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Letting Go of a Bad Relationship in a Month? is it Even Possible?

Letting go is hard to do, but letting go of a bad relationship logically should be easy. The fact that the relationship could be characterized as “bad” hints that something was not right with the relationship.

It’s good to let go of things that are bad for you or that causes you more tears than pleasure, yet for many people letting go of a bad relationship can be excruciatingly painful. Just because the relationship was bad for whatever number of reasons does not meant that deep emotions are not attached.

The first step in letting go of a bad relationship is to come to terms with why the relationship was bad for you, and to admit that you are better off on your own. It is easy to keep the blinders on and tell yourself that it wasn’t that bad. If you have gotten out of the relationship then it’s time to start letting go of a bad relationship by admitting it was in fact bad for you.

Sit down with a pen and paper sometime when you can be alone with your thoughts. Just start listing randomly all the things you hated about that relationship or about your ex. If there was any physical or mental abuse then that goes number one, top of the list.

Violence and emotional torture put your health and your entire life in danger and should never be tolerated. Letting go of a bad relationship that included any sort of violence needs to be done immediately so you do not convince yourself to go back into the relationship.

The list could get quite lengthy for some relationships, but let it all flow out. Then read it over a few times and let those bad moments sink into your brain. You can keep this list for future moments of weakness when you think you want to go back to that bad relationship and undo all of your hard work letting go of a bad relationship.

These moments of weakness may come often in the beginning, especially if your ex is begging you to come back and promising everything will be different the next time around.

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Relationship Advice for Women

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A bad relationships is poisonous to both the body and the soul. If you are in a bad relationships you had better get out. There are people who have very low self esteem of themselves. They sometimes try to make other people feel bad about themselves too. They will make sure they highlight all the bad things in their mates make their partners feel less of a person.

A toxic partner will also make you feel bad because they do not want you to have the courage to leave them. They will even go further and make you feel there is no other person in the world that could possibly love you because you do not deserve it. They might even make you think they are doing you a favor by loving you and being with you. They will make you feel very useless.

A bad relationships is one where your partner keeps telling you how stupid you are. Every time you try to do something they will tell you it is a stupid thing that even a child could have thought better than you. They will even go ahead and tell you how stupid the idea is and how it cannot work.

Sometimes you might even see they make sense because you probably never thought it could go like that. But that does not mean it cannot work out. If you were to review the project anyway you will discover like any other project it has its own disadvantages and what they were telling you about is just one obstacle. What about the many advantages associated with it?

A bad relationships is one where your partner frequently threatens you. Your partner might frequently threaten to leave you or even to kill you. According to them, you do not add any value to anyone’s life and it would be better if you left, and its not only leaving them but if you left the world completely. They might even once in a while give you a thorough beating to make their point clear. A bad relationships has a degree of some domestic violence.

If you are in a relationship and your partner does not respect you that is a bad relationships. Your partner might embarrass you when you friends and family members are around. He or she might also cause the children to disrespect you. This because of the things they tell the children about you.

Children will not respect their parents if the partners to do not respect each other. Just like an abusive relationship, you should never stay in a bad relationships. You might be scared of getting out of it but the greatest courage is loving yourself enough to be able stand up for yourself and saying enough is enough and leave. You might end up not recognizing your self if you stayed longer in a bad relationships. They will make you feel unimportant and make you retreat in your shell. You might even start depending on them for everything.

Advertising executive, Carol Fena has been in and out of a relationship with banker, Neal for the last two years. They break up for a week or two but then keep getting back together until the next blow-up. Carol’s friends can’t understand why she keeps going back to Neal and why she is so addicted to him in spite of the fact that he is emotionally abusive.

Many are the people caught in the web of addictive relationships. And often, we ourselves realise that we have been in relationships that have disappointed us in some way or another… relationships that didn’t work out the way we had hoped, wanted or thought they would. And, we’re not just talking about intimate and love relationships. We’re talking about toxic friends, back stabbing relatives, abusive partners and controlling family members, vicious colleagues.

