I Want And Need For My Husband To Love Me Again: Tips And Strategies For Wives Whose Husbands Claim To No Longer Love Them

Many of the wives who contact me tell me that their husband no longer loves them. Most all of them are looking for a way to change this. I often hear comments like: “I need for him to love me again. What can or should I do?” Or, “I want so much for my husband to love me again, but I’m not sure how to make this happen because he no longer listens to or responds to me.”

Most of these wives suspect that they are fighting an uphill battle. Back when their husband’s were fully invested in the relationship and listening to them, things may have been different. But now that everything’s changed, it’s going to take a very carefully calculated (and executed) plan to regain their husband’s love.

Much of the time, these suspicions are correct because the husband is already resistant to much of what the wife says. He’s learned to tune her out or to question the sincerity of any thing that she says or does (even if the message is an important and sincere one.) This just isn’t fair, but it’s the way that things have become.

The following article is meant for the wives who are sincere in trying to get their husbands to love them again. Below, I’ll offer some tips and insights that I wish I would’ve had when I was trying to get my own husband’s affection back.

Understanding That You Can’t “Make” Someone Love You Again, But You Can Create The Situation That Makes Them Want To: The emails that I receive often ask me for ways to “make” or “get” a husband to love the wife again. And, this is understandable. Because it’s usually clear to the wives that the husband’s feelings are too far gone for them to just return on their own. But, the mistake that they often make is in coming on too strong or allowing for the husband to think that they are going to attempt to change his mind by force or manipulation.

No one wants to believe that they can or will be manipulated, especially when it comes to their own feelings. So, if and when your husband suspects that this is what you are trying to do, it’s a safe bet that he’s going to do everything in his power to keep this from happening. He might limit his access to you. He might just tune you out. Or he might retreat inside himself even further.

These are the things that you absolutely can not afford to let happen. If they do, this just makes the situation that much more difficult to overcome. So, if this has been your strategy, I’d ask you to consider trying something else. I have seen these scenarios play out countless times, and I can tell you that when wives try to “make” their husband’s love them, the husbands usually love them even less as a result. And, even if the wives are able to accomplish their goal, the husband is usually so resentful of the manipulation that the victory is short lived. And, once he eventually pulls back again, he’s even more resistant to your strategies because he’s seen this play out before.

]]>

Knowing That Your Husband’s Claim That He No Longer Loves You Might Not Be Entirely Accurate: Unfortunately, many wives in this position take their husband’s insistence that he no longer loves them at face value. The words are so hurtful and jarring that most people never think to question them or to evaluate them. But, it’s no coincidence that you’ll often hear these words in times of high stress or in the heat of the moment.

And unfortunately, this is the thing that wives focus on the most. Rather than worrying more about improving the relationship so that the loving feelings just naturally come out of it, the wives hyper focus on if the husband is starting to love them again and if so, by how much? This short sightedness can really come back to haunt you and came keep you from getting what you want. It also is more likely to contribute to your participating in desperate and negative behaviors that usually turn husband’s off that much more. Sometimes, the wives come on too strong, they over compensate, and they appear clingy or desperate.

The irony is that much of the time, the love is still there, but it’s buried underneath neglect, disappointment, and the increasingly stressful circumstances in which most of us live. Truly understanding this can sometimes mean that you’re willing to try a less desperate and unattractive strategy (which is more likely to work.)

Ways To Encourage Your Husband To Love You Again: If you remember nothing else from what you’ve read here, please remember this. Husbands will generally see the people and things that elicit negative feelings in them as just as negative as their feelings. As the result, they will want to distance themselves from those things. And if you’re showing emotions like fear, desperation, and manipulation, then you’re actually encouraging him to distance himself from you.

But, if instead you focus on the positive emotions like understanding, validation and empathy, then you are setting it up so that your husband will eventually move toward you. If you can make your husband feel understood and validated while also making him believe that his happiness is the most important thing to you, you might be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.

Many wives make the grave mistake on focusing on the outcome (getting him to love you again) and not focusing enough on the process (improving the relationship between you so that he feels those loving emotions once again.) It’s so important to understand what your husband wants and then to provide it. Often when I tell wives this, they get frustrated and tell me that they aren’t entirely sure what their husband wants.

I can share with you what husband’s in this situation frequently tell me. They often tell me that they feel pressured, unappreciated, unheard, and like a conquest. They often say that the spark is gone because the marriage went cold. What the truly want is the woman and the relationship that made them feel positive emotions.

But, unfortunately, many wives focus on the fear rather than the relationship. So, they will try to overcompensate by laying the emotion on so thick that insincerity is the most logical conclusion. The more your husband suspects that he’s being manipulated, the harder your job becomes.

Always remember that your husband is looking for happiness and peace of mind. He’s ultimately going to go with the situation that he perceives is going to make him happy. That’s why it’s absolutely vital that he believes that this is precisely what you genuinely want for him. Sometimes, you may need to tell him that after thinking about it, you’ve decided that what you really want is for the two of you to be happy, even if this means that you’re happy separately.

Now, we both know that you don’t really want this, but if you can pull this off, you’ll often get more access to and attention from your husband. And once this happens, you want to show him that attentive and light hearted woman that he feel in love with, the one who didn’t make demands or constantly ask questions or apply pressure. He wants to feel at ease if your presence again. So, it’s vital that you place your focus on improving the relationship and understand that, as the result, the loving feelings almost always follow.

I absolutely understand where you are right now. A couple of years ago, my husband flat out told me he didn’t love me anymore. But, eventually, it dawned on me that the tactics I was using to get him to love me again were not working. Luckily, I was able to change course and return the intimacy and affection. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/

More Husband Articles

Do Men Cheat More Than Women?

by Dean Cortez

So who cheats more, men or women? This is a popular and controversial question. There aren’t any exact statistics available on this, and the numbers would surely be innacurate, anyway. This is because when it comes to people admitting their cheating in polls and surveys, men tend to inflate their number of affairs and sexual partners,
while women tend to hide or downplay the extent of their extramarital affairs.

According to a poll conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 62% of women think that en
cheat more than women. This isn’t surprising — because most of the voters were women!

Naturally, women believe that men do most of the cheating, while men will argue that women cheat “just as much as they do.”

Is this really true? Some experts say that these days, women and men do cheat in equal numbers. The difference is that men who cheat tend to be more “serial” about it — they cheat with a variety of sexual partners. Women, on the other hand, are more likely to get into a longer-term extramarital relationship.

Decades ago, men surely did most of the cheating because they had far more opportunities to do so. It is true that most affairs begin in the workplace, and back then, men were the only ones that HAD a workplace to go to. Women stayed at home and took care of the kids and the household.

Today, of course, men and women are both in the workplace and interacting with members of the opposite sex. Women are spending more time at work with their male colleagues than at home with their husbands. The workplace is also fertile ground for cheating because people tend to leave their grumpy feelings behind when they go to work. At home, people are stressed out over bills, taking care of the kids, and problems with their spouse; when they go to work, they can leave all of that behind.

]]>

Also, people tend to look their best at work. They want to look attractive and presentable. In the workplace, men see women — and women see men — in their “best light.” It’s not the same when they’re at home, lounging around in a pair of sweatpants.   

According to a survey, 46 percent of unfaithful wives and 62 percent of unfaithful husbands have had affairs with someone they met at work. So you see, cheating at the workplace is a very big problem — and it’s happening with both men and women.

Another interesting statistic shows that the more money a husband has, or earns, the more likely he is to cheat on his wife. Having cash enables a man to travel, to join clubs, and to take time off from work. It also enables him to purchase gifts for other women, or pay for hotel rooms and travel when they want to get together.

Men who don’t have much money tend to spend more time and attention on their families.

They have less time alone (which could otherwise be spent pursuing women), and they lack the funds to carry on affairs or take care of a mistress. But, this is not to say that the Average Joe who earns a regular wage is not going to cheat. Many of these guys do cheat, they just tend to have a harder time covering their tracks — and they often get busted.

Through my research, I’ve also found that most men who cheat aren’t looking to get involved in long-term “affairs” with one woman. In America, it’s not common for cheating men to keep a mistress on the side. It’s much more likely that they are pursuing casual sex with different women, and one-night stands.

The other big question people ask is WHY men cheat, versus why women cheat. Do men and women stray for different reasons? The common assumption is that men are ruled by their sex drives and cheat mostly for sexual gratification, while women cheat when they feel emotionally neglected.

Well, my research has shown that “neglect” is the operative word in MOST cheating situations. When men feel neglected, they cheat. When a woman feels neglected by her husband, she’ll be open to offers from other men. This neglect can come in many forms — in the bedroom, or simply not taking an active interest in your partner’s feelings and being emotionally supportive when they have troubles.

