I couldn’t resist posting this item on relationship advice. Keeping this blog current naturally means constantly looking for videos, news and other useful content which aids people to have more enjoyable relationships. Be sure to look closely at it all. Don’t forget to offer your opinions so the rest of us can appreciate your thoughts:

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

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How to Keep a Capricorn Man in Love With You – Relationship Advice For Women

Knowing how to keep a Capricorn man in love can ensure you have a long, fulfilling relationship with the man you adore. Capricorn men come with their own unique type of charm and when a woman is involved with one she would do well to get to know his interests and passions so she can be certain she stays irresistible to him in the future. If you’re in a love with a man born under this sign, there are just a few things you need to know to keep him emotionally connected to you.

Learning how to keep a Capricorn man starts with recognizing his need for independence. These men want and need to have their own passions that they can pursue on their own.

Many Capricorn men take on a sport that consumes a lot of their time or they become very interested in a hobby. If you try and persuade him to give that up, you’ll risk losing him. An effective way to get past his desire to spend time away from you doing something else is to find your own passion you can be immersed in. He’ll love you more for it.

Jealousy has no part in a relationship with a Capricorn. Your man won’t find it appealing if the green monster of anger rears its ugly head whenever you know he’s in the vicinity of a beautiful woman. Always let him know that you trust him with other women. It will make him feel closer to you and your self confidence will impress him.

Drama is another big no-no if you want to know how to keep a Capricorn man. Drama queens aren’t suited for these type of men. They want women who aren’t overly emotional in their lives. If you tend to become upset at even the smallest thing, you need to change for your Capricorn man or the relationship is doomed. Show him that you’re fun and easy going and that you don’t take life too seriously.

Specific things you say and do can make a Capricorn man feel helplessly drawn to you. If you are convinced he is the one there are things you can do to ensure he only has eyes for you. For more insightful tips about understanding men including a way to get him to fall deeply in love with you, visit this informative site!

You don’t have to leave love to fate or chance. If you are tired of waiting for him to fall hopelessly in love, there are things you can do to make it happen now. Find out right now what you need to do to capture his heart forever.

Relationship Advice for Women

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Divorce is never a pleasant experience. The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be very painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. However, learning from how others coped with the trauma may help one in picking up the threads and moving on in life…

Divorce is never a pleasant experience.

The emotions involved before, during and after divorce can be painful, confusing, complex and sometimes frightening. Picking up the threads and moving on may seem like the most difficult thing to do and requires considerable effort and adjustment. We spoken to people who have had to grapple with divorce induced trauma – people who have emerged triumphant after the ordeal and are now leading more productive, fulfilling lives

Actress Sarha married Ranvir Singh, at the peak of her film career and happily threw it all away just to be the quintessential Indian wife. When things began spiraling out of control, she opted for a divorce after ten years of marriage. The decision left her with custody of her young son but minus a steady source of income and a roof over her head. She had to start from scratch. “Those who have been through the ordeal know that a divorce is the hardest, most traumatic period of one’s life. And it doesn’t just involve the two of you but your respective families as well, including the children, who are affected most.

The grief & pain is similar to that experienced when someone close to you dies. But in this case, the person concerned is still alive and getting on with his own life – perhaps in the same neighborhood.”

She recalls one of the most frustratingly awkward situations, “Whenever I would go to a friend’s house and there were children there with both their parents and there I was standing all alone with my child. It was at times like these that all that hurt and anger came rushing back. I felt, ‘How could he do this to us?’ It’s all his fault!”

“Today, me and Ranvir are the best of friends. If I have something to share, I call him up. The three of us go out for movies or dinner together or with common friends. But to reach this comfort level, I’ve had to work on my ego issues and insecurities, as immediately after the divorce, there was a lot of resentment and anger.”

The ex didn’t do much to help either, “The day after the divorce was legalized, Ranvir threw his friends a so-called ‘freedom party’ to celebrate his new-found freedom from the wife. This was probably done to spite me and yes it hurt. I have managed to let go and moved on, but my mother still cannot bring herself to forgive my ex-husband.

It is after all natural for a parent to hold a grudge against someone who has hurt their offspring and ruined his/her life.”

While her mother and sister Tina stood by her through it all, Sarha claims her strongest ally was herself. “A divorce leaves you at your most vulnerable, but you have to be strong if you have to pull through that phase. Friends will console you and hold your hand, but can they share your pain? Or your loneliness? Moreover most married women are scared of a divorced woman.

They may be your closest friends, but once you’re single again they think of you as a threat; someone out to snare their man for herself in order to fill the void.”

