by MeganMorris

Divorce: An Emotional Rollercoaster

-By Re-marriage.com Matrimonials

Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha married Ranvir Singh, at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch.

“Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most. The grief & pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me and Ranvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.” The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband. It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sister Tina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman. They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. But Ranvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments. The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t. It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father. My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms with Ranvir and his present girlfriend. I am into film production and other business”. Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

Model Saurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actress Geeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth. Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

Saurab and Geeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.” He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, but Geeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose. Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.” She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine. I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing. Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at an Restaurent waiter and tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knew Dilip and myself were not right for each other. We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahima says men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. But Sameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahima advises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping. There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you.

Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.” Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.

Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to see Marina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father? After Mahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. As Sameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Re-marriage Matrimonials Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

by tuchodi

Vedic Relationship Astrology

Vedic Relationship Astrology

In Vedic Astrology, relationship compatibility is based upon the Moon and Nakshatras.  The Moon is the mind and feelings of the individual.   It is the Jiva, the idea of separate existence and the Ahamkara, the ego.  In essence, the Moon is our very identity as opposed to the Western Astrological view that the Sun represents the ego.  In Vedic Astrology, the Sun is the Soul, because the Sun is constant.  It never stops shining.  The Moon, however, takes the light of the Sun, as the mind takes the light of the soul, and waxes and wanes.  In other words, the Moon CHANGES.  The Sun does not.  Therefore, the most appropriate planet to represent the individual is the Moon.

The Vedic compatibility techniques are very simple, yet very profound.  Since they are based upon the Nakshatras, these techniques are exceptionally ancient and come directly from the Rishis.  Many will say that these techniques are outdated and do not work in modern society because relationships between men and women have changed enormously.  While the cultural norms of relationships have changed, the dynamic of two people interacting with each other have not, and these techniques apply just as well today as they did thousands of years ago.  What is a relationship?  It is two people relating to each other and the needs and emotions of this exchange never change.  As you will see as you read further, these techniques are so insightful into the human psyche,  their profoundness has not diminished in the least.

A relationship consists of two people relating and for that to happen there must always be masculine energy and feminine energy, whether it is a man and a woman, two women, two men, a teacher and student or a parent and child.  There is ALWAYS a male/female dynamic happening.  When male/female dynamic is stated, please throw out all concepts of what male/female is.  Masculine energy is dynamic, initiating, steadfast energy and feminine energy is receptive, accommodating, changeable energy.  Masculine energy wants to be loved for what it does and when it does good, it feels good.  Feminine energy wants to be loved for what it is, and when it feels good, it does good.  An example would be when one person talks, another must listen, otherwise you have two people talking at the same time, in which case they are not relating, or you have neither one talking, in which case there is no relationship.  This is not to say that in a heterosexual couple, the woman is always receptive and the man is always dynamic.  I am just explaining what masculine and feminine energy are and how they are always at play in creation and in relationships.

The Sun and the Moon

In every horoscope, the Sun represents the masculine principle and the Moon, the feminine principle.  Parasara clearly defines what the Sun is in the following sutra,

The Sun has honey colored eyes, square body; he is of clean habits, is bilious, intelligent, manly and has limited hair on his head.

BPHS, Chapter 3, verse 23

The Sun has a square body.  When you set a square down it stays put.  If you leave it, you can walk away and know when you come back it will still be there.  This makes the Sun steadfast and goal-oriented.  When the Sun (or masculine energy) makes a plan to do something, they stick with it, no matter if they don’t feel like doing it.  This is a quality of healthy masculine energy.  The Sun is bilious meaning it has qualities of Pitta, the fire dosha.  The nature of Pitta is competitive and masculine energy has the quality of always wanting to compete and be the best.  The Sun is intelligent, meaning masculine energy uses logic to know something.  The Sun has limited hair.  Hair is the most out of control thing on our bodies.  Our hair keeps a record of our past.  The Sun is not concerned with the past; that is why he has no hair on his head.  Nor is the Sun is concerned with what is beyond his control.

Parasara describes the Moon, the feminine principle, in the following sutra,

“Abounding in Vata and Kapha and filled with knowing is the Moon of round body, O’ Twice Born, auspiciously eyed, of sweet speech, fluctuating and love sick”

The Moon is lovesick, its feminine energy must be receptive to something, otherwise, it feels empty.  This makes feminine energy more concerned with relationships.  I realize this is not very PC, but I must tell the truth after doing hundreds of horoscopes.  Almost inevitably, women want to know about relationships first.  The men also want to know about relationships, but only after career and wealth, unless they want a consultation specifically about relationships. The Moon represents the principle of change.  The Moon is of round body and when you put something down that is round, it rolls away.  Like the Moon changes each night waxing and waning, so does the feminine energy change with feelings.  The Moon is “filled with knowing”, therefore the Moon does not need logic to know something, the Moon just knows, like women’s intuition.  An example:  A man and a woman want to buy a car.  The man gets out the magazines, measures for clearance, does the research on MPG and all the rest.  The woman looks at a selection of cars and says, “I want that one”.  This is not to say that the woman never uses her logic.  It just means that most of the time, her decisions and actions will be based upon her feelings which will usually be correct.  If the Moon is afflicted, that shows affairs more than anything in the horoscope.

A woman is always 51% or more of feminine energy and a man is always 51% or more of masculine energy.  The principle is that the Sun, as the dynamic masculine force, rules men and the Moon as the receptive female force rules women. Of course, all men have a feminine side and all women have a masculine side, and they are often used, but these are not the overriding principles in the identity and especially with regard to relationships.

Assessing an Individual’s Capacity for Relationships

Before looking at the compatibility, the individual charts must be assessed to determine if the person will even enjoy being in a relationship and if they have the tools with which to make their partners happy and fulfilled.  If the individual chart is showing selfishness and fear, then it will be that much more difficult for the person and their partners to be happy within a relationship, so it is very important to assess certain factors within the individual horoscope first.

The Sun and Man’s Capability

We will start with the Male gender.  When it comes to men, happiness is all about capability and confidence.  Masculine energy is dynamic and initiating, therefore it feels best when it can be this way unobstructed.  Capability and confidence are indicated by the Sun.  It is necessary to determine if the man has more masculine or feminine influence to his Sun.  This is not to say that if feminine signs prevail in his horoscope, he will be unhappy in a relationship.  It simply means that he will be a little more laid back, a little more receptive and not as dynamic in his actions.  In regards to the Masculine and Feminine signs influencing a man or a woman, you look for these factors:

Placement of the Sun in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Ascendant in Masculine or Feminine Sign Placement of the Moon in Masculine or Feminine Sign Day or Night Birth, Day being masculine and Night being feminine

You look for these 4 factors in the Rasi Chart and also the Trimsamsa chart or D-30, the 30th divisional chart.  This varga has a tremendous amount to say about the person’s character and health.  It distinguishes people born in the same place at the same time within minutes of each other.  You also look for these 4 factors in the Navamsa as this varga rules the marriage and relationship life.  These factors in the Navamsa will reveal the masculine and feminine energy flow within the relationship but not as part of their natural character.  In regards to the 2 vargas assessed, you do not take into account the day or night birth.

Mahabaghya Yoga or Great Fortune Yoga is a yoga dependent upon the aforementioned factors.  This is present in a man’s chart if the Sun, Moon and Ascendant are all within masculine signs and he was born during the day.  How do you tell if someone was born in the day or night?  If they were born during the day, the Sun is above the horizon or between the 7th and 1st house, namely in the 8th through 12th houses.  The Sun is below the horizon, therefore the person is born during night, if the Sun is in houses 2 – 6.  If the Sun is in the 1st house but has a higher degree than the Ascendant, then the person is born at night.  If the Sun’s degree is less than the Ascendant’s, then the person is born during the day, or the Sun has just risen.  If the Sun is in the 7th house and it has higher degrees than the Descendant, then the person is born during the day.  Consequently, if the Sun is in the 7th house and the degree is less than the Ascendant, the person is born at night and the Sun has just set.  Mahabagya Yoga for a male will make him very dynamic and a real go-getter.  He will have supreme confidence to set goals and meet them and will find much happiness in his life.

After one has assessed the prevalence of masculine or feminine energies, then the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun must be assessed.  The 10th house has to do with one’s power and how one takes care of their responsibilities.  It is called the House of Karma and shows the action we must take in the world.  Malefics conjoined or aspecting the Sun will harm the confidence and the feeling of capability.  Benefics joined or aspecting the Sun will enhance the confidence and the feeling of capability. In addition, malefics or benefics in the 10th house from the Ascendant and the 10th house from the Sun will harm or enhance the confidence and capability.

