Relationship Advice for Women

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Marriage problems can creep into any marriage. These problems must be dealt with quickly otherwise they will poison your relationship. As there are some problems which can be very disastrous to a marriage it is best to make sure that such problems are uprooted quickly.

Some of the marriage problems which are found in a marriage can be a couple’s incompatibility. At other times infidelity is a prime example of martial disasters. These are problems which need to be handled with care. Otherwise the entire marriage can crumble into an acrimonious divorce. In the case of incompatibility the couple may need to find some common interests.

They can also try to find how their differences can complement their marriage. When these alternatives don’t work they can seek to end their relationship. If they have tried many solutions but remain good friends the parting of the couple can be amicable. Otherwise the divorce can become very messy.

With marriage problems like infidelity the matter needs to be answered quite differently. This is due to the nature of each partner. There are some couples who might have decided that marital infidelity can be forgiven once. The second time around a divorce is the only solution. At these instances the reason for the infidelity may need to be found.

If there is no hope for the marriage problems that have resulted from infidelity to be resolved a painless divorce could be the saving of the couple. These are some of the common marriage problems. There are however more serious marriage problems that necessitates the need for divorce.

These problems involve spousal abuse. The abuse that results from a disastrous marriage like this, can lead to the victim being scared for their life and other family members. This abuse will also contribute towards the spouse having an unbalanced view of life. For these simple yet complex reasons the only hope for the victim of spousal abuse is the quick ending of the relationship

When a couple encounters marriage problems they have many options open to them. Based on these options the couple’s marriage will either last or break up. To make sure –no matter what conclusion is reached – that the marriage does not turn ugly, the partners of the marriage will need to seek help from a trained marriage counselor. This individual can help mediate the differences that are found between the couple.

This mediation is the key to a couple being able to live a happy life. Even if they are no longer a couple. With the help of marriage counselors marriage problems can be reduced to their proper proportions. Life can then begin anew.

Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.

Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive.

In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused.

Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships.

These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle.

They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes.

Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision.

Often, it is difficult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us.

It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction.

These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children.

But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well.

Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people.

Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people.

Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you.

Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

Consider getting professional help, if need arises.

Blame and criticism are among the most damaging relationship problems that couples experience. Knowing how to handle it is one of the most important social skills that we can possess as we learn how to effectively cope with the negative attitudes and barbed comments of others.

We have to deal with all sorts of people, and there are many – including boyfriends and husbands – who’ve not yet learned that we respond better to charm and appreciation than to put downs and attempts to make us feel guilty.

Because of this, it is important that any relationship advice which aims to help should include techniques for dealing with these attacks quickly and effectively without allowing the situation to get out of hand.

Verbal strategies for coping with criticism and blame normally show how to deflect unwanted comments without causing further antagonism. With practice, it’s possible to become very adept at side-stepping hurtful comments from others and re-directing the conversation in the direction that you prefer.

A related skill is in learning what NOT to do. When we feel under attack, it is natural to become defensive. This can easily create a pattern of attack and retaliation, as can be seen even at international level when one country attacks another, which responds in kind, inducing further attacks. The hostilities then go back and forth.

The same effect can also be seen with family feuds. Folklore is full of tales about harm suffered by one party being passed down the generations as different family members are hurt, injured or killed and others carry out reprisals.

Valuable as these lessons are, they are short-term tactics to deal with immediate problems. Consider:

1. Also important is a long-term strategy as this will reduce the number of unhappy incidents which require these coping skills.

2. Applying a long-term strategy which is simple to use and has a broad impact on your life also means you’ll have to deal with blame and criticism less often and you’ll be able to cope more easily if you do.

3. Following a long-term strategy that is easy to apply in your daily life can also make a creative, positive impact. You aren’t simply responding to other people’s negativity but are actively building positive experiences.

A REAL solution to the pitfalls, problems and conflicts you presently face involves a strategy which shows you how to build a life that is a lot more likely to attract more love, respect and appreciation with fewer relationship hassles.

If you are ready to experience more love and harmony in your life, go for a long-term solution.

A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. Here is one that surely can:

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

The majority of people who seek a romantic relationship with another person desire a mutually satisfying, respectful, and fulfilling partnership. Unfortunately, some relationships contain an emotionally abusive dynamic that can cause great harm to the abused partner over time, and may yet go undetected.

Because it does not leave obvious physical scars, emotional abuse can be difficult to identify in some cases. If you find yourself feeling unworthy, incapable, or questioning reality when you are around your partner this merits a closer look at what is going on in the relationship. Here are 5 signals that your relationship is emotionally abusive:

1. You are the subject of criticism on a regular basis – how you do things, who you are, and even your mental stability are called into question. You may be called names or more subtly given “suggestions” on how to do things.

2. Your partner discourages or prohibits you from seeing other people who are important to you. This could mean family members or friends, anyone that takes you away from the control of your partner or who could challenge the way you are being treated. Your partner may also discourage you from pursuing work opportunities or education, in order to keep you under control and more dependent.

3. When you get home at the end of the day, you feel compelled by your partner to report your day’s activities. Once you’ve done that, you field criticism and feel the need to justify and defend your choices. You might get to the point where you choose activities that you know your partner will approve of, just to avoid the confrontation.

4. When it comes to sex, it becomes more a way to control you than to express love between the two of you.

5. You have a general sense of “walking on eggshells” in the relationship. Occasionally you may be on the receiving end of a kind or generous act, but it is a way to manipulate you back into the relationship. Once you are drawn back in, you find that the emotional abuse cycle begins again.

By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?

For a free copy of my ebook, “Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse”, click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and “difficult” divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.

It is important to stay true to your marriage vows, but as the years go on there are many issues that arise that a couple is not usually prepared for. As a matter of fact, the Golden Years can seem anything but golden as health issues arise making it more difficult to get around or to even move. Caring for each other may become a burden and some illnesses tend to make those who are suffering less than wonderful to be around. There are some things that you can do to help ease marriage problems later in life.

Locate a supportive peer group, there are lots of organizations that are hosts and organizers of senior events, this can be helpful for the situation. If there are others around who are experiencing similar problems they can really relate and help ease your way during your difficult times.

Have some dates together even if it’s at your house with take out food and watching a movie, these times will help with the quality of time that you’re spending together. This will change the day to day routine and give you sometime to be close and feel the romance.

Having a talk with a doctor may help with some understanding of the health problems you’re having to take care of at this moment of your life. If they’re affecting the marriage the doctor can provide you with something to help with depression which will help alleviate the problems there.

Ask for help. If you are dealing with extreme health issues or a difficult spouse, then it may be best to seek some part time help to give yourself a break. Many times family members or close family friends can fit the bill but if need be you may wish to hire a part time health aide to come in and assist you and your spouse. Taking a break will help you effectively deal with the issues at hand. Chat. If you are internet savvy then find an online chat that you can join. Many times the best place to get advice is from someone else who is experiencing the same issues that you are. Marriage help can come in many forms and the internet can be an incredible resource for help.

Lightyourfire.com can provide you with solutions if you’re looking for online marriage counseling. If you are experiencing marriage problems click on lightyourfire.com right now and see how they can assist. There are specialists available if you have questions.

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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