The reason why infidelity is so common in our society is that too many people place more value on their careers, children, hobbies and friends than they do on their relationships with their partners. When you neglect your relationship and your partner, it’s may be only a matter of time before they start looking for happiness elsewhere. No one wants to feel neglected.

The bottom line is this: if you want to avoid becoming yet another infidelity statistic, you must nurture your relationship on a daily basis and pay attention the warning signs, before it’s too late.

Vedic Relationship Astrology

Vedic Relationship Astrology

In Vedic Astrology, relationship compatibility is based upon the Moon and Nakshatras.  The Moon is the mind and feelings of the individual.   It is the Jiva, the idea of separate existence and the Ahamkara, the ego.  In essence, the Moon is our very identity as opposed to the Western Astrological view that the Sun represents the ego.  In Vedic Astrology, the Sun is the Soul, because the Sun is constant.  It never stops shining.  The Moon, however, takes the light of the Sun, as the mind takes the light of the soul, and waxes and wanes.  In other words, the Moon CHANGES.  The Sun does not.  Therefore, the most appropriate planet to represent the individual is the Moon.

The Vedic compatibility techniques are very simple, yet very profound.  Since they are based upon the Nakshatras, these techniques are exceptionally ancient and come directly from the Rishis.  Many will say that these techniques are outdated and do not work in modern society because relationships between men and women have changed enormously.  While the cultural norms of relationships have changed, the dynamic of two people interacting with each other have not, and these techniques apply just as well today as they did thousands of years ago.  What is a relationship?  It is two people relating to each other and the needs and emotions of this exchange never change.  As you will see as you read further, these techniques are so insightful into the human psyche,  their profoundness has not diminished in the least.

A relationship consists of two people relating and for that to happen there must always be masculine energy and feminine energy, whether it is a man and a woman, two women, two men, a teacher and student or a parent and child.  There is ALWAYS a male/female dynamic happening.  When male/female dynamic is stated, please throw out all concepts of what male/female is.  Masculine energy is dynamic, initiating, steadfast energy and feminine energy is receptive, accommodating, changeable energy.  Masculine energy wants to be loved for what it does and when it does good, it feels good.  Feminine energy wants to be loved for what it is, and when it feels good, it does good.  An example would be when one person talks, another must listen, otherwise you have two people talking at the same time, in which case they are not relating, or you have neither one talking, in which case there is no relationship.  This is not to say that in a heterosexual couple, the woman is always receptive and the man is always dynamic.  I am just explaining what masculine and feminine energy are and how they are always at play in creation and in relationships.

The Sun and the Moon

In every horoscope, the Sun represents the masculine principle and the Moon, the feminine principle.  Parasara clearly defines what the Sun is in the following sutra,

The Sun has honey colored eyes, square body; he is of clean habits, is bilious, intelligent, manly and has limited hair on his head.

BPHS, Chapter 3, verse 23

The Sun has a square body.  When you set a square down it stays put.  If you leave it, you can walk away and know when you come back it will still be there.  This makes the Sun steadfast and goal-oriented.  When the Sun (or masculine energy) makes a plan to do something, they stick with it, no matter if they don’t feel like doing it.  This is a quality of healthy masculine energy.  The Sun is bilious meaning it has qualities of Pitta, the fire dosha.  The nature of Pitta is competitive and masculine energy has the quality of always wanting to compete and be the best.  The Sun is intelligent, meaning masculine energy uses logic to know something.  The Sun has limited hair.  Hair is the most out of control thing on our bodies.  Our hair keeps a record of our past.  The Sun is not concerned with the past; that is why he has no hair on his head.  Nor is the Sun is concerned with what is beyond his control.

Parasara describes the Moon, the feminine principle, in the following sutra,

“Abounding in Vata and Kapha and filled with knowing is the Moon of round body, O’ Twice Born, auspiciously eyed, of sweet speech, fluctuating and love sick”

The Moon is lovesick, its feminine energy must be receptive to something, otherwise, it feels empty.  This makes feminine energy more concerned with relationships.  I realize this is not very PC, but I must tell the truth after doing hundreds of horoscopes.  Almost inevitably, women want to know about relationships first.  The men also want to know about relationships, but only after career and wealth, unless they want a consultation specifically about relationships. The Moon represents the principle of change.  The Moon is of round body and when you put something down that is round, it rolls away.  Like the Moon changes each night waxing and waning, so does the feminine energy change with feelings.  The Moon is “filled with knowing”, therefore the Moon does not need logic to know something, the Moon just knows, like women’s intuition.  An example:  A man and a woman want to buy a car.  The man gets out the magazines, measures for clearance, does the research on MPG and all the rest.  The woman looks at a selection of cars and says, “I want that one”.  This is not to say that the woman never uses her logic.  It just means that most of the time, her decisions and actions will be based upon her feelings which will usually be correct.  If the Moon is afflicted, that shows affairs more than anything in the horoscope.

A woman is always 51% or more of feminine energy and a man is always 51% or more of masculine energy.  The principle is that the Sun, as the dynamic masculine force, rules men and the Moon as the receptive female force rules women. Of course, all men have a feminine side and all women have a masculine side, and they are often used, but these are not the overriding principles in the identity and especially with regard to relationships.

Assessing an Individual’s Capacity for Relationships

Before looking at the compatibility, the individual charts must be assessed to determine if the person will even enjoy being in a relationship and if they have the tools with which to make their partners happy and fulfilled.  If the individual chart is showing selfishness and fear, then it will be that much more difficult for the person and their partners to be happy within a relationship, so it is very important to assess certain factors within the individual horoscope first.

The Sun and Man’s Capability

We will start with the Male gender.  When it comes to men, happiness is all about capability and confidence.  Masculine energy is dynamic and initiating, therefore it feels best when it can be this way unobstructed.  Capability and confidence are indicated by the Sun.  It is necessary to determine if the man has more masculine or feminine influence to his Sun.  This is not to say that if feminine signs prevail in his horoscope, he will be unhappy in a relationship.  It simply means that he will be a little more laid back, a little more receptive and not as dynamic in his actions.  In regards to the Masculine and Feminine signs influencing a man or a woman, you look for these factors:

Placement of the Sun in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Ascendant in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Moon in Masculine or Feminine Sign Day or Night Birth, Day being masculine and Night being feminine

You look for these 4 factors in the Rasi Chart and also the Trimsamsa chart or D-30, the 30th divisional chart.  This varga has a tremendous amount to say about the person’s character and health.  It distinguishes people born in the same place at the same time within minutes of each other.  You also look for these 4 factors in the Navamsa as this varga rules the marriage and relationship life.  These factors in the Navamsa will reveal the masculine and feminine energy flow within the relationship but not as part of their natural character.  In regards to the 2 vargas assessed, you do not take into account the day or night birth.

Mahabaghya Yoga or Great Fortune Yoga is a yoga dependent upon the aforementioned factors.  This is present in a man’s chart if the Sun, Moon and Ascendant are all within masculine signs and he was born during the day.  How do you tell if someone was born in the day or night?  If they were born during the day, the Sun is above the horizon or between the 7th and 1st house, namely in the 8th through 12th houses.  The Sun is below the horizon, therefore the person is born during night, if the Sun is in houses 2 – 6.  If the Sun is in the 1st house but has a higher degree than the Ascendant, then the person is born at night.  If the Sun’s degree is less than the Ascendant’s, then the person is born during the day, or the Sun has just risen.  If the Sun is in the 7th house and it has higher degrees than the Descendant, then the person is born during the day.  Consequently, if the Sun is in the 7th house and the degree is less than the Ascendant, the person is born at night and the Sun has just set.  Mahabagya Yoga for a male will make him very dynamic and a real go-getter.  He will have supreme confidence to set goals and meet them and will find much happiness in his life.

After one has assessed the prevalence of masculine or feminine energies, then the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun must be assessed.  The 10th house has to do with one’s power and how one takes care of their responsibilities.  It is called the House of Karma and shows the action we must take in the world.  Malefics conjoined or aspecting the Sun will harm the confidence and the feeling of capability.  Benefics joined or aspecting the Sun will enhance the confidence and the feeling of capability. In addition, malefics or benefics in the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun will harm or enhance the confidence and capability.

Gentle Planets or Saumya Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Sun, or the 10th house from the Ascendant will make the man get things done in a gentle or easy way.  If there are cruel planets or Krura Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun, then the man will be more pushy and aggressive in what he wants and take anger and frustration out on others.  Malefics or cruel planets always spread around their negativity while gentle planets or benefics keep their negativity to themselves and spread around their good will.

