Relationship Advice for Women

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You will undoubtedly, over the course of your marriage, hear and give a fair share of marriage advice. This can range from keeping your romance alive to how to decide who gets control of the remote. All of this is well and good as long as you remember one thing: even with advice, no marriage is perfect.

You will still have to work things out, talk things over and try to figure out where you stand on every issue. Marriage is all about compromise and understanding. While this may be difficult at times, it is still essential if you want to make your marriage work. Still, even with that said, there are some basic marriage advice tips that will make things run a bit more smoothly.

Most marriage advice centers around the little everyday activities. This makes sense simply because these are the things you should not have to worry about. There are too many larger issues that you will have to deal with. Let us offer a few helpful marriage advice tips:

Keep to the issue: the worst thing you can do during a fight is to turn it into an insult competition. You are mad at a problem, not each other. Bringing in faults or even past mistakes will only make the situation worse.

Know that you will fight occasionally: you will experience problems. Nobody’s marriage is perfect. Even with marriage advice, you will still have to deal with issues. This does not mean that you have a weak marriage, just a normal one.

Understand the value of humor: while trying to make a joke during an argument can be ill-timed, knowing that life is not so serious helps keep things in perspective. You are less likely to argue in the first place if you can simply laugh about the things you can’t control.

Sometimes, you have to wait: even when an issue seems urgent, if you are both upset, it may be better to wait a few days. Give yourself, and your partner, a chance to think things over before you both say something you regret. This does not mean to forget the issue entirely but, rather, to let it cool for a bit before pursuing it. You may find it is not so important after a day’s reflection.

It’s all about the differences: learn to love your partner’s quirks and habits. While some may annoy you (and that will happen), you cannot demand that they change everything to suit you, just as they can’t ask that of you. While some requests are reasonable (not throwing their shoes in the middle of the room, for example), do not try to change them. Accept your differences and learn to reach a balance point.

This is all very basic marriage advice but you would be amazed at how many people fail to follow it. These are the same people that believe a marriage should be perfect and they should never fight. The only piece of marriage advice we can give to that is this: You will fight and you will have problems. But, if you love each other, you will remember that you can get through it, usually just by sitting down and talking it out.

Mary Shawe is the author of several books on marriage and relationships. Please visit her website to learn more.

In our society we have become obsessed with love. Our films, our books, our plays and our music are full of stories about love – the joy of finding it and the heartache of losing it. We treat it as a commodity, a transient emotion that comes and goes. We are deliriously happy when we find it but suffer terribly when we lose it again.

A vast majority of romantic relationships start well, with two people falling in love, but then something begins to go wrong. The feelings of love begin to fade and we start seeing our partner’s failings.

They begin to irritate us and act in ways that seem unloving. We then either move into compromise and settle for a relationship with less love and connection or we end the relationship and try to find someone better. Forming a successful romantic relationship is a real challenge, but it ends up this way because of a basic misunderstanding about love.

All our romantic problems stem from a destructive self-belief – that we are personally lacking in love. Deep down we feel empty and incomplete. It feels as if there is something missing in our lives. These feelings of scarcity then create a powerful need for love. That is why we go out into the world to find a romantic partner who will take away the emptiness and make us feel whole again.

Of course our search for somebody to love us is often successful and the sensations of falling in love convince us that our strategy was right. Unfortunately, the ease with which we fall in love can become the biggest trap we face in life, because it seems to confirm that love lies outside us.

The sad truth is that most of us fall in love for the wrong reason. We bring a partner into our lives to fulfill our need for love, and it is this outward focus that creates all our problems. It creates a dependence on our partners – we rely on their presence in our lives, to make us happy. This is a recipe for disaster, as I discovered when my marriage failed. When my wife suddenly left me, all my needs and insecurities were laid bare and it was not a pretty sight. How many of us fall in need rather than fall in love?

I am not saying needs are wrong – to be human is to have all sorts of needs, but the need for love is one of the most destructive. As long as we search outwards for love we will fail to see that we have it within. Our strong need for love usually comes from early experiences in our lives where we felt our needs were not met.

