by MeganMorris

Divorce: An Emotional Rollercoaster

-By Re-marriage.com Matrimonials

Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha married Ranvir Singh, at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch.

“Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most. The grief & pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me and Ranvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.” The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband. It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sister Tina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman. They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. But Ranvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments. The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t. It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father. My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms with Ranvir and his present girlfriend. I am into film production and other business”. Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

Model Saurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actress Geeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth. Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

Saurab and Geeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.” He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, but Geeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose. Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.” She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine. I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing. Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at an Restaurent waiter and tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knew Dilip and myself were not right for each other. We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahima says men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. But Sameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahima advises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping. There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you.

Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.” Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.

Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to see Marina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father? After Mahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. As Sameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Re-marriage Matrimonials Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

by BoydJones

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

by Dean Cortez
Author of How To Catch Cheating

It is incredibly painful to imagine that your lover might be carrying on an affair behind your back. Some would say that this is the ultimate betrayal. Cheating can instantly destroy the trust between two people that has taken many years to develop. And so, people who find out that their partners have been cheating will often experience a conflicting storm of emotions — rage, depression, grief, shame, and sometimes even relief when they realize that their suspicions have been confirmed, and they’ve been right all along.

Before you end a relationship because of your suspicions, or lose any more sleep worrying about what MIGHT be going on, you need to make sure that your actions will be 100% warranted. You need to find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your partner has in fact betrayed you — whether they are involved in a serious, long-term affair, or it was a brief sexual fling.

However, damnning physic  al evidence is often difficult to obtain. It’s not easy to collect solid proof. And if you confront your partner and make accusations without any evidence, it’s very doubtful that they will admit their infidelity. (Men, in particular, will almost always flat-out deny a woman’s accusations.)

There are, however, signs of cheating you can look out for, which will make your case stronger when you do decide to confront your partner.  

The following are several signs of cheating that you should be aware of, and pay close attention to. Read them, consider each one, and think about whether they apply to your partner or your relationship:

1. Your partner’s sex drive and sexual behaviour have changed.

Sex is a very important component of a happy, healthy relationship between two adults. When one of the two people begins to cheat, one of the most obvious signs of cheating is that their sexual behavior changes. Quite simply, their feelings about having sex with their partner are going to be noticeably different. This is true of cheating men, and cheating women, alike.

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With this sign of cheating, don’t assume that a LESSER sex drive is the sign of a cheating man or woman (which would indicate that they’ve been having lots of sex elsewhere). In fact, the signs of cheating may include a HIGHER sex drive when the cheater is with their partner!

The cheater may be feeling guilty about their actions, and will try to compensate by paying more attention to their partner in bed. After a while, though, the cheater will usually lose their sex drive with their partner and make excuses about being too tired, or not in the mood, for sex with them.

Cheaters don’t only behave this way because they’re tired from all the sex they’ve been having in secret. They may fear that if they have sex with their partner, the partner will somehow detect that they’ve been cheating…from their behavior before, during and after the sex.

2. Strange changes in habits and schedule.

People who cheat almost always change their behavior and habits in certain ways. Sometimes these changes are blatant; other times, they are very subtle.  But changes in the cheater’s daily schedule and habits can be a powerful sign of cheating — because no matter how hard the cheater tries to conceal their infidelities, they will NEED to make changes in order to make time for their “other lover.”

These signs of cheating may include a difference in the times they come to, and leave, the house. Also, if their phone and internet/computer usage has increased noticeably, these may also be signs of cheating. (Also, is your partner receiving mysterious phone calls that they don’t want to answer in your presence — or do they leave the room to answer the phone? This is common sign of cheating.)

These are not necessarily indications of betrayal, and should not be considered “solid evidence,” but if you see these signs you may want to monitor your partner more closely.

3. Changes in your partner’s behavior that “just don’t feel right”

There are many signs of cheating that only YOU will notice, because you are so intimately familiar with your partner’s personality and the normal dynamics of your relationship. For example, let’s say in the past, your partner had a confrontational personality and frequently started arguments with you over minor issues. Or, there was something you had a habit of doing, that made your partner irritated or upset.

But now, your partner doesn’t pick fights, or doesn’t seem to notice the behaviors that once upset them. This can be a sign of cheating, because  cheaters will often avoid confrontations with their partner. This may be due to their guilty feelings, or they might just want to avoid any confrontation with you because it may lead to their cheating being discovered.

Another sign of cheating: your partner seems MORE attentive to you than usual. Again, because of their feelings of guilt, a cheater will often try to over-compensate: asking you how your day went, how you’re feeling, and expressing an unusual amount of concern and care. If this is abnormal behavior for them, then it could be a sign of cheating.

Again, don’t assume that a cheater is going to act aloof and inattentive to you. Their feelings of guilt, and desire to avoid being caught, might cause them to behave in an opposite manner — trying to please you more in bed, expressing lots of phony care and concern, and even buying you gifts.  

So, be aware of these signs of cheating, and don’t assume you know all of the indicators. Also, you shouldn’t go on your “gut instinct” alone if you’re going to confront your partner. Mere suspicions won’t be enough to make them come clean with you.

If you are concerned about cheating causing a problem in your own relationship, or you want to “cheat proof” your relationship so that cheating is NEVER an option for either one of you, click here and download this powerful book and audio program:

How To Catch Cheating

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be very painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. However, learning from how others coped with the trauma may help one in picking up the threads and moving on in life…

Divorce is never a pleasant experience.

