by Klearchos Kapoutsis

Dealing with separation, divorce, and remarriage -By Re-marriage.com Matrimonials

Most people going through separation and divorce go through a whole range of intense emotions: sadness, anger, hurt, fear of an uncertain future, loneliness, confusion over the many decisions you must make, and a sense of failure at your lost plans and dreams.

How you choose to handle a separation is very important because of the effect it will have on the rest of your life. If you do not deal with the pain you will be unhappy for a very long time. Let go of your bitterness and anger.

Try to look at the separation as an opportunity to re-examine your abilities, your assets and your dreams, and to make the changes necessary for a new, full and rewarding life.

Things you can do:

>> Talk to someone you trust. Talking and sharing your deepest concerns to a family member or close friend that you trust can give you an outlet for your frustration and anger. You may find that a person who has been through a separation or divorce is the best one to offer support.

>> Keep a familiar routine for yourself and your children. It is especially important for your children: the more their world stays the same, the better they will be able to cope with the changes they will have to make.

>> Keep the lines of communication open with your children. They need to know that they are not losing the love and support of either parent, and that they are not responsible for your separation or divorce. Talk openly to them about your new living arrangements.

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>> Stay healthy. You may find yourself forgetting to eat regularly and staying up late worrying. This could lead to a loss of energy and illness at a time when you most need to be on top of things. Keep yourself in good health by eating regular meals and getting enough sleep. You should also try to get regular exercise.

>> Learn some methods for coping with stress. There are many good books you can read on coping with stress, and you may also find some information on relaxation techniques helpful. Check with your local library and bookstore.

>> Keep in mind the old saying, “One day at a time”. Deal with your separation and the unexpected problems and feelings it creates by asking yourself, “What do I need to do today?”. Try not to worry about things you cannot do anything about until next week or next month. When the time comes, deal with them just like the others – one day at a time.

>> Avoid making major decisions until your life has become more settled. Although some decisions have to be made quickly, such as housing and school arrangements for the children, you can put off many decisions until “the dust has settled”. Give yourself some time before moving to another community, deciding on a career change, going back to school or getting involved with someone new.

>> Allow yourself the time you need to heal. Your family and friends may encourage you to “cheer up” and “get on with life” before you are ready. You must take whatever time you need to heal. Losing a marriage, no matter how difficult it may have been, still causes wounds. Give yourself quiet times alone in which you can think, cry, or simply be by yourself.

>> Get professional help when you need it. You will face many legal and emotional problems along with separation and divorce, and you will probably need professional help. For legal matters, seek the help of a lawyer. If you are experiencing severe emotional stress, your family doctor can help you find a counsellor. You may also find it helpful to talk to a member of the clergy for your religion. Make sure you use these services when you need them; ignore the desire to “tough it out” on your own.

>> Look for support in your community. There may be workshops and self-help groups in your community which can help you in this difficult time.

“A bad marriage dosen’t mean its the end of a life”

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. We would say “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

A marriage is always the beginning of a new life. End your search for a compatible life partner at Re-marriage.com. The No. 1 Remarriage Matrimonial Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

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Relationships Are The Roadmap To Destiny.

Most people recognise very early on that relationships can be complicated, and to maintain a strong and successful relationship, then both partners in the relationship must accept they need to work at it. Simply put, each person must realize that in any relationship there is no such thing as perfection – there is always the possibility of problems, and both parties need to be clear it takes consistent effort to ensure that a relationship survives.

Anyone who has been in a relationship has likely had relationships problems. These issues can crop up because of a number of things. One thing that can cause strife is when either one or both parties do not take the time to listen to and understand the other’s perspective.

It’s easy to just say ‘you need to see it from the other person’s perspective’ but that’s often easily said and not so easily done. When you have a strong perspective on things, it is often difficult to let go of that to look at the situation from how your partner is seeing it. But you must really try! There are many different reasons why both parties often find it difficult to understand the other party’s perspective.

1. Sometimes it is because there is something from another part of a person’s life that is causing stress and unhappiness. This often creates an overall negative attitude, and the unwillingness to be loving, flexible and, most importantly, forgiving. It is best not to discuss heavy issues during these times.