Looking back in retrospect Sarha says, “I had tried really hard to make it work. But Ranvir though jobless refused to give up on his gambling and insisted on keeping the wrong kind of company. These were things that infuriated me and lead to heated arguments.

The fights when looked at individually weren’t really all that important, but as they got more frequent, the bad times began outweighing the good and I decided enough was enough. I wish his parents had intervened at that stage. Or perhaps had insisted that he get his act together, but they didn’t.

It was more convenient to blame the wife and take his side. After we divorced, Ranvir’s mother tried to get me to come back. But it was too late.”

Sarha admits that like 99 per cent of divorced mothers she too wanted to lash out at her ex-husband in the most obvious way – by denying him visitation rights. “If the father is fond of his child, the best way to hurt him is to separate him from his child. But this is detrimental to the growth of the child who ends up insecure and resentful of the fact that he never got an opportunity to know his/her father.

My parents too were divorced and I never got to know my father. I don’t blame my mother for not keeping in touch with my him; I’m sure she had her reasons. But those feelings of remorse did surface at times when I saw my classmates in school with both their parents,” she says.

“I wanted my son to feel complete and loved and not grow into an insecure, manipulative child who slyly pits one parent against the other to get his way. Hence I put in a determined attempt to bridge the gap caused by our divorce.” And in doing so Sarha has also succeeded in moving on with her life, “I am on friendly terms with Ranvir and his present girlfriend. I am into film production and other business”.

Prod on about the chances of a second marriage and she reveals, “Yes, there is another man in my life, but marriage isn’t on the cards. I’m not yet ready to step into another relationship.” A case of once bitten, twice shy.

Model Saurab talks candidly about his failed marriage with model/actress Geeta, “Sure I made many mistakes; I’m only human. I’m not a saint. And I don’t believe in blinding myself from the truth.

Most people don’t realize or refuse to accept their mistakes. Their pride, ego, etc. prevent them from coming to terms with reality. And it’s much easier to hold your ex responsible for the failure of your relationship by saying, ‘Oh it was all her/his fault!’ So what if the marriage didn’t work out. Accept your mistakes and move on.”

Saurab and Geeta have been separated for five months and their divorce is yet to come through, but the soon-to-be ex-husband matter-of-factly states that he has moved on. “Basically, it all boils down to the individual’s state of mind. Like most other things divorce cannot be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. What society at large refers to as a ‘bad’ thing may just have some good come out of it.”

He elaborates, “Divorce is simply a clash of two minds. Sure, you should try to iron out differences through marital counseling, etc. But if the problems are irreconcilable it is better to let go and part ways. Time is the best healer.” The model turned businessman is today immersed in his work and is bares all about his failed marriage, but Geeta on the other hand feels she still isn’t comfortable discussing the relationship.

The outcome of a divorce is often two embittered individuals who simply can’t stand the sight of each other. But this needn’t always be the case. Couples who have split after a brief marriage find it easier to overcome the pain and the hurt and remain friends or at least maintain a cordial relationship. As Gautam so succinctly puts it, “Life is too short to harbor ill-feelings.”

But the anger and hurt cannot be suppressed either and needs to be redirected to serve a constructive purpose. Sameer turned television actress Mahima says she used the anger to propel her to move on with her life. “The divorce took around a year and a half to come through and this was the toughest phase. I found myself battling over petty material possessions and property.”

She continues, “It was all very upsetting. There was this constant bickering, ‘why should you have this, I bought it’. Not because I really wanted it but just to get back at him. I even used to have these nightmares of spotting him with a new wife. When he did eventually get married, I was surprisingly okay with it.”

She says, “After a month or two, I would often just burst out crying. It was like as if something had died and there was this mourning process I had to go through, where I found it difficult to even eat.” But it was only a matter of time before the mourning period came to an end and she found a new purpose in life, a raison d’etre. “I fell in love with ISKON – Hare Krishna Land. The experience was so divine.

I now found the time to pursue my love for philosophy which was something I wanted to do since the age of 19.” Mahima is also grateful for the support of the parents who though traditional in their views stood by her through her divorce. “I come from a family where we believe marriage is for keeps. Divorce was not a done thing.

Yet my parents have been so gracious and dignified. There was none of that ‘we told you so’ nor do they discus my marriage with others.”

Sheepishly the actress admits to even going through a phase when she was so emotionally vulnerable and attracted to anyone and everyone. “I would look at an Restaurent waiter and tell my friend ‘oh he’s so cute and so nice’.” Then suddenly on a serious note she adds, “I always knew Dilip and myself were not right for each other.