Sometimes the poisoned relationship is with a family member or an in-law. Or perhaps a friendship has lived out its purpose. In this case, so much time has been invested in the friendship that it is hard to let go. However, addictive relationships are most often evident in romantic interactions between men and women.

UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS

Remaining in a bad relationship not only causes continual stress but can also cloud your life with frustration, emptiness and despair. It can drain your energy and make you tense and stressed. Addicts become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self-personal identity is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems. Such people struggle relentlessly to fill the great emotional vacuum within themselves. Despite the pain of these relationships, many rational and practical people find that they are unable to leave, even though they know the relationship is bad for them.

One part of them wants out but a seemingly stronger part refuses or feels helpless to take any action. It is in this sense that the relationships are addictive. In case of romantic relationships, entering a relationship based on the fear of being alone is totally self-destructive.

In this type of scenario, an individual will choose to be with just about anybody to fill the void he/she has in life. Desperation for love and romance to fulfill your desires may lead to selection of wrong partners. So, if you use your fears and insecurities to make your relationship decisions, you inevitably will have to suffer pain and suffering.

ATTACHMENT HUNGER

A person who is excessively attached to another person most likely carried those habits over from past relationships. The conditions in past relationships can leave a person feeling inadequate or mentally and/or physically abused.

Romantic relationships are not the only type that causes such habits to develop; they can also stem from lack of nurturing or attention during childhood, isolation or detachment from family, early abandonment, unrecognised early needs and fears of rejection. Often, children who are not loved, nurtured and encouraged in their independence are left feeling ‘needy’ as adults and may thus be more vulnerable to dependent relationships.

These ‘clingy’ feelings which develop early in childhood, often operate without awareness and can exert considerable influence on a person’s life. Often, dysfunctional relationship patterns are passed on from parents to their children.

Thus, unhealthy relationships can be a source of great agony if there is emotional or physical abuse involved. Often, relation addicts do not want to see or believe that their parents, spouses, children or friends can be a toxic influence in their life. This kind of denial may last a lifetime, or it may give way to a painful awareness that the relationship is not healthy. Also, for many people caught in this trap, it is often a vicious circle. For them, the end of one relationship is not always the end of the battle.

They choose destructive relationships over and over again. The consequences of their choices are painful and emotionally damaging, yet those that engage in this repetitive behaviour never seem to learn from their experience.

BREAKING THE CYCLE OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS

All relationships leave very important clues about who and what we are. Try to remember all the relationships that you know have been bad for you. Think of the relationship history and look for patterns, themes and repeating incidents. “If it is all about everyone else and what they did to you, it means you are a victim, helpless to affect change. When you can see where you are contributing to the problems, you can make changes.

Personal accountability is the most empowering tool for healing. You can talk to a trusted friend or a counsellor depending upon the severity of your situation. Sometimes having an outsider’s perspective is helpful. Such a person can help you filter through your options and underlying motives for making a decision.

Often, it is difficult to sever ties with people with whom you are emotionally involved - say family members, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Breaking up will not be easy. Be sure to resolve any guilt you might be feeling. Too often we let other people relate to us on the basis of our weaknesses and faults. We are attracted to bad traits in people and consequently, these characteristics lead to unhealthy relationships. These people have no other way of relating to us.

It will take some re-learning and re-conditioning to achieve this change of relating to others through our strengths, especially if the negative relationship has been long term. You have to let go of negative relationships. It could mean you have to break a business partnership. It could mean you need to call off an engagement. It might require you to avoid toxic friends and acquire some new friends who are true to you.

STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE

Married people stay together to work out their issues. This approach to marriage counselling believes that your partner is the right person to help you heal your wounds. With this approach, many marriages can be saved. However, there are three reasons to leave a relationship: The Three As. There is severe abuse, severe adultery and severe addiction.

These three extreme conditions rarely change. In such cases, getting out of the relationship is important. You are putting yourself, and possibly others, in serious jeopardy if you continue to stay in the relationship. Divorce in such cases is merited. Also, partners sometimes stay in bad marriages for the sake of the children. But this can be a big mistake if there is abuse involved, because doing so puts a terrible burden on the children.