The influence of cruel planets to the Sun, 10th house from the Ascendant and/or 10th house from Sun will also hurt the confidence and feeling of capability.  Saturn influencing the Sun or 10th house will seriously hurt the confidence and inhibit the actions the man takes to get what he wants.  Saturn and the Sun are enemies and Saturn’s influence to the Sun, the masculine energy or to the 10th house of power and authority, will keep the man out of touch with his dynamic, initiatory energy.  If, in addition, there is a heavy influence of feminine signs in the chart, this will be a man who will have ideas of what he wants his life to be like, but never really act on them.  In his romantic life, this type of man usually just falls into a relationship because it is convenient and ends up with a woman who calls the shots.  He is still a man, so he does not like being dictated to, but because his masculine energy is so suppressed he does not act to get out of the situation and will stay in it until something better comes along.

For a man, Rahu influencing the Sun or the 10th house is not as detrimental as Saturn.  Rahu externalizes energy, so Rahu with the Sun will externalize the energy of the Sun, making him appear very dynamic and charismatic.  Internally, however, he is not so sure about his masculine identity.  He is capable, but can be a little overbearing and even arrogant because he is compensating.

Ketu with the Sun or influencing the 10th house will internalize the masculine energy and will make him self-doubting and self-effacing on the surface.  Inwardly, he will be very confident in his masculine identity and will be logical and opinionated.  Similarly, Mars influencing the Sun will make him opinionated, but also pushy, aggressive, and if Mars is afflicted, angry.  Mars influencing the Sun and/or the 10th house with a predominant amount of feminine signs will give the man a healthy dose of frustration which he will take out on others. He will have some hindrances in his capacity to make things happen and to feel good about what he can accomplish.

The bottom line is that cruel planets influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun are more important when weighing the negative affects to a man’s masculine energy than the influence of feminine signs.

Women and Receptive Yogas

The Receptivity Yogas mentioned in the classical texts are named “Chastity” yogas.  However, since these yogas have nothing to do with whether a woman has sex or not and more to do with how receptive a woman is, I have renamed these yogas “Receptivity Yogas”.  In the times these texts were written, an enormous amount of attention was paid to the details of a woman’s sexual life, so these yogas guaranteed or not if a woman was chaste.  Nowadays, the norms regarding a woman’s sexuality are not what they were and these yogas have really nothing to do with a woman’s sexuality anyway.  They have to do with what a woman is receptive to and whether one trusts life and especially if there are a lot of fear and control issues.  The first yoga mentioned will measure how much masculine/feminine energy a female has.  If she has more masculine energy, she will be more dynamic and initiatory in her actions.  This, of course, does not mean she won’t be happy in a relationship, but rather she likes to initiate and be actively engaged in activity most of the time as opposed to just being.  She is decisive and goal – oriented.  But because she is a woman and as stated before, women want to be loved for who they are and not what they do, it will be more difficult for her to be receptive to what life brings and therefore her man.  Since she has a lot of masculine energy, she will tend to compete with her man.  And since men are competitive by nature, the man will automatically compete with her instead of cherish her which is what she really craves.  Please keep in mind that this does not mean a woman with a lot of masculine energy will have disastrous relationships.  It just means she does very well on her own and has trouble receiving.

In a woman’s chart, the Moon is more important than the Sun for determining happiness.  If a woman has all four masculine factors (the Sun, Moon, Ascendant in masculine signs and she was born during the day), then it will be very difficult to be receptive to a man and completely happy and fulfilled within a relationship.  This is called a reverse Mahabhagya Yoga.  If the woman has all four factors in feminine signs and was born during the night or a Mahabhagya Yoga, then she will be enormously in touch with her feelings and her feelings will never lead her astray.  She will be receptive to the good things that life brings her and reject that which will make her unhappy.

Malefics influencing the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant and the 4th house from the Moon will hurt the woman’s ability to trust and make her receptive to fear.  The 4th house rules where things collect like lakes and ponds, so it rules what a person is receptive to.  The most damaging malefics to have in the 4th house from the Ascendant, the 4th house from the Moon or influencing the Moon are Saturn and Rahu.  Saturn rules fear of the known and Rahu rules fear of the unknown.  When Saturn influences the factors just mentioned, the woman does not trust life.  And if she does not trust life, how will she trust her man?  Saturn will make the woman want to control everything to provide for her security.  She sees all the potential disasters that could happen and takes steps to make sure these things do not happen.  In other words, she is full of worry, which is another form of fear, and does not trust that anyone can get the job done, except for her, and even then she is not sure she can ward off disaster by herself.

When Rahu influences the factors of the Moon and 4th house, then she is receptive to fear of the unknown, and will also make her want to control but also a little unstable.  Rahu in the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, in addition to making her a little emotionally volatile, will give wild mood swings.  Rahu influencing the Moon by being conjoined to it will give an extremely alluring feminine quality that is very attractive to men.  Internally, however, the woman will not feel comfortable with her own femininity and it will feel quite foreign to her.  The emotions will also be privy to wild swings of mood.

The whole idea here is that when Rahu and/or Saturn influence the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, then she has a lot of difficulty trusting life and therefore her partner.  She is privy to fear and worry and will have control issues.

Mars influencing the Moon, 4th house from the Ascendant or 4th from Moon will give the woman very strong opinions.  Mars is our opinions and with the Moon will show how forcefully we cling to them.  Mars is our idea of how things should and should not be.  The Sun in the 4th house or 4th from Moon will make her initiate when she should be receptive and she will have trouble really listening to others.  Ketu is the least malefic and will just internalize the feminine energy making her appear aloof and cold when inside, she is anything but.  She will be very sensitive and emotional but will not appear this way to others.

After all is said and done, most people want to be in a relationship.  It is a very real human need.  But sometimes, when certain types of people do get into relationships, and inevitably every time they get into one, they lament “I just don’t feel like myself” or “I hate myself when I’m in a relationship” or they are just very unhappy and emotionally unstable.  Usually it is due to one of the factors mentioned above when they just cannot seem to be happy within a relationship no matter with whom it is.

The Importance of Venus in Relationships

Another factor worth mentioning that can cause a lot of frustration within a relationship for men and women is a combust, impaired or debilitated Venus.  And one must look for this in the Rasi, Navamsa and the Trimsamsa.  Look for combustion only in the Rasi as it is an astronomical phenomenon.

]]>

Venus rules worth and value.  The moolatrikona sign of Venus is Libra, the Scales.  A less than ideal Venus will give a person issues with his/her self-worth and own value.  When Venus is beat up in a horoscope, the person has a skewed idea of the value of things and of their own worth.  A relationship is all about sharing and relating.  Venus being inauspicious will harm the sense of sharing a person has.  If they think they are worth being abused, then they will get abuse.

When Venus is combust, it is angry and frustrated and the self or soul is so identified with the Venusian energy that to be rejected is an outright rejection of the person’s very existence.  They do not have any confidence in wielding romantic and affectionate feelings because a combust planet has very low Cheshta Bala.  Cheshta means “confidence”.  They feel uncomfortable and are outright turned off by odious displays of affection.  They also do not feel confident in expressing affection.  Often times, they will reject a partner or be the instigator of ending a relationship due to the fact they cannot handle rejection in any way, shape or form.  Venus in debilitation puts the planet asleep so these people with Venus in Virgo also have a very hard time expressing romantic feelings but for different reasons.  It is not because of their fear of rejection but because they are just not in touch with that part of themselves, nor are they in touch with their feelings of  worth and value as a partner within a relationship.

It must be mentioned here that it is very important to look at Venus in the Navamsa and Trimsamsa as well and weigh all of the factors.  If Venus is in Virgo in the Rasi chart but exalted in the Navamsa and in its own sign in the Trimsamsa, then the fact that it is in good dignity in the relationship chart will go a long way to help Venus.  Overall the person will do quite well in sharing with a partner and being able to express their affection.

When Venus is conjoined a malefic then it is called “impaired” and cannot function to its full capacity.  Saturn in the worst.  Saturn joined with Venus will starve Venus.  Saturn is the air element and it tends to dry things out. The person will feel starved or thirsty for love.  Saturn will delay love gratification and the person will have negative experiences in love until he or she overcomes some negative karmas.

Rahu with Venus causes the person to have intense, hypnotic attractions to people until they enter into a relationship with the person.  The attraction usually turns out to be an attraction to a specific quality of the partner and once that quality is consumed, then the native with Rahu conjoined Venus will move on and leave the relationship.  Rahu is unconscious desire.  Rahu is the reason we incarnate, to have life experiences in the realm that Rahu touches through Sign and House placement and also through those experiences represented by planets Rahu conjoins.  Venus in conscious desire and relationships, so when the both Venus and Rahu get together, the person is at the mercy of their desires.  This is an aspect that is also indicative of affairs.  When a Venus/Rahu person enters into a relationship where the attraction is not all consuming and hypnotizing, then you know that that relationship has a good chance of being long term and stable.