We were just so different. He is so cool and chilled out and I am over hyper and very restless. I would constantly break up with him, but the attachment and attraction was so strong that after two days I’d go back to him. I glad we did get married else I would always have wondered what life would him would have been like. Now I know. While he was a very loving and attentive husband, there was no respect in the relationship – it was very immature.”

Like her ex-husband Mahima says men tend to move on quicker than women. If not emotionally at least physically. But Sameer begs to differ, “I can’t speak for all men, but I haven’t hastily jumped into another relationship. For me it has always been career first and that’s what I’m focusing on right now. I’m also very spiritual and that has helped keep me on track.”

Mahima advises, “You need to put your emotions on the back burner. If you feel you are better off without a particular person, stick by your decision. Be detached and very focused on what you want. Even if you are dating or married, spend time with your family and friends, go out with them on holidays, traveling or just shopping.

There’s more to life than just being in a relationship. You don’t have to be together 24/7. By all means love to the fullest, but down let your partner own you. Sarha too seconds this view. “While it is important to give your partner his space, it is also equally essential to give yourself space.”

Both women agree that is vital for a wife to be financially independent for their men to respect them. “If you can’t work outside the home because of the kids, work from the home itself. Take up tailoring or catering, something you are good at. When your man knows you have other options, you aren’t helpless and dependent he will think twice before taking you for granted or straying,” says Sarha.

But not all divorce related problems come with a simple solution. Take for example the case of Mahesh, an architect. He separated from his wife over four years ago, leaving behind an eight -year-old daughter in her custody. A year after their separation he moved in with Aditi, a public relations consultant and they have been living together ever since. The ride was a bumpy one and the arrival of their son only made matters worse.

Mahesh confesses that the divorce was painful and further complicated his life. “I love my daughter very much and would like to spend more time with her. In fact, I would like to be a good father to both my children. Though the differences between me and my ex-wife were irreconcilable, I can’t help but feel like I have abandoned them and that there are times when they need me.”

Aditii too admits that the weekly custody visits leave her feeling insecure and threatened. “The thought that three of them are spending time together as a family is very disconcerting. I guess my insecurities stem from the fact that the two of us still haven’t married. Every time he goes to see Marina (his daughter), I am constantly plagued by doubts, ‘What if they patch up? What happens to me and my son? Sure I’m doing well and I can take care of the both of us. But doesn’t my son deserve a father?

After Mahesh had split with his ex he was a shattered man. I helped him piece his life back together and now they seem to be getting along fine.” Obviously Mahesh and Aditi raise questions that seem impossible to answer and doubts difficult to quell. The two have issues that can be only done away with proper counseling and therapy sessions.

Whatever your experience of divorce may be, it is worth remembering that there is life after divorce. And it can be a blessing in disguise for it isn’t often that we get a chance to break clean and start over. As Sameer says, “Its all about progression, so don’t get disheartened.”

Some of the names have been changed on request.

Start a New Life and find a compatible match for yourself at www.re-marriage.com The No.1 Re-marriage Matrimonials Services Provider. For divorcees, widows, widowers, separated and late marriages.

Most people recognise very early on that relationships can be complicated, and to maintain a strong and successful relationship, then both partners in the relationship must accept they need to work at it. Simply put, each person must realize that in any relationship there is no such thing as perfection – there is always the possibility of problems, and both parties need to be clear it takes consistent effort to ensure that a relationship survives.

Anyone who has been in a relationship has likely had relationships problems. These issues can crop up because of a number of things. One thing that can cause strife is when either one or both parties do not take the time to listen to and understand the other’s perspective.

It’s easy to just say ‘you need to see it from the other person’s perspective’ but that’s often easily said and not so easily done. When you have a strong perspective on things, it is often difficult to let go of that to look at the situation from how your partner is seeing it. But you must really try! There are many different reasons why both parties often find it difficult to understand the other party’s perspective.

1. Sometimes it is because there is something from another part of a person’s life that is causing stress and unhappiness. This often creates an overall negative attitude, and the unwillingness to be loving, flexible and, most importantly, forgiving. It is best not to discuss heavy issues during these times.

2. Lack of communication can also cause one person not to understand the other’s perspective. Communication is key in a relationship. It’s clear; the more you communicate your thoughts and feelings to one another, the more understanding you will have.

3. Pent up, unresolved frustration and anger with issues in the relationship can also cause problems in the relationship. When one (or both) of you is upset with the other, it can often result in a negative attitude and therefore negative responses to each other.

4. Another emotion, such as jealousy, can cause the person experiencing the emotion to be less trustful or open with their partner. To be able to see something from someone else’s point of view, one has to be willing to do so. When strong emotions surface they tend to cloud an individual’s judgment.

