Question by CaLiFoNiA cRaZy: How can you make new friends without others being jealous?
Well I am new to this school and I am trying to make new friends. I made lots of friends already but others don’t like the ones I made or their jealous that I am hanging out with them. I try to talk to them but they never understand. Please help.

Best answer:

Answer by The difference
You have to pick and choose your friends. Some will accept you for who you are and who you choose to hang with and others just want you as part of their group. Make your own choices and don’t let anyone tell you who you can and can’t hang with. many f them will come around in time when they get to know you better. Give it time.

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Those in an unhealthy relationship can find it devastating to their emotional health. This piece on various toxic relationships caught my eye, so I thought it would be an interesting read for you. Be sure to look over it all. Don’t forget to provide your views so we can all share your thoughts:

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What’s an Unhealthy Relationship? Part 1

By Shannon Cook

While many people desire a meaningful romantic relationship in their lives, not all such relationships are created equal. A healthy relationship is mutually loving, respectful, and fulfilling for both partners.

When both partners are emotionally well balanced and committed to each other, with good communication a happy relationship can be achieved. However, sometimes individuals bring personal issues into the relationship that can prove destructive to the other partner and the relationship.

When damaging behaviors in a relationship interfere with the emotional, spiritual, or physical well being of either partner, the relationship becomes unhealthy and toxic.

Most people recognize that physical abuse, rampant drug or alcohol abuse, or affairs can cause significant damage and harm the traumatized partner in such a relationship. However, there are more subtle forms of emotional abuse (which can escalate to physical abuse).

If you are feeling inferior, incapable, worthless, or crazy with your partner, this merits a closer examination into the true relationship dynamic. Sometimes emotional abuse is characterized by name calling, but it can also occur with repeated “suggestions” about how to do all manner of regular daily tasks “right.”

One common aspect of emotional abuse is that it is designed to control the other party. You might be discouraged or prohibited from seeing certain people, dissuaded from pursuing new job or employment opportunities, coerced into sex (or denied affection), or “required” to give an account of your daily activities. In all cases, your partner is motivated by a desire to control your behavior and keep you dependent in the relationship.

By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?

For a free copy of my ebook, “Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse”, click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/giftsstrategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and “difficult” divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.

Being apart in a long distance relationship will often result in a lot of stress and anxiety that not only can be avoided but, if approached the right way, can actually “make the heart grow fonder”.

With the advantage of modern technology that includes video connections on computers and telephones, messaging facilities on cell phones and online shopping and delivery, there are many aids to long distance relationships that modern couple can enjoy which were simply unheard of in the days of our not so distant ancestors.

Of special concern to many is the possibility that our partner will be exposed to overwhelming temptations, and even cheat, while they are away from us. If this is a minor concern, frequent contact with messaging, telephone calls and video link will be very helpful in helping to sustain and build a loving relationship. When you view the separation with a sense of calm rather than alarm, there are many tools available to help sustain the relationship.

If you are finding the separation to be especially stressful, it is important to understand that the anxiety being experienced has its origins in perception and arises from the way you look at the world. That is, you are responding to thoughts and expectations that tour partner may be cheating on you or is simply losing interest.

This does not mean that they are behaving badly or that their feelings are cooling. It indicates that you are allowing negative thoughts to evoke negative feelings. Invariably, decisions and choices that we make when we are feeling anxious, angry, resentful, hurt, sad, lonely, and the like, will point us in a direction that is away from what we really want.

For instance, if we are resentful towards an absent partner, we are tempted to be surly, cool, distant, suspicious and critical. Acting in this way towards another stirs resentment in the one on the receiving end of our ire.

Do they feel more loving when being treated this way? More likely they are inclined to retaliate, in turn causing you to feel more resentful!

Notice that what caused us to feel resentment in the first place were our perceptions of the situation. The thoughts we entertained may have been based on little more than our own insecurities and other attitudes and expectations that we hold which shape our perception of the world.

The ideas we accept mold the way we see events and the way we interpret what we see. If we see a rosy picture, we feel joyous and expect a happy outcome. If our view is a gloomy one, our prospects also appear dark and we feel anxious and threatened.