Not only do we resent the people who failed to give us what we wanted (normally or parents), we also feel guilt for having failed in the relationship that would have provided those needs. We get really guilty for having given up on our store of self-love and taken on the belief that we are lacking in love. At the spiritual level we feel guilty for having turned away from our divine essence – that of 100% love and connection.

The problem with being needy in a relationship is that it tries to take from our partner. It assumes that they have the thing we need to make us happy. They may feel scarcity themselves so having to continually meet our needs drives up the feeling that they are losing something. We might end up fighting for who is going to meet the needs of the other person – this is the power struggle stage of relationships.

When we feel our needs have not been met we might get angry, disappointed or moody as a way of punishing the other person. If this carries on we might be hit by depression because we just cannot get rid of the emptiness and deadness that we feel inside. Neediness eventually destroys a relationship or takes away all its joy.

So how do we remove the neediness from a relationship? Well the first thing to do is recognize the times when it is present in us and in our partner. Sometimes we may know we are being needy but at others we can be blind to it. If there is any bad feeling in a relationship, you can be sure that unmet needs are the cause. Try to identify what these needs are. What is not being met for you in the relationship – it will be exactly the same for your partner.

Here is the quick fix: Try to give the need that you feel is missing and it will be returned by your partner. Then start to understand your own needs in a situation. When was the first time in your life when they were not met? What was happening? Who was present?

Try to forgive the people involved and realize that you could have given that missing need if you had been more mature and experienced. Visualize the situation now and give the need to all the people present. Breathe love back into the situation. As you heal your need you will find that your self-esteem grows.

You can do this exercise for all your emotional needs. Typically they lie in layers in the mind so we have to repeat the process for all the layers. Soon you will become an expert at spotting needs and healing them. Every single human problem can be traced back to a feeling of unmet needs and at the deepest level it is a belief that there is a lack of love.

Emotional maturity and intelligence is really the ability to become aware of our needs and then not to play them out on the people around us. If we can’t do this our needs drive the things that we want away and paradoxically as we heal the needs within, the very things that we desire begin to appear in our lives!

Peter Granger is an acclaimed relationship counsellor and a Psychology of Vision Trainer (an organisation that specialises in helping people have happier and more fulfilled relationships. You can find lots more advice and tips about love, romance and relationships on www.iloveyouloveme.com

Fighting is a part of life. And most of us believe that fighting is a perfectly normal (and very common) part of a romantic relationship, as well. When two people spend a large amount of time together, their different ways of thinking and being are naturally emphasized. After all, there are only so many situations in which two people will agree.

But while disagreements are a natural part of relationships, not all disagreements are good for relationships. There are ways to fight constructively, and ways to fight destructively. What you need to learn as a couple is how to deal with conflict the right way.

Good fighting – that is, a resolvable disagreement that is carried out in a constructive way – is characterized by:

Listening. Arguments can damage your relationship. But they can also offer an opportunity to understand one-another better. The key to understanding? Communication. And, of course, the first step in communicating with your partner is listening to what he or she has to say. Sometimes, fighting is simply about clearing the air; just knowing that you listened to what his or her thoughts can be enough to soothe and settle your boyfriend or girlfriend’s anger.

Of course, listening to what your partner has to say is more difficult than it sounds. When you’re upset, your body is overtaken by your emotions. You’re so angry, scared, or frustrated that it’s difficult to focus on what your partner is saying. But an important part of fighting constructively is the ability to separate your thoughts from your hectic emotions. In any argument, it’s generally true that each participant has a valid point to make. If you listen to what your partner has to say, there’s a much higher chance of reaching common ground… or at least making a compromise.

Understanding. Another key part of communicating effectively with your partner is actually understanding what you’re listening to. Instead of blocking out what your boyfriend or girlfriend has to say, request more information about their perspective by asking questions. Before talking about your own perspective, take the time to verify that you’ve clearly understood what your partner had to say. Repeat back to them what it is you understand about their position, then move on to expressing your own.