In order to avoid relationships problems, it is important to communicate with your partner, and to listen openly and non judgmentally to everything he or she has to tell you. If you have an issue with the information he or she has given you, try to discuss your concerns in a diplomatic manner and a calm, even tone. Remember why you are in the relationship, and make efforts to work toward happiness for both of you.

www.trans4mind.com A meditative poem by Wallace Huey in the series ‘Inspiration for Your Soul,’ part of our Heart to Heart Coaching service. Jessica Coffey speaks, Shirley Cason creates the music and Peter Shepherd produces. More help to have a successful romantic relationship: www.trans4mind.com From Tools for Transformation www.trans4mind.com

Secret Relationship Advice for Women

Recent statistics suggest that 40% of women (and that number is increasing) and 60% of men at one point indulge in extramarital affairs. Put those numbers together and it is estimated that 80% of the marriages will have one spouse at one point or another involved in marital infidelity.

That may seem like a very steep number. However after two decades plus of full time work as a marriage and family therapist, I don’t believe that number is off the charts. I worked with a great number of people involved in infidelity who were never discovered.

The possibility that someone close to you is or soon will be involved in an extramarital affair (any of the three parties) is extremely high.

Maybe you will know. You will see telltale signs. You will notice changes in the person’s habits and behavioral patterns as well as a detachment, lack of focus and reduced productivity. Maybe you will sense something “out of character” but be unable to pinpoint what it is.

It is not a given that he/she will tell you. Those hiding the affair will continue to hide. The “victim” of the extramarital affair often, at least initially, is racked with anger, hurt, embarrassment and thoughts of failing that preclude divulging the crisis.

It might be important to confront the person with your observations, depending on the status of your relationship with the person.

It is important to understand that extramarital affairs are different and serve different purposes.

Out of my study and experience with hundreds of couples I’ve identified 7 different kinds of infidelity.

Briefly, some extramarital affairs are reaction to a perceived lack of intimacy in the marriage. Others arise out of addictive tendencies or a history of sexual confusion or trauma.

Some in our culture play out issues of entitlement and power by becoming “trophy chasers.” This “boys will be boys” mentality is subtly encouraged in some contexts. Some become involved in marital infidelity because of a high need for drama and excitement and are enthralled with the idea of “being in love” and having that “loving feeling.”

An extramarital affair might be for revenge either because the spouse did or did not do something. Or the revenge may stem from rage. Although revenge is the motive for both, they look and feel very different.

Another form of infidelity serves the purpose of affirming personal desirability. A nagging question of being “OK” may lead to usually a short-term and one-person affair. And finally, some affairs are a dance that attempts to balance needs for distance and intimacy in the marriage, often with collusion from the spouse.

The prognosis for survivability of the marriage is different for each. Some affairs are the best thing that happens to a marriage. Others serve a death knell. As well, different extramarital affairs demand different strategies on the part of the spouse or others. Some demand toughness and movement. Others demand patience and understanding.

The emotional impact of the discovery of infidelity is usually profound. Days and weeks of sleeplessness, rumination, fantasies (many sexual) and unproductivity follow. It typically takes 2 – 4 years to “work through” the implications. A good coach or therapist can accelerate and mollify the process. I don’t recommend “marriage” counseling, at least initially.

The devastating emotional impact results from a couple powerful dynamics. Trust is shattered – of one’s ability to discern the truth. The most important step is NOT to learn to trust the other person, but to learn to trust one’s self. Another is the power that a secret plays in relationships. THE secret exacts an emotional and sometimes physical toll that needs to be acknowledged and dealt with.

How can you help?

Those in the midst of their affair crisis told me they need this from you:

1. Sometimes I want to vent, get it out without censor. I know sometimes I will say what I shouldn’t be saying. It may not be nice, pretty or mild. Please know that I know better, but I need to get it off my chest.

2. Every so often I want to hear something like, “This too shall pass.” Remind me that this is not forever.

3. I want to be validated. I want to know that I am OK. You can best do that by nodding acceptance when I talk about the pain or confusion.

4. I want to hear sometimes, “What are you learning? What are you doing to take care of yourself?” I may need that little jolt that moves me beyond my pain to see the larger picture.

5. I may want space. I may want you to be quiet and patient as I attempt to sort through and express my thoughts and feelings. Give me some time to stammer, stutter and stumble my way through this.

6. I want someone to point out some new options or different roads that I might take. But before you do this, make sure I am first heard and validated.

7. When they pop into your mind, recommend books or other resources that you think I might find helpful.

8. I want to hear every so often, “How’s it going?” And, I may want this to be more than an informal greeting. Give me time and space to let you know exactly how it IS going.