But marriage experts believe that each marriage has different issues and if the problems can be solved amicably, there is no need for divorce. A study conducted by sociologist Linda Waite at University of Chicago suggests that staying together is better for the children. She writes in The Case for Marriage that “most current divorces leave children worse off, educationally and financially, than they would have been if their parents stayed married, and a majority of divorces leave children psychologically worse off as well.

Only a minority of divorces are taking place in families where children are likely to benefit in any way from their parents’ separation. I do not advocate divorce as a first step when a marriage is going awry. There are always ups and downs in a marriage. Anyone can manage life during good times. It is getting through the bad times that makes or breaks a relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

It is not difficult to break bad relationship habits. Once you decide to let go off your clingy nature, healing will automatically come. Once you aim to heal your past and maintain healthy relationships, you will automatically stay away from associating with toxic people.

Always try to keep your relationships healthy. People in healthy relationships grow together and don’t stunt each other’s progress. Learn to respect your individuality and give and take space. Sometimes we have to associate with negative people, but if you have a healthy self-esteem and courage to stand up for yourself, you won’t be affected by such people.

Thus, the first step towards breaking bad relationship habits is having a strong conception of your own identity. Often, we allow people into our lives who treat us as we expect to be treated. So, if you feel contempt for yourself or think very little of yourself, you may pick partners or significant others who reflect this image back to you.

Learn to recognise such patterns in your life and pluck them off. There will be anger, resentment, hurt and pain. But, you will be breaking your psychological dependency on other people. Recovering from relationship addiction is a process of acknowledging and then letting go of pain, and finding ways to build a happy life.

OVERCOMING RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

1) Make your ‘recovery’ the first priority in your life. Look for roots of emotional abuse.

2) Go through your early relationships. Tell yourself that you’re an adult now, in charge of your life. Invest your time in disconnecting from the emotions that have been eating you alive.

3) Cultivate whatever needs to be developed in yourself, i.e., fill in gaps that have made you feel undeserving or bad about yourself.

4) Learn to stop managing and controlling others; by being more focused on your own needs; you will no longer need to seek security from others.

5) Develop your spiritual side, i.e., find out what brings you peace and serenity and commit some time, at least half an hour daily, to that endeavour.

6) Learn not to get hooked into bad relationships.

7) Find a support group of friends who understand the pressures you might be facing.

Consider getting professional help, if need arises.

No one really wants to have a bad relationship. But as much as we wanted to avoid this, we always end up spending our love life miserable and unhappy. Because of this, we always ask ourselves if we really deserve to be in this state. As much as we wanted to bring the best out of us and be that person worth loving, things just do not happen the way we dreamed.

Most people do not know that having a healthy relationship starts in dating. When we date, we should look at the qualities and other things that will suit our needs as well as wants. These qualities should also, in one way or the other, jive in to our own character and traits.

Try to see and analyze both your positive and negative qualities and try to compare these qualities to the person you wanted to have relationship with. Most of the time, we are attracted to a person whose character and traits do no compliment ours. And that will definitely cause some problems over time. Therefore, it is essential to know your good and bad qualities so you can use these data well when looking forward to a person who can live up a lasting good relationship.

You should be able to see also the patterns in your past relationships. Ask yourself what causes the fights and misunderstandings. Are you the jealous type? Are you over protective?, etc. Try to balance and analyze which of these qualities are not healthy to building a good relationship. When you can look over these things, you can now know how to avoid and improve yourself better the next time you spend your time with someone new.

Take some time too to give yourself a break when you just came over a break-up. Bad relationships always root from people who recently had a break-up and went to a new relationship. Love is not about finding replacements to heal the past wounds. It is not really working if you push yourself to love someone new that instant. If you just broke-up with someone, make sure you had your time to heal and mend the wounds before entertaining someone new. It will be a lot easier to spend time with someone special when you are sure you got over with the past.

There are times a good relationship has turned sour and bad. This happens too. And if this is the case, you should be able to be strong and hopeful.

Communication is the best key to solving your love problems. Keeping a good conversation all the time with your partner helps you see and realize the things you need to look upon in the relationship as well as the factors that you have to change or develop.