Gentle Planets or Saumya Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Sun, or the 10th house from the Ascendant will make the man get things done in a gentle or easy way.  If there are cruel planets or Krura Grahas influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun, then the man will be more pushy and aggressive in what he wants and take anger and frustration out on others.  Malefics or cruel planets always spread around their negativity while gentle planets or benefics keep their negativity to themselves and spread around their good will.

The influence of cruel planets to the Sun, 10th house from the Ascendant and/or 10th house from Sun will also hurt the confidence and feeling of capability.  Saturn influencing the Sun or 10th house will seriously hurt the confidence and inhibit the actions the man takes to get what he wants.  Saturn and the Sun are enemies and Saturn’s influence to the Sun, the masculine energy or to the 10th house of power and authority, will keep the man out of touch with his dynamic, initiatory energy.  If, in addition, there is a heavy influence of feminine signs in the chart, this will be a man who will have ideas of what he wants his life to be like, but never really act on them.  In his romantic life, this type of man usually just falls into a relationship because it is convenient and ends up with a woman who calls the shots.  He is still a man, so he does not like being dictated to, but because his masculine energy is so suppressed he does not act to get out of the situation and will stay in it until something better comes along.

For a man, Rahu influencing the Sun or the 10th house is not as detrimental as Saturn.  Rahu externalizes energy, so Rahu with the Sun will externalize the energy of the Sun, making him appear very dynamic and charismatic.  Internally, however, he is not so sure about his masculine identity.  He is capable, but can be a little overbearing and even arrogant because he is compensating.

Ketu with the Sun or influencing the 10th house will internalize the masculine energy and will make him self-doubting and self-effacing on the surface.  Inwardly, he will be very confident in his masculine identity and will be logical and opinionated.  Similarly, Mars influencing the Sun will make him opinionated, but also pushy, aggressive, and if Mars is afflicted, angry.  Mars influencing the Sun and/or the 10th house with a predominant amount of feminine signs will give the man a healthy dose of frustration which he will take out on others. He will have some hindrances in his capacity to make things happen and to feel good about what he can accomplish.

The bottom line is that cruel planets influencing the Sun, the 10th house from the Ascendant or the 10th house from the Sun are more important when weighing the negative affects to a man’s masculine energy than the influence of feminine signs.

Women and Receptive Yogas

The Receptivity Yogas mentioned in the classical texts are named “Chastity” yogas.  However, since these yogas have nothing to do with whether a woman has sex or not and more to do with how receptive a woman is, I have renamed these yogas “Receptivity Yogas”.  In the times these texts were written, an enormous amount of attention was paid to the details of a woman’s sexual life, so these yogas guaranteed or not if a woman was chaste.  Nowadays, the norms regarding a woman’s sexuality are not what they were and these yogas have really nothing to do with a woman’s sexuality anyway.  They have to do with what a woman is receptive to and whether one trusts life and especially if there are a lot of fear and control issues.  The first yoga mentioned will measure how much masculine/feminine energy a female has.  If she has more masculine energy, she will be more dynamic and initiatory in her actions.  This, of course, does not mean she won’t be happy in a relationship, but rather she likes to initiate and be actively engaged in activity most of the time as opposed to just being.  She is decisive and goal – oriented.  But because she is a woman and as stated before, women want to be loved for who they are and not what they do, it will be more difficult for her to be receptive to what life brings and therefore her man.  Since she has a lot of masculine energy, she will tend to compete with her man.  And since men are competitive by nature, the man will automatically compete with her instead of cherish her which is what she really craves.  Please keep in mind that this does not mean a woman with a lot of masculine energy will have disastrous relationships.  It just means she does very well on her own and has trouble receiving.

In a woman’s chart, the Moon is more important than the Sun for determining happiness.  If a woman has all four masculine factors (the Sun, Moon, Ascendant in masculine signs and she was born during the day), then it will be very difficult to be receptive to a man and completely happy and fulfilled within a relationship.  This is called a reverse Mahabhagya Yoga.  If the woman has all four factors in feminine signs and was born during the night or a Mahabhagya Yoga, then she will be enormously in touch with her feelings and her feelings will never lead her astray.  She will be receptive to the good things that life brings her and reject that which will make her unhappy.

Malefics influencing the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant and the 4th house from the Moon will hurt the woman’s ability to trust and make her receptive to fear.  The 4th house rules where things collect like lakes and ponds, so it rules what a person is receptive to.  The most damaging malefics to have in the 4th house from the Ascendant, the 4th house from the Moon or influencing the Moon are Saturn and Rahu.  Saturn rules fear of the known and Rahu rules fear of the unknown.  When Saturn influences the factors just mentioned, the woman does not trust life.  And if she does not trust life, how will she trust her man?  Saturn will make the woman want to control everything to provide for her security.  She sees all the potential disasters that could happen and takes steps to make sure these things do not happen.  In other words, she is full of worry, which is another form of fear, and does not trust that anyone can get the job done, except for her, and even then she is not sure she can ward off disaster by herself.

When Rahu influences the factors of the Moon and 4th house, then she is receptive to fear of the unknown, and will also make her want to control but also a little unstable.  Rahu in the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, in addition to making her a little emotionally volatile, will give wild mood swings.  Rahu influencing the Moon by being conjoined to it will give an extremely alluring feminine quality that is very attractive to men.  Internally, however, the woman will not feel comfortable with her own femininity and it will feel quite foreign to her.  The emotions will also be privy to wild swings of mood.

The whole idea here is that when Rahu and/or Saturn influence the Moon, the 4th house from the Ascendant or the 4th house from the Moon, then she has a lot of difficulty trusting life and therefore her partner.  She is privy to fear and worry and will have control issues.

Mars influencing the Moon, 4th house from the Ascendant or 4th from Moon will give the woman very strong opinions.  Mars is our opinions and with the Moon will show how forcefully we cling to them.  Mars is our idea of how things should and should not be.  The Sun in the 4th house or 4th from Moon will make her initiate when she should be receptive and she will have trouble really listening to others.  Ketu is the least malefic and will just internalize the feminine energy making her appear aloof and cold when inside, she is anything but.  She will be very sensitive and emotional but will not appear this way to others.

After all is said and done, most people want to be in a relationship.  It is a very real human need.  But sometimes, when certain types of people do get into relationships, and inevitably every time they get into one, they lament “I just don’t feel like myself” or “I hate myself when I’m in a relationship” or they are just very unhappy and emotionally unstable.  Usually it is due to one of the factors mentioned above when they just cannot seem to be happy within a relationship no matter with whom it is.

The Importance of Venus in Relationships

Another factor worth mentioning that can cause a lot of frustration within a relationship for men and women is a combust, impaired or debilitated Venus.  And one must look for this in the Rasi, Navamsa and the Trimsamsa.  Look for combustion only in the Rasi as it is an astronomical phenomenon.

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Venus rules worth and value.  The moolatrikona sign of Venus is Libra, the Scales.  A less than ideal Venus will give a person issues with his/her self-worth and own value.  When Venus is beat up in a horoscope, the person has a skewed idea of the value of things and of their own worth.  A relationship is all about sharing and relating.  Venus being inauspicious will harm the sense of sharing a person has.  If they think they are worth being abused, then they will get abuse.

When Venus is combust, it is angry and frustrated and the self or soul is so identified with the Venusian energy that to be rejected is an outright rejection of the person’s very existence.  They do not have any confidence in wielding romantic and affectionate feelings because a combust planet has very low Cheshta Bala.  Cheshta means “confidence”.  They feel uncomfortable and are outright turned off by odious displays of affection.  They also do not feel confident in expressing affection.  Often times, they will reject a partner or be the instigator of ending a relationship due to the fact they cannot handle rejection in any way, shape or form.  Venus in debilitation puts the planet asleep so these people with Venus in Virgo also have a very hard time expressing romantic feelings but for different reasons.  It is not because of their fear of rejection but because they are just not in touch with that part of themselves, nor are they in touch with their feelings of  worth and value as a partner within a relationship.

It must be mentioned here that it is very important to look at Venus in the Navamsa and Trimsamsa as well and weigh all of the factors.  If Venus is in Virgo in the Rasi chart but exalted in the Navamsa and in its own sign in the Trimsamsa, then the fact that it is in good dignity in the relationship chart will go a long way to help Venus.  Overall the person will do quite well in sharing with a partner and being able to express their affection.

When Venus is conjoined a malefic then it is called “impaired” and cannot function to its full capacity.  Saturn in the worst.  Saturn joined with Venus will starve Venus.  Saturn is the air element and it tends to dry things out. The person will feel starved or thirsty for love.  Saturn will delay love gratification and the person will have negative experiences in love until he or she overcomes some negative karmas.