9. I want you to understand and welcome the ambivalent feelings and desires. I would like you to be fairly comfortable with the gray areas and the contradictions about how I feel and what I may want.

10. I want you to be predictable. I want to be able to count on you to be there, listen and speak consistently or let me know when you are unable to do that. I will honor that.

Extramarital affairs are powerful. Affairs are costly. They affect family, friends, colleagues and employers. Infidelity is also an opportunity – to redesign one’s life and love relationships in ways that create honor, joy and true intimacy.

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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Many people experience forms of jealousy throughout their life. It can begin at a young age with siblings and parents, competition at school and after moving its’ way through friends and other important figures finally finds the place where it often does the most damage: romance. Jealousy is a particularly tricky aspect of relationships because it is often said that a small amount can be healthy, while too much is destructive.

To understand why people feel jealous it is important to know what these feelings often stem from. Insecurity and low self-esteem are often culprits and certainly a bad experience or past trauma can be an excellent source. Though often obvious this emotion is capable of coming out in ways that are subtle and difficult to pinpoint at times which can be extremely frustrating for all involved.

Some of the most common outward displays of jealousy may not immediately make others, or the person experiencing these emotions aware that it is in fact the true problem:

* Anger: A secondary emotion and probably the one most commonly linked with jealousy, anger is a nasty side effect of this emotion and can do great damage to a relationship.

* Irritability: This feeling’s cause can be difficult to identify, but can easily be caused by jealousy.

* Irrational Behavior: Often felt and acted upon in situations where a person is feeling jealous but cannot remove themselves from the source or may be seeking a way to strike at the source. This can also manifest as a coping mechanism when one is near the source causing the feelings of jealousy.

* Sadness: Another secondary emotion that when caused by jealousy is usually felt when one feels at a loss for a solution to the original problem. Often accompanies a feeling of defeat or loss for the object of jealousy.

* Unreasonable: If one is having great deal difficulty in identifying their jealousy or getting it under control they may speak or act in ways that are contrary to their normal behavior.

If the person who is experiencing jealous feelings is capable of escaping those feelings when not in the presence of anything that may remind them some relief may be experienced. Understanding that many things can be linked to those feelings of jealousy is also very important as any reminder can cause a great deal of frustration:

* People: The most obvious place to begin looking is when certain uncomfortable feelings arise when in the presence of a particular person, or anything that reminds you of that person. If the feelings of jealousy are strong enough, even introducing that person’s name into the conversation can cause them to feel uneasy.

* Places: Negative emotions that arise when near, or in a specific place that remind you of something, or someone that you are jealous of can be overwhelming. If the place in question is one where something took place that caused you to feel unhappy these feeling may arise, even when you love places that have been tainted your adoration may not be able to overcome your negative feelings.

* Objects: An object that is symbolic of something that hurt you may cause you to feel jealous and unhappy because it reminds you of something that causes you pain. If the memory attached to the object is particularly strong the association can last for years.

* Music: Because music invokes such powerful emotions from the majority of the population it can be a painful reminder of jealous feelings. Any piece of music that one may associate with someone or something that causes them to feel jealousy may be very difficult to listen to.

* Images: From paintings to films the images that remind one of their jealous feelings can cause many of the secondary emotions to rise up such as anger or sadness.

It is important to identify the original event(s) that may have led to a later feeling of jealousy when reminded of them. Pinpointing the specific reasons for these emotions may help one work through such emotions and eliminate any need to feel jealousy, though this may take some time and possible the aid of a professional therapist if the emotions are too strong. Beginning with some basic questions about how you feel about your jealousy may be an excellent place to start; some of the following questions may help you to explore the causes of your feelings:

* When did you first feel jealous and of who/what?

* What did this feeling make you think of? Anything in your past?

* Are there other people/objects/places that seem to cause the same kinds of feelings?

* Why do you think that you are experiencing these feelings?

* Who or what do you feel angry with?

* When you feel this jealousy, how do you want to act on it?

* Do you feel that your reactions are unreasonable when you’re calm again?

* Do you feel out of control when you become jealous?

* Have you stopped normal behavior, going places you would normally or doing things that you love to do in order to avoid these feelings?

Conquering jealousy can be very difficult depending upon the source and intensity of the feeling. Be assured that though a little jealousy can be endearing, too much is often a great way to destroy a relationship. In many cases the real problem with jealousy in relationships has a lot to do with trust; if a person is unable to trust their partner they may find that they are frequently suspicious of their partner’s actions.