2. Lack of communication can also cause one person not to understand the other’s perspective. Communication is key in a relationship. It’s clear; the more you communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another, the more understanding you will have.

3. Pent up, unresolved frustration and anger with issues in the relationship can also cause problems in the relationship. When one (or both) of you is upset with the other, it can often result in a negative attitude and therefore negative responses to each other.

4. Another emotion, such as jealousy, can cause the person experiencing the emotion to be less trustful or open with their partner. To be able to see something from someone else’s point of view, one has to be willing to do so. When strong emotions surface they tend to cloud an individual’s judgment.

In order to avoid relationships problems, it is important to communicate with your partner, and to listen openly and non judgmentally to everything he or she has to tell you. If you have an issue with the information he or she has given you, try to discuss your concerns in a diplomatic manner and a calm, even tone. Remember why you are in the relationship, and make efforts to work toward happiness for both of you.

Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.

Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive.

In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused.

Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships.

These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle.

They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes.

Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision.

Often, it is difficult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us.

It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction.

These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children.

But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well.

Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people.

Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people.

Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you.

Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

Consider getting professional help, if need arises.

At the foundation of any marriage and family is a core relationship. Relationships can be difficult for many people – particularly when they are not comfortable communicating their feelings, when they feel unsettled when others are upset with them and when there are kids involved.

For them, when there are challenges in the marriage, marriage counseling is often the most effective way of recognizing and working through the difficulties.

With marriage counseling, both spouses are able to sit down, to talk and to have the chance to be heard. Therapists who specialize in marriage counseling will be there to facilitate the conversation, to ask questions, to encourage active listening and to help both spouses to more comfortably express the hurt, anger or frustration that they are experiencing.

Unfortunately, the emotional toll of a conversation or an event can be particularly high. Within relationships, the emotional strain is something that can build over time – especially when both parties involved have trouble discussing the way that they feel or the event that prompted the response.

In marriage counseling, however, many couples find that they are in a better position to open up and – more importantly – to feel heard by their spouse. While it can be uncomfortable to start talking, while hearing the details of what hurt a husband or a wife and while it can be difficult to talk about emotions or situations that are painful, having those conversations in the setting of marriage counseling can ease some of the strain.

Marriage counseling, while it can dramatically improve relationships, is not just a matter of meeting with someone who will “fix” the problem; marriage counseling is a process of improving communication and ultimately of uncovering past hurts so that they can be worked through.

Despite the fact that these hurts have often been buried, despite the fact that sometimes the event that has caused the hurt may be long in the past, marriage counseling can serve to uncover the underlying issues and to work on rebuilding communication and trust as well as a strong foundation for moving the relationship forward.

In part, the reason that marriage counseling works in many relationships is simple: marriage counseling works because it helps couples to acknowledge the hurts and frustrations, to work through the anger and to communicate with one another. In part, marriage counseling works simply because it enables both parties to express themselves and to feel heard by one another.

Communication is often difficult – especially when both parties either believe that they are in the right or there is a sense of not wanting to hurt the other person in any way. In marriages, a lack of communication can have a number of negative effects on the relationship; marriage counseling can serve to repair the damage and to reopen the lines of communication.

With marriage counseling, what many couples discover is that the biggest problem that they have faced is a lack of communication that has led to a lack of trust. What they learn during marriage counseling is the ability to communicate – something that, over time, allows them to improve the relationship on the whole.

For more information on counseling for couples, individuals, marriage and relationships, or live phone counseling, visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.

Article Source: ArticleSpan
Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

Read the information on this page before it’s too late:

Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!

In Marriage, money problems can be a stressful drawback, when married couples fight about it. In these bad economic times, marriages will be strained when financial problems crop up. Here are a few helpful pointers to bring harmony whenever financial troubles arise.

1.  Remain Calm and Cool

When tempers flare up, people sometimes say things that they wish they could take back, but can’t. Its best if both couples remain calm when arguing or discussing finances. This means using stress management techniques like breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, exchanging massages, or simply putting on some relaxing music. Keeping each other composed can help your marriage, and can aid you to solve your money problems.