Rahu with Venus causes the person to have intense, hypnotic attractions to people until they enter into a relationship with the person.  The attraction usually turns out to be an attraction to a specific quality of the partner and once that quality is consumed, then the native with Rahu conjoined Venus will move on and leave the relationship.  Rahu is unconscious desire.  Rahu is the reason we incarnate, to have life experiences in the realm that Rahu touches through Sign and House placement and also through those experiences represented by planets Rahu conjoins.  Venus in conscious desire and relationships, so when the both Venus and Rahu get together, the person is at the mercy of their desires.  This is an aspect that is also indicative of affairs.  When a Venus/Rahu person enters into a relationship where the attraction is not all consuming and hypnotizing, then you know that that relationship has a good chance of being long term and stable.

Mars with Venus usually indicates that a man has been abused by a woman or a woman has been abused by a man.  This does not necessarily mean physical abuse, although it can mean that.  The underlying meaning is that the person has been taken advantage of by the opposite sex.

Compatibility Part 2 – Assessing Compatibility

Important:  As an astrologer, I always use the Tropical Zodiac for reasons which are explained on my website.  I also use Equatorial Nakshatras, not Nakshatras with ecliptical longitude.  In some cases utilizing Equatorial Nakshatras, a person’s Nakshatra will change because all Nakshatras are not equal in length.  In this system, some Nakshatras are longer than 13 degrees 20 minutes and some are shorter.  I have found these systems, the Tropical Zodiac and Equatorial Nakshatras, to be much more accurate than the Sidereal Zodiac and Ecliptical Nakshatras.  If one has Vedic software, and does a compatibility knowing the dynamics of a couple, and the result just does not make sense, I humbly suggest that one try these novel systems and assess the different results.

Compatible and Incompatible vs. The Price to be Paid

Ironically, this is an article about relationship compatibility, however, the reality is there is no such thing as compatible or incompatible.  There is only, “Are you willing to pay the price?”  The price to be paid to be with the person you like may be too high to be worth the trouble.  Or, in the case of high compatibility, the price is low.  It is all about what an individual is willing to give for the relationship.  As said before, Venus’s moolatrikona sign is Libra, the Scales.  Venus, as the karaka of relationships, by its very nature, weighs the good and the bad or the pros and the cons, and decides whether it is worth it or not.  Compatibility assessment is a tool to show the individual at the very beginning whether it is worth it or not.

Vedha and Rajju, The Two Major Blemishes

Vedha

Certain Nakshatras are “Vedha” to each other.  Vedha simply means obstruction.  When present, the couple can never really get off the ground, there is always something preventing them from being together the way they want to be.  Our destiny is mapped out by the Moon since the Vimsottari dasa is the Moon progressing through the Nakshatras.  If our birth Nakshatras are obstructing each other, then our destinies are obstructing each other.  If these couples with Vedha actually do make it to the altar, which almost never happens, then there is something in the outer world preventing them from fully being together.  More often than not, it is outer circumstances that are obstructing the couple instead of painful emotional issues, passive/aggressiveness or unhealthy co-dependence.  These things just mentioned are the realm of Rajju.  The destinies of married individuals are almost one.  If your spouse becomes wealthy, then you become wealthy.  If your spouse becomes poor, then so do you.  If your spouse becomes ill, then you must care for them.  When two destinies are not jiving, then the people cannot get together no matter how hard they try.  There are no exceptions to Vedha.

Rajju

Rajju is another serious dosha or affliction.  Rajju means “rope” and it ropes the couple to misfortune.  It also ropes the couple to each other in an unhealthy, co-dependent way.  These are the couples you see constantly breaking up and getting back together.  They are addicted to the drama of the relationship.  Rajju binds the couple in five different areas:  at the feet, at the hip, at the navel, at the neck and at the head.  It must be kept in mind that couples with the same Nakshatra will always have Rajju.  They are in a different category.  Couples with the same Nakshatra will be explained later on in this article.

The classic texts say that Rajju in the feet will bind the couple to wandering.  This means there will be many ups and downs within the relationship and it won’t be able to stand on its feet.  The relationship will have “its feet pulled out from under it”.  The couple will never feel really secure within the relationship.

If Rajju is in the hip, it will cause poverty.  This can manifest as actual poverty for the couple, but in most cases it is a metaphor for the fact that the couple feels like they are giving up something to be in the relationship.  Both people feel a lack and the feeling is very pronounced.

The classic texts say that if Rajju is in the navel, there will be loss of children.  This can mean that the couple will be childless, or the children will be a major source of stress to the couple.  It also means that the couple will have a very hard time creating together and will find it difficult to work on projects together.

Rajju in the neck will cause the wife to die.  This does not literally mean that the wife will die.  It is a metaphor for an energy drain.  The neck symbolizes choices.  You turn your neck from left to right to see your options.  Women are more prone to liking choices than men.  As mentioned before, feminine energy is receptive.  Therefore it is receptive to what comes its way and will take the best option.  It is all about options.  When a man is courting a woman, he presents her with situations and activities.  If she does not like what he presents her with, then it is his job to offer another option.  When there is Rajju at the neck, there are no other options presented and the female is basically forced to accept only one situation or activity.  This is extremely frustrating to feminine energy and therefore the female becomes drained in a relationship.

If Rajju is at the head, then the husband will die.  The head represents the logic and dynamic energy.  Dynamic energy is masculine energy.  When the dynamic energy is frustrated, then nothing ever happens.  Feminine energy needs something to be receptive to.  If there is nothing there, which is what happens when there is Rajju at the head, then there is no relationship.  Incidentally, in my practice, I have never seen a couple with Rajju at the head.

The following Nakshatras show which Rajju they will have:

Feet:  Asvini, Aslesha, Magha, Jyeshtha, Moola, Revati

Hip:  Bharani, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni,  Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Uttara Bhadra Pada.

Neck:  Rohini, Ardra, Hasta, Svati, Sravana, Shatabishak.

Navel:  Krittika, Punarvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, purva Bhadra Pada.

Head:  Mrigashira, Chitra, Dhanishta.

There are exceptions to Rajju.  Rajju is only completely cancelled when there is Strii Dirgha, full Graha Maitram, Tara Kuta and Mahendra.  If these four are present, then Rajju becomes manageable.  If there are three or less present, then Rajju becomes a major problem within the relationship.  These are explained shortly.

Capacity and Receptivity Yogas will tell if a person will be happy in a relationship.  It is important to remember that a person is exactly where they need to be at any given moment.  If they are going through a relationship that causes pain, and their compatibility is less than ideal, then this experience is just as important as an experience of a relationship with high compatibility.  It is important to reiterate the concept of non-judgment when it comes to relationships.

Strii Dirgha “Long Woman”

Unlike the previous mentioned blemishes of Vedha and Rajju, Strii Dirgha is something that is definitely desired within a relationship.  It is very important that a couple have Strii Dirgha.  Energy will take the easiest, shortest path or the path of least resistance.  Imagine a circle and around the circle are the Nakshatras.  The energy is flowing around the circle in a clockwise direction.  In order for the couple to have Strii Dirgha, the shortest distance should be from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon.  If the shortest distance is from the Man’s moon to the Woman’s moon, then the energy begins with the male and is received by the female.  If the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then she becomes the initiator in the relationship and Strii Dirgha is not present.  The Man’s moon must be at least fourteen Nakshatras away from the Woman’s moon for Strii Dirgha to be present.  There is a 50% chance that Strii Dirgha will be present for a couple.  Considering the fact that about 50% of marriages end in divorce, we can see these statistics manifesting.  To give an example so this can be visualized, if a Man’s moon is in Pisces and the Woman’s moon is in Gemini, then Strii Dirgha is present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Man’s moon and going to the Woman’s moon.  If the Woman’s moon is in Gemini and the Man’s Moon is in Libra, then Strii Dirgha is not present.  The shortest distance is starting with the Woman’s moon and going to the Man’s moon.

When Strii Dirgha is not present, or when the shortest distance is from the Woman’s moon to the Man’s moon, then the Woman is thrust into the role of initiator and the Man is thrust into the receptive role.  In a female brain the energy travels much faster between the left and right hemispheres.  Therefore, a female is able to instantly know how she feels about something.  When remembering the explanation of the Moon, she is adaptable and is round, meaning she rolls with the changes.  In a Man’s brain, it takes up to 20 minutes for him to know how he feels about something.  The energy travels much more slowly between the hemispheres.  Therefore, when the female approaches her man with an idea or an activity, it is much harder for him to stop what he is doing and see how he feels about it.  While he is trying to figure out how he feels, she is getting frustrated and impatient.  The end result is that the man feels nagged and pressured, and the woman feels unloved and unappreciated.  This is just one example of what happens when Strii Dirgha is not present.