Mars with Venus usually indicates that a man has been abused by a woman or a woman has been abused by a man.  This does not necessarily mean physical abuse, although it can mean that.  The underlying meaning is that the person has been taken advantage of by the opposite sex.

Compatibility Part 2 – Assessing Compatibility

Important:  As an astrologer, I always use the Tropical Zodiac for reasons which are explained on my website.  I also use Equatorial Nakshatras, not Nakshatras with ecliptical longitude.  In some cases utilizing Equatorial Nakshatras, a person’s Nakshatra will change because all Nakshatras are not equal in length.  In this system, some Nakshatras are longer than 13 degrees 20 minutes and some are shorter.  I have found these systems, the Tropical Zodiac and Equatorial Nakshatras, to be much more accurate than the Sidereal Zodiac and Ecliptical Nakshatras.  If one has Vedic software, and does a compatibility knowing the dynamics of a couple, and the result just does not make sense, I humbly suggest that one try these novel systems and assess the different results.

Compatible and Incompatible vs. The Price to be Paid

Ironically, this is an article about relationship compatibility, however, the reality is there is no such thing as compatible or incompatible.  There is only, “Are you willing to pay the price?”  The price to be paid to be with the person you like may be too high to be worth the trouble.  Or, in the case of high compatibility, the price is low.  It is all about what an individual is willing to give for the relationship.  As said before, Venus’s moolatrikona sign is Libra, the Scales.  Venus, as the karaka of relationships, by its very nature, weighs the good and the bad or the pros and the cons, and decides whether it is worth it or not.  Compatibility assessment is a tool to show the individual at the very beginning whether it is worth it or not.

Vedha and Rajju, The Two Major Blemishes

Vedha

Certain Nakshatras are “Vedha” to each other.  Vedha simply means obstruction.  When present, the couple can never really get off the ground, there is always something preventing them from being together the way they want to be.  Our destiny is mapped out by the Moon since the Vimsottari dasa is the Moon progressing through the Nakshatras.  If our birth Nakshatras are obstructing each other, then our destinies are obstructing each other.  If these couples with Vedha actually do make it to the altar, which almost never happens, then there is something in the outer world preventing them from fully being together.  More often than not, it is outer circumstances that are obstructing the couple instead of painful emotional issues, passive/aggressiveness or unhealthy co-dependence.  These things just mentioned are the realm of Rajju.  The destinies of married individuals are almost one.  If your spouse becomes wealthy, then you become wealthy.  If your spouse becomes poor, then so do you.  If your spouse becomes ill, then you must care for them.  When two destinies are not jiving, then the people cannot get together no matter how hard they try.  There are no exceptions to Vedha.

Rajju

Rajju is another serious dosha or affliction.  Rajju means “rope” and it ropes the couple to misfortune.  It also ropes the couple to each other in an unhealthy, co-dependent way.  These are the couples you see constantly breaking up and getting back together.  They are addicted to the drama of the relationship.  Rajju binds the couple in five different areas:  at the feet, at the hip, at the navel, at the neck and at the head.  It must be kept in mind that couples with the same Nakshatra will always have Rajju.  They are in a different category.  Couples with the same Nakshatra will be explained later on in this article.

The classic texts say that Rajju in the feet will bind the couple to wandering.  This means there will be many ups and downs within the relationship and it won’t be able to stand on its feet.  The relationship will have “its feet pulled out from under it”.  The couple will never feel really secure within the relationship.

If Rajju is in the hip, it will cause poverty.  This can manifest as actual poverty for the couple, but in most cases it is a metaphor for the fact that the couple feels like they are giving up something to be in the relationship.  Both people feel a lack and the feeling is very pronounced.

The classic texts say that if Rajju is in the navel, there will be loss of children.  This can mean that the couple will be childless, or the children will be a major source of stress to the couple.  It also means that the couple will have a very hard time creating together and will find it difficult to work on projects together.

Rajju in the neck will cause the wife to die.  This does not literally mean that the wife will die.  It is a metaphor for an energy drain.  The neck symbolizes choices.  You turn your neck from left to right to see your options.  Women are more prone to liking choices than men.  As mentioned before, feminine energy is receptive.  Therefore it is receptive to what comes its way and will take the best option.  It is all about options.  When a man is courting a woman, he presents her with situations and activities.  If she does not like what he presents her with, then it is his job to offer another option.  When there is Rajju at the neck, there are no other options presented and the female is basically forced to accept only one situation or activity.  This is extremely frustrating to feminine energy and therefore the female becomes drained in a relationship.

If Rajju is at the head, then the husband will die.  The head represents the logic and dynamic energy.  Dynamic energy is masculine energy.  When the dynamic energy is frustrated, then nothing ever happens.  Feminine energy needs something to be receptive to.  If there is nothing there, which is what happens when there is Rajju at the head, then there is no relationship.  Incidentally, in my practice, I have never seen a couple with Rajju at the head.

The following Nakshatras show which Rajju they will have:

Feet:  Asvini, Aslesha, Magha, Jyeshtha, Moola, Revati

Hip:  Bharani, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni,  Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Uttara Bhadra Pada.

Neck:  Rohini, Ardra, Hasta, Svati, Sravana, Shatabishak.

Navel:  Krittika, Punarvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, purva Bhadra Pada.

Head:  Mrigashira, Chitra, Dhanishta.

There are exceptions to Rajju.  Rajju is only completely cancelled when there is Strii Dirgha, full Graha Maitram, Tara Kuta and Mahendra.  If these four are present, then Rajju becomes manageable.  If there are three or less present, then Rajju becomes a major problem within the relationship.  These are explained shortly.

Capacity and Receptivity Yogas will tell if a person will be happy in a relationship.  It is important to remember that a person is exactly where they need to be at any given moment.  If they are going through a relationship that causes pain, and their compatibility is less than ideal, then this experience is just as important as an experience of a relationship with high compatibility.  It is important to reiterate the concept of non-judgment when it comes to relationships.

Strii Dirgha “Long Woman”

Unlike the previous mentioned blemishes of Vedha and Rajju, Strii Dirgha is something that is definitely desired within a relationship.  It is very important that a couple have Strii Dirgha.  Energy will take the easiest, shortest path or the path of least resistance.  Imagine a circle and around the circle are the Nakshatras.  The energy is flowing around the circle in a clockwise direction.  In order for the couple to have Strii Dirgha, the shortest distance should be from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon.  If the shortest distance is from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon, then the energy begins with the male and is received by the female.  If the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then she becomes the initiator in the relationship and Strii Dirgha is not present.  The Man’s moon must be at least fourteen Nakshatras away from the Woman’s moon for Strii Dirgha to be present.  There is a 50% chance that Strii Dirgha will be present for a couple.  Considering the fact that about 50% of marriages end in divorce, we can see these statistics manifesting.  To give an example so this can be visualized, if a Man’s moon is in Pisces and the Woman’s moon is in Gemini, then Strii Dirgha is present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Man’s moon and going to the Woman’s moon.  If the Woman’s moon is in Gemini and the Man’s Moon is in Libra, then Strii Dirgha is not present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Woman’s moon and going to the Man’s moon.

When Strii Dirgha is not present, or when the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then the Woman is thrust into the role of initiator and the Man is thrust into the receptive role.  In a female brain the energy travels much faster between the left and right hemispheres.  Therefore, a female is able to instantly know how she feels about something.  When remembering the explanation of the Moon, she is adaptable and is round, meaning she rolls with the changes.  In a Man’s brain, it takes up to 20 minutes for him to know how he feels about something.  The energy travels much more slowly between the hemispheres.  Therefore, when the female approaches her man with an idea or an activity, it is much harder for him to stop what he is doing and see how he feels about it.  While he is trying to figure out how he feels, she is getting frustrated and impatient.  The end result is that the man feels nagged and pressured, and the woman feels unloved and unappreciated.  This is just one example of what happens when Strii Dirgha is not present.

