Having a Successful Romantic Relationship

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www.trans4mind.com A meditative poem by Wallace Huey in the series ‘Inspiration for Your Soul,’ part of our Heart to Heart Coaching service. Jessica Coffey speaks, Shirley Cason creates the music and Peter Shepherd produces. More help to have a successful romantic relationship: www.trans4mind.com From Tools for Transformation www.trans4mind.com

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

7 Tips For Preventing a Relationship Breakup and Growing in a Positive Direction

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Sculpture of a Sailor and His Girl
Image by Michael in San Diego, California via Flickr

A lot of people define themselves by their relationships. While this is all well and good, when the relationship is moving along smoothly, what happens when we hit a bumpy patch?

Concern over in the imminent breakup create a great deal of anxiety. It may be worth just a few minutes to go over some simple tips that may prevent a relationship from breaking up.

1. Try calming down a bit.

Rather than becoming overly worried and clingy, it might be beneficial to put a little bit of space into the relationship. This might help you get some perspective on exactly what is going wrong between the two of you. Sometimes it is really easy to lose track of our own emotions and feelings one way or worried about our partner. Spending a little bit of time apart may be helpful in defining personal boundaries.

2. Look at your part in things.

After you have taken some time to get a clear picture of what is going on in the relationship look for your part or contribution in any rough patches that might be going on during. Don’t forget it takes two to tango, and you may be blaming your partner for problems of your own creation. Are your expectations realistic, or are you engaging in a little magical thinking?

3. Time for some acceptance.

It is almost an iron clad self improvement the only thing you can really change is yourself, in the present moment. It is not really possible to change another person is something you want them to be. It is like driving a square peg into a round hole, lots of damage occurs. It is okay, in fact it is your responsibility to your side of things on the table for discussion, but that does not necessarily mean that your desires will be met.

4. Look at your communication skills.

Often times when all the fog and smoke is cleared away I’ll be relationships are rough patches are truly about miscommunication. One of the biggest faults in relationships is one person thinks they can read the mind of another person. He simply can’t. Sometimes simply stating in an assertive, non-aggressive way what is going on clarify. The silent treatment is really a form of aggression, not problem solving.

5. Express your feelings appropriately.

A lot of people do not own or take responsibility for their own feelings instead they believe that the other person can ‘make’ them feel a certain way. This is simply not true. Your partner cannot make you angry, you can however become angry in response to what they are doing. You can also choose not to become angry response to what they are doing. Is your choice where you end up emotionally not theirs.

6. Don’t misplace your anger.

Unfortunately it is all too common to misdirect anger, reset and, or stressed that is going on in other areas of our life unto our part. This really is not fair. Make an effort to resolve things as they occur, with the person they are occurring with. Do not save up all your frustration and vent it out on a hapless partner.

7. Make an effort to reach out.

If you take a little extra effort and extend yourself you may be handsomely rewarded. A little acknowledgment, appreciation or random act of kindness can go a long way to easing tension in the relationship. We all have the need to love and be loved and express it. Stop taking things for granted.

Relationships are never stagnant, they are in a constant state of evolution either toward the better and growing, or moving toward the worse and regressing. It is all too easy to take things for granted and not pay attention to what is going on yourself and your partner. Take some time and attention and actively working relationship on a day by day basis. People who successfully maintain long-term relationships all say that it takes work in the alley attention to detail. That may sound like a tall order but isn’t your partner worth it?

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Anger Problems Destroy Intimate Relationships

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The Fury of Athamas by John Flaxman (1755-1826).
Image via Wikipedia

Anger problems are the cause of a lot of misery in intimate relationships. The increasing number of anger management classes available is one way society has attempted to help angry men fix their problems.

One of the major problems for angry men is the damage that is done to their relationships with their partners. Often they feel riddled with guilt over things they have done to the people they love the most.

Many of these relationships are filled with drama, crisis and conflict. Here are the common issues that men with anger problems face in their relationships with women.

1. Lack of intimacy. If your relationship is full of noisy conflict and then periods of angry silence, chances are you are not having a happy intimate life with your partner.

To feel intimate with someone you have to be able to trust them. To be trustworthy you need to be predictable. Angry men are not very predictable. Women will find it difficult to relax and be intimate with you because they do not know if you will suddenly change and become angry or start criticizing them.

2. Controlling behavior. Often angry men will want to decide what a woman can and can’t do, who she can see and where she can go. This is abusive behavior. Being controlling will cause a lot of problems in relationships.

Being angry most of the time make some men feel a need to try and control everything that goes on around them. They mistakenly believe that by trying to control others they will not lose control themselves. This is one of the key thought distortions that anger management classes can help men to change.

3. Blaming and criticism. Angry men lash out at others in an attempt to avoid facing their real feelings and taking responsibility for their lives. Often this is quite unconscious. They are not aware of why they use have angry outbursts or how to stop them.

Often they do not have the ability to manage feelings of grief, sadness or anxiety. Being angry is more acceptable for men in our society than being sad or anxious. This is a subtle pressure of men to manage their emotions with action instead of talking them over or expressing them truthfully.

This type of anger problem will affect your relationships with women, particularly if you swear and become aggressive with your partner when angry. Blaming and criticizing your partner will lead to a lack of intimacy and even more conflict in the long run. Living with a critical partner causes women to feel unhappy in a relationship. Criticizing a woman will not change her behavior; it will only cause more ill feelings between you.

Anger management classes can be very effective in helping men recognize these patterns and begin to change them. The internet has made it possible to take online anger management classes in the privacy of your own home. Learning effective methods to manage you anger problem can improve your relationships with women and reduce conflict.

Kate Hardy is a health professional who enjoys working with angry adults and teens. Online Anger Management Classes. FREE anger Management articles

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