The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha married Ranvir Singh, at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch. “Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most.

The grief & pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me and Ranvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.”

The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband.

It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sister Tina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman.

They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. But Ranvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments.

The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t.

It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father.

My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms with Ranvir and his present girlfriend. I am into film production and other business”.

Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

Model Saurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actress Geeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth.

Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

Saurab and Geeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.”

He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, but Geeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose. Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.”

She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine.

I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing.

Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at an Restaurent waiter and tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knew Dilip and myself were not right for each other.

We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahima says men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. But Sameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahima advises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping.

There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you. Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.”

Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.

Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to see Marina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father?

After Mahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. As Sameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Re-marriage Matrimonials Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

You have the occasional argument. Sometimes you feel frustrated, and you have that uneasy sense that everything is not as it should be. Is your relationship in trouble? The answer may not be obvious. Take this quiz to measure the overall state of your relationship and highlight the trouble spots.
1. When you have an argument, is it about a specific issue, or is it about your partner’s character? A specific issue would be, “You forgot to take out the garbage last night,” while “you never remember anything,” is a generalized character assassination.
2. Do you have more conflict or less conflict when the two of you get time alone together? Do a “date night” or a few days away renew your relationship, or create more stress?
3. Is there physical violence in your relationship? Have you come close to physical violence? Are there threats of physical violence?
4. How often does the thought that you would rather be with someone else pass through your mind?
5. Take one minute to write a list of what you like and what you dislike about your partner. How many “likes” and how many “dislikes” are on your list?
6. Do you seriously question your partner’s faithfulness?
7. Do you have arguments about sex?
8. In times of emergency or grief – such as when a relative becomes ill or dies, do you and your partner pull together?
9. If you could turn the clock back to the day you first met your partner, would you choose a different direction for your life?
10. If you won the lottery, would you be overjoyed to share the blessing with your partner, or would you wish it were all yours?
Physical violence or threats are the biggest danger signs for your relationship and for your personal safety. If they are present, get professional help TODAY.
The following are all danger signs for your relationship. If several are present, your relationship is in real trouble:

• character assassination
• fantasizing often about being with someone else
• not having ready access to a list of your partner’s great qualities
• doubts of faithfulness
• serious sexual incompatibility
• lack of mutual support in times of crisis
• a feeling of being stuck or obligated by the relationship

Question #2 offers hope that your relationship may be much sounder than it appears. Conflict in your relationship may be primarily a reflection of the stress in your individual lives.

Often, partners redirect frustration and anger about unrelated events toward each other. For example, your boss yelled at you, and you yell at your partner. This unconscious redirection is a behavior that can be overcome through conscious attention, and is not a reflection on the overall quality of your relationship. If you and your partner are loving and supportive toward each other in relatively stress-free situations, you likely have a basis for working through your other issues.

Sign-Up for Jonathan’s Daily Inspiration – Daily Quote email, and read his article: 7 Secrets for a Happy Life.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie is an author of self-awareness books and free inspirational email publications. He has been dubbed “The Philosopher of Happiness” by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life.

** Today is your day to dance lightly with life. It really is. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie **

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

Read the information on this page before it’s too late:

Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!

Anger problems are the cause of a lot of misery in intimate relationships. The increasing number of anger management classes available is one way society has attempted to help angry men fix their problems.

One of the major problems for angry men is the damage that is done to their relationships with their partners. Often they feel riddled with guilt over things they have done to the people they love the most.

Many of these relationships are filled with drama, crisis and conflict. Here are the common issues that men with anger problems face in their relationships with women.

1. Lack of intimacy. If your relationship is full of noisy conflict and then periods of angry silence, chances are you are not having a happy intimate life with your partner.

To feel intimate with someone you have to be able to trust them. To be trustworthy you need to be predictable. Angry men are not very predictable. Women will find it difficult to relax and be intimate with you because they do not know if you will suddenly change and become angry or start criticizing them.

2. Controlling behavior. Often angry men will want to decide what a woman can and can’t do, who she can see and where she can go. This is abusive behavior. Being controlling will cause a lot of problems in relationships.

Being angry most of the time make some men feel a need to try and control everything that goes on around them. They mistakenly believe that by trying to control others they will not lose control themselves. This is one of the key thought distortions that anger management classes can help men to change.

3. Blaming and criticism. Angry men lash out at others in an attempt to avoid facing their real feelings and taking responsibility for their lives. Often this is quite unconscious. They are not aware of why they use have angry outbursts or how to stop them.

Often they do not have the ability to manage feelings of grief, sadness or anxiety. Being angry is more acceptable for men in our society than being sad or anxious. This is a subtle pressure of men to manage their emotions with action instead of talking them over or expressing them truthfully.

This type of anger problem will affect your relationships with women, particularly if you swear and become aggressive with your partner when angry. Blaming and criticizing your partner will lead to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run. Living with a critical partner causes women to feel unhappy in a relationship. Criticizing a woman will not change her behavior; it will only cause more ill feelings between you.

Anger management classes can be very effective in helping men recognize these patterns and begin to change them. The internet has made it possible to take online anger management classes in the privacy of your own home. Learning effective methods to manage you anger problem can improve your relationships with women and reduce conflict.

Kate Hardy is a health professional who enjoys working with angry adults and teens. Online Anger Management Classes. FREE anger Management articles