It is realized that in every relationship, sometimes the woman initiates and the man is receptive.  But in a relationship without Strii Dirgha, the fundamental energy flow starts with the woman and goes to the man, so it is a quality of the relationship.  The gist is that the woman ends up feeling unimportant and the man feels redundant.  Strii Dirgha is usually noticed in a relationship right away and is cause for quite an energy drain.  If the couple has over 20 Kuta points, then having no Strii Dirgha is manageable.  They are on the same wavelength enough to know that the woman is not trying to nag her man and that the man is not being inattentive because he doesn’t love her, this is just the energy dynamic between the two of them.  High points with other mitigating factors like Vasya and Mahendra also go a long way to help the lack of Strii Dirgha.  But if the total kuta points are not over 20, then having no Strii Dirgha will weigh upon the relationship and the relationship may be more trouble than it is worth.  The two people will never benefit from having a proper masculine/feminine energy flow.

Ashta Kutas

Ashta means eight and Kutas means points.  There are eight categories from which to judge the energy flow within a relationship from a maximum total of 36 points. Anything over 20 is considered good and marriage is recommended. Between 16 and 20 is considered OK, and the couple can make it if they do not have any major blemishes, have Strii Dirgha, and sincerely love each other.  Below 16 is considered very low and the price to be paid for staying in the relationship will be more than it is worth.  A description of each category follows.  The more points awarded a category, the more important it is.  If the points are very low in a category that is worth a lot of points, the couple will have an enhanced awareness of this problem within their relationship.

Nadi Kuta

Nadi literally means vein and is the Dosha of the Nakshatra.  There are three doshas, windy, fiery and watery.  The windy Nakshatras are: Asvini, Ardra, Punurvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Hasta, Jyestha, Moola, Shatabishak, Purva Bhadra Pada.

The fiery Nakshatras are:  Bharani Mrigashira, Pushya, Purva Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Dhanishta Uttara Bhadra Pada.

The watery Nakshatras are:  Kirttika, Rohini, Aslesha, Magha, Svati, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, Sravana, Revati.

For the category of Nadi, there are eight possible points to be gained.  Nadi is therefore the most important out of the 8 categories because one stands to lose the most points.  If the couple has the same dosha for their Nakshatras, then they receive 0 points and it is highly conspicuous between the two of them.  This creates an excess of the dosha.  If there is an excess of water, the relationship is riding an emotional roller coaster as water is associated with emotions.  Everything becomes an emotional issue and when dealing with seemingly mundane, everyday things, the couple will become overly emotional about it.  This lends itself to a tremendous energy drain on the relationship and much co-dependence.  The ancient texts state that the “woman will die” if the couple has the watery nadi.  This does not mean that the woman will literally die.  It is a metaphor for the fact that the constant emotional up and down of the relationship causes her to feel there is a lack of serious commitment, therefore she feels insecure.

If the couple have a windy nadi, the ancient texts state here, as well, that the “woman will die”.  Wind causes many changes, confusion, and takes away a strong focus resulting in a relationship that lacks a firm foundation.  When the woman knows that the relationship is lacking in stability, she begins to feel insecure and since a woman’s confidence is enormously based upon how she feels as opposed to what she does, this windy nadi will cause her much emotional distress and depression.

If the couple have a fiery nadi, the ancient texts state that the “husband will die”.  An excess of fire facilitates anger, aggression and frustration in the couple.  Too much anger provides an energy drain on men, because when men get angry, it is their feminine side surfacing because they cannot deal with the situation at hand.  When a man gets angry, he loses his composure, capability and confidence to handle the situation.  When it comes to happiness for men, it’s all about capability and confidence.  Fiery nadi facilitates an energy drain in men that is why the texts say “the husband will die”.  It does not mean literal death.

Bha Kuta

“Bha” is another word for sign, like Aries, Taurus, etc.  Bha Kuta is worth a total of 7 points, so very important and if missing, will be felt by the couple.  Bha Kuta states that the Moon signs of the couple should not be in a 6/8, 2/12/ or 5/9 relationship with each other.  For example, to attain 7 points of Bha Kuta, if the woman’s moon is in Pisces, the man’s moon should not be in Leo or Libra (6/8), Aquarius or Aries (2/12), Cancer or Scorpio (5/9).  If the Moons of the couple fall in these positions, 0 points are given.

A 6/8 relationship between the moon’s will cause arguing and discord and many abrupt changes, all things related to the 6th and 8th houses.

A 2/12 relationship between the moon’s will cause loss, a feeling of lack and/or poverty in the couple.

A 5/9 relationship, one would expect to be quite nice because the 5th and 9th houses are the most beneficial houses in the horoscope.  These houses are the most beneficial houses but only in the sense of the self.  The 1/5/9 houses are houses of the self.  They are the fire triad.  When there is an emphasis on those houses, the person can be highly self-sufficient and does not like to rely on others or provide give and take.  When this relationship is present between the moons of a couple, they tend to want to teach each other, inspire each other and “get one up” on the other.  Both of the individuals want to be the leader and they tend to compete.  If the moons are in this relationship, the couple will notice this dynamic in their interaction.

Gana Kuta

Gana means ‘race’ and refers to whether the Nakshatras of the moons are the race of devas ‘gods’, manushas ‘humans’, or rakshasas ‘demons’.  The following is a list of the Nakshatras and their race:

Deva “gods”:  Asvini, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushya, Hasta, Svati, Anuradha, Sravana, Revati

Manusha ‘human’:  Bharani, Rohini, Ardra, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Purva Ashada, Uttara Ashada, Purva Bhadra Pada, Uttara Bhadra Pada

Rakshasa “demon”: Krittika, Aslesha, Magha, Chitra, Vishaka, Jyeshtha, Mula, Dhanishta, Shatabishak

Deva Nakshatras are calm, serene, kind, polite and steadfast.  They stand on an even keel.  Human Nakshatras are industrious and innovative.  Demon Nakshatras are temperamental, unpredictable, intense and eccentric.

If the couple’s moons are of the same race, then 6 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a human moon, then 3 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a demon moon, then 1 point is given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a Deva moon, then 5 points are given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a demon moon, then 3 points are given.  If the woman is a demon moon and the man is a deva or human moon, the no points are given.

You will notice that the woman who has her moon in a demon Nakshatra gets the short end of the stick.  In a relationship, this woman will only receive points for this kuta if she is in a relationship with a man that also has a demon moon.  The reason for this is that a Rakshasa woman is highly temperamental and emotional.  She goes through many severe mood swings and tends to be very independent.  Relationship constraints and the natural give and take of a relationship will make her feel suppressed.  If the moon in a woman’s chart is also highly inauspicious due to aspects by Krura Grahas and Krura Grahas being placed within the 4th house from the Ascendant or Moon, then it will make her that much more fearful and temperamental, causing great distress within her psyche.  If the woman with a demon moon has beneficial aspects to her moon in the Rasi, then that will go a long way to smooth over emotional turbulence and severe mood swings.  She will still be highly eccentric but will have a brighter outlook.  A man with a demon moon will be able to appreciate a woman with a demon moon because his nature is the same and he will be able to understand her.

Graha Maitram Kuta

Graha Maitram means ‘planetary friendship’.  If the lords of the moons are friendly, then it goes a long way in understanding each other and having things in common.  Mutual likes and dislikes make the couple want to spend time together and have hobbies and mutual interests.  If the lords of the moons are inimical then usually the couple ends up wanting to do different things at the same time and as a result, end up spending less quality time together.

If the lords or the Moon signs of the couple are:

Mutual friends or the same:                       5 points

One friendly and the other neutral:          4 points

Both neutral:                                                 3 points

One an enemy and the other friendly:      1 point

One an enemy and the other neutral:       .5 points

Both enemies:                                               0 points

If the Moon signs are in the 7th house from each other, ex:  Capricorn and Cancer, then this is considered highly auspicious and no matter the relationship between the lords of the moons, the couple receives the full 5 points for Graha Maitram.

The friendship/enemy/neutral relationships referred to are the natural planetary relationships according to Parasara.

Yoni Kuta

Yoni means ‘source’.  Some people translate it as the female sexual organ or vagina and it does mean that as well.  The vagina is the physical source of life.  The maximum points for yoni kuta is 4.  Each Nakshatra has an animal symbol.  The yoni of the Nakshatra is the sexual organ of that animal.  In times of extreme stress or in very intense situations, such as sex, a person falls back on his instinctive nature, which is his Nakshatra’s animal.  If the yonis of the couple are the same or friendly, then during times of stress and sex, their primal natures are compatible and they are able to get through the experience with a heightened awareness and appreciation for each other.  If the yonis are unfriendly or enemies, then the individuals will react to stressful situations in vastly different ways and perhaps will not be able to understand and appreciate the way the partner handles these situations.

