Who/what is the best marriage advice you have gotten?

*Or what experience has influenced you the most for a better marriage

Sue knew she had relationship problems. She was sure that her husband had a mistress and was agonizing about how to deal with it.

Should she confront him? Would it be better to just pack her bags and leave? Maybe she should pack his bags? Perhaps it would be better to ignore her suspicions and hope that her husband will come to his senses before it’s too late?

Samantha’s long-time partner was a great guy - when he was in a good mood.  It’s just that  he couldn’t resist trying to control everything – and then criticizing and blaming her when things didn’t go just the way he wanted.

These are just a few of the relationship problems women face, of course. There are jealous boyfriends; partners whose impatience turns simple conversations into conflicts; husbands who are curt, difficult, angry, lazy, untidy, drunk, gamblers, unstable and those suffering from all kinds of addictions!

Behind it all are women who simply want to be loved, respected and appreciated.

However, the real solution isn’t frothy. It won’t tell you that the answer to your relationship problems is to buy some new lingerie, spend heaps at the beauty parlor and then go away for a romantic weekend.

It deals with deeper issues that lie at the heart of those difficulties and shows you how you can turn your life around.

With the real solution you can see quick improvement but lasting gains may take longer as you discover how your life can become much more than it is today. How long it takes will depend on how much it means to you. It doesn’t take a lot of effort.

It does require that you make a decision and that you choose a better life.

This means the real solution isn’t for every woman. Most will prefer to have a few action tips (smile, avoid argument, encourage communication, be nice to his friends and family,  etc, etc). Then life continues in much the same way as before. Perhaps it IS better for a brief time. Then it’s back to where you started.

The solution will show you the steps you can take to move from feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. It will show you how to gain more control over your life and  from this will flow more joyful experiences.

That raises another problem, of course: if YOU’RE in control of your life; if you are the captain at the wheel, who is responsible for steering the ship away from the rocks into calmer waters?

The REAL solution is knowing HOW to create a more beautiful life – and then doing it!

A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. There is one that can really help:

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

If you are like many women who seem to experience the same problems with men from relationship to relationship, you are probably wondering if all men are the same. You have probably heard many times that “all men want the same thing.” Some women even come to detest men because of their experiences. Many men think the same about women.

But, if all men really want the same thing, then how do we account for successful relationships? Are they because the women in those relationships are less concerned with men’s behavior and so put up with more? Actually, quite the opposite. The women in those relationships have a high self-regard and would not allow their partner to mistreat them.

In fact, all men and women need the same things. We have survival needs such as those for air, shelter, water, food, etc. We also have emotional needs such as to love, feel loved, feel important, feel secure, and to feel like we belong. And sexual desire is not unique to men.

Some men have learned to get these needs met by being subservient, some by being dominant and some by being jerks Each of these kinds of behaviors attracts a different kind of woman. The reason for this is that some women have also learned to get their needs met by being subservient, dominant, outrageous, etc. Why else do you think they would behave this way?

What kind of man do you think a passive woman is attracted to–a domineering man, of course. Not because she likes his arrogant and controlling behavior, but because she knows how to be a partner for such a man. She knows how to get what she needs from such a man, even if at the same time she hates her relationship. She cannot stand him, but she will never leave him.

When these matched relationships do break up, both the man and woman find new partners who similarly match and thus repeat the same patterns in the new relationship. Having the same experience with men and women relationship after relationship, they conclude that all men and all women are the same.

These people think that their only hope lies in finding a man or woman who is exceptional and rare. They see good men or women as 1 in 1000. All the while, they are surrounded by men and women who are quite different from their usual partners. But, their attraction for these people is just not there. Equally, these people are not attracted to them. A man who is not domineering will have little interest in a passive woman.

For single people, the answer does not lie in finding a “rare” 1 in 1000 man or woman. For women, the answer lies in learning to become more like the women who have healthy relationships. They will then be attracted to healthy men and repelled by the unhealthy ones–a reversal of their usual trend. The healthy men will also be attracted to them. What seemed to be rare before will become abundant for the woman who has learned to live in a better way. The same answer is true for single men.

For people who are already in a relationship that they hate, the answer is neither to breakup nor to put up with the relationship. Breakup would just lead to continuing the same pattern with yet another person.

Putting up with the relationship will just keep you miserable. Just as for single men and women, working with someone like a relationship coach will help you to change your way of relating to your partner. Your partner’s bad ways of getting what he or she wants will no longer work, but they will still be able to get what they need by adjusting to your new behavior.

You change, they change, and the relationship changes. In this way one person changing his or herself really can change his or her relationship for the good and break out of a negative pattern and into a positive one.

Jack Ito PhD is a licensed psychologist and relationship coach. For 14 years he has helped more than 1000 men and women to have better relationships. Get your relationship unstuck with the Relationship Coach newsletter and a Free Relationship Planning Guide. Visit the Relationship Coach Blog for daily relationship advice.

Article Source: ArticleSpan

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Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!

Most relationships that have partners who have only dated several times often do not know their status. These are the “you-don’t-know-till-you-ask” relationships. Most often, men are the ones who do not spill out the word “commitment.”

Women, on the other hand, feel that they are only dating because men just need companions to fill temporarily the position of Ms. Right. This means when a better partner comes, women get dumped. Dating experts say all these negative things reside only in the mind. Hence, what you think or believe, you will definitely achieve.

Online dating also says likewise. Online dating that resulted to long-term relationships needs discussions, plans, and eventually, commitment.

There are many reasons why men are reluctant to commit with their present dates. Perhaps his last relationship did not work well or perhaps he has some problems bothering that concerns relationships such as cultural differences or difficulties of establishing commitment.

If you are dating this type of guy and you really like him, just think positive. Nonetheless, knowing your man’s reasons why he does not commit himself is not enough. Reasons you should look for should be positive, supportive, and good for your present relationship.

What are the most evident red flags to discuss with your man? Here are the danger dating signs:

Know if he is dating another woman. This can really turn the tables in a relationship especially when the woman is committed to a guy playing with other girls
Know if he has a history of fear from committing himself in a serious relationship.

Some guys had bad experiences from their past relationships Know if he’s solely intimate to you. When both of you are already making love, know if you are the only woman he is getting intimate with. Know if he has secrets that can destroy your relationship.

When all of these signs are present, you should sit and talk it out with your man. Never accuse him but involve the things that are already obvious or evident. If he refuses to answer any of your queries, stop seeing him. Nonetheless, if you think that commitment is the only thing absent for your relationship to work, here are some good advices:

If you probably feel that your man does not know you want a commitment or long-term relationship – casually talk it out with him only once. Do not stress commitment every time you date. Men only need one time discussion. Discussion it more often will only produce more complications.

If you observe his refusal to exclusive dating, it is time for you to begin dating other men. This will make you realize your freedom to choose whomever you like to date. This will free you from thinking or analyzing why your man does not want any commitment. Nonetheless, dating experts say that this is not the end nor is it compulsory.

Take some time alone with friends, interests, hobbies, and pampering activities. Your man needs to miss you sometimes, so he would know your value. However, spending a lot of time outside your relationship might result to a definite end. You might eventually forget about the things to resolve in your relationship.

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Love and Harmony