2. Learn to Analyze

Sometimes it may not be fun, but it’s very crucial to have a clear view of your financial situation. Couples need to know what your left with, what you owe, and how much are you making, and where all this is going into. Usually one person in a relationship will do the budgeting, but when money problems prop up, it’s best to solve the problem mutually. Analyze the problem and get everything out, and try to solve it together

3. No finger pointing

When you encounter sudden money problems, it’s best not to slip into patterns of anger and frustration. Avoid finger pointing and focus on the solution at hand. Unnecessary quarrels and blaming will actually stray you away from finding a solution. Accept the situation you are faced with and work together to find a probable solution.

4.  Work Together

As the saying goes “2 heads are better then 1” in a marriage, this is always true. Work together to come out with a budget that will help both of you, and learn to strictly stick to it. Support and encourage each other ideas and remember to work as a team to manage your finances. Working as a team has more benefits then trying to solve the problem on your own.

5. Get professional help

When you realize your money problems are way beyond your control, it is best to get professional help to save your finances. Seek the help of a registered financial advisor. They may provide fresh new ideas or solutions which both of you may not have considered. You will be able to solve your financial woes from a different perspective. If you find your marriage is failing because of money problems seek the help of a marriage counselor before it’s too late.

More Tips:

Remain United – Even when you’re stressed by your situation, you can still hold hands as you talk, take short breaks to give each other massages, share a joke, try to keep your relationship alive in simple ways. You can support and help one another through any problem.

Be Alert – If you always seem to quarrel about money, and particularly if you don’t completely know why, it may be a excellent idea to scrutinize your history and your partner’s history and take a look at your ‘money issues’. Just being aware of whether you carry negative patterns from early childhood, unrealistic expectations, or ‘hot buttons’ that keep getting pressed, can really help you to deal with your triggers.

Take a Break – If you find things are getting too stressful, take a break and do something you both enjoy as a couple, or take some time alone, and then return to your problem, after you both are refreshed you will have a set of ‘fresh eyes’ and an extra dose of patience.

Remain calm – This is very important, and it’s important enough to mention again. Staying cool and calm when you’re facing financial difficulties can make the difference between a fruitful planning session and a damaging dispute. When the mind is calm, you will be able to solve any problem which comes at you.

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Best Relationship Advice

You have just heard your spouse utter the words you have been dreading to hear – ‘I want a divorce’. Although you had an idea those words were coming that doesn’t make them any easier to hear. When you first saw trouble start to brew in your marriage relationship you should have acted to head it off, but you didn’t know what to do. But, take heart, it’s not too late to put into motion some special techniques to save your marriage.

When one spouse wants a divorce it is likely they are feeling unfulfilled in the relationship. This feeling in turn leads to complaining and fault finding. Because of the fault finding the other spouse feels they must defend their self and a big argument ensues. This leads to each of them claming up and the hurt feelings start to build up. When this pattern continues for some time one of the partners in the marriage feels they have had enough and states they want a divorce. When you look at the situation from this angle it seems like rather childish actions on the part of two adults. Yet this scenario is being played out countless times in countless marriages everyday.

How easily all this could be avoided if we just set aside our egos and pride. When your spouse is angry or complaining about something, stop and look at them. Realize how much you love them and that everyone becomes ill tempered and frustrated at times. Hold your tongue and don’t lash back. Turning a complaint or frustration into a big blowup sure won’t help keep harmony in the marriage.

By holding your tongue you are letting your mate get it off their chest and when they cool down they will see how foolish they were to hurt the one they love and apologize.

But, if things have gotten to the point that they want a divorce, use the same tactic and don’t argue or get emotional. Instead agree with them and offer a trial separation for both of you to think things over. You could even agree to help with their packing and move. This puts things in another perspective for your spouse, now they are wondering if you had this in mind all along and see you as stronger than they thought.

When divorce rears it’s ugly head, many times love has nothing to do with it. Both of you may still have feeling for each other but things have gone so far off course and you seem so incompatible there is no other choice. But there are other choices if you want to save your marriage. There are tactics that work everyday for many others and they will work for you.

In order to save your marriage and avoid divorce you will need to use some special techniques that will end the hurt feelings and depression that has been caused by constant arguments and fault finding. You can use these special techniques to bring the life and fire back into your marriage now.

See Fuller Details Of the Best Relationship Advice Available – at

Best Relationship Advice