Only you and the person you love can draw conclusions about what level of jealousy is acceptable and what may be hurting your relationship, or either of you personally. Remember that treating your partner as though they aren’t deserving of your trust, when they have taken no action to cause it, will often lead to a breakup.

One excellent rule to follow if one is feeling particularly jealous in a romantic relationship is to keep in mind that without trust between you and your partner your relationship has a good chance of ending, so either find a way to trust or figure out why it is that you are unable to.

In the end the green eyed monster often gets the best of most people from time to time; try to minimize the frustration caused by jealousy and you will be likely to enjoy a far greater relationship with any friend, relative or lover in your life.

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Article Source: ArticleSpan

Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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At the foundation of any marriage and family is a core relationship. Relationships can be difficult for many people – particularly when they are not comfortable communicating their feelings, when they feel unsettled when others are upset with them and when there are kids involved.

For them, when there are challenges in the marriage, marriage counseling is often the most effective way of recognizing and working through the difficulties.

With marriage counseling, both spouses are able to sit down, to talk and to have the chance to be heard. Therapists who specialize in marriage counseling will be there to facilitate the conversation, to ask questions, to encourage active listening and to help both spouses to more comfortably express the hurt, anger or frustration that they are experiencing.

Unfortunately, the emotional toll of a conversation or an event can be particularly high. Within relationships, the emotional strain is something that can build over time – especially when both parties involved have trouble discussing the way that they feel or the event that prompted the response.

In marriage counseling, however, many couples find that they are in a better position to open up and – more importantly – to feel heard by their spouse. While it can be uncomfortable to start talking, while hearing the details of what hurt a husband or a wife and while it can be difficult to talk about emotions or situations that are painful, having those conversations in the setting of marriage counseling can ease some of the strain.

Marriage counseling, while it can dramatically improve relationships, is not just a matter of meeting with someone who will “fix” the problem; marriage counseling is a process of improving communication and ultimately of uncovering past hurts so that they can be worked through.

Despite the fact that these hurts have often been buried, despite the fact that sometimes the event that has caused the hurt may be long in the past, marriage counseling can serve to uncover the underlying issues and to work on rebuilding communication and trust as well as a strong foundation for moving the relationship forward.

In part, the reason that marriage counseling works in many relationships is simple: marriage counseling works because it helps couples to acknowledge the hurts and frustrations, to work through the anger and to communicate with one another. In part, marriage counseling works simply because it enables both parties to express themselves and to feel heard by one another.

Communication is often difficult – especially when both parties either believe that they are in the right or there is a sense of not wanting to hurt the other person in any way. In marriages, a lack of communication can have a number of negative effects on the relationship; marriage counseling can serve to repair the damage and to reopen the lines of communication.

With marriage counseling, what many couples discover is that the biggest problem that they have faced is a lack of communication that has led to a lack of trust. What they learn during marriage counseling is the ability to communicate – something that, over time, allows them to improve the relationship on the whole.

For more information on counseling for couples, individuals, marriage and relationships, or live phone counseling, visit The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory.

Article Source: ArticleSpan
Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

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Unfortunately, the people who read my articles or visit my blog are probably experiencing one of the most painful of all marital situations – an affair. I know how painful and devastating this is because I have been through it myself. And, I know that at times, it can feel like you will never be able to move on.

Some of the most common comments I get are things like: “how can I really and truly get over this betrayal?;” “will I ever feel normal and at peace again?;” “why can’t I get these images of my husband and this woman out of my mind?;” and “I want to move past this affair, but I just can’t seem to do it. I can’t seem to get past this anger.”

These are all normal responses. And, feeling this way is really no indication that you won’t ultimately be able to move on. I believe there are a few universal things that a wife needs in order to truly heal and move forward, once and for all. I will list and discuss these things in this article.

You Must Feel Heard, Validated, And Understood: I can not tell you how many wives tell me things like “I don’t believe that my husband is really sorry about the affair. He’s just sorry that he’s been caught.” Or, “he almost acts as if I am to blame for his affair.” But, on the other side of the fence, countless husbands tell me “I’m devastated that I did this to her, but I don’t know how to fix it. She won’t even let me near her and she’s disgusted at the thought of me touching her, so I just hang back, stay out of her way, and do nothing – and then I feel so helpless.”

This is a cycle that is so common, but so destructive. It creates a distance, a self fulfilling prophecy, and a heavy tension that is hard to move past. In order to forgive and move on after an affair, you absolutely need to feel that your husband knows exactly what this has done to you, that you have an absolute right to feel this way, and that he takes responsibility for it. If this doesn’t happen, your anger and unresolved resentment is just going to feed upon itself.