It is realized that in every relationship, sometimes the woman initiates and the man is receptive.  But in a relationship without Strii Dirgha, the fundamental energy flow starts with the woman and goes to the man, so it is a quality of the relationship.  The gist is that the woman ends up feeling unimportant and the man feels redundant.  Strii Dirgha is usually noticed in a relationship right away and is cause for quite an energy drain.  If the couple has over 20 Kuta points, then having no Strii Dirgha is manageable.  They are on the same wavelength enough to know that the woman is not trying to nag her man and that the man is not being inattentive because he doesn’t love her, this is just the energy dynamic between the two of them.  High points with other mitigating factors like Vasya and Mahendra also go a long way to help the lack of Strii Dirgha.  But if the total kuta points are not over 20, then having no Strii Dirgha will weigh upon the relationship and the relationship may be more trouble than it is worth.  The two people will never benefit from having a proper masculine/feminine energy flow.

Ashta Kutas

Ashta means eight and Kutas means points.  There are eight categories from which to judge the energy flow within a relationship from a maximum total of 36 points. Anything over 20 is considered good and marriage is recommended. Between 16 and 20 is considered OK, and the couple can make it if they do not have any major blemishes, have Strii Dirgha, and sincerely love each other.  Below 16 is considered very low and the price to be paid for staying in the relationship will be more than it is worth.  A description of each category follows.  The more points awarded a category, the more important it is.  If the points are very low in a category that is worth a lot of points, the couple will have an enhanced awareness of this problem within their relationship.

Nadi Kuta

Nadi literally means vein and is the Dosha of the Nakshatra.  There are three doshas, windy, fiery and watery.  The windy Nakshatras are: Asvini, Ardra, Punurvasu, Uttara Phalguni, Hasta, Jyestha, Moola, Shatabishak, Purva Bhadra Pada.

The fiery Nakshatras are:  Bharani Mrigashira, Pushya, Purva Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, Dhanishta Uttara Bhadra Pada.

The watery Nakshatras are:  Kirttika, Rohini, Aslesha, Magha, Svati, Vishaka, Uttara Ashada, Sravana, Revati.

For the category of Nadi, there are eight possible points to be gained.  Nadi is therefore the most important out of the 8 categories because one stands to lose the most points.  If the couple has the same dosha for their Nakshatras, then they receive 0 points and it is highly conspicuous between the two of them.  This creates an excess of the dosha.  If there is an excess of water, the relationship is riding an emotional roller coaster as water is associated with emotions.  Everything becomes an emotional issue and when dealing with seemingly mundane, everyday things, the couple will become overly emotional about it.  This lends itself to a tremendous energy drain on the relationship and much co-dependence.  The ancient texts state that the “woman will die” if the couple has the watery nadi.  This does not mean that the woman will literally die.  It is a metaphor for the fact that the constant emotional up and down of the relationship causes her to feel there is a lack of serious commitment, therefore she feels insecure.

If the couple have a windy nadi, the ancient texts state here, as well, that the “woman will die”.  Wind causes many changes, confusion, and takes away a strong focus resulting in a relationship that lacks a firm foundation.  When the woman knows that the relationship is lacking in stability, she begins to feel insecure and since a woman’s confidence is enormously based upon how she feels as opposed to what she does, this windy nadi will cause her much emotional distress and depression.

If the couple have a fiery nadi, the ancient texts state that the “husband will die”.  An excess of fire facilitates anger, aggression and frustration in the couple.  Too much anger provides an energy drain on men, because when men get angry, it is their feminine side surfacing because they cannot deal with the situation at hand.  When a man gets angry, he loses his composure, capability and confidence to handle the situation.  When it comes to happiness for men, it’s all about capability and confidence.  Fiery nadi facilitates an energy drain in men that is why the texts say “the husband will die”.  It does not mean literal death.

Bha Kuta

“Bha” is another word for sign, like Aries, Taurus, etc.  Bha Kuta is worth a total of 7 points, so very important and if missing, will be felt by the couple.  Bha Kuta states that the Moon signs of the couple should not be in a 6/8, 2/12/ or 5/9 relationship with each other.  For example, to attain 7 points of Bha Kuta, if the woman’s moon is in Pisces, the man’s moon should not be in Leo or Libra (6/8), Aquarius or Aries (2/12), Cancer or Scorpio (5/9).  If the Moons of the couple fall in these positions, 0 points are given.

A 6/8 relationship between the moon’s will cause arguing and discord and many abrupt changes, all things related to the 6th and 8th houses.

A 2/12 relationship between the moon’s will cause loss, a feeling of lack and/or poverty in the couple.

A 5/9 relationship, one would expect to be quite nice because the 5th and 9th houses are the most beneficial houses in the horoscope.  These houses are the most beneficial houses but only in the sense of the self.  The 1/5/9 houses are houses of the self.  They are the fire triad.  When there is an emphasis on those houses, the person can be highly self-sufficient and does not like to rely on others or provide give and take.  When this relationship is present between the moons of a couple, they tend to want to teach each other, inspire each other and “get one up” on the other.  Both of the individuals want to be the leader and they tend to compete.  If the moons are in this relationship, the couple will notice this dynamic in their interaction.

Gana Kuta

Gana means ‘race’ and refers to whether the Nakshatras of the moons are the race of devas ‘gods’, manushas ‘humans’, or rakshasas ‘demons’.  The following is a list of the Nakshatras and their race:

Deva “gods”:  Asvini, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushya, Hasta, Svati, Anuradha, Sravana, Revati

Manusha ‘human’:  Bharani, Rohini, Ardra, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Purva Ashada, Uttara Ashada, Purva Bhadra Pada, Uttara Bhadra Pada

Rakshasa “demon”: Krittika, Aslesha, Magha, Chitra, Vishaka, Jyeshtha, Mula, Dhanishta, Shatabishak

Deva Nakshatras are calm, serene, kind, polite and steadfast.  They stand on an even keel.  Human Nakshatras are industrious and innovative.  Demon Nakshatras are temperamental, unpredictable, intense and eccentric.

If the couple’s moons are of the same race, then 6 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a human moon, then 3 points are given.  If the Woman has a Deva moon and the Man has a demon moon, then 1 point is given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a Deva moon, then 5 points are given.  If the Woman is a human moon and the Man is a demon moon, then 3 points are given.  If the woman is a demon moon and the man is a deva or human moon, the no points are given.

You will notice that the woman who has her moon in a demon Nakshatra gets the short end of the stick.  In a relationship, this woman will only receive points for this kuta if she is in a relationship with a man that also has a demon moon.  The reason for this is that a Rakshasa woman is highly temperamental and emotional.  She goes through many severe mood swings and tends to be very independent.  Relationship constraints and the natural give and take of a relationship will make her feel suppressed.  If the moon in a woman’s chart is also highly inauspicious due to aspects by Krura Grahas and Krura Grahas being placed within the 4th house from the Ascendant or Moon, then it will make her that much more fearful and temperamental, causing great distress within her psyche.  If the woman with a demon moon has beneficial aspects to her moon in the Rasi, then that will go a long way to smooth over emotional turbulence and severe mood swings.  She will still be highly eccentric but will have a brighter outlook.  A man with a demon moon will be able to appreciate a woman with a demon moon because his nature is the same and he will be able to understand her.

Graha Maitram Kuta

Graha Maitram means ‘planetary friendship’.  If the lords of the moons are friendly, then it goes a long way in understanding each other and having things in common.  Mutual likes and dislikes make the couple want to spend time together and have hobbies and mutual interests.  If the lords of the moons are inimical then usually the couple ends up wanting to do different things at the same time and as a result, end up spending less quality time together.

If the lords or the Moon signs of the couple are:

Mutual friends or the same:                       5 points

One friendly and the other neutral:          4 points

Both neutral:                                                 3 points

One an enemy and the other friendly:      1 point

One an enemy and the other neutral:       .5 points

Both enemies:                                               0 points

If the Moon signs are in the 7th house from each other, ex:  Capricorn and Cancer, then this is considered highly auspicious and no matter the relationship between the lords of the moons, the couple receives the full 5 points for Graha Maitram.

The friendship/enemy/neutral relationships referred to are the natural planetary relationships according to Parasara.

Yoni Kuta

Yoni means ‘source’.  Some people translate it as the female sexual organ or vagina and it does mean that as well.  The vagina is the physical source of life.  The maximum points for yoni kuta is 4.  Each Nakshatra has an animal symbol.  The yoni of the Nakshatra is the sexual organ of that animal.  In times of extreme stress or in very intense situations, such as sex, a person falls back on his instinctive nature, which is his Nakshatra’s animal.  If the yonis of the couple are the same or friendly, then during times of stress and sex, their primal natures are compatible and they are able to get through the experience with a heightened awareness and appreciation for each other.  If the yonis are unfriendly or enemies, then the individuals will react to stressful situations in vastly different ways and perhaps will not be able to understand and appreciate the way the partner handles these situations.