The animals representing the Nakshatras are as follows:

Horse:  Asvini (male), Shatabishak (female)

Elephant:  Bharani (male), Revati (female)

Sheep:  Pushya (male), Krittika (female)

Snake:  Rohini (male), Mrigashira (female)

Dog:  Mula (male), Ardra (female)

Cat:  Punurvasu (Female), Aslesha (male)

Rat:  Magha (male), Purva Phalguni (female)

Cow:  Uttara Phalguni (male), Uttara Bhadra Pada (female)

Buffalo:  Svati (male), Hasta (female)

Tiger:  Vishaka (male), Chitra (female)

Hare:  Jyeshtha (male), Anuradha (female)

Monkey:  Purva Ashada (male), Sravana (female)

Mongoose:  Uttara Ashada (male)

Lion:  Purva Bhadra Pada (male), Dhanishta (female)

Tara Kuta

Tara means star and it refers to the number of Nakshatras the man’s moon is away from the woman’s moon.  Starting with the woman’s moon, count the number of Nakshatras to the man’s moon and then divide by nine.  To have Tara Kuta, the remainder should not be 3, 5 or 7.  You do not count inclusively, like you do with houses.  The Tara of 3, 5 and 7 is obstructive for the woman to be receptive to what the man offers her.  Tara Kuta is worth 3 points and if absent, is not that noticeable.

Vasya Kuta

Vasya means “dutiful”, “subjected to”.  There are four types of signs when it comes to Vasya Kuta.  The Quadruped signs are Aries, Taurus, 2nd half of Sagittarius, 1st half of Capricorn.  The Human signs are Gemini, Virgo, Libra, 1st half of Sagittarius, and Aquarius.  The “moving in water” signs are Cancer, 2nd half of Capricorn, and Pisces.  The ‘moving in wilderness’ sign is Leo.  And the insect sign is Scorpio.

All signs are Vasya, (dutiful, subjected to) the sign of Leo except for Scorpio.

All signs except Leo are Vasya to the Human signs.

The “moving in water” signs are food for the human signs.

The quadruped signs are food for the wild sign, Leo.

The most points to be gained are 2.  If the couples moon’s are within the same category, then they earn 2 points.

If one of the couple’s moons is Vasya to the other, then they earn 1 point.

If one of the couple’s moons in Vasya to the other, but the other half of the couple’s moons in food for the other one, the .5 points are gained.

If there is no Vasya between the couple’s moons, then 0 points are gained.

Varna Kuta

Varna means ‘caste’.  Feminine energy is more receptive and malleable than masculine energy, so it is better for a woman to marry or be in a relationship with a man of a higher caste.

Brahmin Caste:  Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Kshatriyas (warrior) Caste:  Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

Vaisyas:  Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo

Sudras:  Libra, Aquarius and Gemini

If the man is of a higher caste or if the couple’s moons are of the same caste, then one point is earned.

Extra Special Qualities (Upaskaras)

Vasya

Unlike the Vasya mentioned in the Kutas, this Vasya is based upon sign placement, not Nakshatra placement.  As said before, Vasya means “subjected to”.  If one of the couple;s moons is Vasya to the other, then they are magnetically attracted to that person and there is an element of “I’ll do anything for you”.  This can even apply to other kinds of relationships, like platonic friendships, as well.  It is better if the man has Vasya to the woman, because feminine energy tends to be more devoted and attached anyway, whereas masculine energy is more independent.  Having the woman’s moon Vasya to the man’s moon is also very good and if the couple has great compatibility due to points and lack of serious afflictions, then Vasya adds an extra comfort and kindness to the relationship.  If the relationship ends or the compatibility is much less than ideal, then having Vasya can make a situation of unrequited love or pining for the relationship long after it is over.   In some instances, both moons are Vasya to each other.  The following are the signs and the signs they are Vasya to:

Aries:  Leo and Scorpio are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Taurus:  Cancer and Libra are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Gemini:  Virgo is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Cancer:  Scorpio and Sagittarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Leo:  Libra is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Virgo:  Pisces and Gemini are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Libra:  Capricorn and Virgo are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Scorpio:  Cancer is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Sagittarius: Pisces is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Capricorn:  Aries and Aquarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Aquarius:  Aries is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Pisces:  Capricorn is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Mahendra

Mahendra means purposefulness.  When the couple has Mahendra, it is like a glue even if the compatibility is less than average.  If the compatibility is above average, Mahendra really adds purpose and meaning to the relationship.  Personally, I do not believe is soul mates.  But if there is anything that comes close to having a soul mate connection, Mahendra would be it.  The couple can wake up in the morning and know that they are meant to be together and that they have a special purpose for being together.  In relationships that have serious afflictions and low points, Mahendra will usually keep the couple together even if they both desire to leave the relationship.  Mahendra is the only thing that makes up for low points (below 15).  Mahendra, by itself, does not make up for lack of Strii Dirgha or Vedha or Rajju.  In order for the couple to have Mahendra, the Nakshatra of the man’s moon must be placed in the 4th, 7th, 10th, 13th, 16th, 19th, 22nd, or 25th from the woman’s Nakshatra.

Special Cases – Same Nakshatra

Three categories exist when coupling with the same Nakshatra: good, medium and bad.  When the couple has the same Nakshatra, certain problems will always be present like Rajju, having the same Nadi and no Strii Dirgha.  In some instances, these blemishes will not apply.  These Nakshatras are in the good category and will not experience the problems associated with the blemishes mentioned:  Rohini, Ardra, Magha, Hasta, Vishaka, Sravana, Uttarabhadrapada, or Revati.  Practicality and an absence of any co-dependence mark these Nakshatras, therefore a couple with both their moons in these Nakshatras will do very well and not experience any of the problems associated with the major blemishes while benefiting from having full Graha Maitram, same Gana, Bha Kuta, etc.

The Nakshatras that fall into the medium category are:  Asvini, Krittika, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, or Uttara Ashada.  All of the blemishes that come with having the same Nakshatra could surface from time to time when the couple has both their moons in any of these Nakshatras.  But if the individual chart shows maturity and a high capacity for sharing with nice Venuses, plus a good masculine/feminine dynamic, then these individuals will be able to weather the problems that may pop up from having the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, and Rajju.  If the individual chart shows a poor capacity for relationship and the Sun is under cruel aspect in the man’s chart and the Moon has heavily inauspicious influence in the woman’s chart, then the more negative aspects of having the same Nakshatra will manifest within the relationship, and the couple probably will not make it over a long period of time.

A relationship is not recommended if the same Nakshatras are: Bharani, Aslesha, Svati, Jyeshtha, Moola, Dhanishta, Shatabishak, or Purvabhadrapada.  These Nakshatras are eccentric, tumultuous, and complex.  A relationship between two moons in these Nakshatras would be way too problematical for the average person to handle.  The blemishes of Rajju, the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, etc. would be highly pronounced within the energy exchange of the relationship.  This would lend to many difficulties that the relationship would soon spend itself or there would be many break-ups followed by getting back together only to break-up again.

Mars in the Consciousness AKA Kuja Dosha

Yes, finally the famous Kuja Dosha or Manglik affliction.  Entirely too much is made of this affliction.  By itself, it does not make or break a relationship.  And it certainly does not kill the spouse, as is sometimes believed.  It is very simple, it just means Mars is in the consciousness in houses that relate to the partner.  And when Mars is in the consciousness in certain places, that means there is aggression, pushiness and will power in these places.  When these places relate to the partner or family life, one partner is very vocal about their needs and likes to exert their will while the other partner may not be as assertive.  Eventually, the partner that is not as assertive will feel put upon or backed into a corner and they will implode.  This is what they mean when they say “the partner will die” in certain cases of Kuja Dosha, it is not a literal statement.  When assessing Kuja Dosha, one must look at 3 charts:  the Rasi, the Navamsa (D-9) and the Trimsamsa (D-30).  All three charts must be assessed for the following:

Mars in the 2nd, 4th, 8th or 12th from the Ascendant, from the Moon and from Venus.  This must be done for all three charts and in every instance that Mars has this placement, one point is given.  So look at the Rasi first.  Count how many times Mars falls in these positions from the Asc., Moon and Venus.  Now look at the Navamsa, do the same there and the same with the Trimsamsa.  Add up the total.  If the couple has more than two points of difference, then one person will be pushier in the relationship than the other and the person with less Mars consciousness will feel like they are backed into a corner from time to time.  The more of the difference between the totals, the more one person is assertive and the other is passive.  It is the duty of the astrologer to point this out to the couple because it will make for problems down the road.  If otherwise the compatibility is good, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can be weathered.  If the compatibility is teetering on average, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can push it over the edge.  If the compatibility is already less than average, then having a difference of more than two in Kuja Dosha will almost certainly end the relationship.