Never blame yourself or allow him to place the blame on you. Regardless of the things you could or should have done –regardless of the vulnerabilities in your marriage — he chose to have the affair of his own free will (often in an attempt to boost his low or sagging self esteem.) That is his shortcoming, not yours.

You Must Know (And Make Sure) That This Is Not Going To Happen Again: In order to restore trust and intimacy, you will need to know that you’ll never have to revisit this cheating issue. Your marriage can not heal if you secretly doubt your husband or are always living in fear he’s going to cheat again. So, it’s necessary to have the sometimes difficult discussions as to exactly why the affair happened and what you can do to prevent it from happening again.

Sometimes, this will require a change in lifestyle and full accountability on the part of your husband. If you need the cell phone and email records to be available to you, say so. If you want him to check in so that you aren’t worrying where he is, speak up. You don’t have to do these things in a nasty or negative way. Just calmly explain that you’re working very hard to move forward, but you will need for him to give you what you need to make this happen, which leads me to….

Define, Understand, Ask For, And Receive Exactly What You Need To Heal: This is probably the most common mistake I see people make and it frustrates me. But, I understand because it took me a long time to learn this myself. So often, women have little voices in the back of their head that is telling them exactly what will make them feel better and help them heal. But, they silence this voice because they think the need is not appropriate, they care about what others think, or they don’t want to seem too “high maintenance,” demanding, or punishing.

So often, women will take me that they want extra attention and reassurance, not less. Meanwhile, the husband is trying to give space because he thinks this is what you want. But, you see this as he no longer desires or wants you. It’s a vicious cycle that could so easily be fixed if you would just speak up.

Now, I know that you are likely thinking “well, he should know what I need. He should be the one to take the initiative.” Yes, he should. But, men are very bad at reading our cues. They are poor communicators. And, they know they are the odd man out in the wrong and they are afraid of doing to wrong thing or pushing you too hard, too soon. So, they often look to you for cues. Know that he can’t read your mind and don’t be shy about telling him exactly what you need.

Also, an affair will often blow out your self esteem. So, if you need to be selfish and take time and resources to work on yourself, do so. It’s so important to be kind to yourself right now. I used to work out every time I felt angry or stressed. This helped me feel better immediately and it also dramatically improved my appearance (which also helped me know that I was still desirable). Do whatever it is that will restore your happiness, self worth, and confidence.

Make Your Marriage Better, Not The Same: So many people think about moving past affairs in terms of “I just want my marriage back.” You can do better than this. Instead, you must think in terms of “I want a better marriage.” Because there truly are good things that can come out of an affair, as crazy as that sounds. It is often the “wake up call” that prompts a couple to improve their communication, intimacy, and the way in which they interact with one another.

Try to shake things up and have more fun when it is appropriate and time to do so. The days following an affair are heavy and hard. When you are ready, shed the doom and gloom. Don’t allow yourself to walk around like the eternally wounded. To really move past and get over an affair, you need for your marriage to be better than before. Because when it is, you’ll want to look forward rather than back. And this, by definition, is when you are really “over it” once and for all.

There was a time when I thought I would never get over my husband’s affair, but this is in the past. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

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Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!

Fighting is a part of life. And most of us believe that fighting is a perfectly normal (and very common) part of a romantic relationship, as well. When two people spend a large amount of time together, their different ways of thinking and being are naturally emphasized. After all, there are only so many situations in which two people will agree.

But while disagreements are a natural part of relationships, not all disagreements are good for relationships. There are ways to fight constructively, and ways to fight destructively. What you need to learn as a couple is how to deal with conflict the right way.

Good fighting – that is, a resolvable disagreement that is carried out in a constructive way – is characterized by:

Listening. Arguments can damage your relationship. But they can also offer an opportunity to understand one-another better. The key to understanding? Communication. And, of course, the first step in communicating with your partner is listening to what he or she has to say. Sometimes, fighting is simply about clearing the air; just knowing that you listened to what his or her thoughts can be enough to soothe and settle your boyfriend or girlfriend’s anger.

Of course, listening to what your partner has to say is more difficult than it sounds. When you’re upset, your body is overtaken by your emotions. You’re so angry, scared, or frustrated that it’s difficult to focus on what your partner is saying. But an important part of fighting constructively is the ability to separate your thoughts from your hectic emotions. In any argument, it’s generally true that each participant has a valid point to make. If you listen to what your partner has to say, there’s a much higher chance of reaching common ground… or at least making a compromise.