The animals representing the Nakshatras are as follows:

Horse:  Asvini (male), Shatabishak (female)

Elephant:  Bharani (male), Revati (female)

Sheep:  Pushya (male), Krittika (female)

Snake:  Rohini (male), Mrigashira (female)

Dog:  Mula (male), Ardra (female)

Cat:  Punurvasu (Female), Aslesha (male)

Rat:  Magha (male), Purva Phalguni (female)

Cow:  Uttara Phalguni (male), Uttara Bhadra Pada (female)

Buffalo:  Svati (male), Hasta (female)

Tiger:  Vishaka (male), Chitra (female)

Hare:  Jyeshtha (male), Anuradha (female)

Monkey:  Purva Ashada (male), Sravana (female)

Mongoose:  Uttara Ashada (male)

Lion:  Purva Bhadra Pada (male), Dhanishta (female)

Tara Kuta

Tara means star and it refers to the number of Nakshatras the man’s moon is away from the woman’s moon.  Starting with the woman’s moon, count the number of Nakshatras to the man’s moon and then divide by nine.  To have Tara Kuta, the remainder should not be 3, 5 or 7.  You do not count inclusively, like you do with houses.  The Tara of 3, 5 and 7 is obstructive for the woman to be receptive to what the man offers her.  Tara Kuta is worth 3 points and if absent, is not that noticeable.

Vasya Kuta

Vasya means “dutiful”, “subjected to”.  There are four types of signs when it comes to Vasya Kuta.  The Quadruped signs are Aries, Taurus, 2nd half of Sagittarius, 1st half of Capricorn.  The Human signs are Gemini, Virgo, Libra, 1st half of Sagittarius, and Aquarius.  The “moving in water” signs are Cancer, 2nd half of Capricorn, and Pisces.  The ‘moving in wilderness’ sign is Leo.  And the insect sign is Scorpio.

All signs are Vasya, (dutiful, subjected to) the sign of Leo except for Scorpio.

All signs except Leo are Vasya to the Human signs.

The “moving in water” signs are food for the human signs.

The quadruped signs are food for the wild sign, Leo.

The most points to be gained are 2.  If the couples moon’s are within the same category, then they earn 2 points.

If one of the couple’s moons is Vasya to the other, then they earn 1 point.

If one of the couple’s moons in Vasya to the other, but the other half of the couple’s moons in food for the other one, the .5 points are gained.

If there is no Vasya between the couple’s moons, then 0 points are gained.

Varna Kuta

Varna means ‘caste’.  Feminine energy is more receptive and malleable than masculine energy, so it is better for a woman to marry or be in a relationship with a man of a higher caste.

Brahmin Caste:  Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Kshatriyas (warrior) Caste:  Aries, Leo and Sagittarius

Vaisyas:  Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo

Sudras:  Libra, Aquarius and Gemini

If the man is of a higher caste or if the couple’s moons are of the same caste, then one point is earned.

Extra Special Qualities (Upaskaras)

Vasya

Unlike the Vasya mentioned in the Kutas, this Vasya is based upon sign placement, not Nakshatra placement.  As said before, Vasya means “subjected to”.  If one of the couple;s moons is Vasya to the other, then they are magnetically attracted to that person and there is an element of “I’ll do anything for you”.  This can even apply to other kinds of relationships, like platonic friendships, as well.  It is better if the man has Vasya to the woman, because feminine energy tends to be more devoted and attached anyway, whereas masculine energy is more independent.  Having the woman’s moon Vasya to the man’s moon is also very good and if the couple has great compatibility due to points and lack of serious afflictions, then Vasya adds an extra comfort and kindness to the relationship.  If the relationship ends or the compatibility is much less than ideal, then having Vasya can make a situation of unrequited love or pining for the relationship long after it is over.   In some instances, both moons are Vasya to each other.  The following are the signs and the signs they are Vasya to:

Aries:  Leo and Scorpio are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Taurus:  Cancer and Libra are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Gemini:  Virgo is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Cancer:  Scorpio and Sagittarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Leo:  Libra is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Virgo:  Pisces and Gemini are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Libra:  Capricorn and Virgo are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Scorpio:  Cancer is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Sagittarius: Pisces is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Capricorn:  Aries and Aquarius are Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Aquarius:  Aries is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Pisces:  Capricorn is Vasya or ‘subjected to’

Mahendra

Mahendra means purposefulness.  When the couple has Mahendra, it is like a glue even if the compatibility is less than average.  If the compatibility is above average, Mahendra really adds purpose and meaning to the relationship.  Personally, I do not believe is soul mates.  But if there is anything that comes close to having a soul mate connection, Mahendra would be it.  The couple can wake up in the morning and know that they are meant to be together and that they have a special purpose for being together.  In relationships that have serious afflictions and low points, Mahendra will usually keep the couple together even if they both desire to leave the relationship.  Mahendra is the only thing that makes up for low points (below 15).  Mahendra, by itself, does not make up for lack of Strii Dirgha or Vedha or Rajju.  In order for the couple to have Mahendra, the Nakshatra of the man’s moon must be placed in the 4th, 7th, 10th, 13th, 16th, 19th, 22nd, or 25th from the woman’s Nakshatra.

Special Cases – Same Nakshatra

Three categories exist when coupling with the same Nakshatra: good, medium and bad.  When the couple has the same Nakshatra, certain problems will always be present like Rajju, having the same Nadi and no Strii Dirgha.  In some instances, these blemishes will not apply.  These Nakshatras are in the good category and will not experience the problems associated with the blemishes mentioned:  Rohini, Ardra, Magha, Hasta, Vishaka, Sravana, Uttarabhadrapada, or Revati.  Practicality and an absence of any co-dependence mark these Nakshatras, therefore a couple with both their moons in these Nakshatras will do very well and not experience any of the problems associated with the major blemishes while benefiting from having full Graha Maitram, same Gana, Bha Kuta, etc.

The Nakshatras that fall into the medium category are:  Asvini, Krittika, Mrigashira, Punurvasu, Pushyami, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Chitra, Anuradha, Purva Ashada, or Uttara Ashada.  All of the blemishes that come with having the same Nakshatra could surface from time to time when the couple has both their moons in any of these Nakshatras.  But if the individual chart shows maturity and a high capacity for sharing with nice Venuses, plus a good masculine/feminine dynamic, then these individuals will be able to weather the problems that may pop up from having the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, and Rajju.  If the individual chart shows a poor capacity for relationship and the Sun is under cruel aspect in the man’s chart and the Moon has heavily inauspicious influence in the woman’s chart, then the more negative aspects of having the same Nakshatra will manifest within the relationship, and the couple probably will not make it over a long period of time.

A relationship is not recommended if the same Nakshatras are: Bharani, Aslesha, Svati, Jyeshtha, Moola, Dhanishta, Shatabishak, or Purvabhadrapada.  These Nakshatras are eccentric, tumultuous, and complex.  A relationship between two moons in these Nakshatras would be way too problematical for the average person to handle.  The blemishes of Rajju, the same Nadi, no Strii Dirgha, etc. would be highly pronounced within the energy exchange of the relationship.  This would lend to many difficulties that the relationship would soon spend itself or there would be many break-ups followed by getting back together only to break-up again.

Mars in the Consciousness AKA Kuja Dosha

Yes, finally the famous Kuja Dosha or Manglik affliction.  Entirely too much is made of this affliction.  By itself, it does not make or break a relationship.  And it certainly does not kill the spouse, as is sometimes believed.  It is very simple, it just means Mars is in the consciousness in houses that relate to the partner.  And when Mars is in the consciousness in certain places, that means there is aggression, pushiness and will power in these places.  When these places relate to the partner or family life, one partner is very vocal about their needs and likes to exert their will while the other partner may not be as assertive.  Eventually, the partner that is not as assertive will feel put upon or backed into a corner and they will implode.  This is what they mean when they say “the partner will die” in certain cases of Kuja Dosha, it is not a literal statement.  When assessing Kuja Dosha, one must look at 3 charts:  the Rasi, the Navamsa (D-9) and the Trimsamsa (D-30).  All three charts must be assessed for the following:

Mars in the 2nd, 4th, 8th or 12th from the Ascendant, from the Moon and from Venus.  This must be done for all three charts and in every instance that Mars has this placement, one point is given.  So look at the Rasi first.  Count how many times Mars falls in these positions from the Asc., Moon and Venus.  Now look at the Navamsa, do the same there and the same with the Trimsamsa.  Add up the total.  If the couple has more than two points of difference, then one person will be pushier in the relationship than the other and the person with less Mars consciousness will feel like they are backed into a corner from time to time.  The more of the difference between the totals, the more one person is assertive and the other is passive.  It is the duty of the astrologer to point this out to the couple because it will make for problems down the road.  If otherwise the compatibility is good, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can be weathered.  If the compatibility is teetering on average, then the difference in Kuja Dosha can push it over the edge.  If the compatibility is already less than average, then having a difference of more than two in Kuja Dosha will almost certainly end the relationship.

