them. You need to put some effort in here, it might seem like too much of a chore and a waste of your time but I can assure you that actually identifying what your true marriage problems / problem are, is time well spent.

Let me ask you one question, what is one of the best ways to learn? Most people will find that they learn by experience, by making their own mistakes and learning from them. Apply this to your marriage problems and you’ll see that it’s well worth understanding what’s going on here.

Understand what your marriage problems are, I mean really understand, and you’ll have something to work with and learn from. If you know what you need to fix it’s so much easier to fix it, this applies to marriage as much as it does to any other problems you have in life.

If you don’t do something now the likelihood is that you’ll live to regret it. What if you knew that just defining your marriage problems means that you have a strong chance of sorting your marriage out? Wouldn’t that one piece of knowledge make you want to take action?

If you are reading this you are already searching for a solution and have probably already realised, like most things in life, there is no magic cure to marriage problems, but there is a systematic approach that can be applied to understand and resolve most marital issues, with understanding the root cause being the first step to getting your marriage back on track.

Just take some time to think about your marriage problems:

I’m not talking about the affair itself.  I’m talking about what was going on in your marriage before the affair started. Be totally honest here, were there problems with the marriage before the affair started? What were the problems?

This is just a small example of the kind of questions you need to ask yourself, obviously the type of questions are dependent on the marriage problems you need to address but I think by now you are starting to understand the basic fact that if you want to resolve your marriage problems and save your marriage you need to identify and understand what your marriage problems actually are.

Why Worrying Just Doesn’t Help

By Ivan Kelly

If it wasn’t so stressful and energy-draining, worrying about relationship problems might be considered a national past-time since so many people seem to be so willing to spend so much time doing it!

Worrying about relationships and other aspects of your life is NOT the most fruitful approach.

As anxiety increases (our body is trying to protect us in the face of a perceived threat) we often become LESS able to cope.

When faced with MILD anxiety, the fear of not doing well may cause us to be more focused on the steps we know are needed.

For instance, worrying about disapproval or rejection or the likelihood of failure if studies are not attended to; a diet is not followed; training for a sporting event is not completed; a job interview is badly handled, or debts are not paid, may stir us to action.

However, it can happen that we DON’T KNOW what steps to take to improve things and anxiety builds up, causing a sort of paralysis.

Then the outcome is likely to be downhill all the way.

We feel a growing sense of alarm, stress and anxiety, which can also affect our health and make us vulnerable to fatigue and illness.

Even if we know what needs to be done, needless to say we don’t perform very well in this condition. We respond coolly to others, or nag and complain…

Our partners get the sharp end of our tongue; we freeze up in exams and don’t do our best; job interviews are handled badly and more, many more situations in our daily lives bring results well below what we know we can do.

A famous golfer (you’ll understand if I don’t name him) once went into the last stage of a Masters Tournament with a six stroke lead. He lost by 5 strokes!

Many others have had similar experiences – crashing when it counted most!

However, when we expect a GOOD outcome our bodies respond very differently – we are relaxed, enthused, energized, and confident.

And the results we get reflect those good feelings.

When we expect to receive a proposal of marriage, get a promotion at work, inherit a fortune from a distant relative, meet the partner of our dreams, or make a million bucks, etc – that’s exhilarating. We’re enthusiastic about our lives, the sun shines brighter and the world appears to be a much happier place.

Expecting success helps us to be more successful. Not only are we calmer, more at ease, we become more alert to the opportunities that are opening up and more of them appear to be possible.

The problem is how can we expect success when our everyday lives tell us that something awful is far more likely? That our relationships are far less satisfying than we want? That our future looks even worse than the present?

There IS a way we can get past our worries and enjoy life more. We CAN enjoy far better relationships and be happier. And it isn’t difficult.

A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past their relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. Check this out:

Dan’s a workaholic. He loves what he does and will regularly work ten or twelve hour days. Because he’s so often absent, Lisa feels he isn’t there for her. Lisa, on the other hand, invests all her time in meeting the needs of their children. This leaves Dan feeling that she doesn’t have time for him.

Can this relationship be saved?

Should it be saved?

Here are the steps to take to save a relationship in turmoil.

Step One - decide if the relationship is worth saving. Almost any relationship can be saved. However, the process can be a rough road to travel and if both parties aren’t dedicated to making it work, there’s little likelihood of success. If you’re concerned about how to save a relationship, first make sure both parties are committed to saving it.

Step Two – pinpoint the problem in the relationship. Solving relationship problems isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Often, problems are masked by symptoms. For example, an affair is often viewed as the problem in a relationship when it’s actually a symptom hiding a much deeper problem. It may be that there’s a lack of intimacy in the relationship. It may be that there’s a lack of trust, or an addiction to porn or an addiction to sex. The affair is the result of an underlying core issue.

So it’s important to uncover the core issue (or issues) of the trouble in order to save the relationship.

Step Three – be open. Once you’ve identified the primary issues, it’s time to express your feelings and listen to your partner’s concerns. This can be a difficult process, but it can also be a rewarding process. Let your partner know how committed you are to reconnecting by holding your partner’s hand during this process.

There will be times when you’ll hear words that hurt. Remember that you and your partner aren’t trying to hurt each other. This is your opportunity to truly understand the depth of the problems that exist in the relationship and how they impact each of you. And this should be done with the sole purpose of saving the relationship.

Step Four – create an action plan. Once there’s a clear understanding between you and your partner of the core issues within the relationship, it’s time to decide how to deal with them. Work together to determine the steps each of you will take to correct the situation.

Step Five – follow through. An action plan will solve nothing unless you follow through. If you haven’t been spending enough time together, and your plan calls for a date night every week … set a night and keep that date no matter what. Short of an emergency, there should be no exceptions. If a lack of communication is a problem and you’ve decided to spend twenty minutes before bed talking … follow through.

Finally, understand that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Solving relationship problems requires the complete commitment of both parties, and it can be a rough road with plenty of ups and downs. But isn’t spending your life with the one you love worth it?

Discover more great tips on saving a relationship after a breakup: Getting Back Together and Getting My Ex Back