Anxiety in a long distance relationship is something we CAN control and overcome when we understand the way it works and what can be done about it. The flow on benefit is that it helps us in all sorts of ways and not only when we are apart from our loved ones. We also learn how to create an infinitely better world for ourselves and feel more in control of our lives.

Image by Ed Yourdon via Flickr

Relationship Problems – The REAL Solution

By Ivan Kelly

Sue knew she had relationship problems. She was sure that her husband had a mistress and was agonizing about how to deal with it.

Should she confront him? Would it be better to just pack her bags and leave? Maybe she should pack his bags? Perhaps it would be better to ignore her suspicions and hope that her husband will come to his senses before it’s too late?

Samantha’s long-time partner was a great guy - when he was in a good mood.  It’s just that  he couldn’t resist trying to control everything – and then criticizing and blaming her when things didn’t go just the way he wanted.

These are just a few of the relationship problems women face, of course. There are jealous boyfriends; partners whose impatience turns simple conversations into conflicts; husbands who are curt, difficult, angry, lazy, untidy, drunk, gamblers, unstable and those suffering from all kinds of addictions!

Behind it all are women who simply want to be loved, respected and appreciated.

However, the real solution isn’t frothy. It won’t tell you that the answer to your relationship problems is to buy some new lingerie, spend heaps at the beauty parlor and then go away for a romantic weekend.

It deals with deeper issues that lie at the heart of those difficulties and shows you how you can turn your life around.

With the real solution you can see quick improvement but lasting gains may take longer as you discover how your life can become much more than it is today. How long it takes will depend on how much it means to you. It doesn’t take a lot of effort.

It does require that you make a decision and that you choose a better life.

This means the real solution isn’t for every woman. Most will prefer to have a few action tips (smile, avoid argument, encourage communication, be nice to his friends and family,  etc, etc). Then life continues in much the same way as before. Perhaps it IS better for a brief time. Then it’s back to where you started.

The solution will show you the steps you can take to move from feeling unhappy and unfulfilled. It will show you how to gain more control over your life and  from this will flow more joyful experiences.

That raises another problem, of course: if YOU’RE in control of your life; if you are the captain at the wheel, who is responsible for steering the ship away from the rocks into calmer waters?

The REAL solution is knowing HOW to create a more beautiful life – and then doing it!

A number of useful books have been written to show readers HOW they can get past relationship problems and gain more love and harmony. The best of these will describe simple processes, and examples, that readers can easily follow and quickly apply to make a HUGE difference in their lives. There is one that can really help:

The majority of people who seek a romantic relationship with another person desire a mutually satisfying, respectful, and fulfilling partnership. Unfortunately, some relationships contain an emotionally abusive dynamic that can cause great harm to the abused partner over time, and may yet go undetected.

Because it does not leave obvious physical scars, emotional abuse can be difficult to identify in some cases. If you find yourself feeling unworthy, incapable, or questioning reality when you are around your partner this merits a closer look at what is going on in the relationship. Here are 5 signals that your relationship is emotionally abusive:

1. You are the subject of criticism on a regular basis – how you do things, who you are, and even your mental stability are called into question. You may be called names or more subtly given “suggestions” on how to do things.

2. Your partner discourages or prohibits you from seeing other people who are important to you. This could mean family members or friends, anyone that takes you away from the control of your partner or who could challenge the way you are being treated. Your partner may also discourage you from pursuing work opportunities or education, in order to keep you under control and more dependent.

3. When you get home at the end of the day, you feel compelled by your partner to report your day’s activities. Once you’ve done that, you field criticism and feel the need to justify and defend your choices. You might get to the point where you choose activities that you know your partner will approve of, just to avoid the confrontation.

4. When it comes to sex, it becomes more a way to control you than to express love between the two of you.

5. You have a general sense of “walking on eggshells” in the relationship. Occasionally you may be on the receiving end of a kind or generous act, but it is a way to manipulate you back into the relationship. Once you are drawn back in, you find that the emotional abuse cycle begins again.

By the way, what is holding you back from making the best choices to achieve the life you deserve?

For a free copy of my ebook, “Strategies For Escaping Emotional Abuse”, click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-strategiesforescapingemotionalabuse.html Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and “difficult” divorces, including the physical, emotional, practical and relationship components.