There are exceptions to Kuja Dosha and this must be taken into account when tallying up the totals for Mars affliction:

Mars in the 2nd in Virgo or Gemini

Mars in the 4th in Aries or Scorpio

Mars in the 7th in Cancer

Mars in the 8th in Pisces

Mars in the 12th in Taurus

Some say Mars in Leo or Aquarius but I have not found this to work at all.

The following is an explanation of Mars in the various houses of the partner and family and a general description of Mars.

Mars is a planet of consciousness because Mars is the will power.  The Sun is the Soul and the Moon is the Mind, but Mars takes what is in the mind and puts it into action.  The Moon is the perception and the manas but Mars is the general that takes our perceptions and acts in the world.  To assert ourselves in the world is Mars.  Mars is logic and he is celibate.  He is not swayed by emotion.  Mars is swift and jumps into action to get the job done immediately.  Mars gets directional strength in the 10th house which is the opposite of the 4th house, the house of the emotions and home life.

Mars in the 2nd house:  The 2nd house is a house of family and of our environment.  Asserting our will and being logical within the family will cause discord.  Anytime logic is used in the realm of the family or partner, there will be a fertile ground for hurt feelings and resentment.  The family is not a logical place, it is an emotional place and should be a place of comfort.

Mars in the 4th house:  The 4th house is similar to the 2nd house as being a house of the home.  But it is also a house of happiness and emotional security.  Mars gets no directional strength here.  This will make the person overbearing in their emotions and appear needy.  The family members and partner will sometimes feel the brunt of their angry feelings.

Mars in the 7th house:  The 7th house is the house of the partner.  A person with Mars in the 7th house will assert their will with their partner.  They will be logical with their partner.  Emotion will be lacking when it come to romantic relationships.

Mars in the 8th house:  The 8th house is the house of the marital bond and also the partner’s money.  Mars in 8th person will assert their will in how their partner handles their assets and finances.

Mars in the 12th house:  the 12th house as it applies to relationship life is the sex life.  Mars in 12th house person will assert their will and be very logical when it comes to sex.  There can be an element of selfishness on the part of the Mars in 12th house person and his/her partner may come to feel like they are not having their sexual needs met.

by BoydJones

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

Signs of Cheating – How To Recognize The Signs Of A Cheating Spouse

by Dean Cortez
Author of How To Catch Cheating

It is incredibly painful to imagine that your lover might be carrying on an affair behind your back. Some would say that this is the ultimate betrayal. Cheating can instantly destroy the trust between two people that has taken many years to develop. And so, people who find out that their partners have been cheating will often experience a conflicting storm of emotions — rage, depression, grief, shame, and sometimes even relief when they realize that their suspicions have been confirmed, and they’ve been right all along.

Before you end a relationship because of your suspicions, or lose any more sleep worrying about what MIGHT be going on, you need to make sure that your actions will be 100% warranted. You need to find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your partner has in fact betrayed you — whether they are involved in a serious, long-term affair, or it was a brief sexual fling.

However, damnning physic  al evidence is often difficult to obtain. It’s not easy to collect solid proof. And if you confront your partner and make accusations without any evidence, it’s very doubtful that they will admit their infidelity. (Men, in particular, will almost always flat-out deny a woman’s accusations.)

There are, however, signs of cheating you can look out for, which will make your case stronger when you do decide to confront your partner.  

The following are several signs of cheating that you should be aware of, and pay close attention to. Read them, consider each one, and think about whether they apply to your partner or your relationship:

1. Your partner’s sex drive and sexual behaviour have changed.

Sex is a very important component of a happy, healthy relationship between two adults. When one of the two people begins to cheat, one of the most obvious signs of cheating is that their sexual behavior changes. Quite simply, their feelings about having sex with their partner are going to be noticeably different. This is true of cheating men, and cheating women, alike.

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With this sign of cheating, don’t assume that a LESSER sex drive is the sign of a cheating man or woman (which would indicate that they’ve been having lots of sex elsewhere). In fact, the signs of cheating may include a HIGHER sex drive when the cheater is with their partner!

The cheater may be feeling guilty about their actions, and will try to compensate by paying more attention to their partner in bed. After a while, though, the cheater will usually lose their sex drive with their partner and make excuses about being too tired, or not in the mood, for sex with them.

Cheaters don’t only behave this way because they’re tired from all the sex they’ve been having in secret. They may fear that if they have sex with their partner, the partner will somehow detect that they’ve been cheating…from their behavior before, during and after the sex.

2. Strange changes in habits and schedule.

People who cheat almost always change their behavior and habits in certain ways. Sometimes these changes are blatant; other times, they are very subtle.  But changes in the cheater’s daily schedule and habits can be a powerful sign of cheating — because no matter how hard the cheater tries to conceal their infidelities, they will NEED to make changes in order to make time for their “other lover.”

These signs of cheating may include a difference in the times they come to, and leave, the house. Also, if their phone and internet/computer usage has increased noticeably, these may also be signs of cheating. (Also, is your partner receiving mysterious phone calls that they don’t want to answer in your presence — or do they leave the room to answer the phone? This is common sign of cheating.)

These are not necessarily indications of betrayal, and should not be considered “solid evidence,” but if you see these signs you may want to monitor your partner more closely.

3. Changes in your partner’s behavior that “just don’t feel right”

There are many signs of cheating that only YOU will notice, because you are so intimately familiar with your partner’s personality and the normal dynamics of your relationship. For example, let’s say in the past, your partner had a confrontational personality and frequently started arguments with you over minor issues. Or, there was something you had a habit of doing, that made your partner irritated or upset.

But now, your partner doesn’t pick fights, or doesn’t seem to notice the behaviors that once upset them. This can be a sign of cheating, because  cheaters will often avoid confrontations with their partner. This may be due to their guilty feelings, or they might just want to avoid any confrontation with you because it may lead to their cheating being discovered.

Another sign of cheating: your partner seems MORE attentive to you than usual. Again, because of their feelings of guilt, a cheater will often try to over-compensate: asking you how your day went, how you’re feeling, and expressing an unusual amount of concern and care. If this is abnormal behavior for them, then it could be a sign of cheating.

Again, don’t assume that a cheater is going to act aloof and inattentive to you. Their feelings of guilt, and desire to avoid being caught, might cause them to behave in an opposite manner — trying to please you more in bed, expressing lots of phony care and concern, and even buying you gifts.  

So, be aware of these signs of cheating, and don’t assume you know all of the indicators. Also, you shouldn’t go on your “gut instinct” alone if you’re going to confront your partner. Mere suspicions won’t be enough to make them come clean with you.

If you are concerned about cheating causing a problem in your own relationship, or you want to “cheat proof” your relationship so that cheating is NEVER an option for either one of you, click here and download this powerful book and audio program:

How To Catch Cheating

by CocteauBoy

How To Tell If Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You? – Obvious Signals That Shows You Can Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back!

As soon as your boyfriend ended the relationship with you, it gives you a feeling of being unloved as well as unwanted. However once the first upset starts to die away, you yearn to get your ex boyfriend back. It’s at that moment you speculate how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you. You have to watch out for these obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back.

The fact that your ex boyfriend ended the relationship with you, doesn’t signify he no more has emotions for you. Your ex boyfriend will attempt to conceal his feelings since recognizing he still loves you doesn’t stick to with his feelings of wanting to be alone. That is the reason your ex boyfriend will oppose every effort you make to attempt to get him back. Your ex boyfriend is aware that if he falls a victim the slightest bit, he’ll give off these emotions.

However as hard as your ex boyfriend attempts to act aloof as well as cold, his emotions for you’ll show from time to time. After a while after the relationship has ended, your ex boyfriend might call you. Your ex boyfriend is going to look for an excuse that he can’t find a particular sweater as well as ask whether it’s at your place. This is a sign that your ex boyfriend has started to missing you and wanted to hear your voice. This is how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you as well as an obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back.