The bottom line here is that you need to realize that there is no perfect relationship. But you all have the power to avoid a bad one. Just make sure that you know your strengths and weaknesses, learn to improve unwanted traits, and make sure you look for someone who can live up to your own character and traits. Balance everything and you will have one relationship that is not perfect but a very strong, lasting one.

Mary Ann Tordecilla has many years of experience with connecting people online both in dating and chat. You can connect live with singles here for free by clicking here Free phone chat lines or clicking here local phone chat lines. Freephonechatlines.Biz is the hottest free chat line in the U.S. so click here to connect live free Meet Singles.

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Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!

Do you often find that you involve yourself in relationships that disappoint you? Are you not getting what you need and desire from the people you choose to date? Does there always seem to be something missing? If you answered yes to one or all of those questions, you could very well be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships, setting yourself up for failure without even knowing it. There are ways you can determine whether you are addicted or not, and ways you can break the addiction and start getting what you have always wanted from a relationship.

Before we cover the symptoms of addiction, it is important that we cover the dangers of staying in a bad relationship. Since bad relationships lack what one or both partners’ need, stress becomes a regular part of your life, as well a gradual lowering of your self-esteem, which will make you unable to focus on your career and personal life with the concentration and care needed, in order for you to be happy. The constant stress will produce chemical changes in your body that drain your energy and make you more eligible for physical illnesses.

Physical abuse in a relationship is obvious to cause a lot of physical harm, along with great psychological damage, but in spite of these facts, many people still choose to proceed with such relationships, finding themselves trapped and incapable of leaving. They find themselves depressed, on a search for some relief and unfortunately becoming depressed and possibly turning to drugs and alcohol.

So what are the symptoms of this addiction? Ignoring the truth would be one. If you truly know that the relationship you are in is making you unhappy but make no effort to exit from it, then you are in denial and are holding yourself hostage in a situation you do not have to be in. Making excuses for your partner’s disappointing and bad behavior will keep you trapped and is another huge symptom of bad relationship addiction, especially if the excuses you produce do not back up the facts and are unrealistic.

If you do finally build up the courage to confront your partner to leave him or her but are overcome with fear and therefore back off from the confrontation, you are a high and sure victim of addiction because no matter what you attempt, you find yourself always giving in and holding on to what you know is bad for you. Suffering from both physical and mental discomfort once broken up, unless you get back together, is yet another symptom of addiction and should not be denied or ignored.

What causes addiction to bad relationships? There are several levels and everyone’s addiction is different and varies. One common reason is the feeling and belief that if you end the relationship, you will never find anyone else who could possibly be interested in you or love you. You grow so attached to your partner that you forgot your life before him or her, making you feel fearful of being on your own and taking care of yourself.

Fear of criticism is another reason many people remain in bad relationships. They are afraid of what people will say, believing that ending a relationship means that they are a failure and being alone is unacceptable and terrifying. Other reasons may be financial support that you are receiving from a partner, making you feel that you should tolerate bad behavior from your lover, since they are supporting you.

Having a child together can also blind you or cause you to deny a bad relationship, making you feel guilty for leaving your child’s mother or father. On a deeper level, you could be addicted to disappointing and bad relationships due to your upbringing or experiences as a child yourself. Perhaps you were not nurtured or loved enough and you now think it is normal to be neglected from love, care and understanding.

What should you do and how can you break a bad relationship addiction? Since this addiction is difficult and basically impossible for you to end on your own, counseling would be the best assistance for you. Find a counselor or service in which experts provide their services through, and take that first step in accepting the fact that you have an addiction and that you need and want help to conquer it. Start being a best friend to yourself and open the door to all the feelings you have kept locked up for so long.

Stay focused and encourage yourself frequently by setting a goal, and picturing yourself away from all the disappointment and closer to all the happiness and good health you need, desire and deserve as a person. Never give up and know that you are not alone. There are people who can help you, know how to help and will help you. Mainly, keep in mind that there will always be a person who will be by your side and never leave you, always giving you the strength, love and support you need… and that person is YOU.

Paul is the owner of
http://attached-dating.blogspot.com/
Attached and dating is an educational Blog about human sexuality, dating and relationships.

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!