There are exceptions to Kuja Dosha and this must be taken into account when tallying up the totals for Mars affliction:

Mars in the 2nd in Virgo or Gemini

Mars in the 4th in Aries or Scorpio

Mars in the 7th in Cancer

Mars in the 8th in Pisces

Mars in the 12th in Taurus

Some say Mars in Leo or Aquarius but I have not found this to work at all.

The following is an explanation of Mars in the various houses of the partner and family and a general description of Mars.

Mars is a planet of consciousness because Mars is the will power.  The Sun is the Soul and the Moon is the Mind, but Mars takes what is in the mind and puts it into action.  The Moon is the perception and the manas but Mars is the general that takes our perceptions and acts in the world.  To assert ourselves in the world is Mars.  Mars is logic and he is celibate.  He is not swayed by emotion.  Mars is swift and jumps into action to get the job done immediately.  Mars gets directional strength in the 10th house which is the opposite of the 4th house, the house of the emotions and home life.

Mars in the 2nd house:  The 2nd house is a house of family and of our environment.  Asserting our will and being logical within the family will cause discord.  Anytime logic is used in the realm of the family or partner, there will be a fertile ground for hurt feelings and resentment.  The family is not a logical place, it is an emotional place and should be a place of comfort.

Mars in the 4th house:  The 4th house is similar to the 2nd house as being a house of the home.  But it is also a house of happiness and emotional security.  Mars gets no directional strength here.  This will make the person overbearing in their emotions and appear needy.  The family members and partner will sometimes feel the brunt of their angry feelings.

Mars in the 7th house:  The 7th house is the house of the partner.  A person with Mars in the 7th house will assert their will with their partner.  They will be logical with their partner.  Emotion will be lacking when it come to romantic relationships.

Mars in the 8th house:  The 8th house is the house of the marital bond and also the partner’s money.  Mars in 8th person will assert their will in how their partner handles their assets and finances.

Mars in the 12th house:  the 12th house as it applies to relationship life is the sex life.  Mars in 12th house person will assert their will and be very logical when it comes to sex.  There can be an element of selfishness on the part of the Mars in 12th house person and his/her partner may come to feel like they are not having their sexual needs met.

Why Making Your Ex Jealous Can Backfire and Ruin Your Chances to Get Back Together With Your Ex

Making your ex jealous might seem like the logical thing to do right now to make them feel the pain that you have gone through after your break up but you must exercise caution. Although you may feel as if you want nothing more than to win your ex back, you must be extremely careful how you make use of the jealously tactic.

Break ups are rarely final, how many couples do you know that have broken up, only to get back together and be happier than ever? Break ups can be a shattering warning call from your ex that your relationship must change immediately if it has any chance to survive, making your ex jealous can kill your chances fast! Keep this in mind.

Making your ex jealous can spark feelings inside your ex as they see and hear about you with other people, whether this is friendly conversation or apparent dates with the opposite sex, making your ex jealous can backfire fast.

If your goal is to win your ex back you must avoid this approach, although it can be very effective the odds are that your ex will be mad seeing you with other people so early after your break up and only confirm in their mind they made the right decision leaving you. Making your ex jealous is simply too risky!

The most effective method to make your ex rethink your break up is to accept the break up and understand what lead to the break down of your relationship. Simply asking your ex to take you back or making empty promises that thing will be “different this time” will do little to make your ex want to take you back.

Be mature, keep a level head, but more importantly understand that manipulation, using guilt or other shady tactics may work but will do more harm than good in the long run. Have a mature conversation with your ex, tell them what you would change and why, get them to open up and be honest, this is where reuniting can commence.

More Jealous Articles

How To Tell If Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You? – Obvious Signals That Shows You Can Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back!

As soon as your boyfriend ended the relationship with you, it gives you a feeling of being unloved as well as unwanted. However once the first upset starts to die away, you yearn to get your ex boyfriend back. It’s at that moment you speculate how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you. You have to watch out for these obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back.

The fact that your ex boyfriend ended the relationship with you, doesn’t signify he no more has emotions for you. Your ex boyfriend will attempt to conceal his feelings since recognizing he still loves you doesn’t stick to with his feelings of wanting to be alone. That is the reason your ex boyfriend will oppose every effort you make to attempt to get him back. Your ex boyfriend is aware that if he falls a victim the slightest bit, he’ll give off these emotions.

However as hard as your ex boyfriend attempts to act aloof as well as cold, his emotions for you’ll show from time to time. After a while after the relationship has ended, your ex boyfriend might call you. Your ex boyfriend is going to look for an excuse that he can’t find a particular sweater as well as ask whether it’s at your place. This is a sign that your ex boyfriend has started to missing you and wanted to hear your voice. This is how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you as well as an obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back.

However if your ex boyfriend is at ease enough to talk to you once more, even if your ex boyfriend knows it or not, he’s taking the first step to getting back together with you. Your ex boyfriend didn’t have to call you; your ex boyfriend called since he wanted to. That proves your ex boyfriend has the craving to keep in contact with you. It might not give the impression like much, however it’s a big step ahead. Without communication and contact you cannot reunite.

Your ex boyfriend second move might be to propose that you be friends. Do not fall for that trick. If you desire to turn out to be his girlfriend once more, you can’t be just a friend. What is important however is the fact that your ex boyfriend offered it. This confirms that your ex boyfriend desires to stay in your inner circle as a result he can know what you’re up to. Particularly if you start going out with someone else. Your ex boyfriend needs his freedom, however doesn’t want you’ve surplus for yourself.

How to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you? One more of the obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back is once you begin coming across him at various places. This is almost not by mishap. It proves that your ex boyfriend is going to great lengths to be acquainted with your activities. This doesn’t signify your ex boyfriend is pestering you. It indicates his emotions for you’re apt too strong to conceal. The cause for the breakup is no more significant to your ex boyfriend and he is attempting to get a means to keep his pride and get back with you. These and other signs are how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you.

If this is the man for you, don’t give up. There are proven methods to make him love you like never before.

Bad mistakes can ruin your relationship for good. To avoid these fatal mistakes, you need proven steps to get your ex boyfriend back and keep him. What you should and shouldn’t do can be found at this Helpful Site

Find More Boyfriend Articles

How To Have A Succesful Long Distance Relationship?

Long Distance relationships are a true test to a couple\’s commitment and personal limits. LDRs take a great amount of effort to maintain and often people involved in them, realize that they evolve into a state of emotion that they never found themselves in before. When your partner is miles away from you, it is very easy to let things go wrong and lead your long distance romance to an early death. Some people find it difficult to bridge the distance through communication, others become overly obsessed with what their partner is doing when they are not there and as a result they spiral down a road of jealousy and suspicion. They key is balance and following some basic steps to keep your relationship healthy and strong.

Communicate and visit often

It cannot be stressed enough how important communication is for every relationship, especially if it is an LDR. With the distance working to keep you and your sweetie apart, your defense is keeping all lines of communication open. It doesn\’t matter how you do it as long as you do it. Every long distance couple should find ways to communicate that make both partners comfortable and happy. You can talk on the phone everyday, send e-mails, faxes or text messages and whatever you do make sure you share your feelings and expectations and be true to one another. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some \”rules\” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive. (Check our Communicate Better and Travel section)

Avoid jealousy and be trusting

One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don\’t fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven\’t met or he/she didn\’t get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won\’t pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

Be positive

Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don\’t have \”face-to-face\” time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.

Find More Relationship Articles

When you are first starting a relationship it can help to check the signs and calmly assess its potential with a Love At First Sight Quiz. Have a look at the ideas below and see how well they match with your own observations and feelings.

———————————-

Love At First Sight Quiz

Do you think you are a person who will fall in love at the first sight? Skeptics will tell you that there is nothing called love at first sight and it doesn’t exist. But the truth is love at first sight can happen to you anywhere, any place and at any time.

At first, you get attracted to the person and basically its physical attraction since this is what we first see of the person: it’s his or her body that attracts or repulses us, whether we want it or not.

However, this attraction can only move beyond sexual desire if admiration develops as we get to know the other. Finally, love survives the ravages of time and routine only if we maintain a degree of shared interests and activities. So after all even if you think that you have fallen in love with the person, your love will have to survive the test of time.

You know you’ve fallen for him when…

>>Your mind starts spinning out of control and you can’t stop thinking about him. All that you do is want to be with him every moment of the day.

>>You tend to overlook your loved one’s faults and weakness, secretly hoping that your love will be enough to fix them all.

>>You’re happy when he’s there; you’re terribly depressed when he’s gone.

>>Though you are not a very compromising person but being with him has changed you and you have become a more compromising and understanding person.

When you start dating the man of your dreams, it is quite natural that you will want to touch him, kiss him and be in his arms. Psychologists have noted the first instance of physical contact is initiated by the woman three times out of four, usually in the most subtle possible manner.