However if your ex boyfriend is at ease enough to talk to you once more, even if your ex boyfriend knows it or not, he’s taking the first step to getting back together with you. Your ex boyfriend didn’t have to call you; your ex boyfriend called since he wanted to. That proves your ex boyfriend has the craving to keep in contact with you. It might not give the impression like much, however it’s a big step ahead. Without communication and contact you cannot reunite.

Your ex boyfriend second move might be to propose that you be friends. Do not fall for that trick. If you desire to turn out to be his girlfriend once more, you can’t be just a friend. What is important however is the fact that your ex boyfriend offered it. This confirms that your ex boyfriend desires to stay in your inner circle as a result he can know what you’re up to. Particularly if you start going out with someone else. Your ex boyfriend needs his freedom, however doesn’t want you’ve surplus for yourself.

How to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you? One more of the obvious signals that shows you can get your ex boyfriend back is once you begin coming across him at various places. This is almost not by mishap. It proves that your ex boyfriend is going to great lengths to be acquainted with your activities. This doesn’t signify your ex boyfriend is pestering you. It indicates his emotions for you’re apt too strong to conceal. The cause for the breakup is no more significant to your ex boyfriend and he is attempting to get a means to keep his pride and get back with you. These and other signs are how to tell if your ex boyfriend still loves you.

If this is the man for you, don’t give up. There are proven methods to make him love you like never before.

Bad mistakes can ruin your relationship for good. To avoid these fatal mistakes, you need proven steps to get your ex boyfriend back and keep him. What you should and shouldn’t do can be found at this Helpful Site

Find More Boyfriend Articles

by Lasse Havelund

What To Say To Your Husband’s Mistress

I often get emails from wives asking for guidance on how to deal with or talk to their husband’s mistress. I recently heard from a woman who said, in part: “My husband won’t give up the other woman. I think that this is partly because she won’t back off. It’s obvious that she is not going to stop until she has my husband all to herself. She has been texting me and asking if we can meet to talk about this. I want to see her face to face, but, as silly as this sounds, I’m not sure what to say to her. I’m afraid if I start talking, all of the anger and pain will come pouring out and I’ll lose control over my emotions and say or do something I’m going to regret. I don’t want to show her that she’s gotten under my skin. But I want to tell her to back off and get out of our lives. What can I say to accomplish this?”

I don’t know many wives who haven’t fantasized about looking the mistress in the face and saying something so powerful to her that the words make her instantly regretful and out of your life. This is the fantasy. But it is rarely the reality. Most of the feedback that I get about such meetings or discussions is negative. No matter what you do or say, it usually backfires and turns out disastrous.

The wife usually goes with an agenda. And, this is often to size up the mistress, make her believe that the marriage is going to be saved so there is no place for her, and convince her to just go away. But, the mistress usually has her own agenda and the two often can not happen at the same time. She will usually not fight all that fairly and her goal is usually to make you have more (instead of less) doubts. In short, she wants to size you up as much as you want to do the same to her. She wants to get a feel of who she is dealing with. And she will typically use any knowledge that she gains against you and any negativity that you give her to justify her own actions.

In short, it’s my experience that this a situation in which the wife can’t win. Because she’s going to try to appeal to the moral compass and compassion of someone who hasn’t shown all that much of the same. She certainly hasn’t respected your marriage and your feelings up until this point, so why would she start now? Many wives tell me that they are hoping if the mistress sees that she’s dealing with a real person and real family, she might back off. And, this can sometimes make her take pause.

But, think about it. She likely would not have requested the meeting (or agreed to meet) if she weren’t still invested in the relationship with your husband. If the relationship was completely over and there was nothing left for her, she would likely just walk away without all the fanfare and the need to meet. You ask to ask yourself what is in this for you (and what she’s hoping to accomplish.) I know that you very much hope that this is going to give you closure and control, but it so rarely does. Often, the mistress will make you believe that your husband was the pursuer (and still is.) Typically, you’ll walk away from this meeting even more insecure and doubtful than when you started.

It’s actually my opinion that you should never give the mistress an “in.” What I mean by this is if you’re trying to salvage your marriage, this woman has absolutely no place in it. You are only giving her more power over you by continuing to include her. It’s my experience that your best bet is to just ignore her, refuse to engage, and ask your husband to do the same.

And truthfully, if someone in your family is going to tell her to go away, it needs to be your husband. She is only going to believe and heed these words if they come from him. Because if they come from you, she’s going to run right to your husband and report back. This is going to give her (at least in her mind) a reason to need to contact him and engage again. Do not give her any such ammunition.

I’m fully aware that although this insight might make sense to you, you may well still feel that you need to talk to this woman. I do respect and understand this. But my advice would be that if you absolutely have to talk to the mistress, you make the conversation incredibly short and one sided. Say what you need to say and then walk away. (This is why a letter or an email can be preferable because she can’t engage or interrupt you, but be careful of what you put in writing.)

Ask yourself what you truly want for her to know and to take away from this. For most women, it’s that her actions were extremely deplorable and you want for them to end immediately. If you go into a long rant about how she’s hurt your family, you show your vulnerability. You want to appear strong, capable, and in control. To that end, you could simply say that you are fully aware of her actions and don’t want her anywhere near any members of your family from today forward. Period.

Many wives want to go into how they are going to save the marriage or the dynamics of the relationship. I don’t think you should go there. Your marriage is none of her business. She has no place within it. And bringing up it, again, in her mind, might be another “in.” Your goal really is to swiftly and decidedly shut the door without a lot of debate on her end.

I understand the need to focus on the mistress, but it’s my experience that you’re typically better off focusing on yourself, your marriage, and your husband. I know that this is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com

Love symbols serve us on many occasions, including Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, weddings, engagements and birthdays. They normally are visual aid that depict what is otherwise a non-visual emotion and portray feelings of love in a way that make it easier to communicate them to others.
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Love Symbols and their Association with Valentines Day

The day that is observed for the beautiful feelings and emotions associated with love is Valentines day. There are many symbols and signs that are associated with the myriad emotions that can be called love. Thus, these various valentine symbols have automatically come to be associated with Valentine’s day. Some of these are:-

Apple – Since time immemorial, this fruit has been linked to beauty, fertility and consequently with love. It has been widely talked about and mentioned in literature relative to love. Thus, it has found a place in our thoughts as a symbol of love and as a symbol of Valentines day too.

Cupid – This symbol has origins in the Greek mythology. Cupid is understood to be the son of Venus, the love goddess. It is believed that when someone gets hit by a Cupid’s arrow they fall in love with the person they have met right then. Cupid is also shown with a blindfold, which is a conveys the message of love being blind.

Heart and Arrow – Heart has been forever understood to be correlated with love. Phrases like ‘my heart beats for you’ and ‘you have broken my heart’ make it clear that a person in love ‘thinks’ from his heart. Also, the picture of a heart pierced with an arrow is another symbol of feelings that define love. It is consequently understood to be one of the symbols of valentines day.

Rose – Flowers are a representative of many emotions known to man. And, although there are many flowers that are exchanged between people who want to express their love for each other, Rose is the one most famously known as the symbol of love. The colors of Rose define the feelings that are to be conveyed. For example, Red Rose is for love, Pink for attraction and Yellow for friendship.

Love Birds and Doves – Birds like Love Birds and Doves are always found in pairs, that is a reason for their being considered symbols of love. In pairs, these birds represent lovers that are inseparable. In fact Love Birds find their mates in spring time, somewhere around Valentine’s day and leave their mates only when they die. Dove also symbolizes purity and innocence in love.

Chocolates – Chocolates are representative of love, romance and sensuousness. People in love gift each other chocolates and it is especially popular as a Valentines day gifts. Though chocolates need not be representative of romance only, but they definitely are a symbol of love in all its forms.

Love Knots – The love knot is made of two intertwining overhand knots, symbolising intertwined lovers. It is used in Valentine’s day gifts like chains and jewelry. Its beauty lies in its simplicity. Another form of love knots are Celtic love knots, which symbolise everlasting love as they have no beginning and no end.

X – This has long been identified as the symbol of a kiss and has been famously used to show affection for a loved one. People use this sign in love letters and cards to express their love and send across kisses without actually putting the feeling in words.

Laces and Ribbons – These have been used as a symbol of love, trust and confidence in your loved one. People have used laces and ribbons to remember their love who is physically away from them. These are also used as an accompaniment with Valentine day gifts.

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back After a Break Up Instead of Resorting to Suicide

Recently a Thai bar girl attempted suicide following a break up with her French boyfriend. This would have been unnecessary if she knew the magical techniques and recipe to get her ex boyfriend back after a break up. There is a recipe for love and there is also a recipe for getting back together again after any quarrel, disagreement and break up. You only have to know how to apply the right recipe and you will get your ex boyfriend back.

