Question by Bin Yo: Do you think relationship plays an important role in developing children’s character?
Do you think your relationship with your children, and relationship between your children have changed after you do homeschooling?

Best answer:

Answer by glurpy
1st question: Yes. Part of character-building is determined by behaviours and attitudes adopted. The better the relationship, the more likely the child will adopt positive behaviours and attitudes.

2nd question: Because I have always homeschooled, I can’t answer that in terms of my relationship with my children.

However, I know many homeschooling families who have pulled their children from school to homeschool them. 99% of them have had their relationship with their children improve, as well as the relationship between their children improve. One mother commented to me on how much better her children got along, how they’d actually become FRIENDS and helped each other out. She didn’t work to make it happen; it just happened from being together more.

What do you think? Answer below!

A person’s ability to ask difficult and sometimes uncomfortable questions of oneself and the other person is a small price to pay if it helps both people avoid an unhealthy or poorly matched relationship. The phrase “pay now or pay later” is very applicable to the dating and decision making process. It’s vital to know if the two of you are compatible for the long term. Great questions can help you to get the answers you’re looking for.

Is the attraction mutual? It is believed by both genders that certain women and men are so desirable, “he’s a catch – she’s a babe” that the issue of mutual attraction is largely ignored.

Here’s an example. Let’s assume that Brittany is hotly pursued by Tony. He is told by many friends that “he would be lucky to be with a girl like her.” Tony wins her over as a result of his pursuit. They date and marry. Now Brittany was impressed by the attention she received from Tony, she felt special, even though she found that there were many things about Tony she didn’t relate to or even like.

As a result of the compliments and kindness she was receiving from him, she ignored many of her thoughts and feelings regarding their relationship. She was also concerned about the possibility of no other man wanting her like he did and thus leaving her alone and lonely.

A number of years into their relationship, Tony realizes that Brittany isn’t that attracted to him and the affection they used to share is absent. Their relationship is in trouble and he’s feeling frustrated and angry. Is the attraction mutual?

Is the attraction mutual over time? Whether we like it or not, it takes time to really get to know each other, to really find out how compatible two people are. It’s well known that most of the activities we engage in each day are governed by our subconscious mind…85 to 90%.

These behaviours are habitual and have usually been a part of our lives for years and years. The remaining 10 to 15% of our activities are carried out by our conscious mind. We make conscious choices about what will eat for dinner, how to respond to a complaining customer, or what to wear to work.

Early in the dating process we are more conscious or conscientious about our clothes, manners, attitude, etc. We usually want to make a good impression. It’s common for members of the relationship to relax on their efforts to conciously try and impress their partner the longer they are together. This is when a person’s conditioned habits and beliefs can be more easily seen by the other party.

This is why people who date and commit too quickly find themselves years later looking at their mate and wondering “who are you?” “You’re not the person I fell in love with!?!?” Correct. The person you fell in love life was consciously behaving in a certain manner. The person you’re now with is the same, except they’re living from their habits, their habitual behaviour, which is what the subconscious mind stores and references for playback.

A great question to ask when dating is…“in order to make the most intelligent decision possible, are you willing to take the necessary time to date me so we can both be sure of our decision?”

The best relationships, the healthy ones, are based on high levels of mutual trust and respect. Trust and respect are earned, not simply given out freely. When we consider deep human relationships of any sort, we are talking about people who have walked together through many different experiences and learned and grown from those experiences.

If a deep, lasting relationship is what you want, then it’s vital to put the relationship to the test while dating. Combined with the pleasurable and fun aspects of marriage, there are the mundane and uninspiring activities. Can you talk about somewhat difficult topics during dating, or is it all just about fun, fun, fun?

The likelihood of you enjoying a good solid marriage will be in no small part determined by your ability to ask important questions during the dating process.

Is the attraction mutual? In order to really get to know the other person and their habitual behaviour, are the two of you willing to date for a year before making a long term commitment to marriage?

Who we are is defined by our habits. It’s not what I do once in a while that is nearly as telling as what I do daily, weekly or monthly. Is the attraction mutual overtime? Do you like their habits? Do you want to marry the kind of habits they’ve got?

Chris Keenan is the founder of Relationship Sharing. They help people share and learn about relationships in small groups via telephone conferencing. If you would like to try their service for free or view the hundreds of free relationship articles they have, go to http://www.relationshipsharing.com for more information. “Why be all alone when you don’t have to?”

In my work with couples I have discovered that 5 essentials need to be in place for relationship counselling to work. And when relationship counselling works it can be amazingly successful transforming even the longest most sterile relationships!

This is what you need…

1. Goodwill. Both partners need to have goodwill towards the other – the more goodwill the better. This means that both need to approach the counselling process positively looking for a good outcome. A good outcome usually means understanding the relationship and how it works, repairing parts of the relationship that have broken down and looking to develop the relationship into one that is vibrant, alive, fulfilling, nurturing and nourishing.

Both partners need to be prepared to look inwards right into themselves to consider what part they are prepared to own in the relationship not being successful, not giving them what they want or need. It means each person looking inwards to consider what changes they are prepared to make and whether they can let go of past hurts. It can sometimes mean being prepared to end the relationship in a decent civilised way.

2. Commitment. For relationship counselling to work, both partners need to be committed to the process. It’s no good thinking you can drag your partner along to relationship counselling if they are not committed to the relationship and to the idea of counselling as a method of improving things. Relationship counselling is not easy.

It requires commitment in terms of time, money, energy and emotions. Owning up to our own shortcomings, failings and mistakes is not easy, it’s much easier to blame the other. Hearing difficult stuff about ourselves and being able to own it is not easy. Coming to understand where some of our behaviours come from is also not easy. Yet all this is required for couples counselling to work.

3. The ability to compromise. A deal is a process of give and take. Couples counselling is no different. It’s a non- judgemental process and for it to work both parties need to be able to give as well as take. That’s what a compromise is. A nice definition of love is ‘putting the other person’s needs first’. And in relationship counselling that is an essential. For example…What can you do for her? How can I help him?

4. Energy. How much energy does each of you have to make you relationship better? Are you prepared to invest in it, to devote time, money and emotion to transform it into something rewarding and fulfilling. Relationships are dynamic, they keep changing and evolving – just like life and people. If you just do nothing with your relationship, don’t invest in it chances are that it won’t give you much of a return.

5. Honesty. Are you ready to say and hear some difficult things about yourself, your partner and your roles in the relationship? Are you willing to be open and honest about yourself, your feelings and your actions?

The role of the counsellor in relationship counselling is that of facilitator. He or she is not a judge and does not do the actual work, that’s down to the couple. The counsellor is there to facilitate the couple to understand what the real issues are, where they come from and what needs to be changed if the relationship is to be improved. But the work itself is done by the couple.

Now for the good news. When relationship counselling works it can be amazingly successful even after many years of sterility.

Allan Kelly is a BACP Accredited Counsellor in Wimbledon, South-West London. I have a BA Honours Counselling Degree, a Diploma in Counselling, and have been helping providing Counselling in Wimbledon services for people with all manners of issues for the past 7 years. Visit http://www.allankelly.com/sya for more information.

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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