A slight brush of the arm or the shoulder, for example, is usually enough to tell her man that it’s his turn to take some physical initiative-and that his advances won’t be turned down!

His body movements will play a major part in expressing his pleasure at being in your company. You must have the ability to understand whether he likes your company or not and whether he is just as much interested in you as you are.

Ugg Boots color choice tips Top 10 richest Kings or Queens in the world (1) Copyright reserved by go4uggboots.com

One of the most pressing needs that a woman can have is knowing How You Can Fix a Marriage After an Affair. Confused, disturbed and at a loss to know what to do next, it can help to receive advice from one who’s been there – and gotten past it. Check out this article and be sure to add your advice so we can all appreciate your comments:

—————–

Can You Fix a Marriage After an Emotional Affair? – What You Don’t Know Could Surely Hurt You!

By Jason T. Nelson

So you caught your partner having an emotional affair… what happens next?

You’re probably very confused with the discovery that your spouse has been cheating behind your back, even if only in an emotional affair… it still hurts.

The pain, the disappointment, is seemingly impossible to bear. Again, the question is, what do you do? And more importantly, how do you cope?

What It Feels Like to Find Out Your Spouse Is Having an Emotional Affair

Everything may seem all wrong after you discover your partner cheating on you. Believe me. I know it’s hard because I have once been through, or the victim of an emotional affair as well.

The relationship that my wife got involved in was an emotional one, which, in my book, is just as bad in some ways as if it had been a physical one. I was torn apart by the revelation that the woman I love most had done something to betray me. I didn’t know at that time how to fix our marriage or if we could ever go back to the way we once were.

I thought about things thoroughly and finally, I came to the conclusion that my love for my wife and the commitment that I put into our marriage was something that outweighed my discovery of her emotional affair. That was when I decided to accept and forgive at the same time.

It was really difficult on my part to accept the fact that I was cheated on. Every so often, the feelings of hurt and betrayal would surface and would engulf me in misery. I tried to overcome all of these by being more objective.

How I Began to Save My Marriage

I tried to understand what had happened in our marriage to push my wife to do such a thing. I read books and online materials about coping after you’ve caught your spouse having an emotional affair.

I tried to see clearly and not to screw up my focus with my personal feelings of hurt and helplessness. As I dug deeper into the issue, I started to realize that my wife was not the only one at fault. In fact, I think I had an important role that led her to do such a thing. I was the one who drove her away by ignoring many of her needs.

This realization helped me to have a more in-depth understanding of my relationship with my wife and how I should fix it. I really wanted to go back to how we had been, so I decided to push the past behind us. There was irrevocable damage in our relationship but should it drive us apart? I didn’t want it to, so I made an effort to forget and to move on.

Why Saving a Marriage After an Emotional Affair Isn’t Easy

Biting the bullet and moving on may sound easy, but I’m telling you, it’s not. There were even many times when I wanted to seek revenge by cheating on her as well by finding my own person to have an emotional affair with.

Other times, the feelings of pain would creep back in and it felt as if I really hated her for hurting me.

But all of that is behind us now for the most part. I have changed for the better and so has she. We have a deeper relationship now and our marriage has become stronger because of what we were able to overcome as a couple. Indeed, there is hope after an emotional affair.

But how do you really come back from something like an emotional affair? If you want the source that I used that made me truly understand marriage, and my wife, and let me trust and love my wife again, without giving up who I was and my pride then click here now.

Lots of readers ask about How To Make My Ex Fall Back In Love, so check this out. Keeping this blog current naturally means constantly looking for graphics, articles and other helpful information which assists people to have more rewarding relationships. Be sure to look over it all. Don’t forget to provide your comments so everyone can be aware of your thoughts:

—————–

How Can I Make My Ex Fall Back In Love With Me?

How to Win Love Back and Have Your Ex Fall in Love with You All Over Again?

What can you do to win love back? Getting your ex to fall in love with you all over again can be a challenge. The truth is that there are reasons that he or she called it off. If you can figure out what the reasons are, you have a good chance to win love back.

If you need to win love back because the other person couldn’t trust you anymore, you will have to proceed slowly. If you messed up and fooled around with someone else, you have to prove that you can be loyal again.

First, you must be certain that you want your ex back. What is going to keep you from straying again? Could it be that the reason you fooled around is because you weren’t 100 percent sure you wanted your ex? If this is the case, are you now sure that you want the relationship to go forward?

If you are sure, then you need to apologize. Don’t think that this will get you very far when it comes to win love back, but it is a necessary first step.

Then, you must give your ex time to heal. Don’t push him or her to resolve the situation. During this time, you don’t want to play any head games that might give your ex the feeling that you can’t be trusted. You probably shouldn’t date other people during this time. You should be humble.

Be a great friend to her. Do the things that made her fall in love with you in the first place. If she still has feelings for you, being a good friend can help her pave over the infidelity.

But there are reasons besides cheating that a person dumps their lover. For instance, they may be bored with the relationship. In this case, if you want to win love back, you have to spice things up.

When your ex was first attracted to you, you were probably not complacent in the dating game. You planned each date carefully, dressed up for the events, and brought little gifts to him or her from time to time. As the relationship developed, you may have gotten sloppy about it.

If you think the reason you are now in the position where you need to win love back is that you let the relationship get boring, try spicing things up. If you meet up again “just as friends” do something different and exciting. Meet at a wine bar instead of a pool hall. Go out for fondue or other “interesting” food. Go to a concert with music that she likes. Don’t just sit around the house watching football or American Idol all of the time.

If your ex is bored with you, win love back by becoming more interesting in your personal life as well. Take a course or join up with an interesting group. Start skydiving. Show your ex that you can be a lot of fun.

The final reason that I’m going to discuss here about why a break up happens is that you were just “too into” your ex. He or she didn’t have any room to breathe. They may still like you. Heck, they may still love you, but they didn’t find any room for themselves in the relationship.

If this is the case, you have to give your ex some space. The worst thing you can do is send them 100 text messages a day or call crying at 3:00 a.m. asking why the break up happened. You win love back by backing off. When you see your ex, be casual. Don’t be needy.

There are, of course, many other reasons why your ex could have broken up with you. When you analyze why the break up happened, you can use the space thereafter to win love back by making the necessary changes.

You won’t win love back by continuing in your old habits. But you should know that getting back together is possible. You can win love back.

There Is No Secret To Teach You HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK But This Site Has Some Great Advice

Many people want more info about relationship problems, so have a look at this. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time searching for graphics, articles and other beneficial material that gives advice which assists people to have more empowering relationships. Be sure to consider it all. Don’t forget to provide your thoughts so everyone can be aware of your advice:

Relationship Advice for Women

————————–

Relationship Problems of Any Magnitude Resolved at Once With One Effective Strategy

Relationship problems can be unsettling for many couples, irrespective of their magnitude. It is worthwhile that couples talk about these problems as soon as they occur. This helps people resolve problems at an earlier phase.

However, this should be done sensitively or else the situation could get out of control. A Wedding is an important event in every individual’s life. Problems related to it may crop up soon after marriage or much later. If relationship problems are not dealt with over time, they may lead to split-up. When marriage problems take place, couples are left with similar feelings of sorrow, disappointment and disenchantment.

It is essential for couples to make out and accept a problem early on. In most cases, couples may refute the existence of any kind of problem. This puts off the imperative step of dealing with a problem at its origin. Afterward, insignificant squabbling and arguments conclude in bigger problems, making it very complicated to deal with several issues all right away. Relationship problems are universal and should be resolved one at a time to ensure long-standing harmony.

It is important to note that all relationship problems can’t be solved. Couples need to have love, belief, mutual understanding, patience and admiration for each other and truthfully want the problem to be solved. Some people allow their marriage problems to grow leading to total incongruity and ultimately break up between the couple.

The Relationship Saver authored by Radomir Samardzic is just 14 pages long. It takes most people only 20 minutes to read. So why did he write such a brief relationship repair manual and more significantly, how can something so diminutive possibly help you?

As you know, there are hundreds of relationship gurus out there and hundreds of books promising to restore your relationship. Most of them contain chapters with titles like “99 different ways to save your relationship.” But if just one of them actually worked, what need is there for the other 98?

That’s where The Relationship Saver stands alone. It doesn’t bombard you with a bunch of ideas that might help. It cuts away all the vague things and concentrates on one strategy based on proven principles. Follow the simple, results-based strategy inside and you can repair your relationship problems, no matter how dire the situation. Go to RelationshipSaver.org to download the e-book at a reasonable price and get the solution of all your problems quickly and easily.