It was reported that Khun Rada aged 34 from Chaiyapoom Province who is a worker in a Bar in Soi Praisanee actually attempted suicide following a break up with her long-term French boyfriend. The reasons for the break up were not known. Luckily, she was speedily rescued and rushed to a nearby hospital after she drank about one liter of toilet cleaner.

Some of the techniques to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up will be highlighted here. I will want to advise every girl to study the techniques and get their ex boyfriends back instead of resorting to suicide in the event of a break up or disagreement with their boyfriends.

I will also show you where you can get advanced techniques to get your ex boyfriend to come back to you begging and asking for forgiveness to the amazement of your friends and neighbors.

Below, you will find some techniques to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up. This is how to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up instead of suicide. Learn these techniques and get your ex boyfriend back if you still love him.

Take full control of your emotions.

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up, you must first learn to take full control of your emotions immediately after the break up even if you are the guilty one. Quickly apologize and say nothing more. Most guys respect girls who are calm and can discipline their tongue.

Make him regret his desire to break up with you by your comportment. Again, be calm. Do not cry or weep like a little child. This is the time to plan your strategy on how best to make him come back to you begging. There are proven formula to win back your ex boyfriend. It is magical and it works.

Never call or visit him. Make him to miss you and call you!

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up, never ever make the mistake of calling your ex boyfriend immediately. Stay away from him. Become scarce. Make him to miss you by being away from him. Most of you make the mistake of calling him frequently to apologize. If he calls you, do not answer. If he sends you a text, ignore it. There is a natural tendency of people to crave whatever is scarce.

Eliminate all forms of contact with him.

You must eliminate all forms of contact with him. Do not go to where the two of you usually visit. He may think you are struggling to get his attention. If he still loves you, he will be the one looking for means and ways to get in touch with you. Keep your dignity and stay away from him.

Do not show you desperately want him back.

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up, pretend you are not desperate to get back together with him. Show that you are fine and enjoying your life. If your ex boyfriend should call you, wait for at least 4-5 minutes before saying anything. Do not show you are excited with his call. If you meet him with his friends, greet him passively like a stranger.

Free your mind.

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up instead of resorting to suicide, you must be able to free your mind. Do not chain your mind by limited thinking. Free yourself from all forms of mental bondage that without your ex boyfriend, life will not be the same. Do not accept that lie. Whatever you believe with conviction becomes your reality. Choose your beliefs with utmost care. It does not matter whether you are a female, male, black, white or yellow; we all have the same potentials and capabilities. You can make your ex boyfriend to come begging you again.

Confront your fears.

You may be thinking you will suffer if you lose your ex boyfriend. That is a lie. One of the biggest obstacles young girls face today is fear of losing the benefits they derive from a particular relationship. Fear arises when you expect something bad or unfavorable to occur as a result of the break up. In order to overcome your fears, you must change your expectations. Know that you can cause your ex boyfriend to come back to you or call off his bluff.

No one is better than you. You are unique and gifted. Take another look at yourself.

Focus on how to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up

Most girls focus their minds on problems and wonder why they are so unlucky with their relationships with men. Today, instead of spending your time and energy on problems and suicide, focus your attention on the techniques and formula to get your ex boyfriend back. Simple! If your mind is focused on positive things, you will surely get positive results.

Always have a positive disposition about relationships and life

If you want to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up, you must learn to use positive affirmations on yourself. Speak out loud to the hearing of your boyfriend that he will come back to the only one he loves. Speak positive words to his spirit immediately and he will go away remembering those positive words. Never speak negative words or think you are not good enough for him.

Is fear the enemy of your long term relationship with men? Call it lack of confidence, self-esteem, courage or whatever you like. It all boils down to fear. It is fear that is driving you to suicide. You must eliminate your fears and learn the techniques to get your ex boyfriend back after a break up instead of resorting to suicide.

So many people suffer from a broken heart needlessly, when you can learn the advanced magical technique to get your ex boyfriend back after a break. Find out how you can quickly get the technique that has helped more than 6,000 men and women to stop their break up or divorce.

Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://www.makingupyourlove.info

You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.

Hi, my name is Kane Toh. I am the love making up expert. I would like to assure everyone that nothing is impossible and if you can follow all the tips, methods and strategies in all these articles, you will definitely get your ex lover one day. My email is heloveshisexvmuch@ymail.com

Of course, I am often searching for articles, videos, and other beneficial information that provides relationship advice which helps people to have more empowering relationships, I ran across this excellent item which I decided I would bring to you. It is about marriage counseling. Be sure to peruse it all. Do not forget to make known your opinions so everyone can appreciate them:

Relationship Advice for Women

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Marriage Counseling – De-Stressing Your Marriage

In our Marriage Counseling Practice clients tell us that their marriages are very stressed. We have discovered a number of common threads that lead to this stress.

Here are a few:

Lack of time. Too many commitments often caused by the inability to say no to a request.

Lack of money. With the economy causing job losses it is particularly a problem these days.

Lack of sleep. This can be very hard on our bodies, our minds, and our emotions.

Lack of organization usually leads to a chaotic home and schedule. Lack or exercise.

With little or no exercise our bodies and minds don’t function well.

No recreation. No fun in our lives. Too many outside activities for the children. This is stressful on both the parents and the kids.

Here are some antidotes for a stress filled life:

Prayer. God provides a place of Rest and Peace for us when we seek Him.

Money management. If you need help budgeting there are those who can help.

Don’t put things down, put them away. A messy house leads to stress. Do a “Daily Plan” to organize your time and make sure you are not over committed.

Just say no to requests that are more than you can handle in a healthy way.

Get plenty or rest and exercise.

Mark out at least one day each week for fun, relaxation, and recreation. Limit children’s outside activities.

Laughter. The Bible says that laughter restores the soul.

We can only handle so much stress before our personal health is affected.  Likewise our relationships can only handle so much stress before they are negatively affected.

Most couples can make these changes on their own. But, if your marriage has already moved into a heavily stressed relationship, you may need outside help. Often folks turn to Marriage Counseling for help from an expert.

There is hope that you can relieve the stress in your Marriage.

Relationship Advice for Women

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Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be very painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. However, learning from how others coped with the trauma may help one in picking up the threads and moving on in life…

Divorce is never a pleasant experience.

The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha married Ranvir Singh, at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch. “Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most.

The grief & pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me and Ranvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.”

The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband.

It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sister Tina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman.

They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. But Ranvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments.

The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t.

It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father.

My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms with Ranvir and his present girlfriend. I am into film production and other business”.

Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

Model Saurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actress Geeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth.

Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

Saurab and Geeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.”

He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, but Geeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose. Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.”

She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine.

I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing.

Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at an Restaurent waiter and tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knew Dilip and myself were not right for each other.

We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahima says men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. But Sameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahima advises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping.

There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you. Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.”

Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.

Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to see Marina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father?

After Mahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. As Sameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

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When your ex is not ready to continue in the relationship the best thing for you is to move on. But it is easier said than done. If you have been really in love with somebody then how can you just move on and forget everything. If you are able to get over it then it really means that you were never in love with that person.

Most of the ‘experts’ in human relationship would ask you to get over the situation as soon as possible. You would find the same message in the related books as well. For people it is a lot easier to suppress your feelings then actually facing them. If you are able to understand and comprehend your emotions then it would result in a better state. If you can realize your mistakes in the relationship then it would ease your situation.

Life teaches lesson in every phase. So it is our responsibility to face every part of life in a very positive way. If somebody moved out of your life then it means that life wants to show you it is another face. And whose sad life is easy? Never disregard anybody if you have been in any kind of relationship. Please think that how would you feel when somebody disregards you. People react in a very different way in such situations. Some just prefer to remain silent and some become very violent. Some even go to the extent of lying to the person with whom once you were in love. But the real person is the one who would take a stand and will take it as learning out of life. It makes sense to teach the other person that what you all have learnt out of all this.

In a social life, people tend to make images of the people in their lives. What kind of image do you want to hold in other’s eyes? I think at least we would like to have a vibrant image. So that everybody can remember with good feelings after the breakup or separation. Sometimes life teaches you lessons in hard way. You need to end relationships in a friendly way.

It also depends upon the different roles that you need to play in your life. And all of these different roles have different emotions attached to them. The same is the case with your ex. He/she also has a lot of responsibilities to take care of in different relationships. And he/she would be taking the image in the way you would present her/him. The best thing to do in such situations is to be honest. In any relationship we should try to inspire each other’s spirits for a healthy living.

This life is full of ups and downs and it is a journey which makes you learn so many things which is an ongoing process. You should not let your relationship breakup get into the situation where it becomes difficult for you to look deep inside into your soul. Don’t let fear of the unknown take over your soul. You need to move on from here and live your life better.