Question by Paul G: How common is it to be jealous of past relationships?
Is it common for people to be jealous of their gf/bf’s past relationships? Whenever my girlfriend tells me stories of good times with her ex I get jealous, and sometimes I even ask her questions whose answers i know will make me jealous. Like she says that when she first started seeing her ex they had lots and lots of sex because they had lots of free time and went out drinking more often. This drives me a little crazy, is that normal?

Best answer:

Answer by shafqatali38
it is normal

What do you think? Answer below!

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Common Relationship Problems And How To Handle Them

No matter how happy a couple is and how compatible they are with each other, they will still fight. I know; the fact that every couple has relationship problems is little comfort when your relationship is going through a rough patch.

But what does make you feel better is that if others can solve their love problems, so can you. In this article, I talk about two of the common relationship problems that are faced by people and what you can do to handle them.

Solving Relationship Problems

Lack of communication: Almost all your problems can be solved if you simply knew how to communicate effectively with your partner. Simply talking is not what communication is all about. By effective communication I mean, your partner should understand exactly what it is you’re trying to say.

For example, a man tells his woman – “Honey, the chicken you cooked today was absolutely wonderful”. Now the man was paying a compliment to his woman, but if she’s not hearing him right her response could be something like, “What do you mean by TODAY? That means I’m a lousy cook most other days?” And that’s how fights begin. Thus, make sure your partner is getting the message that you want to send out and not something else.

A good way to ensure that is to ask your partner if they understood what you were saying. If their answer is what you were trying to communicate, great! If not, you can tell them exactly what you meant so that misunderstandings and thus fights can be avoided.

Jealousy: The occasional jealousy in a relationship is very normal and can in fact be healthy. However, if your partner gets all green faced with jealousy (the same goes for you too) every time you talk to someone from the opposite sex, then that is not normal and can cause problems in your relationship.

Ugly jealousy can be handled by first admitting to yourself that you are unreasonably jealous and then trying to understand the cause for it. Is it because you’ve had previous bad experiences? Are you insecure because your parents may not have had a good marriage?

Once you know where your insecurities stem from, you can then take the necessary steps to build your confidence and faith in your partner and avoid unnecessary relationship problems.

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Are You Complacent And Ignoring These Common Signs of marriage Problems?

All couples go through difficult times, when outside pressures just get the better of them and things start to go badly at home, and they aren’t necessarily signs of problems in the marriage. Financial stresses, family pressures, crazy schedules and career obligations can all cause strain on any relationship. So how can you tell if these problems are typical, or indeed are early warning signals of marriage problems that might be cause for concern?

Let’s look at these common signs of marriage and relationship issues:

a) Complacency

Many marriage counselors agree that one of the first warning signs of potential problems in a marriage is complacency. Taking each other for granted, neglecting to spend time together, or forgetting to say “I love you”? can all be signs of marriage problems that can lead to a much larger crisis.

b) Decreased physical intimacy

If your previously passionate love life has taken a turn for the worse, this could be another sign of a marriage problem. Of course, life events like having children, moving, changing jobs, or medical problems call all take it’s toll on a couple’s sex drive, and doesn’t necessary equate to marriage problems. However, if the trend continues for more than a couple of months, it could mean a sign of a marriage problem that needs to be addressed.

c) Avoiding conflict

In an effort to avoid a fight, some partners will avoid conflict altogether. While this may seem like a healthy reaction, in reality it only causes the underlying problem to fester. It can also lead to an explosion of bottled emotion once it finally comes out. Avoiding potential issues can be a signal of problems in a marriage.

d) Need to win

When one partner feels that they need to win every argument, you have a sure sign of a marriage issue or marriage problem. Marriage is a partnership, and requires teamwork. There should be no winning and losing in a marriage, only cooperation and working toward shared goals. If you aren’t doing this, you may be showing signs of problems in your marriage.

e) Considering an affair

If one or both of you are considering, even half-heartedly, having an affair, you are showing signs of problems in your marriage. Have an honest discussion with your partner about what is missing in your relationship, and work out some ways to rekindle the romance and stop signs of marriage trouble before they start. The long-term damage to your relationship caused by an extra-marital affair can be devastating. So think long and hard before you go down that road.

f) Separate vacations, separate lives

If you find you and your spouse making plans without each other, whether it’s separate vacations, hobbies that keep you occupied outside the house, or even separate bank accounts, you might be exhibiting signs of marriage issues or problems. It shows you could be drifting apart without both parties realizing. Remember that you are a couple, and that comes first, and you can nip these signs of marriage problems in the bud.

Some women and men will pretend to be what you want to get you. Some will promise to change or go along with a compromise. Later after marriage, the do whatever the hell they want, no matter how destructive it is to the marriage. Is there hope for a marriage like this?

When you think about common relationship problems, it’s a matter of being able to decide where to begin as there are so many relationship problems.

Perhaps for a start, it might be helpful to compile a list, and then expand on a number of these. This will be a random list with no level of importance attached to the positioning, and it is not exhaustive.

*Compatibility,

*Equality,

*Communication,

*Sexual Orientation,

*Trust,

*Loyalty,

*Sexual Problems,

*Intimacy,

*Connection,

*Abuse,

*Ending Relationships,

*Jealousy.

At the same time as I list these common relationship problems, I’m also aware there are a number of ways couples describe the way they see their relationship problems.

I was watching a program on The Oprah Winfrey Show just after I compiled my list above. I watch the show from time to time just to see if there is anything on the program that might be relevant to what I am doing.

On this program, as it happens, couples were asked to describe their relationships using just five words. The following words or expressions were the most commonly used to describe their relationship problems.

*Passionless,

*Lonely,

*Sucks,

*Boring,

*Empty,

*On Edge,

*Lifeless,

*Tiring,

*In a Rut,

*Indifferent,

*Stressed,

*Unfulfilled,

*Fake.

There are various ways this list of common relationship problems would be explained in terms of understanding them and offering solutions.

The expert on Oprah that day, had an explanation that I had difficulty understanding as a way of improving the situations for those couples.

Oprah was all in favor of what he was having to say, but I did wonder how much the people themselves understood the explanation, and how they would apply it in their lives.

If I look at the first list of common relationship problems that I wrote, and then look at the second list, there is one in my list that stands out to me that all those in the second list could be associated with. The word I am referring to is: Connection. Of course, several others in the first list tie in with this as well, as I will explain.

Just to clarify exactly what is meant by connection, my dictionary describes connect as meaning: ‘bring together or into contact so that a real link is established.’

It strikes me all those words in the second list, describe how there is no real link established, leaving no room at all for any of the characteristics of healthy relationships.

The way I see this fitting in with the first list of common relationship problems, is that in order for two people to connect in a relationship, the first requirement is there has to be equality between the couple.

This means each person has the same status, each is on the same level. Let’s not kid ourselves, as much as we might like to think inequality is a dead issue, it is alive and well.

In all the couples I have seen as a counselor, one of the most common relationship problems I have seen is what I identified as inequality between them. It created an imbalance where partners were on different levels. I have seen it so often I came to refer to it as ‘the same old story’.

Where there is inequality, or people don’t have the same status and are not on the same level, there is an ongoing inevitable tension between couples.

This invariably means there are relationship issues associated with relationship communication problems, trust in relationships, sexual relationship problems, abusive relationship issues of all types, and a lack of real intimacy.

All these common relationship problems are an outcome of inequality in my view, and it doesn’t need to be like this. The solution is really very simple. All you have to do for a start is to put your ego aside and look into it. You’ll be so glad you did as there is much to gain for everyone, and nothing to lose.