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1000 Questions For Couples By Michael Webb Relationship Expert.

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When you think about common relationship problems, it’s a matter of being able to decide where to begin as there are so many relationship problems.

Perhaps for a start, it might be helpful to compile a list, and then expand on a number of these. This will be a random list with no level of importance attached to the positioning, and it is not exhaustive.

*Compatibility,

*Equality,

*Communication,

*Sexual Orientation,

*Trust,

*Loyalty,

*Sexual Problems,

*Intimacy,

*Connection,

*Abuse,

*Ending Relationships,

*Jealousy.

At the same time as I list these common relationship problems, I’m also aware there are a number of ways couples describe the way they see their relationship problems.

I was watching a program on The Oprah Winfrey Show just after I compiled my list above. I watch the show from time to time just to see if there is anything on the program that might be relevant to what I am doing.

On this program, as it happens, couples were asked to describe their relationships using just five words. The following words or expressions were the most commonly used to describe their relationship problems.

*Passionless,

*Lonely,

*Sucks,

*Boring,

*Empty,

*On Edge,

*Lifeless,

*Tiring,

*In a Rut,

*Indifferent,

*Stressed,

*Unfulfilled,

*Fake.

There are various ways this list of common relationship problems would be explained in terms of understanding them and offering solutions.

The expert on Oprah that day, had an explanation that I had difficulty understanding as a way of improving the situations for those couples.

Oprah was all in favor of what he was having to say, but I did wonder how much the people themselves understood the explanation, and how they would apply it in their lives.

If I look at the first list of common relationship problems that I wrote, and then look at the second list, there is one in my list that stands out to me that all those in the second list could be associated with. The word I am referring to is: Connection. Of course, several others in the first list tie in with this as well, as I will explain.

Just to clarify exactly what is meant by connection, my dictionary describes connect as meaning: ‘bring together or into contact so that a real link is established.’

It strikes me all those words in the second list, describe how there is no real link established, leaving no room at all for any of the characteristics of healthy relationships.

The way I see this fitting in with the first list of common relationship problems, is that in order for two people to connect in a relationship, the first requirement is there has to be equality between the couple.

This means each person has the same status, each is on the same level. Let’s not kid ourselves, as much as we might like to think inequality is a dead issue, it is alive and well.

In all the couples I have seen as a counselor, one of the most common relationship problems I have seen is what I identified as inequality between them. It created an imbalance where partners were on different levels. I have seen it so often I came to refer to it as ‘the same old story’.

Where there is inequality, or people don’t have the same status and are not on the same level, there is an ongoing inevitable tension between couples.

This invariably means there are relationship issues associated with relationship communication problems, trust in relationships, sexual relationship problems, abusive relationship issues of all types, and a lack of real intimacy.

All these common relationship problems are an outcome of inequality in my view, and it doesn’t need to be like this. The solution is really very simple. All you have to do for a start is to put your ego aside and look into it. You’ll be so glad you did as there is much to gain for everyone, and nothing to lose.

Although there are no written laws or rules regarding dating, for most people the dating process is how two people get to know each other and to decide if there is enough compatibility between them to establish a relationship. Dating and relationship are not mutually exclusive terms, but are actually stages in the development of interpersonal communication and commitment. It is certainly possible to start a relationship with someone without dating first, just as it is possible to date without ever moving on to a relationship.

The process of dating and relationship can be either the beginning or the end, but it is up to the individual to decide if either is going to progress any farther. There are some things that you can do in the dating stage to help encourage the relationship stage and the best thing you can do is to be open and honest with the person you are dating. Sounds very simple, but for some guys, this is one of the hardest things for them to do, and usually becomes the end for them as a couple, rather than the beginning.

The four basic unwritten rules for dating and relationship are, and not necessarily in this order: be honest, openly communicate, be yourself, and have fun. Let’s start with having fun. Sounds like a no-brainer, but some guys are so worried about what she thinks about him, they forget to have fun. If you are not really having fun when you are dating, what makes you think that you are going to be able to have fun together in a relationship? Honestly, all the other rules aside, if you aren’t compatible enough to have fun together and enjoy doing things together, then it is much better to call it the end now, rather than later.

Being honest in both dating and relationship is vitally important. More problems are caused by trying to hide something from the other person than by just being upfront and honest about everything in the first place. Honesty is always the best policy in any situation, but is extremely important in situations of dating and relationship.

Open communication goes hand in hand with honesty, and can be the key factor in beginning something more than just dating, and is equally important in both dating and relationship. Often men feel they can’t or shouldn’t open up with a woman because that makes them feel vulnerable or is seen as a sign of weakness, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Not only will honest and open communication allow you to have more fun together, it is the basis on which any relationship is built. Moving into the relationship stage without being able to openly share thoughts, ideas and feelings is a problem waiting to happen.

Many guys are so concerned in dating and relationship with making a good impression that they fail to just be themselves. A woman should enjoy being with you for who you really are, and not who you think they want to see. This violates both the honesty and the open communication rules, and is a good way to end any possibilities of building a relationship. Of course, during the dating phase, most people are on their best behavior, as well you should be, but be yourself in the process. There is nothing worse than putting a lot of time and effort into someone and then finding out they are not the person you thought they were.

Dating and relationship: beginning or end? Remember a few basic rules and no matter the outcome, you both will have a more pleasant experience together. Be honest, communicate openly, be yourself, and have a good time together.

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