Maintaining control. The hardest part about accomplishing the above two things? Control. The way we feel when fighting is a perfectly natural thing; when severely stressed, our bodies initiate a fight or flight response. And while this is completely normal, it’s not very constructive when you’re trying to resolve a problem with your boyfriend or girlfriend. An increased heart rate, heavy breathing, nausea, tension… all of these things are your body’s reaction to stress.

Though it can feel overwhelming, simply reminding yourself that your body’s reaction is separate from the issue at hand can be a helpful step towards calming down. You can also try taking several slow, deep breaths; relaxing your body and shoulders; or taking a time out. These methods also work well if you’re in an internet dating relationship. Take a deep breath, step away from the keyboard, and allow yourself to calm down before you continue.

When you don’t allow yourself to calm down, or don’t make an attempt to control your body’s physical response to stress, you are liable to make a bad situation worse. How many times have you said something cruel or hurtful in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? If you’re anything like me, more than you can count.

Staying focused. Many people use fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend as an excuse to unload all of their negative feelings about the relationship. This is counter-productive, hurtful, and tends to take the conversation in an unhealthy direction. Constructive fighting stays focused on the issue at hand, and doesn’t deviate onto side issues that will only distract from solving this specific problem.

Offering solutions. While expressing yourself and being sure that you’re heard is an important part of fighting, constructive fighting will generally lead towards some sort of solution, or at least a better understand of one another’s perspectives. Listen carefully and make an effort to understand… then work together to find a solution to your problems that works well for your both.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that, just because you love or care for one another doesn’t mean you will always see eye to eye. But couples who truly love one another and are willing to work to make one another happy will find constructive ways to solve problems, or at least to come to terms with one another’s differences. In these sorts of relationships, fighting can be truly constructive, strengthening the relationship rather than weakening it. The more you work towards being a constructive fighter rather than a destructive one, the better an understanding you’ll have of your partner and what makes him or her special in the first place.

This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where internet dating is always free. Datepad has a massive directory of informative dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on their dating blog.

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

Read the information on this page before it’s too late:

Love and Harmony

We continue our series on how to build satisfying interpersonal relationships. Commitment and love are important to all of us. We all want to succeed when dealing with others, whether with coworkers, friends, or loved ones. You know or you should know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly things not to do. But we have many suggestions, now continuing with the letter C. We have written a double series of articles, chock full of suggestions for the letter C.

C is for compromise. This is a big one. Most of us learn at a young age that we can’t have everything that we want. There are other kiddies in the playground and they all want to go down the slide. Especially when you want to. Well these kiddies grow up and they still want what they want; and frankly, sharing their toys is low on their list. (Of course when you get to be big, sharing some toys can be a real pleasure, but that is covered in another set of articles.) The great thing about compromise is that if you are really clever you can often get what you want while making it look like you have given in. However, sometimes this great turn of events is not in the cards. Then you’ll have to give up some of what you want to get something else that you want even more. Such a compromise can be as simple as going to see her movie this week and your movie next week. Or it can be as complicated as an international peace treaty.

C is for care. This can mean being there for someone. Care can also mean that you do what you do carefully; that you pay close attention to detail. Some employers reject candidates whose resumes contain spelling mistakes. According to such employers, these careless clowns show they don’t care enough to access the dictionary. If they can’t get the resume right, how much attention are they going to pay to the marketing materials that just have to get out next Tuesday? Computer tools make it easier to show you care. Remember, if you don’t care associates, friends, and lovers may find someone who does.

C is for character. A person’s character defines him or her. Can it be changed? People, including specialists, differ on this important point. Many feel that someone’s basic character is defined at a fairly young age. But most people’s character can be molded and refined, even in later years. By the way, don’t make it your project to change someone’s basic character, even in a loving way. He or she won’t appreciate you for that. Having said this we know that in successful long-term relationships people’s character tend to soften. It’s a question of compromise. We have completed the circle.

Levi Reiss teaches computer classes in an Ontario French-language community college. He wrote ten computer and Internet books and now builds web sites. Visit his new site celebrating all kinds of love and relationships at http://www.loveamourlove.com . This site includes a great collection of English and French love quotes (with translations) and a wide range of articles on building and repairing love, family, and other relationships.

Article Source: ArticleSpan

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