Understanding. Another key part of communicating effectively with your partner is actually understanding what you’re listening to. Instead of blocking out what your boyfriend or girlfriend has to say, request more information about their perspective by asking questions. Before talking about your own perspective, take the time to verify that you’ve clearly understood what your partner had to say. Repeat back to them what it is you understand about their position, then move on to expressing your own.

Maintaining control. The hardest part about accomplishing the above two things? Control. The way we feel when fighting is a perfectly natural thing; when severely stressed, our bodies initiate a fight or flight response. And while this is completely normal, it’s not very constructive when you’re trying to resolve a problem with your boyfriend or girlfriend. An increased heart rate, heavy breathing, nausea, tension… all of these things are your body’s reaction to stress.

Though it can feel overwhelming, simply reminding yourself that your body’s reaction is separate from the issue at hand can be a helpful step towards calming down. You can also try taking several slow, deep breaths; relaxing your body and shoulders; or taking a time out. These methods also work well if you’re in an internet dating relationship. Take a deep breath, step away from the keyboard, and allow yourself to calm down before you continue.

When you don’t allow yourself to calm down, or don’t make an attempt to control your body’s physical response to stress, you are liable to make a bad situation worse. How many times have you said something cruel or hurtful in the heat of the moment, only to regret it later? If you’re anything like me, more than you can count.

Staying focused. Many people use fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend as an excuse to unload all of their negative feelings about the relationship. This is counter-productive, hurtful, and tends to take the conversation in an unhealthy direction. Constructive fighting stays focused on the issue at hand, and doesn’t deviate onto side issues that will only distract from solving this specific problem.

Offering solutions. While expressing yourself and being sure that you’re heard is an important part of fighting, constructive fighting will generally lead towards some sort of solution, or at least a better understand of one another’s perspectives. Listen carefully and make an effort to understand… then work together to find a solution to your problems that works well for your both.

When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to remember that, just because you love or care for one another doesn’t mean you will always see eye to eye. But couples who truly love one another and are willing to work to make one another happy will find constructive ways to solve problems, or at least to come to terms with one another’s differences. In these sorts of relationships, fighting can be truly constructive, strengthening the relationship rather than weakening it. The more you work towards being a constructive fighter rather than a destructive one, the better an understanding you’ll have of your partner and what makes him or her special in the first place.

This article was written by Shawn Wilson, a member of the customer support team at Datepad, where internet dating is always free. Datepad has a massive directory of informative dating articles along with a great list of dating site reviews on their dating blog.

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Love and Harmony

The downs in every relationship roll up no matter how you wish to be the other way around. It hurts especially if that down turns up to its worst end. And what hurts more is the idea that among the two of you, you were the one who got dumped. It definitely sucks, isn’t it? Painful, agonizing or sorrowful-describe your relationship break up whichever you like, but the thing is you have to accept it even though how hard it is. However, the big question is, how can you heal your broken heart? How can you deal with the agony of relationship break up?

In dealing with relationship break up, the first thing you have to do is to acknowledge your initial set of reactions such as anger, guilt or sadness. You have to understand that after the break up, it is alright to have these feelings toward your partner, to yourself or to the situation itself. You can’t pretend to be happy when you are actually not because in the world of psychology, these usual feelings are some kind of defense mechanisms that enable you to cope up with the situation. Don’t fake your feelings and keep in mind that they are part of the entirety of the healing process. Just allow yourself to undergo these emotions.

Second, although it is okay to acknowledge these feelings, you must have to know that these are merely initial reactions, which means you must not keep these feelings long enough. You must help yourself to get over the depression as early as possible. How? Instead of pondering your relationship break up over and over again, why not try to explore the world and seek for some source of entertainment. You can call your friends and hang-out with them. You can play sports with your family or watch funny movies with them. Nevertheless, forbid yourself to watch love movies or listen to romantic love songs because these can only give you angst. Just try to look for some good ways to divert your thoughts and feelings. I know it is hard from the start, but gradually you can overcome your focus out form those unhealthy emotions.

Third, give yourself a break. Do not force yourself to triumph over your relationship break up by just jumping to another poor relationship or by exploiting other men simply because you want to show the world how fast you have moved on. Know your priorities and do not just limit yourself in hunting for another relationship that you think might help you forget the pain. You can move on by aspiring yourself with new set of goals that will help you look forward. Focus on your family or career life then you will see that things will come as smoothly as they are.

Having a relationship break up is really a stressful situation. But going through these hard times is up to you how to deal with it. If you look it in a wrong way, then probably your life would be a mess, while when you look at it as a challenge then surely you’ll surpass everything.

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Easily the best way to gain more Love and Harmony in your relationships is to know this life-changing material.

Read the information on this page before it’s too late:

Gain More Love and Harmony – Now!