The perfect mistress has long been a study of curiosity, speculation, resentment and even admiration. She has existed for centuries and probably since the dawn of early mankind. Attributes of the mistress are described in poems, songs, novels and even opera. Some of the most famous creative works, have been based on the role of the mistress. In regal circles, she has been known as a courtesan and many kings, princes and other nobles are known to have entertained them. This article looks at relationships from the mistress’s perspective.

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The Perfect Mistress

By Ruth Purple

Mistress – just the word itself imbibes negative impressions. Wives despise them and society looks down on them. Mistresses are associated with the word home wrecker with low morals. But if you really think about it, do they like being a mistress? Is that a choice they voluntarily choose or is it a written destiny? If there is such a thing as being “single-blessedness”- meaning people who are “blessed” or born to be single, is there such thing as “mistress-blessedness”? What kind of woman would chose to be a mistress in the first place? Being a mistress is never easy, so they say.

You cannot demand and you are constantly settling for stolen moments and attention. But since you are the other woman and everybody hates you, you might as well excel in what you do. And you’d better be good in keeping yourself anonymous or you will be forever obtaining the mark of the Scarlet Letter. A perfect mistress is a lady who is an expert in handling her man and knows how to keep him and the relationship hidden – if you can’t do both, then you are just a bimbo who likes to “do” somebody else’s husband. What does it takes to be the perfect other woman, you ask.

The number one rule of being the perfect other woman is – know where you stand. This is the rule of the universe to have order-knowing your place- everything should be in its proper place and order-like the sun and the moon, the land and the sea.

This means the other woman should never show affection in public to avoid scandal- scandal is worst than murder. Jesus was a victim of scandal, see what happened to him. So, if you don’t want to be crucified- save your urges inside the bedroom. The difference between a mistress and a wife is- a mistress never believes every word his lover is saying; another decree in being the perfect other woman- never believe what your man is saying to you.

In general, men are liars. They are driven to say whatever it takes to get what they want. “You understand me more that’s why I love you more than my wife.”- Never let this enter your head. This is usually a defense mechanism of a philandering man to justify his guilt for having a you.

Enjoy every moment when he is showering you with sweet nothings but be on top of it. A mistress should have an ally- and there’s no better perfect ally than his lover’s assistant or secretary. You should know how to have a rapport with his lover’s secretary- for two main reasons- to keep tract of his lover and to cover-up for them.

The other woman always remembers that curiosity kills - especially if you are curious about the wife. It’s tempting to see the person your lover chose to sleep at night even if he “doesn’t lover her”. Curiosity can become very insatiable and before you know it, you are face to face with the wife with a gun pointing in your head.

There are so many orders that a perfect adulteress should do but I will leave you with this one- discreetness. Mistresses should be synonymous with being discreet. A perfect adulteress should never brag or talk about being a mistress, she should never bad mouth or get jealous with the wife, the other woman should never ask for money, she should not travel with her lover- meet him somewhere else instead and most importantly she should never complain.

Mistresses, yes we don’t like the idea of them but they are also people whose only fault is being in love with the right person in the wrong time.

The author of this article Ruth Purple is a Relationship Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Ruth recently decided to go public and share her knowledge and experience through her website http://www.relazine.com. You can sign up for her free newsletter and join her coaching program.

If you are like many women who seem to experience the same problems with men from relationship to relationship, you are probably wondering if all men are the same. You have probably heard many times that “all men want the same thing.” Some women even come to detest men because of their experiences. Many men think the same about women.

But, if all men really want the same thing, then how do we account for successful relationships? Are they because the women in those relationships are less concerned with men’s behavior and so put up with more? Actually, quite the opposite. The women in those relationships have a high self-regard and would not allow their partner to mistreat them.

In fact, all men and women need the same things. We have survival needs such as those for air, shelter, water, food, etc. We also have emotional needs such as to love, feel loved, feel important, feel secure, and to feel like we belong. And sexual desire is not unique to men.

Some men have learned to get these needs met by being subservient, some by being dominant and some by being jerks Each of these kinds of behaviors attracts a different kind of woman. The reason for this is that some women have also learned to get their needs met by being subservient, dominant, outrageous, etc. Why else do you think they would behave this way?

What kind of man do you think a passive woman is attracted to–a domineering man, of course. Not because she likes his arrogant and controlling behavior, but because she knows how to be a partner for such a man. She knows how to get what she needs from such a man, even if at the same time she hates her relationship. She cannot stand him, but she will never leave him.

When these matched relationships do break up, both the man and woman find new partners who similarly match and thus repeat the same patterns in the new relationship. Having the same experience with men and women relationship after relationship, they conclude that all men and all women are the same.

These people think that their only hope lies in finding a man or woman who is exceptional and rare. They see good men or women as 1 in 1000. All the while, they are surrounded by men and women who are quite different from their usual partners. But, their attraction for these people is just not there. Equally, these people are not attracted to them. A man who is not domineering will have little interest in a passive woman.

For single people, the answer does not lie in finding a “rare” 1 in 1000 man or woman. For women, the answer lies in learning to become more like the women who have healthy relationships. They will then be attracted to healthy men and repelled by the unhealthy ones–a reversal of their usual trend. The healthy men will also be attracted to them. What seemed to be rare before will become abundant for the woman who has learned to live in a better way. The same answer is true for single men.

For people who are already in a relationship that they hate, the answer is neither to breakup nor to put up with the relationship. Breakup would just lead to continuing the same pattern with yet another person.

Putting up with the relationship will just keep you miserable. Just as for single men and women, working with someone like a relationship coach will help you to change your way of relating to your partner. Your partner’s bad ways of getting what he or she wants will no longer work, but they will still be able to get what they need by adjusting to your new behavior.

You change, they change, and the relationship changes. In this way one person changing his or herself really can change his or her relationship for the good and break out of a negative pattern and into a positive one.

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships. Get your relationship unstuck with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.

Article Source: ArticleSpan

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